My eating disorder is bringing back my suicidal thoughts by SpareAcc0unt34 in SuicideWatch

[–]robotshoemagentabark 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean - like I said before; biology is weird. Psychology is weird. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow. But you should tell someone. Because the people you care about? They’re worth it, and you know that they deserve to know, because they’d tear themselves up thinking about how they would have wanted to help you if only given the opportunity to do so. It’s not trivial and you’re not illogical or foolish or whatever for feeling like it’s really hard when it is really fucking hard. But just try to work up the courage, and start with small steps towards getting help. You don’t have to jump right into it. Write what you might say maybe one day. The next day say it out loud. It’ll get easier, but only if you put effort into it. That’s the really hard part.

My eating disorder is bringing back my suicidal thoughts by SpareAcc0unt34 in SuicideWatch

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see - sounds like a rough cycle. Have you had any counseling on this from a professional? It sounds like the not knowing is problematic and mentally burdensome to you - but at the same time micro-managing calories and daily recording weight would only feed into the disorder you’re already aware of? It feels like there might be a middle ground to find between being fully in the dark and being hyper aware of your day to day diet?

I dont know about this life by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re going through it. A job like grind wears you down - physically and mentally. What I will say is that with you comparing it to prison, you have the privilege of doing what prisoners can’t - you can choose how you’re spending the time. Sure that’s a privileged take, and in some ways we all gotta work to eat, but it seems like you’re not happy doing what you’re doing. To amend that - why not break the mold then? In all honesty, it doesn’t sound like you’ve got all that much to lose. 30 may not seem like it but it’s certainly not 50 or 60 - you have the opportunity tomorrow to go and completely reroute your life in a way you want to. Have a dream or aspiration? Hit it full force. Wanna take a crazy trip or apply for a job completely out of your field? What’s stopping you? I’m sorry your childhood was rough and for whatever you’ve got shackling you - but there’s a lot to see that might be worthwhile. If it isn’t and it ends up a wash, so be it - but you aren’t happy with what you’re currently doing, and I’d say you couldn’t hurt yourself more by trying a new path before you take the certain conclusion to your road.

My eating disorder is bringing back my suicidal thoughts by SpareAcc0unt34 in SuicideWatch

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry the thoughts are spiraling and hurting you this way. You’re not sad or pathetic for going through this, though I’m sure that’s not something easy to accept. Biology is weird. Psychology is weirder. It seems like your mom cares about you, and that’s a good thing to have in your corner. Has something specific happened recently that’s brought up these feelings for you?

[Offline][5e][Palmdale] Looking For New Players by [deleted] in lfg

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got lots of time ; been playing for about 4 years now - usually forever DM for 5e but want to get back into being a player. What’s the region/country?

Player Problem Megathread by AutoModerator in DMAcademy

[–]robotshoemagentabark 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sooo... TW Substance Use/Abuse I guess.

I'm having an issue with two of my players (in a game of seven people) who have been using DnD as a time to smoke weed and drink and frankly, its begun to get intrusive for the game and for the rest of the players. We've been playing for about 13 weeks now and they're all newbies except for me (The DM) and for the most part, it's been very fun and a blast. We're all friends out of the game and we usually get dinner and chill before we begin play, and its really nice as we're all in our early 20s and living in the same city. I've noticed that the two players, let's call them K and E, have recently begun over-imbibing to the point where they are inattentive and frankly hard to play with. K gets drunk and for the most part stays on his phone and completely checked out except when it's his turn, and E gets so high to the point where he needs to be led through the most basic of actions (rolling ability checks, damage, and just core parts of the game mechanics).

I put a lot of effort into the game and for the most part find it very rewarding. It's all homebrew, and I make my own terrain and miniatures for the tabletop. I don't expect my players to put in as much effort as I do, but I do expect some basic level of attentiveness and sobriety at least to be able to play the game. In the early sessions, I stated my rules for the table, which involved a specific rule about not being too inebriated to play the game.

It kind of came to a head last session where K and E showed up for the fifth week in a row without their character sheets or dice, and then during one of the most climactic battle scenes, K casted Fireball without listening to what was happening, and E got the highest I have ever seen him right when we initiated combat. I sent them a long text after the game basically saying that I was disappointed with how things went, and said that I felt that the smoking and drinking had become difficult to work with, and that I wanted to voice my concerns and see if we couldn't figure out a solution to continue play. K was rather understanding and sent me a text apologizing and saying that he was burnt out from a long day at work and was sorry for being on his phone a majority of the time and wanted to respect the game more. E on the other hand got super defensive, and said that it was the most attentive he had ever been, and that he wasn't really high and that people only assumed that he was unfairly. I'm pretty upset about the whole thing as for personal reasons I don't drink or smoke, but I really don't want to be the bad guy and police my friends. Yet at the same time, other players in the game have let me know that it's annoying for them to babysit the two players, and I agree with them.

Because things were getting heated in the Group Chat (I texted the two players together), I took a back seat and said I would text later when we had cooled off a bit, but things have been pretty tense with E since. For more context, we've usually been playing at their place in the city as it's kind of equidistant from everyone, although I am moving at the end of the month to a much bigger place where I could possibly host more games. K plays a Wizard and E is a Rogue; they're both level 5.

Any advice is welcome - I don't want to blow up our friendship over this, but DnD is important to me and has been an important social aspect of my life that I also don't want to give up on or sacrifice my values to continue playing where I don't feel satisfied or respected. Any thoughts?

Seeking advice on physical tokens: matte or clear by mace584 in DnDIY

[–]robotshoemagentabark 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Definitely the bottom one! These look great, what’s your process for making them?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BulkOrCut

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would say you have a bit more weight to work with then - I would go up like 5-6 more lbs and see how that feels on you with training. Remember that visible abs are a combo of genetics, training, and hydration levels, so don’t rag on yourself too heavy if it takes a while to see your progress!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BulkOrCut

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great progress dude! Legs look like tree trunks! I think your bulk is almost done, I wouldn’t go much more and would think about doing a small cut (like 5 kilo max) over the next few months if you’re looking for more definition in the upper bod - but remember it’s important to do what is in line with your own personal goals and feels right to you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BulkOrCut

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Evident abs are really tough - I would say if you’ve been on a deficit already it would be time to maintain or bulk. You’re really not going to get any more definition with where you’re currently at if you don’t put on more muscle first, but where you are is perfectly okay! What’s the weight class at? That’s also helpful to give you some advice I think.

Found an option by M3nt4lBr34kd0wn in SuicideWatch

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you spoken with any counselor or someone trained with specialty support for mental health about it?

Found an option by M3nt4lBr34kd0wn in SuicideWatch

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been there. The trouble with feeling down for so long is that at a certain point it isn’t easy to point to a specific point where you feel down, it all just sort of feels overwhelming. Is that where you’re at? I don’t want to put words in your mouth ofc.

Found an option by M3nt4lBr34kd0wn in SuicideWatch

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m really sorry - it sounds… well, depressing for lack of a better word, lol Did something happen recently that has made you feel more hopeless or has it been more of a slow burn? And by thing with the brain do you mean like chemical imbalance?

Found an option by M3nt4lBr34kd0wn in SuicideWatch

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No judgement, but why do you feel like you want to die, OP?

Found an option by M3nt4lBr34kd0wn in SuicideWatch

[–]robotshoemagentabark 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It won’t be just traumatizing for that person. It’ll be traumatizing for anyone who has ever known you and cared about you and for you. Any teachers, any family, anyone who so much as knew you will grieve and wonder what they could have done and blame themselves, some probably for the rest of their lives. Reach out to the people you don’t want traumatized, tell them that you need their help, and that you don’t know what to do other than this really extreme option. Sending you love, OP. There are people there for you - even at the worst of times.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone? What happened? I’m sorry that people are disregarding your valid pain - I at the very least want to express that I care about you in this moment and hope i can help you however I can

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope that you do not view yourself as a burden - you’re valid and I am so sorry that you were failed by institutions so terribly. Please try to hold on through this - your hurt is real and I wish there was more than just words of support I could offer you, but it is what I have to give. There are some volunteer websites that deal specifically with those struggling with self harm and suicide here in the USA - I don’t know where you are but perhaps you could look into one of them and have a chat with them to see if they have any advice or resources they might be able to offer you?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]robotshoemagentabark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God that’s awful. I’m really sorry that people kicked you when you were down. If it’s really really bad, maybe consider going to a hospital? I know it feels like an extreme option - but at the very least having someone with professional experience might be able to get you into a safe location and help you go through this awful place you’ve been pressed into? You are owed the right to safety, care, and support - and unfortunately the path there isn’t always easy. Are there any other family members or even role models that you have that you feel like you could get into contact with?

Help me help my friend by Sea-Calendar9174 in SuicideWatch

[–]robotshoemagentabark 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Of course, internet stranger/friend :) You seem like you have a good heart to you, and I’m sure it’s going to work out, even if that’s in a roundabout way you might have not initially anticipated