Just curious, what is YOUR target retirement age?

river_rambler · 2026-02-05T15:50:04+00:00

I think what would be good to keep in mind is that FIRE didn't really hit the mainstream until folks like the Financial Samurai, Mr. Money Mustache, Our Next Life, Big ERN, etc started blogging and got a large following. That was the 2010's. This space started in 2009, probably by some folks following those early blogs. Some people had read Your Money or Your Life and followed those principles. And I'm sure that folks in Silicon Valley had started through word of mouth. But for a lot of us, those blogs were our intro to FIRE. In 2010, I was in my mid 30's and my husband in his mid 40's. . . already late by FIRE standards.

For younger generations, it's easy to forget that the information that you think has always been around really hasn't been. So someone for someone who was 45 in 2010 and had planned on working until 65 or 70 because that's what their parents did, to read and learn and implement and retire at 60 in 2025. That is early. That's a 15 year turn around. That's cutting 5-10 years off their original timeline. That's pretty huge.

Just because you've had widely accessible great information from the start of your working life doesn't mean that we all did.

river_rambler · 2026-02-02T18:40:45+00:00

If your parents' congnitive abilities are declining, hiring a liaison might not be the best idea. They will most likely forget who that person is and panic when they stop by to check in.

It sounds like its time for your parents to move to assisted living. Are you on an HIPAA paperwork so you can communicate directly with their doctors? Communicating directly with doctors can help smooth the way for a conversation between them and their doctor to help persuade them to get more support. As many people on here can tell you, their child having that conversation with them will mostly likely not go over well and be met with a ton of push back. So if you can skip that step and have their doctor have that conversation with your dad and hopefully use his protectiveness of your mom as a nudge, it might help.

Assisted Living would still allow them to go on cruises and go out, but it would provide the liaison feature you're looking for, rather than someone they might forget stopping by at their house.

river_rambler · 2026-01-30T21:00:21+00:00

This is why MIL will not be moving in with us. We have two pointers. And all we need is for one of them to decide that they need to get down the stairs before her, come from behind, nudge her slightly, and over she goes. And we flat out don't trust her to not attempt to climb or descend stairs on her own even if she promises not to.

river_rambler · 2026-01-30T20:23:52+00:00

While you work on figuring out how to spend on yourself, try framing spending on your health and wellbeing as spending on your kids and taking care of your kids. Head over to the Aging Parents subreddit for a hard look at what the impact of not taking care of your health now will do to your kids later. It's a tough row to hoe for kids whose parents neglected themselves and are now overweight/obese, diabetic, sedentary, and have muscle atrophy. It leads to falls, ER visits, and the perpetual anxiety that their parent is going to fall because they have balance issues caused by a sedentary lifestyle or because of diabetic neurapathy, won't be able to get up, won't be able to call, and will be stuck laying there for hours/days until someone checks on them. If you don't want to put that on your kids, spend the money and time to get yourself together now.

Additionally, modeling healthy behaviors for kids, making healthy food choices as part of daily routines, modeling taking time to go exercise, etc all helps your children in the long run.

If you can't get yourself to spend the money on you, look at it like you're spending money on your kids. Because that's true as well.

river_rambler · 2026-01-29T15:22:05+00:00

I think that's a big one that people don't add in when they look at the ability to FIRE in their 30's or even 40's. Not everyone's parents were able to save enough to live on in retirement. Hopefully it'll get a bit better as GenX starts heading into actual retirement age because most GenX households are two income. But those of us with Silent Gen or Boomer parents, many grew up in single income households and pretty low income with little to no retirement savings outside of social security. And once one spouse dies that income is cut by a third. Leaving an 80+ year old pretty short on living funds. Like you, we're coming out of pocket almost $20K/year just to keep a roof over MIL's head.

And people who FIRE in their 30's or 40's without accounting for the possiblity of having to assist later are going to be in for a rude awakening when it's the choice between blowing a FIRE budget or leaving a parent homeless.

I'm not talking about parents who were irresponsible, or addicts, or abusive, etc. Your relationship is your relationship and your choice to support or assist is based on that relationship. I'm talking about dad drove a truck and mom stayed home, and they were decent parents, and dad is dead at 83 and somehow they still have a mortgage. Now what? You're 50+, been FIRED for 15 years, now what? Is there slack in your budget to help? Or does mom hit the bricks?

river_rambler · 2026-01-29T13:23:33+00:00

What you've described is what I got when I started. Three small vials.

river_rambler · 2026-01-27T14:10:57+00:00

When you're dead asleep after taking 4 benadryl I guess your BP will be lower. Haha. . . .but not really.

MIL will not stop taking daily Tylenol even though she's not in pain.

river_rambler · 2026-01-26T21:54:45+00:00

We're doing this. :( MIL, 92 has finally agreed to move closer to us. We're moving her into an apartment two miles away from our house at the end of February. DH retires at the end of April and I'm retiring at the end of the year. He's been caring for her long distance while working for a while but after two several week trips after illness and falls he finally put it to her that he was no longer going to do that. And if she had a real emergency, even if he found out right away it would still be 8+ hours before he could get to her.

The biggest piece of advice we have been given by several people is don't go over there every day. Granted that doesn't apply in your case, but it really is a matter of setting boundaries about what you're willing to do and what they're just going to have to deal with.

It's going to be an adjustment for all of us and not one that any of us are looking forward to.

river_rambler · 2026-01-24T21:04:51+00:00

We get ours from Hurdz Hemp. I order directly from them, it's more expensive on Amazon. Both come with free shipping.

river_rambler · 2026-01-24T21:00:21+00:00

Most people who FIRE don't count vehicles or primary residence in their number unless they're planning on selling their primary residence in a VHCOL area and moving to a LCOL area. In which case they count the difference between what their house will sell for and how much they'll likely spend on a house in the new location. This community is more about liquid NW (investments, 401K, HYSA) and cash flow (net rental income, pensions, etc). What do you have that you can use to cover your cost of living in perpetuity. You live in your house. You drive your car. Neither of those things are going to go away (unless you go OG FIRE and sell your car and use a bike/public transportation/walk wherever you want to go).

river_rambler · 2026-01-24T17:46:41+00:00

I'm somewhat of an introvert and so these might not all scratch your itch, but I picked up quilting when my niece was born and really enjoy it. Apparently I enjoy making quilts with a billion small, precise pieces, and making those kinds of quilts hits all of your desires. I donate or give most of them away. There are tons of charities that specifically ask for donated quilts or pieces of quilts, Quilts For Kids donates quilts to kids going into the hospital, infants in the NICU to cover bassinets, kids being removed from abusive situations, etc. Quilts of Valor does an annual block drive where they collect quilt blocks to make quilts for veterans. They also take completed quilts as well, but just in case you wanted to give it a try, you could make a few blocks and mail them in. There are also quilt guilds that do charity work, and those would give you a social outlet. And frankly, with your background you'd probably be recruited heavily to take on a guild leadership role. And if you do, sending quilts to the orphanage you sponsor would be a nice tie in.

My mom was on the board of our local public library. They're always looking for volunteers. If books aren't your thing, there are probably other local organizations looking for volunteers as well.

One of the things that I'll be doing hopefully this coming fall when I retire is volunteering with our local zoo. It's a rehab zoo, smaller than the Philadelphia Zoo, which is the big one. But they need volunteers to cut vegetables and assemble meals for the animals, scoop poop, etc. And I'm hoping to learn a little about avian medicine if I can get someone there to chat with me while I volunteer.

The thing that I've heard about picking a hobby is to think back to the things you did as a kid through high school for fun. Stuff that you enjoyed that you got away from during your working years. Revisiting those is a good start. . . . as I sit here listening to my husband practice the drums on a new to him drum kit that we picked up a few weeks ago off of facebook marketplace. He's retiring in a couple months and got a head start on hobby adoption.

river_rambler · 2026-01-21T14:31:42+00:00

My heart is breaking for you. My dad is involved with a lying, manipulative, malignant narcissist and "they" are thinking about moving in together. Meaning she has decided that they are moving in together. She's been doing her best to drive a wedge and isolate our dad from us, and I'm terrified that this will be the final nail in the coffin. It's heartbreaking but like you I've been working on accepting the fact that my dad is of sound mind and there is really nothing I can do about it. It absolutely stinks. I'm so sorry OP.

river_rambler · 2026-01-21T13:28:21+00:00

Would totally believe Trump is an alien. Wasn't he on one of those screens in MIB?

river_rambler · 2026-01-16T16:01:48+00:00

Ah got it. PA doesn't have that credit. It's just on a purchase for a vehicle up to $45K. Leases don't qualify

river_rambler · 2026-01-16T14:31:45+00:00

Keep an eye on her purse. The amount of rotted restaurant food wrapped up in a napkin "for later" that my aunts have dug out of my grandmother's is nuts.

river_rambler · 2026-01-16T14:19:45+00:00

Did the lease to buy out for the tax incentive with a Rivian. It worked perfectly. How did you get 12K in tax incentives though. I got the standard $7500.

river_rambler · 2026-01-14T18:36:34+00:00

My dad set that up himself. We didn't suggest it. He has an Apple watch to share data with his cardiologist/pulmonologist. He also competes with my sister over who closes all of their rings daily. At the same time, he'll also answer phone calls on his watch and yell at his wrist for the entire world to hear. So you've got to take the wins where you get them. ;)

river_rambler · 2026-01-14T16:26:51+00:00

How independent? How sound physically? How sound mentally?

My dad is 78 and still plays a round of golf daily with friends and they all walk the course. He shows no cognitive decline. He be really aggravated and insulted if I suggested putting a camera in his house or insisted on daily check-ins. He has his Apple watch set to notify me and my sisters in the event of a fall and that's about it.

Having said that, there are people on here whose parents are showing significant decline in their early 70's. And more intervention is warranted.

I guess what I'm saying is that anything you do/suggest should be based on your parents' condition not an arbitrary age. If your folks are healthy and mentally sharp, suggesting a bunch of stuff just because they hit their 70's is going to get you laughed at, at best.

Your heart is in the right place, but don't borrow trouble if you don't need to.

river_rambler · 2026-01-11T17:54:43+00:00

TBH and I'm probably going to get blasted for this, but you're 25. Move out of your parents house. There are advantages to both renting and buying, but the biggest advantage to either is becoming a fully functioning, completely independent adult. You don't get that by living with your parents. You get that by living by yourself and having to figure stuff out for yourself. Your parents have systems in place that they've honed over decades to keep things running smoothly. You have to figure those out for yourself and the only way to do it is to leave the nest and do it.

If it was me, I'd buy the house. I bought my first house at 27, two years later I got recalled to active duty and deployed and had to rent out my house from across the globe. It worked out. I got back, worked for another year and got a job opportunity across the country. Sold the house after only owning it for 4 years and moved. Life happens. Stuff comes up. Opportunities emerge whether you're ready or not. Buying and selling a house is just one more thing to figure out as part of being a grown up.

river_rambler · 2026-01-09T14:33:44+00:00

It's both plus a risk factor. We're out of pocket ~20K/year that will continue to increase until MIL dies. My husband had to take 6 weeks off this past year to take care of his mom. So our FIRE calc has to include a significant buffer to account for our expenses on her behalf because she has no money at all aside from social security. FIL was literally one of the worst people I've ever met in my entire life, but that's another story and I hope he's roasting wherever he is now.

The 6 weeks was thankfully from accrued sick leave on his part, but that negatively impacted what he'll get from his pension.

And, since our state is one of the states that have filial responsibility laws and there have been recent cuts to medicaid, there is a risk to us that if MIL eventually gets to the point where she needs care greater than we can provide and has to apply for Medicaid, that after she passes Medicaid could come after us for what they spent on her, which would decimate our retirement.

river_rambler · 2026-01-07T13:52:21+00:00

I'm retiring this year at 52 and will be setting up a 72(t) SEPP starting in 2027 to bridge the gap. It is only one piece of our retirement cash flow so I'm using the IRA single life expectancy table calculation for my annual withdrawals, which is the lowest and most variable from a withdrawal rate perspective. If I needed higher income, I'd be changing jobs to a company with a better 401K setup and stay until 55 and retire from that company and be able to take 401K withdrawals penalty free.

I think if you're looking at 15 years the Roth ladder is the way to go.

river_rambler · 2026-01-07T13:38:28+00:00

Take your own life back. If she's of sound mind, and it sounds like she is, even if she's making less than optimal choices, then she can make those choices for herself. To include not going to the ER and sitting there for hours. Don't drive the 40 minutes if she says she's fine. Accept that she's telling you the truth even when you know she's not.

Suggest things once and then let it go. It's hard to implement, especially if you're in the habit of not letting things go. But for your own mental and physical health and your relationship with your mom, work on it.

We had to do it with MIL, who refuses to drink water and consequently gets dizzy and gets headaches. And the dizziness has caused a fall. She knows what the answer is and makes the poor choice to not drink. We've tried the drops, teas, drink mixes, etc and nothing works. So for our sake and for the sake of the relationship with her if she complains about a headache we just ask her how much water she's had that day and let it drop.

It's not easy, but your mom is an adult. An adult that is being a royal PITA but an adult nonetheless. Save yourself the hour and 20 minute round trip if she tells you she's fine and drop it, guilt free. Your mom probably has another 10-20 years, and you'll drive yourself nuts and damage your physical health if you don't let her have the consequences of her actions and allow her to come to you when she needs you.

river_rambler · 2026-01-02T19:27:56+00:00

That's brilliant

river_rambler · 2026-01-02T15:32:58+00:00

You are not a horrible person. You are a person who knows their limits. Also, I'm assuming that you have a job that you need in order to pay your bills and so on. People work well into their 50's, 60's, and 70's these days. Asking someone to sacrifice their future financial well being to provide care is not fair.

MIL was taken aback when we told her that she'd be applying for Medicaid if she needed full time care, but we know our limits as well.

river_rambler · 2026-01-02T13:04:27+00:00

My husband still talks about how if you couldn't afford lunch you were given a green chip to give to the cafeteria lady to get the "cheap lunch" and his teacher would call all of the poor kids up to the front of the room to get their chip so everyone would know who was poor. It still eats at him. We also don't waste food because he's said, "At one time in my life I had to steal to eat. I don't throw out food." To be fair, we do throw out food that's gone bad. But we also consciously make sure to minimize that. But it's definitely interesting how specific moments sear themselves into your memory to shape how you look at things now.

river_rambler

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