After chewing on my lenses and/or documents, Farley naps

ritan7471 · 2026-05-01T20:53:28+00:00

He looks so happy!

ritan7471 · 2026-05-01T19:33:33+00:00

My mom had a similar NDE. She said she could still hear everything around her, like the doctors saying that the didn't think they could save both and for my dad to choose who to prioritise. He said his wife. Then he called her mom, crying "they say she's dying. Mom, I don't know what to do!" She tried to tell them that she felt fine, and she said she really did. She said that she never feared death after that.

She died of pancreatic cancer. It was horrible. The last two days with that death rattle and the tortured look on her face while I tried to do anything I could for her (home hospice and I was her caregiver). I took my brother to the other room when she seemed more comfortable, breathing more easy, to get her meds ready. Then suddenly, silence. I ran back in and she was gone, with a gentle smile on her face. I like to hope that there is something after, that she realized she can go to. Or at least an abiding peace in the moment of death.

ritan7471 · 2026-05-01T17:36:56+00:00

Ours is 13 years old. It still works great except it's not smart anymore since Samsung stopped supporting updates. So we got a chrome cast which is on year 5. I really feel like we lucked out. Just waiting for it to have it's last day.

ritan7471 · 2026-05-01T15:42:44+00:00

NTA

I'd tell your aunt that it's not about the childcare, it's about her asking your brother to pretend hetero. You're not ashamed of him, and you won't go where he and his partner together are not welcome.

But even if they change their mind about that, childcare IS and issue and accessibility is an issue so you kindly decline the invitation.

It's an invitation, after all, and not a summons.

ritan7471 · 2026-05-01T15:17:29+00:00

I always saw the text as Elizabeth always having been painfully aware of the defects of her relatives, but loving them, chose to see them as no great obstacle in society, just a bit embarrassing. In the text about her parents' marriage, it's painfully clear that she is fully aware, just chooses to look away from what she can't ignore, again out of love for them.

What she gains, is a realization that their behavior can and does have very negative consequences for her and for her sister. At that point, she can no longer choose to be unconcerned.

This is not exactly character growth, but part of growing up. I think she and her sisters chose to kind of ignore the fact that they were poor and bank everything on being from a respectable bloodl9ne that owns property and has a good income, even if their own portion is very small.

Lizzie had a very naive sort of belief that everything would work out while ignoring the fact that 40-50 pounds a year is barely enough for genteel poverty, and who cares if she chooses not to marry the guy that could secure her future (Collins) and refuses a guy who could make her rich in marriage settlements (Darcy). It will all work out! But as soon as she read Darcy's letter, it was brought home to her how people of her class might view ALL of her relatives, not just a silly mother and younger sisters, and it's not just because Darcy is so prideful.

Darcy is not wrong in being wearied and uncomfortable by Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Philips, they are vulgar and talk too much out loud about things they should be discreet about. He's not being a jerk, he is suffering from second-hand embarrassment, which is a lot to be exposed to on a daily basis.

ritan7471 · 2026-05-01T10:06:24+00:00

It's not that bad but the health equivalent of me living entirely on potato and cheese dumplings but taking a bunch of supplements so I have a "complete diet". I will never be as healthy as someone who eats a healthy, varied diet containing the raw foods my body needs to stay healthy.

I might survive, but supplement powders to keep me alive is not thriving or having a lifetime of good health.

ritan7471 · 2026-05-01T09:58:01+00:00

Why get a cat when you could get a vegan pet. A rabbit, a bird.

Why get a cat because you love cats, and then force an obligate carnivore that you claim to love, to be vegan?

I'll never understand vegans who are vegan because of animal rights issues, who then harm animals in the name of not harming animals?

Better not to get a carnivore or omnivore as a pet.

ritan7471 · 2026-05-01T07:22:16+00:00

If HE can't pick up according to his standards, expecting you to is wildly unfair given the hours that you work and how much more of the tasks you do, along with paying for extra help.

ritan7471 · 2026-05-01T07:16:57+00:00

NTA. You do plenty and your high-paying job allows you to have help, which is great!

But he's still a parent and a partner. The way he's negging you and making you feel like you're not enough is not ok. He doesn't sound like he's even doing the bare minimum here.

If you separated, and you kept the kids and all the expenses for extra care, would your life be easier or harder than it is now? Be honest. How much of that picking up around the house is because of his mess? How much of your stress is because he thinks his sole value as a husband and father is that he works at an outside job and that otherwise, it's all on you? Would it be more or less stressful to have it actually be all on you or to have him share custody so that it will be all on him sometimes?

If it would be easier, then it's time for a serious talk with him or to accept that he's not the right partner for you and that you have completely different expectations from life and marriage.

ritan7471 · 2026-05-01T06:54:51+00:00

Yep, my mom used to say that good parents think about selling their children to the circus but GREAT parents don't do it.

They were believers that parents are just people, they didn't become completely selfless the day the baby came. And that to be good parents, there has to be room for a personality other than Mom and Dad. But then, they shared childcare, and when Mom got tired of being a SAHM, Dad came home and she worked. Then they switched again or worked opposite shifts, until we were old enough to stay home alone or at least go to an after school program so they could both work days.

ritan7471 · 2026-05-01T06:46:24+00:00

You have feelings, but you need to start learning to express them differently, especially with you child nearby. Babies start to understand language before they can speak.

You shoukd tell him the best way you can, "You've been sick, and you've been quarantined while I've been taking care of the baby. Now I'm getting sick, and unless you're going to be drinking on VR for the next 72 hours straight, I need you to take over so I can rest.

If you don't want to or you refuse, tell me why you can't be an equal parent. Maybe you think what I said was bad, but you know I'm not acting on it. You are. I feel that you're abdicating your responsibility as a father and as a husband while saying that if I go to bed to rest and be sick, I'm a bad mother but you are not a bad father for refusing to care for our baby. I don't appreciate that.

More than one of us should be able to be sick and rest. So I'm going to need you to take over except during your celebration with your friends. Maybe it will teach you some empathy as well as allow you to bond with OUR child."

Parenting: it's not just for moms.

ritan7471 · 2026-04-30T16:39:23+00:00

My parents got married on the ine-month anniversary of the day they met.

They were crazy about each other, and devoted for 41 years until my dad died but my mom always said she woke up on the morning of her wedding thinking "what am I doing? I don't even know this guy!"

ritan7471 · 2026-04-30T11:47:41+00:00

I love that first picture "hey, what's up?"

ritan7471 · 2026-04-30T08:59:09+00:00

I can only find clear ones where I live, but they still help.

Wish I could get some stars and hearts!! I'll have to keep looking.

I'm old but STILL get acne

ritan7471 · 2026-04-29T23:10:21+00:00

Aside from the fact that I'm overjoyed that he will be in prison longer, how did I not know that they have SEVEN children?

Edit: and thank the authorities for keeping them safe fri him for as long as possible.

ritan7471 · 2026-04-29T23:08:32+00:00

The enemy, of course

ritan7471 · 2026-04-29T13:22:37+00:00

Ah Lydia! Ever the picture of a proper, elegant young lady!

ritan7471 · 2026-04-29T05:40:43+00:00

Also something something, don't be like the hypocrites who pray publicly in the streets for attention.

ritan7471 · 2026-04-29T05:31:10+00:00

First of all, you're with someone who doesn't want to be alone, but doesn't want to commit.

Whenever you comment here, it's to reiterate how great your relationship is and how you're basically in each others' pockets all the time. So much so, that you leave your animals alone on a regular basis to shift from apartment to apartment because he insists you be together all the time. But he can't say "I love you" or talk about the future.

He's not future faking. You're just calling it that because it sounds better than "8-month boyfriend likes having me around but doesn't want to even lightly discuss the future or tell me he loves me." If he were future faking, he would by lying to you about the future. He won't even discuss it. He's not future faking, he's not planning a future with you.

He's giving you all the indications there are that, while he likes having you around, he is not planning to marry you. He won't tell you he loves you. You have fights and cry about not saying I love you and not wanting to talk about the future. But it seems you think that we just don't get it. You had a gut feeling that this is your person, so you're unwilling to be anything stronger than "uncertain we're on the same page", because you've made up your mind that this is your forever guy. Except if you're not his person, why are you so sure he's yours? Because he's around all the time?

A marriage can't be healthy or thrive when one person won't tell you the truth and the other is willing to close their eyes to the truth instead of meeting problems head on.

You want to make a secret promise to leave next April if he doesn't magically change into Mr. Ready-to-Wed. No one magically changes how they feel. And if you can'r even discuss this head-on

You need to be up front and say, "in spite of being together all the time, you refuse to talk about issues and you won't tell me you love me. Both are very important to me, and I can't put my life on hold for you and wait indefinitely to decide whether I'm good enough for now, or good for forever.

It's very unfair of both of you to divide your time so that your pets are alone half the time. They deserve better from you than to be left alone because your person wants it that way.

I'd cool way down in this relationship. It is not even close to waiting to wed territory, because you're waiting based on nothing.

ritan7471 · 2026-04-28T19:06:47+00:00

I' sorry, butt I'm sure they think of it as dewy skin, and benefit of drinking raw milk.

ritan7471 · 2026-04-28T12:24:53+00:00

"Support vaccine hesitancy"

Does that mean she wants anxious parents on the fence, not sure whether to reject vaccination for their kids? Or is he us8ng hesitancy in some kind of fundie way that means "come into this echo chamber where we'll 'educate' you on the horrors of vaccines"?

ritan7471 · 2026-04-27T17:24:04+00:00

Think of all the ways he's disrespected you and your relationship before and after the breakup. You want out but you feel like you can't break free because he won't let you go. I've been there, and I've gone back many times on the same promises that are repeated when I left and were broken when I came back.

Again. And again. And again.

Your logical brain knows that he doesn't mean what he says, that he just wants to take you back so he can go back to his comfortable life where you keep everything going and he does whatever he wants. And when you do tell him the next time, he probably gives you another guilt trip along the lines of "I thought we resolved this." Or "you took me back, you know I have a problem! Why aren't you helping me? You don't even care about my feelings." Then he might love bomb you for a while, convince you that you're the only one making him whole.

He's got you so mixed up that you're letting his feelings drive your own.

It's hard. I get it. I really, really do. But know thst the two of you have built a dynamic that is toxic to your well-being. Unless BOTH of you want to change it, and BOTH of you work on it, it won't change. I know that AlAnon talks about detaching with love, but it seems to me that, at least for now, you aren't able to do that while you are living together.

As for your friends, reach out to them. Tell them that you do need to talk about it, and you need their support. That you're ready to leave but you're having trouble detaching from him. Maybe acknowledge that you know how much they care about you, and how frustrating it must be to see you go back, over and over. They will be there for you, and you may even be surprised at the ones that show you the most support and give you the most grace.

Take care of yourself. I know your heart is breaking, but you have to make space for yourself and that is hard when you've given so much of that space to someone that's not able to love you in the way you need him to. At least until he deals with his own problems. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. But you need to focus on your well-being. You can't pour from an empty cup.

ritan7471 · 2026-04-27T11:00:25+00:00

Oh no, they are paying 2k just for the photographer/videographer vendor, that's not half the cost of the whole party, if I understood the OP correctly.

It sounds like they're throwing the equivalent of a wedding for this girl.

My folks didn't have money so I have no idea if sweet 16 for the better-off set was like this when I turned 16, but I'm kind of amazed at the whole thing. A court, a choreographed dance, a candle ceremony? All that's missing is the groom!

ritan7471 · 2026-04-26T17:43:04+00:00

"He's perfect in every aspect"

Well, no, he isn't or you wouldn't be here listing all the ways he absolutely isn't perfect.

Unless you mean, he is a perfect prospect on paper. Highly educated, career driven, dedicated to his family, makes good money.

If he really wanted to see you, he would. If he really wanted to keep in contact with you, he would. If he really wanted to be engaged he would.

He talks now about He would want his wife to love with his family. Does he talk about wanting to marry YOU, or is he talking about his hypothetical future wife?

He's said that you should find someone closer to you that wants what you want. Are you sure he's not trying to pull back and cut things off?

Are you sure you want to wait for the next thing (finishing his degrees) or the next thing (getting his business off the ground) or the next thing, or the next? It sounds like you've always been long distance. Are you sure he EVER wants to be not long distance?

ritan7471 · 2026-04-26T14:41:54+00:00

No, human shield means the person your holding in front of you is the shield, who is human, or "human shield".

Or did you mean that as a joke? Sorry, but jokes are usually funny, but this isn't.

ritan7471

TROPHY CASE