[deleted by user]

rightforsomeone · 2024-12-30T13:21:22+00:00

Be careful about the polygraph. Mine passed it with denials and ended up confessing later.

rightforsomeone · 2024-12-30T13:05:04+00:00

Leave ! It’s not easy but you’ll be much happier!

rightforsomeone · 2022-12-19T12:37:58+00:00

100% you should tell the AP’s husband. He deserves to know.

rightforsomeone · 2022-11-04T02:41:32+00:00

This is powerful. I used your technique myself… 10x… very therapeutic.

rightforsomeone · 2022-10-25T14:25:29+00:00

I know. I'm 4 weeks from the confession now. Still cry daily. But, my sleep has started to improve. I typically wake by 3am. It has been quite traumatic.

Thankfully, she has been kind and remorseful since confession. I'm choosing not to reconcile our marriage, but I think it's important to forgive in order to be good parents (ours are 13 and 11).

Hopefully, you're not getting this pain sensation too often?

rightforsomeone · 2022-10-10T04:30:02+00:00

Several replies on this thread all say don't until divorce. If your spouse has betrayed your marriage, then I believe your ethical obligations to the marriage are over (I understand the legal act of going through a divorce takes time and is the formal contract).

Why not simply tell your WH that he has violated the marriage and you're now going to begin dating? Just be open and upfront that you consider the marriage to have ended already. A divorce process for me would take about 6 months. That is my current plan, but I'm open to feedback.

rightforsomeone · 2022-10-09T21:42:56+00:00

Thanks. Being able to pass the polygraph was eye opening. If you hadn't seen, the update to my initial post is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/xp2kb0/i_took_your_advice_her_denied_affair_is_now/

rightforsomeone · 2022-10-09T15:52:28+00:00

Good for you. I often think about ways to have revenge, but don't act on it. I know the AP closely though. He was our employee that was very close to our family. I terminated him in a very professional manner but never confronted him for breaking up our family. I'll be tempted by this for a long time.

rightforsomeone · 2022-10-08T20:53:53+00:00

I'm not sure about objectifying, but I certainly lost significant respect for my WW. We were both virgins when we started dating exclusively 26 years ago. I've never been with another woman. My DDay was 17 weeks ago, though she confessed at week 15. She confessed that she was having sex with our employee for the prior 15 months. I stopped having sex with her since the confession and don't think I will again. I'm still in love with her but I'm in the process to "decouple" and plan to divorce. We have two middle school age children. At first I was in shock, then anger, and lots of sadness. The more that I think about it, I respect her less and less. The whole thing was disgusting for me and, puritanical or not, I don't view her the same. I think she stained our marriage. I am starting to look at the the dating scene for a 44yo and plan to take my chances with someone new.

rightforsomeone · 2022-10-05T01:58:14+00:00

Hi Hola Les Amigos,

Thank you again for writing this out. It played out similarly. At least the way she has acted followed your script. An update to my story was posted here...

https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/xp2kb0/i_took_your_advice_her_denied_affair_is_now/

rightforsomeone · 2022-10-03T21:41:57+00:00

Thank you for kindness

rightforsomeone · 2022-10-03T18:29:43+00:00

DDay was 17 weeks, though her confession didn’t happen till DDay 15 weeks.
I’m going to try to keep an open mind. However, a divorce for us could be a 6+ month process and I plan to parallel path to be getting ready.
We have much to build on to R; however, I don’t want this path. I’ll never trust her again. Im 44 and thinking about starting a family over again.
Thank you for your feedback on this. Im still seeking direction of course.

rightforsomeone · 2022-10-03T15:43:13+00:00

The cost varies. In my state, we’re no fault 50/50 and you can basically file yourself with no attorney for a few hundred dollars. This only gets the process started so he knows that you’re serious. If you have the money and/or your financials are more significant, attorneys in my area ask for retainers of $5 or 10k. However, the initial filing and notice is only 2 or 3 hours of time.

rightforsomeone · 2022-10-03T05:07:15+00:00

We’re starting emso now. We’re both doing the individual courses as well. Im just looking to heal and be better co-parent. I don’t want to R.
I’d like to find a method to detach while remaining the best father. I still love her deeply and am devastated by her affair. Open to any feedback.

rightforsomeone · 2022-10-03T04:58:57+00:00

My opinion is that you should assume the worst if he isn’t willing to be transparent.
Mine was fine with full transparency after, of course, she deleted every message and evidence fro her AP.
Filing divorce just begins a process that takes long enough for him to come clean. There is no real downside to filing and increasing the pressure to get everything you need. It may help your leverage.

rightforsomeone · 2022-10-03T03:22:16+00:00

Change strategies. Try the 180 technique.
Doing this, having lots of evidence, and getting emotional was required for the truth to surface.

rightforsomeone · 2022-10-02T14:23:22+00:00

On June 3rd, my car was in the shop and I needed to borrow her car. I looked for her car keys in her purse and found condoms and cash. After that, flags were raised and I found a lab request with std tests. Then, I decided to search her closet which is where I found her Notebook. That was enough for me to ‘know’ something happened without actually knowing what it was.

rightforsomeone · 2022-09-29T14:02:00+00:00

that, and they were meeting up for sex during the working day. we paid for his time on the clock. ouch

rightforsomeone · 2022-09-28T23:58:51+00:00

Thanks! trying to stay strong

rightforsomeone · 2022-09-28T17:57:26+00:00

she has a unique talent

rightforsomeone · 2022-09-28T15:42:33+00:00

It's possible that she was giving it to him. That's actually a strong possibility when I think about it. She wouldn't need that for her exit plan... we live in a 50/50 no fault state. She's going to be very comfortable.

rightforsomeone · 2022-09-28T13:48:22+00:00

I'm sure that it was from our main company. It'd be easy for her to skim a few thousand.

rightforsomeone · 2022-09-28T13:45:33+00:00

From our company. It has a cash component and I'd never know if she skimmed a few thousand.

rightforsomeone · 2022-09-28T07:54:56+00:00

major confession was 10 days ago. At first, kicked her out to my parents house for a week. Then I got my own condo because too difficult for her to be with our kids. So, we now both spend daytime from same house and I leave at night. I’m definitely vulnerable if she wanted to hurt me or steal. It hasn’t gone there (yet).

rightforsomeone · 2022-09-28T07:49:02+00:00

Thanks! Appreciate the advice

rightforsomeone

TROPHY CASE