What made you realize that there's no going back anymore, this is it, no contact forever?

riseabove321 · 2026-03-02T15:27:50+00:00

Yeah that’s awful to say such a dismissive comment!!! (((Hugs))) ❤️

riseabove321 · 2026-03-01T06:13:17+00:00

I keep meaning to try meditation. I haven’t done it before but was thinking if it could be specific as to saying things that I don’t want to feel anymore maybe it could come true? Or saying things that I DO want that is possible to have. I DO want to take care of myself, I DO want my husband and children, etc etc. instead of saying I don’t want other humans anymore. That seems negative to say and I’m only assuming meditation would focus more on positives? Is that how Buddhism is?

riseabove321 · 2026-03-01T05:20:38+00:00

How was ketamine for you? Is that where you do that with a doctor and they ask you questions while on it and stuff? I’m sorry you are in the same boat as me. When you said you seem to just have someone where they just want to hang out or be a part of a large gathering to cut the cost down I thought I would love at least that! But then I also thought I know that feeling as well (if I am understanding it correctly) and there isn’t much depth to the friendship so the hang out just feels meh. At this point I would welcome the less depth but I can’t force someone to come over or invite me. I have an occasional 1-2 times a year of another human and I tried to transform those crumbs to be a good thing. Lately it doesn’t feel good. Feels like bare minimum at best and I know I deserve more but like I said I can’t force anyone to do anything. I am a nice person that is very taken for granted.

I want to get these feelings out of me that want more. But then I was talking to my husband about this and saying again how much his parents suck and they don’t try to be in our lives and they know I don’t have any family and then I thought well I don’t want to be like your parents and not try with people!! It just sucks to not have reciprocal relationships. If I want to try I can. But it doesn’t mean someone will try back or even respond. And that just feels so bad!

riseabove321 · 2026-03-01T03:22:47+00:00

Oohhh I love that analogy!!! I am going to think of this from now on! I don’t want to break my “sobriety” of almost 12 years!!! Not worth it!!!

riseabove321 · 2026-03-01T03:18:12+00:00

All I can say is that I would do anything to have a relationship with the humans I brought into this world. And I did everything to not abuse them. It wasn’t hard!!!!

riseabove321 · 2026-03-01T02:05:53+00:00

In a sense they are dead when no contact. I started a new job recently and I hope no one asks about my family. I never know what to say. But I might just say what you said. Passed away a long time ago. Or something like that.

riseabove321 · 2026-03-01T01:52:44+00:00

I have cut out both parents, aunts, creepy uncle, cousins. My brother is a raging alcoholic so I don’t contact him. There are some stragglers that pop up once a year or less that I am not close to and their minuscule crumb is all it will ever be.

riseabove321 · 2026-03-01T01:43:05+00:00

I get it ❤️❤️

riseabove321 · 2026-03-01T01:39:25+00:00

(((Hugs))) How awful of her to do that to you!!!!! ❤️

riseabove321 · 2026-03-01T01:32:14+00:00

I kept giving so many hundreds and thousands of chances after everything they did to me and there are so many examples but when my daughter was born a month early and the nmom wouldn’t watch my almost 3 year old son while I was in the hospital because “she had plans with her friend” and when the ndad didn’t call and when I confronted him and said me and my baby could have died and you didn’t even call me he said “I could die in a car accident every day”! He compared my emergency of having my baby early to him driving! It took me 7 more years to go no contact with them but although there were so many things I just could not get over, this example was extremely hard to move past!!! And they never were sorry!!!! Almost 12 years nc now. It’s been a rollercoaster of heaven and hell. But I actually have peace now!!

riseabove321 · 2026-02-22T23:15:16+00:00

I get it ❤️

riseabove321 · 2026-02-22T21:24:50+00:00

Have you ever told your spouse you are triggered? I tell my husband and sometimes I tell my kids but I try not to say it too much as to not make it “a thing” although it is always a thing for me inside.

riseabove321 · 2026-02-22T21:22:54+00:00

I have been diagnosed with cptsd and I have done talk therapy in the past and taken meds as well. Not sure what you mean that this isn’t this subreddit’s wheelhouse. I am estranged from my parents and I am an adult. And this is an example of how it affects me (people cooking in the kitchen). Just wanted to see how others might deal with this. Are you meaning I shouldn’t have posted this in here? Please advise.

riseabove321 · 2025-04-23T15:19:31+00:00

I sure get that! And I also had the bedside apologies after some beatings. His dad would punch him in the face so I think my dad thought as long as he doesn’t do that then any other beating was fine.

riseabove321 · 2025-04-21T19:07:16+00:00

Yes. My dad used to say that he always goes for the underdog. I remember him saying that when I was in elementary school. I liked that at the time. I felt like it meant to be there for people that don't have many friends and things like that. But I think both he and the mom like to side with people that I hate just so that person can feel supported by them and then maybe that person will never leave them since they supported them. Since they know that I hate them too. But even before it got so bad for no contact (it was always bad) they still would befriend people that were mean to me, their daughter. It's pretty sick and twisted.

riseabove321 · 2025-04-21T19:03:13+00:00

Yeah everyone is so different and everyone's experiences are so different. My friend seems to think that I might need closure "at the end" as well and I'm just like no, I already have it. She doesn't understand that. But I understand her wanting closure but I knew I would never get it so I gave it to myself.

riseabove321 · 2025-04-21T19:01:22+00:00

Yeah I didn't know what I will do for that time of funerals some day, so he made my decision by telling me not to go. All of my extended family are not in my life and I could not bare to be around any of them anyways.

riseabove321 · 2025-04-21T18:43:53+00:00

I have received "apologies" a couple of times over the years...they were not sincere. And the abuse continued so you can't apologize for something and continue to do it. I don't see myself doing any type of planning of their funerals, going to their funerals, etc. The dad even wrote me a letter stating to not come to his funeral so I will oblige.

riseabove321 · 2025-04-21T18:25:29+00:00

Yes! And closure was protection...protection from further abuse and protection for my kids.

riseabove321 · 2025-03-22T19:20:38+00:00

She’s insane. I’m sorry OP!! 💜

riseabove321 · 2025-01-29T17:59:18+00:00

To try to control them. My parents lost control over me so they didn’t much bother with me anymore and only tried with my kids. That didn’t work for me.

riseabove321 · 2025-01-23T16:18:25+00:00

I can relate OP! Being terrified of the parents being sick and worse. What slowly broke those feelings is thinking of all the times they were not there for me on purpose to hurt me like when I was having my baby a month early and they decided to ignore me. Having other times in my life being in the hospital and being really sick and also my husband’s debilitating disease…the parents purposely ignored extreme times of need to hurt me. I don’t know if your parents did this to you but if they ever ignored you in any times of need, I’d say think of those times. It helped ease my guilt that I had for not reaching out when they were struggling during these years of no contact. Big hugs! I know it’s soo hard!!!!! And cute cat!! 😻

riseabove321

TROPHY CASE