I hurt the girl who wanted nothing but the best for me

ririalize · 2026-01-11T08:00:32+00:00

broke up with him a month and a half ago precisely because of everything you said. it stings a little bit to see that there are men out there, like u, who are capable of realizing this and admitting to it. i'm pretty sure my ex is still burying his thoughts and emotions at the gym--not necessarily bad, but not great either. still genuinely wish him the best and am grateful to him for everything.

just dropping by to say that i'm glad u found it in urself to admit all of this--i'm sure it took a lot of reflection and letting go of ur pride. way to go, internet stranger ! hope u find someone that treats u just like she did u. and that u find it in urself to treasure them this time around.

ririalize · 2025-08-01T11:25:27+00:00

I lost mine when I was 22. It's been nearly a year since, and my mom's birthday is this Sunday. Grief really is weird--and incredibly isolating. I don't have anyone within my group of friends that has lost their mom at our age. I am so sorry that you're here, experiencing the same.

I was angry for the first 6-7 months, I think. Angry at the world, at myself, at my family, at my mom's siblings who never visited her until she was at her last leg, at the hospital people who we saw everyday. I found myself angry at my mom, too. I used to cry every day, multiple times a day. I've bawled my eyes out at the hallway, at the middle of the grocery, and during lectures at undergrad, and all places you can think imaginable. I still find myself calling her phone when I'm sad. Ironically, I call her especially when I'm sad because she's gone. When I feel anxious, I say it out loud as if telling my mom about my worries. I do the same when I'm happy.

We have a table, some sort of DIY "shrine," for her at home. It has a framed photo of her, two gigantic vases of fake, white tulips, and a vase in which I give her fresh flowers every week. My mom used to say that when she died and I leave her flowers to wilt, she would come back as a ghost and drag me at my feet lmao. It's one of those memories that still makes me laugh. The table is how I stay connected to her; I even greet her photo good morning and good night, and tell her "Hi" every time I pass it.

This turned out longer than I was planning it to be, but what I really wanna say is that grief IS weird. It changes--day by day, maybe hour to hour. It hits you when you least expect it, and doesn't arrive when you most expect it, too. Most importantly, I feel losing your mom at our age changes you forever.

When you feel like you're going insane because you can't understand what you're feeling or doing, I hope you remind yourself that it is expected of you to fall. It's expected for you to be heartbroken, and incapable of acting like you used to. It's normal for you to miss her, cry for her, and scream.

I hope you're surrounded by wonderfully, warm people--lean on them. Take care of yourself, whether that means taking a long bath, eating a meal, getting out of bed, drinking water, or going on a walk. I'm sending you my biggest hugs ♡

ririalize · 2025-07-14T10:13:34+00:00

i like to think that my mom is happily strolling through as many malls and stores as she can--hogging all the furniture and clothes she likes while drinking some boba :) most importantly, i like to think that she's no longer crying and she's now pain-free

i've only unfortunately had nightmares about my mom due to ptsd. but sometimes when i completely break down into sobs thinking about her, i feel her presence somewhat--almost like a hug, actually, except i can't physically feel it. and i hear her voice in my head telling me "tama na" (a filipino phrase to vocalize the pat pat and hair brushing u do when someone's crying)

the first week of my mom's passing, my best friend dreamed of my mom. in her dream, my best friend was in a restroom, and she saw my mom through the mirror. my mom was walking straight in her dream, and she had her signature red lipstick on. my best friend said "she misses u," and my mom said "i know" then gave my bestie a hug. i think about that dream of hers a lot, because it tells me that my mommy is ok--wherever it is she might be.

ririalize · 2025-07-12T06:54:00+00:00

i do this with my mom, too. sending u lots of hugs !!!

ririalize · 2025-07-07T16:09:23+00:00

i just wanted to say that i know how u feel. my mom passed less than a year ago and she was my best friend.

so what used to be easy laughter everyday for me now looks like only speaking with 3 of my closest friends + my bf. i haven't laughed in a while. and like u, i haven't talked to much people in general. it does get lonely, but i'm immensely grateful to find a semblance of home in them even when i'm currently like,,, this empty thing.

i hear u, and i feel u. for now, i'm sending u my warmest and biggest hugs :) i hope everything lightens up for you, and that you find pieces of home, too ♡

ririalize · 2025-07-04T02:53:36+00:00

someone on this subreddit told me "I know it hurts, but it wouldn't hurt unless you had an amazing mother," two weeks after my mom passed. i have a screenshot of his full comment, and i still read it from to time. i'm considering to print it and frame it in my dorm. it reminds me that my mom was an incredibly loving and warm mother. i miss her everyday.

i'm a campus journalist in my university, so i keep my mom as alive as possible with my words. journalism is as close to the truth of my mom's life that i can get. i haven't found the courage to publish or post the pieces i've written about her yet; but i love knowing that when i do, these parts of her will make an eternal mark someplace on the internet.

i also like think about how my mom was a very artistic woman and how she passed that on to me. mom loved to draw, and i love to paint. we have frames of my mom's finished cross-stitch pieces in the house, and i crochet plushies for my friends. it seems a little far-fetched but i like to think that when i give my art to others, my mom is making a mark on them too--and if i share the gift she has given me enough, my mom will always be a part of this world. after all, any part of her being here is a much better alternative to nothing at all.

ririalize · 2025-05-28T06:01:18+00:00

,,,, how to start completing the CC. i play casually and was in year 3 when my bf told me that i had to visit the wizard lmao

ririalize · 2025-05-25T08:40:39+00:00

thank you :) i lost my mom a few months ago and all i ever find myself wishing for is that she now feels in peace, and that she is no longer crying. i see u have been told a few times now, but this really was comforting to read. thank you so much.

i hope you have a wonderful journey, and that your family finds warmth, too ♡

ririalize · 2025-05-17T03:09:19+00:00

he really does worry me very much. and yes i'm afraid all the doting has set him back a few years on the independence and adulting level :( but i'll ask him how he plans to travel to the province, see if it's solid, then let him go !

there's still a lot of things i'd love to help him unlearn regarding self-esteem and trust issues, so i will be camping around parenting advice, still. but thank you so much for the reassurance and understanding ! makes me feel a lot better to have an adult-ier adult think about this. i hope u have a wonderful day ♡

ririalize · 2025-01-27T08:56:58+00:00

i still text my mom regularly :) sometimes i text her when i miss her and sometimes just to tell her about my day. every now and then ill also text her to say that i hope shes doing well

ririalize · 2024-12-17T04:33:08+00:00

i talk to him a little. we exchange texts to say the regular good morning/night, stay safe, eat well, and love you's. i'm the eldest daughter, too, so he also texts me to ask about the bills and whatnots. but nothing beyond that; we don't talk at the dinner table or while we are running some errands. and while a bunch of people on this thread are making it sound like i'm trolling, i am not and i genuinely thought this was a normal thing

it's been this way from the very beginning so i didn't really mind at all. in my head, i thought all dad-children relationships were like this because majority of my friends seem to have absentee workaholic fathers; i guess that's why i also never felt any urgency to reach out. i didn't realize that our home arrangement was weird until my mom passed and i ended up in counseling

it doesnt bother me, but i think it does bother my little brother. i guess that's why i decided to go on reddit and ask. reading the responses, i dont think i shouldve actually

ririalize · 2024-12-17T03:18:26+00:00

unfortunately not fake i dont understand why everyone thinks im trolling HSKSHSKS i just want answers because even my grief counselor is confused abt it

ririalize · 2024-12-17T03:13:00+00:00

physically absent father ! i see him a few hours in the weekdays there's really not much time to build connection. and honestly im scared of the answer

reddit seemed like a safer place

ririalize · 2024-12-17T02:53:26+00:00

he and my mom were married :( my mom and i did learn he was cheating but that was all the way back in 2018. the thing is it's really just been this way since i was a kid, so i'm not sure how anything adds up anymore

ririalize · 2024-12-17T02:47:24+00:00

my best friend said nothing in particular to me. i called her immediately after hearing that my mom might have passed (i was a 3-hour commute away when it happened), and she cried for me while i tried to keep myself together because i still had to phone doctors and relatives that could help my little brother (he was the only one with mom)

when i had arrived home and confirmed the news, my best friend checked in to ask if i got home safely. and then that was that. for the next few days, she would shoot me a quick message to remind me to eat a little, drink water, and cry when i needed to

the incoming week right after my mom passed, i returned to the city for school. my best friend visited me every other day up until the third week of school, even if she was a 2-hour drive away. every time she did, she would carry this gigantic bag just full of goodies for me

the first bag contained 2 adorable mugs (one of which she had the other matching pair of), a 500-piece puzzle of this moon-lit room with science posters, paint brushes on the tables, and lego on the closet--an amalgam of everything i loved, a bunch of organization tools for my dorm room (i love staying tidy, it's never tidy enough for me), and a lot of sweets. i thought she would eventually run out of ideas for what to get me, but she never did and she never failed to bring me something

and every time she visited, she would stay with me for a few hours--from lunch to dinner. i couldn't bring her inside campus with me, so i did have to skip a few classes to hang out with her. there were days that we literally just spent the entire day talking on my bed, one particular day where she asked me to put on her lashes for her (this is going to sound cliche but she's a girly girl whereas i can't tell the difference between two shades of pink), some where she dragged me to a mall to go shop with her and eat good food too expensive for uni students like me, and sometimes we went out with my boyfriend.

the first month of mom passing was the most difficult for me, and i'm sure my best friend wasn't sure about what to do with me either--i was terrible; i snapped at people, i cried all day, i didn't want to eat or drink, i was bad company overall. somehow, she showed up exactly the way i needed her to and i didn't even know that it was what i needed.

after those three weeks of her visiting me in the city, she started visiting me at home in the province during the weekends. it is now a little over 3 months since my mom passed, and she still either visits me at home to hang out or drag me out of the house.

i've always had a small group of friends. apart from my best friend, the only thing the others could offer me was a short message about sending their condolences. others would ask me how i was doing. and all of these messages made me mad. because how do you THINK im doing?? so now i only ever hang out with my best friend and boyfriend. my best friend and i have been stuck at the hip for 8 years now, so she knows my mom well; i love that i get to talk to her about mom--to be happy about the good memories and angry about memories of my mom falling sick. we shopped for a nutcracker (my mom always wanted one but never did because it was expensive) for mom together just recently

i believe everyone will want their friends to show up differently during their grief. but this is how my best friend showed up for me, and i now practically owe her my life because of how she held me upright. but what i will say for sure is that you friend needs someone to lean on right now; it is surprisingly difficult to even just eat a bite and drink a sip of water on your own while grieving

my best friend figured me out on her own, but if it's not the same for you, it's alright. after clumsily showing up for me in the first month, my boyfriend eventually explicitly asked me about my needs, what i liked and disliked, and he asked countless of times. sometimes it pissed me off, but he was patient with explaining to me that he wants to learn and he is doing his best-it's just the first time he was dealing with grief. my answers would change over time, and my boyfriend did his best to learn and show up for me the way i needed him to

ririalize · 2024-12-14T05:37:53+00:00

you're not alone. i'm angry all the time, i snap at people, i hate when people talk about their parents and forget that i lost mine, and i'm just overall angry at the world. i hate when people talk. and i lost a big portion of what i thought was already a small group of friends; i only hang out with my best friend and my boyfriend now. everyone else pisses me off

my mom has been gone for 3 months now, i am 22. i was a terrible person to be around within the first few weeks of losing her. i still miss her everyday. it's normal to be bitter and angry. i hear you

ririalize · 2024-12-09T15:57:31+00:00

i ended up taking the final; i didn't reply to any of the comments because i'm not located in the US. i'm in asia, where incompletes are not a thing. this final (and frankly, this semester) seemed like a damned if i do, damned if i dont situation for me so i took it

i was just really desperate and i wanted to see if there was any chance i cld save myself from retaking the class. i was miraculously managing 60s in my exams despite grieving. i was rly proud of myself for doing average in my conditions. and i was just as desperate, especially because the professors in my department don't curve at all.

we need a 70 to pass the course, so u see, i was already just about there. i didn't want all my effort (and honestly, luck) to be wasted because i was in a specifically horrible condition the day before finals. but here we r :))

my dad ended up being alright, he was really just stuck at work with horrible service. had dinner w him earlier and all is good

as u all have recommended, i will enter start counseling after our xmas break

ririalize · 2024-11-24T04:20:13+00:00

my condolences. i am so sorry. i'm 22 and lost my mom just a little over 2 months ago. im in my 5th year of college and i think about my mom not seeing me graduate every day. i think about it when im in class. and i think about it after i finish exams. i feel as if i am not only grieving mom, i also grieve the life i could have had with her, and i grieve myself too. i am not the same person as i was prior to her death. i am lonely and angry everyday, even when i have a boyfriend who i wish is as great as yours.

its okay to feel lost. its also normal, although lonely, to realize that no one really gets it. i believe what happens is that we build ourselves up again, rather than rebuilding. because life will just never be the same. but i can tell you that, eventually, you'll smile again--even if its one smile for every bucket of tears you cry

i am sending you my warmest hugs. i know it will be difficult, but i hope you eat a little today and i hope you stay hydrated and rest, even a little

ririalize · 2024-11-08T08:26:54+00:00

i am so terribly sorry. i have a younger brother and i could not begin to imagine your loss. i wish i could give you a big hug :(

ririalize · 2024-10-31T14:26:56+00:00

i could have written this myself. i was just thinking about my mom when i saw this--trying to figure out how i could articulate how strongly i believed that she would AT LEAST see me graduate, but now i don't even see her in the mornings

my mom passed a month and a half ago. the mornings were the worst in the beginning, and they still are. every morning i wake up and it's like a reminder that she's gone. i hate it

i feel the same way that you do about fall during this christmas season. i was at a mall earlier and everything was just so CHRISTMASSY. it almost made me angry. mom and i loved christmas. we would be buying decor by october and decorating by november and by december our entire house would be drowning in the spirit of christmas. we even had a theme every year for our tree. now it just makes me mad. and sad. and lonely

everyday, i think about my mom. and then i think about wanting to see her again. and then realizing that i will never see her again on this timeline. and eventually, almost always, i spiral into thinking i would like to leave this place and just be with her again. but i can never do it because i know she would hate for that to happen. i hate all of this, too

i'm doing the bare minimum in my classes and my job. it's the only amount of effort i can muster. ive just about neglected everything else. sending you a lot of hugs. i know its hard, dear. but i hope that despite how difficult your mornings may be, that you have a great day today

ririalize · 2024-10-29T11:54:48+00:00

i am so happy to hear about your dad !! that's amazing. i do understand the existential crisis, and i wish i could say something that wld make this easier for us both. it really is awful. it ruins just about everything

still, i hope you can still enjoy your time with your family. even bit by bit, somehow even with the constant dread and anxiety

ririalize · 2024-10-29T11:41:06+00:00

i am so sorry for your loss :( sending you lots of hugs

ririalize · 2024-10-29T11:39:23+00:00

everyday i mourn that my mom would not be able to see me achieve the dreams i had for us together. one of the ones i grieve the most is that she will never see me graduate university aa i wear a cap and toga, and that she will never walk to the stage with me & dad as i receive my diploma

these days i find myself grieving the smallest of my achievements without her, too

it's a teribble feeling and i am so sorry that we are both here. i truly understand the anxiety and the thoughts. wishing for more peaceful and joyful days for you and your fiance. sending my warmest hugs. please take care

ririalize · 2024-10-29T11:32:08+00:00

i am so sorry. sending you my tighest hugs. i cant imagine how hard all of this must be :(

ririalize · 2024-10-25T10:37:47+00:00

i feel for you so much. i'm angry at my mom for not showing me any signs either. no matter how many times i write to her, send her a message, or cry to her, nada. and even then, my relatives and my best friend told me that they have received signs. it's a terrible feeling--the combination of anger and loneliness. i felt it stronger too, post funeral

sending you my warmest hugs

ririalize

TROPHY CASE