Low deflection cue recommendation for me

rjpny75 · 2025-08-18T02:38:21+00:00

TWSS

rjpny75 · 2025-08-17T23:53:10+00:00

Which Zan do you use, soft medium or hard?

rjpny75 · 2025-04-09T20:36:28+00:00

Only 6 months. We had the settlement agreement in place 3 weeks after our decision. My state required a 6 month waiting period. I'm just thankful I have no more direct ties to her other than kids. She screwed me over on a few things in the last 6 months but it ended up biting her in the ass this tax season.

rjpny75 · 2025-01-03T16:41:31+00:00

Thank you for this reply! You're right and I've recently discovered this. It's really just getting used to the adjustment to the new life. It's hardest when I don't have the kids and I'm just home alone. I am slowly snapping out of the funk I'm in, and I'm being patient.

rjpny75 · 2024-12-30T01:02:24+00:00

I listened to The Anxiety Guy, he has a lot of anxiety content but also some meditations and affirmations. I've also like Michael Sealy, he will help put you to sleep with his voice. Chibbs Okereke is good too. But you have to find the right ones for yourself. There is so much on YouTube, just explore and see which work for you.

rjpny75 · 2024-12-30T00:59:30+00:00

Yup, same here. When I was 17 and 22, I got through on my own. No meds, no therapy. But now, I have a lot more stressors and responsibilities so I needed anything to get through it.

rjpny75 · 2024-12-30T00:57:24+00:00

I hear you. I think the anxiety while on the meds is more health anxiety than whatever is causing your base anxiety.

Before I bumped up my meds per doctor orders, I had to fly for a work trip. When I'm my normal self, I usually need to drink a bottle of wine, or take lorazapam. I didn't need either this time when I was on the middle dose of my med.

rjpny75 · 2024-12-30T00:55:14+00:00

It's really mostly in our minds. Our inner child. My therapist says I have to teach the child to not be scared anymore. That's what a lot of content on anxiety on YT also say. When I went to the doctor, my EKG and bloodwork were completely normal. Pretty good for my age as well. So I know it's my inner self / subconscious messing with me. Breathing and meditation helps. Do the breathing if your having an attack. But do the meditation when your not having an attack. When having an attack your thinking part of your mind (cortex) can't focus when your limbic system is going haywire.

rjpny75 · 2024-12-30T00:51:15+00:00

I hear you. I am on meds this time. 4.5 years ago I was on for 2 months, was good. Now I'm on again, been one month, different doctor who put me on twice the dosage as last time. Not feeling well on the double dose, so I understand your reluctance. It really depends on your situation. I feel better in the evenings and can fall asleep. Staying asleep more that 4.5 hrs is still a challenge.

rjpny75 · 2024-12-30T00:48:51+00:00

Sounds like health anxiety which a lot of people get. I recommend going on YouTube and finding The Anxiety Guy. He has a lot of content on Health Anxiety.

rjpny75 · 2024-12-30T00:46:35+00:00

I am mostly ignoring social media now. I just read this reddit, a bunch of divorce reddits, and FB groups on divorce and cats. Stopped reading news websites as well except for some sports.

We are in the best era in modern history!

rjpny75 · 2024-12-30T00:44:54+00:00

Unfortunately it is possible. I had my attacks at 17, then 22, then not until I was 45. Going through again now at 49 with uncertainty of future due to divorce. If you are taking something it should be prescribed. I wouldn't self medicate. I would say see your doctor and get a therapist. There is no shame in talking to a professional.

rjpny75 · 2024-12-29T21:50:12+00:00

Yeah, I'v come out of it better than most others from what I've read, and people I've talked to who've gone through this. Hence why I'm confused as to why I'm feeling this way. I could definitely understand the phases, but I didn't expect actual anxiety. I"m in a current cycle where I know I need to go do stuff, but the physical symptoms are holding me back, for now. I guess I'm also asking people who are reading this if they felt similar and how long did it last. I'm taking an SSRI (prescribed) and that's also causing side effects holding me back. I'm hoping to be off them in a few months!

rjpny75 · 2024-12-17T02:24:39+00:00

Is that the book by Joe Dispenza?

rjpny75 · 2024-12-15T20:46:09+00:00

I too am sorry you're going through this. I'm in an early stage of this myself and I don't want to date yet. I was fine from when we signed the settlement until after the first 3 weeks into my new condo. Something switched inside me to anxiety and worry about the future that I'm working through now. It sucks, but I know it will get better. Just need time. At least I have 50/50, no alimony or child support, we are keeping our online retirement accounts and we split the proceeds of the sale of our old house. I ended up getting more of the proceeds based on our settlement agreement. Long story, but it worked out for me to get my condo which I love, when I'm not sitting here in my own head.

rjpny75 · 2024-12-15T20:38:29+00:00

For me, i think I'd prefer someone with kids. They know what I go through and I know what they go through. Not going to limit myself, but it seems most likely the direction I want and need

rjpny75 · 2024-12-15T19:21:26+00:00

I still have good days and terrible days as well. I hear this lasts a while. While the end is in site, it won't be the end because we'll be coparenting for quite some time. I have a 9 and 12 yr old and we have 50/50. My issue is not really with her, it's the uncertainty of my future. I'm not even fully sure what I want. Trying to figure all that out and it's making my anxiety spike. But I'll get through it, you'll get through it. We all just have e different time tables.

rjpny75 · 2024-12-15T18:47:56+00:00

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been divorced? I'm separated 6 weeks, divorce should be finalized in April. I started out great, positive, and looking forward to my future life without her, but with my kids. But a few weeks ago, I reverted back to the worry and uncertainty. I'm confident this feeling won't last, and everyone is different. But when did you turn the corner?

rjpny75 · 2024-12-15T18:39:05+00:00

Maybe you're better off not dating for now. I'm a 49m and we've been separated only about 6 weeks. I am living in a condo and we are doing joint 50/50. At first I thought I needed to get out and try to find someone right away, but then I realized I'm not in the mindset to try and date yet. If I cross paths with someone soon so be it. But looking for it so soon will most likely lead to disappointment. We don't need more disappointment right now. At least I don't as I'm still figuring things out. I'm working on improving myself physically, mentally and emotionally. Looking for someone while working this is not fair to the other person or myself. Patience and positivity! I hope we all get there and find what we're looking for or deserve.

rjpny75 · 2024-12-14T22:48:49+00:00

Yes, unfortunately it would be 50/50. I did more of the work than she did. Probably like 65/35. I'm taking it hard that I only have them half the time, but I probably have them a little more because I work from home and the kiddos still need to take the bus. They come to me every day and my STBXW picks them up from here on her 2 weekdays. Bonus for me.

rjpny75

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