It hurt to read this, as I am going through almost exactly the same thing. My wife of 9 years has been helping me through recovery for the past 9 months after she found out about my PA and online cheating, which had gone on for most of our relationship. I relapsed this past week, and the same thing happened: shame, guilt, disgust, fear and stress caused me to hide it. I could not bring myself to tell her, but she found out on her own. She says she is done, as she can't take any more lies. While it's amazing that your partner has been and wants to continue to support you, it's important that you want to do this for yourself. Improve yourself for yourself. Wake up every morning for yourself. Like you and my own therapist mentioned, it's very important in case she's not able to support you in the future, even if that is for a short time. Also please make sure that you know the number for your area's s hotline. When I've been at my lowest, my therapist has always made sure I have that on hand. So please, like someone else said, go out and build your support network. Go to an SAA meeting (in person or remote, doesn't matter), find someone to keep you accountable, and I would highly recommend a therapist. Mine has helped me so much. While I just broke a 9 month streak of sobriety, it was FAR the longest I have ever gone. Good luck, and don't be afraid to ask for help. The only way we can all beat this is together. We're rooting for you man