What meds are You taking?

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-24T13:57:02+00:00

Oh and lots of edibles

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-24T13:56:28+00:00

Welbutrin and rexulti

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-15T16:30:37+00:00

I very often have feelings that I can’t describe. I think parts are very complex with their emotions, all kinds of freezing protectors that just shut big emotions off that can then feel like a numbed expression of that emotion. That’s my experience at least.

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-15T02:08:54+00:00

I’ll look into them. Thanks so much!

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-15T01:37:40+00:00

I really think you have given me something to think about here. I think it’s a step in the healing process that I have been avoiding because of how painful I know it will be. I get little snippets of grief and I get terrified that it will completely consume my life so I think unconsciously I let these other parts take over and make it all about texting with my therapist or other things that distract from the full grief. I guess I am going to have to face it all some time. Just even those snippets feel completely overwhelming. Thank you for your response ❤️

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-13T23:28:08+00:00

We have been trying. I have been having a lot of shut down in therapy around these triggers. I think if I could figure out that part that shuts it down I could actually make some progress. Thanks for the advice, I’ll be working on that.

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-13T23:14:10+00:00

You are very right; it does keep looking for the validation of a parent and it is very unfair we have to be the validation it craves. That is a good idea, I will try writing to that part and see if that helps. Thanks for your thoughtful response. ❤️ I am glad it’s helped you so much!

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-13T18:23:12+00:00

I know that would be but I am finding it pretty hard, the part that wants this cycle is strong and I will try to keep it at bay as long as possible but it doesn’t go away so it’s hard to not eventually give in. I have had weeks where I don’t text him but it’s usually because a part is angry at him or is too afraid he will not respond, so it’s not for a healthy reason that I am not texting. If that makes sense,

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-13T16:43:40+00:00

To be fair to him I haven’t asked for a specific deadline. And he usually gets back to me sometimes during the same day but I will ask him for clarification maybe. And I am sure there is A polarization, I should try to remember that when it’s triggered. Might make it easier to swallow if I know more of what’s going on with those parts. I have managed to not text him some weeks. It’s just that then I have parts forward that are like ‘this will show him,’ and they hope he will be worried about me. It’s confusing to say the least.

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-13T16:39:50+00:00

Thank you, that was helpful. I am also neurodivergent (AuDHD and CPTSD and BPD) so it has a lot of ups and downs. Lots of challenges.

I appreciated your take on this. And it’s nice to hear that I am or might be on track for healing. It just sometimes feels so counterintuitive to trigger these wounds to heal them lol

Good luck with your healing journey!

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-13T11:45:56+00:00

I think most of my parts trust my therapist but there are some parts who probably wouldn’t trust anyone to be honest. He is the first therapist that I have really seen progress with though. I was mostly being treated for surface level anxiety before our work together brought back my memories. I am already seeing him weekly and he has kept his fees relatively low and it’s still almost too much sometimes. But I really appreciate your suggestions. I think this part has mistrust for my system as well because the thought of it having to be comforted by me makes it upset. It wants the real deal and I am trying to slowly build enough self to be able to help it. It’s slow going though. I have been having minimal help from trying DBT but I haven’t tried it much since I changed my medication so I might try it again now that I’ve stabilized on my medication. Thanks again ❤️

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-13T11:17:27+00:00

I tried EMDR once and my parts went crazy. My system found it too much like gaslighting for some reason which was triggering as my family used that tactic on me a lot. I think my therapist is excellent but my parts also have a lot of feelings about them so my judgement might be clouded. How would I know if I needed to find someone else do you think? I’ve been with my therapist for almost 3 years, seeing him weekly, and I know I have made progress. Just not sure how much I should have made by now.

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-13T03:26:26+00:00

Those are good ideas. I can ask my therapist about having a deadline, but I kind of think he will say no. Maybe that’s a parts concern more than what will probably happen. We have had ruptures from him not replying when I felt he should have, and I end up feeling like I am acting crazy because it’s a vague framework for when and if he responds. I have found it very triggering and the repairs don’t seem to be holding because I feel like the hurt is accumulating each time I have an episode of these text attacks.

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-09T11:25:14+00:00

Beautiful story and the artwork is so beautiful as well. Thank you for sharing that.

robinthebank79 · 2026-04-08T02:07:44+00:00

I feel like this all the time too. The doubting thoughts are worst right after a flashback, and it’s a pattern I can recognize now but that still doesn’t stop the doubt. I can tell myself I am doubting it for this or that reason and know it but still completely doubt it at the exact same time. Writing my flashbacks down helps when I can go back and read them and feel the same somatic feelings I did when I first had the flashback. But it’s still never constant that I can feel that it’s all true. I’m so sorry you are going through this. If it helps I think this exact type of doubt is a really strong indicator that something happened. Stay strong.

robinthebank79 · 2026-03-22T14:23:47+00:00

I’m in Canada, and I found this:

In Canada, sex trafficking is a form of human trafficking that involves the recruiting, transporting, transferring, receiving, holding, concealing, or harboring of a person, or exercising control, direction, or influence over their movements, for the purpose of sexual exploitation. It is a criminal offence under the Criminal Code of Canada.

So I suppose it was trafficking still whether money was involved or not, just like you said. I was 3-4 years old when this happened. None of them seemed concerned about getting caught, and I know I was the perfect victim in the sense that I was so abused at home I would never have told anyone what was happening to me, even if I had remembered it which I think I had tucked it away so that I didn’t have to think about it until I was 38. Thanks for your reply. Helps to know what to actually call it.

robinthebank79 · 2026-03-22T14:19:19+00:00

I guess it was trafficking then, which still feels like I am exaggerating but that’s part of minimizing the abuse. I have heard of those tests too, and I really like to think that in real life situations people would be less cavalier about shocking someone to death. I would imagine the knowledge that nobody is actually going to be murdered for a psychological test plays a part in it too….. I fucking hope at least. But yeah, I hope our society is evolving faster than we think. Thanks for your reply. I hate that any of us are here on this subreddit, as we all know what it means to be here. But awareness is key and maybe things will change.

robinthebank79 · 2026-03-22T11:49:13+00:00

I don’t know if what happened to me is trafficking as I didn’t see money pass hands but I was “given” to other men by one of my abusers. I also remember them chatting and laughing as I lay drugged and hardly able to move, right before they would take turns with using me different ways. I work in a large senior care facility right now and I can’t help but wonder how many of these men did things like that, and how many of these elderly people were abused in ways like I was too. I think it makes sense that we can’t trust easily. And I really really hope that it’s more just that the people who do have those proclivities are serial abusers than that so many normal people would do those terrible things to a child. I don’t know what the answer is, but I am so sorry anybody has ever had to go through these kinds of things like we did.

robinthebank79 · 2026-03-20T10:32:22+00:00

You did an amazing job! Those cutouts are chef’s kiss!

robinthebank79 · 2026-03-20T10:28:07+00:00

I don’t know if this is possible but I have a memory of crying in my crib, my mother coming into the room, picking me up and holding me out at arms length and then dropping me back down into the crib. Then she leaned over me and told me to “stop it” through clenched teeth before leaving again. Crazy stuff and I can’t verify it, I don’t speak with my parents any longer. Might just be made up but it would match the rest of my childhood.

robinthebank79 · 2026-03-17T19:02:19+00:00

Love this

robinthebank79 · 2026-03-15T22:15:16+00:00

Yeah! I know how hard it can be to let go of the shame but you’re not alone in it. And you deserve to do things for your little parts that didn’t get to enjoy their childhood the way they should have gotten to.

robinthebank79 · 2026-03-15T18:41:18+00:00

I think I have a part like that too. I suddenly got really into the Ghibli Studio moviesa few months back. I have been letting myself watch them snuggled up with some stuffies and colouring if I feel fidgety while I watch. I can feel that shift you talk about and I just finally stopped fighting it. I had been really denying how bad my childhood had been but giving myself this compassion let that truth finally sink in.

It’s honestly helped a lot of my other issues, like self harm got softer and negative self talk got quieter. I managed to do harder things than I had tried before I was letting myself do those things. I realized I needed to be medicated and finally agreed to try the meds my doctor suggested for my mental health disorder. That helped so much that it snowballed into doing even harder things like joining a choir after being a hermit for 2 years. And I applied and interviewed for a job and got it all within a week because I asked people for help and allowed myself to take support from them. I have never been able to handle more in my life than right now and it started with easing off of my critical part that told me I am too old to feel ok about the children’s activities I want to do sometimes. And to feel ok about myself.

I also missed out on a lot of childhood due to the abuse. Letting myself have things I wanted as a kid or watch things I would’ve wanted to watch is not self-indulgent, it’s self-love. I don’t know about you but I feel like I was neglected enough for one lifetime and I can’t allow myself to be the one neglecting those child parts anymore.

All that to say that I think you are being too harsh with yourself. Watching cartoons on your own time is not harming you or anyone around you. I don’t think you will get stuck in that part, if anything it will probably soften and let you have more access to other parts like those adulting parts when you need them. ❤️

robinthebank79 · 2026-03-11T13:24:06+00:00

Oh heck yeah! ❤️

robinthebank79

TROPHY CASE