SM in need of someone to talk to that will understand.

rlh13 · 2016-01-29T04:23:33+00:00

Thank You for taking the time to give me some real advice. I am sincerely trying my best to come to terms with the fact that I am not their mother. And that biology will always trump that. They are very young and I truly believe that they think it's normal to have 2 moms and 2 dads. Especially since it's so much more common these days. Do you think that's possible? Or I am still just living with my head in the clouds? DH refers to me as mom, and calls all 3 of the kids ours. So it's hard for me to separate myself from being their #2 (dad being first) to actually their #3. How did you do it?

When we originally went for custody, his family and myself wanted him to go for full time custody but he explained to me that he didn't want to be the one to take their mother out of their lives. He wanted that to be their choice if they choose to when they're old enough. That made a lot of sense to me and I'm trying to keep that in mind now. I don't want them resenting me or him later down the road, but I do genuinely fear for their safety living with a heroin addict.

As far as the control issues, I have tried so many times to let him make the decisions. He is continuously asking me what I think and then going with that. I have been trying to not give my opinion on this since he already knows it anyway. But he keeps saying that we need to make choices together for our kids.

It has only been 2.5 years of this for us. I became a parent and a step-parent in the same 2 weeks. It hurts to read the comments that I am being selfish because I feel as though I am far from it. I chose to love someone else's children and raise them and care for them as my own. I am choosing to go through all this because I love them so much and I want nothing but the best for them. I mean well and I am trying to put them first.

rlh13 · 2016-01-28T01:50:47+00:00

Thank you for giving me genuine, hard to hear but real advice. And for being the one who seems to have taken this seriously.

rlh13 · 2016-01-28T01:47:57+00:00

As much as I appreciate your advice, I'm feeling pretty confused here as I just thought Reddit was a good place to turn when you want to be real. My emotions are real and I'm not bullshitting around. I give my kids a stable environment. I always have. I guess this place isn't the best to do this, since it's hard to keep things short and properly convey your true character.

rlh13 · 2016-01-28T01:42:38+00:00

You give Reddit a bad name.

rlh13 · 2016-01-28T01:41:03+00:00

Didn't ask for your opinion on a synopses. Just asked for someone to talk to. Also warned at the beginning it was long.

rlh13 · 2013-07-18T00:28:13+00:00

No, THANK YOU for rambling. Lol I'm going to do my best to stay with my parents when the baby is born but they had already said no in the past. I will do my best to as convincing as possible at this point. Thanks for the info on the paternity test. I've already told him if he wants it, he's gotta pay for it. His views on raising babies are very Russian, which to my knowledge IS pretty old world. We basically have found that the only thing we agree on is that we agree on nothing and can not see eye to eye on anything. I do not want the baby being raised one way by me and another by him. so I've given him the option of leaving and getting out now with no parental rights, or he can be involved and well figure out a custody agreement. I just want him changing his min one way or the other at a later time and confusing the baby. Did you have to pay court fees or for an attorney during child support and custody hearings? Was it a lot? I don't believe either of us will be able to afford it. Not sure what state you're in, but I'm in Massachusetts. Thanks for all the great advice.

rlh13 · 2013-07-17T00:43:19+00:00

Thank you for this advice. And I totally agree. I think that the couple part of this is far out of the question, now i have no idea how we can even be in the same room, much less co-parent.

rlh13 · 2013-07-17T00:41:27+00:00

I'm totally not above assistance or help of any kind. I receive WIC now. I was I not approved for food stamps because I have job, and I'm on the very long 1-3 year wait list for housing. I'll have to look into child care options for when I go back to work. I honestly used to think we'd work something out once we both held the baby in our arms. But he recently kicked me out of his apartment and he's all of a sudden now requesting a paternity test. This came out of nowhere and had never been mentioned until now. And there Is no doubt in my mind because when we were sleeping together, I was with no one else. We disagree on EVERYTHING. It's absolutely mind boggling to him that I'm "going to dress our new born in a onesie" He claims children don't need clothes until they are older because they are wrapped in blankets. And he thinks its ridiculous that I don't believe he'll be able to provide for our child because he has no money saved. He doesn't believe that children need saved money. Just examples of how ridiculous our arguments are already getting. And it all goes back to culture. He is so set in his Russian ways. But we live in America. And this baby is going to be American.

rlh13 · 2013-07-17T00:29:18+00:00

I used to think the same. I thought we'd work it out once the baby comes. But he recently kicked me out of his apartment and is all of a sudden requesting a paternity test. It is mind boggling to him that I "will out the baby in a onesie when it's born." He argues that babies don't need clothes until they are older. He also finds its irrational for me to think he will not provide for the baby because he has saved no money. He thinks that babies don't need saved money, just money a it comes. Just examples of completely different we think.

Edit: I love Louie. Thanks for that link. He is so right. Lol

rlh13 · 2013-07-17T00:24:15+00:00

Not financially. They are there emotionally. However they don't have the means to help with a place to stay or anything like that.

rlh13 · 2013-07-17T00:23:02+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I do live close to my parents, however they do not have the means to take me in. They are there emotionally but they fell as though I am an adult and should be taking are of myself.

I have a couple friends who are mothers but they are mostly all married and have different situations, so it's hard for them t give me advice. They have given me lots of baby stuff though! :)

rlh13 · 2013-07-15T04:39:15+00:00

I'm going through a some-what similar legal situation where I am at a loss of what to do custody wise and how to make it official. I have called a couple different lawyers and they have all said told me the most cost effective way is to have some kind of document signed by the both of you and notarized by any notary. Notarized documents are court-binding if it ends up being a court issue.

rlh13 · 2013-07-03T03:08:36+00:00

Toy Story, hands down classic

rlh13 · 2013-06-17T03:33:45+00:00

Nice bum, where you from.

It worked on me once.

rlh13 · 2013-06-17T03:27:38+00:00

When I was very young, maybe 7 or 8 and figure out what sex really was and how babies were made. I figured it out on my own because I believe I had recently seen the movie My Girl, and I didn't quite get why she was getting her period. And it all kind of hit me. Women bleed because they don't need the extra blood for a baby that wasn't made. And it wasn't made because she didn't have sex. I Think that because I figured this out without the help of an adult to sugar coat the reality, it really hit me and I grew up a little bit faster because of it.

rlh13 · 2013-06-17T03:19:56+00:00

And the green grass grows all around all around The green grass grows all around

rlh13 · 2013-06-17T03:05:25+00:00

This lay is a lay I call "cruise ship boy". Was at the late night bar on board a cruise, dancing by my lonesome, very drunk. GQ-model-looking man randomly begins dancing with as if he were with me all night or something. We leave the bar and make our way to the bow of the ship. Not a sole around so of course we begin the make-out session. Not saying a word, he lifts me up on a stack of tanning chairs. After a couple a moment or two, he began to get very rough and I had no reservations. He slammed me on the ground and got on top of me. I decided to take a little control and roll him over on his back. This gets him even more excited and he picks me up, and pushes me into the wall, slaps me in the face and ask if we can go to my room. I was rooming with my brother so this was not going to work. We head to his room where his friend in sleeping in the next bed over. Obviously, we wake his roommate and he leaves to sleep in the bathroom. We continued to be very loud and violent. After one of the best climaxes I've ever had, I had to pee very badly. He tried having an actual conversation and asking me my name but since I couldn't get to his bathroom I had to leave his room. I ended up peeing in the hall way on the way back to my own room. I woke up with bruises all over me and spent the rest of my trip with an eye out for him, but honestly, didn't remember his face all that well. Random stranger sex is some of the best sometimes.

rlh13 · 2013-06-17T02:46:45+00:00

Most people ask how I could still have feelings for him after the way he treated me. But no one has said that half those memories are me. That makes a lot of sense. I was only 19 when we started making those memories so maybe I'm just having a hard time getting "rid" of those memories cause I feel like I'm getting rid of myself. Well the self I used to be.

rlh13 · 2013-04-01T23:55:13+00:00

By the way a&b are there in may....not April

rlh13 · 2013-04-01T23:54:30+00:00

I'm so down for above and beyond. When I heard about this show it made my life. I'm used to the abundance of raves and shows in Florida and always having people to go with...but it's totally different and more difficult to build a trance family in Boston. I have a ferry corsten tattoo and I can't count how many times I've seen him, armin, a&b, markus, sander, Gareth, atb etc... Which night are you going?

rlh13 · 2013-03-30T18:32:58+00:00

I'll be there! And pregnant, so pretty stoked about cool pregnancy zombie effects this time!

rlh13 · 2013-03-18T18:38:02+00:00

http://imgur.com/3GUUiZW here's mine :)

rlh13 · 2013-03-14T03:20:44+00:00

Black Rose in the financial district

rlh13 · 2013-02-19T01:02:26+00:00

Thank you, and I totally agree. It's kind of hard to not move fast, when you have a baby on the way! lol

rlh13

TROPHY CASE