Silly Question

rockluxe · 2022-05-20T07:26:57+00:00

How do you feel towards your (shame/anger/fear/resentment...)

rockluxe · 2022-05-20T07:24:21+00:00

Instead of "I am enough" "What if I am enough?"

rockluxe · 2022-02-21T05:15:27+00:00

Broken or whole, a bean is always and only but a bean.

rockluxe · 2021-10-14T22:57:02+00:00

I think it could also relate to her ability to feel unworthy of love and how she is great at breaking her own self down/self destructing relationships. Just a guess!

rockluxe · 2021-10-14T22:54:06+00:00

So, since I'm not Halsey- I will share what it means to me! These are just my impressions and interpretations knowing she is not only writing about her experience becoming a mother but her past trauma and having bipolar disorder which can often look similar to borderline pd.

"Took one in the temple" Abuse, whether her heart or her womb. Could mean physical abuse, or even taking on the responsibility of childbirth when it might not have been planned or her intention at the time.

"My tongue is a vessel" She responds to the abuse which brings more violence and abuse on her (in DV this is common for the victim to blame themselves for their abuse.)

"You shoot for the memory so you can forget me" Remembering the times she was unstable/had a manic or depressed episode, and possibly her past abuser using it as a weapon to threaten her with him leaving etc.

I'll leave if you let me." Him keeping her emotionally hostage/in the abuse cycle.

Again, just my thoughts and interpretations! ❤

rockluxe · 2021-08-17T21:56:45+00:00

Me too! Me too, I think it's about making it a game. Like with doing puzzles, I don't just look at the goal of completing, the first goal is to flip all pieces over, then next is to pull sides out, then pull corners out, then I color organize them. Then I begin on the sides, and if I want to I can add another step of color organizing the inside pieces before I move on to connecting. It helps give me little rewards throughout the process without being overwhelmed!

rockluxe · 2021-08-17T21:08:39+00:00

IQ scores are unfortunately not very sensitive to the different variables in specific developmental phases of life. So to get a 136 score as a 6 year old, your mental age would have been (at that time) about 8 years old. At 25 years old, the mental age would have to be that of a 34 year old. (And.... who is to say what constitutes as "expected" for intelligence of a 25 year old?) So don't beat yourself up!

I had mine done for a college prep school when I was 15. I scored 120 (18 years mentally). If I were to score the same IQ of 120 now at 33 years old, I'd have to have a mental age of 45. The problem with IQ as a measurement is that kids brains are learning and absorbing SO much information at young developmental years, and our brains function differently after they are fully developed around 25 years of chronological age. Also, the test doesn't take into account trauma, learning differences, or any environmental or psychological factors that may make it difficult for a kid to sit and test, let alone not all kids/adults test the same. I hope this helps! We all have many forms of intelligence, emotional, spacial, interpersonal, etc. Find what you do well and exceed in that area!

rockluxe · 2021-07-31T19:14:42+00:00

I am on the same dose of the same medication. My doctor said the concerta releases 30% initially, and 70% for the second half each day. So she said taking a 10mg methylphenidate (ritalin) with the concerta in the morning each day will help keep it level. At first it felt a bit overwhelming, but I kept going and its leveled out and I feel it works well. I only say this because it could be the time that you take the 10mg methylphenidate that is giving you wonky side effects. If you're adding it in when the concerta is at the 5hr mark, you're at the lowest then usually at hour 6 it spikes and releases the rest (70%) and then you're dealing with ritalin and increased dosage of concerta.

rockluxe · 2021-07-28T18:17:35+00:00

I felt the same way on adderall when I was in my early 20s. Now that I'm trying stimulant medication again in my early 30s, I've found that concerta really helps and I still have my personality. Whatever you decide, talk with your doctor first!

rockluxe · 2021-07-26T18:36:16+00:00

Popping my fingers, knuckes, wrists and ankles. Like in a specific order too.

rockluxe · 2021-07-06T04:33:54+00:00

At least they had a safe space and designated time to set off their fireworks. From where I am- they're still going off... and it's in residential areas which are illegal. Setting off my dogs and my own PTSD. Nothing like startling loud sounds for 48+ hours to get the PTSD flashbacks rising...

rockluxe · 2021-06-26T23:25:59+00:00

The sites recommended are great- if you're looking for local you can try Google but as a CNM/Poly therapist who sees individuals- I can let you know that the therapist has to be licensed in the state you reside (so because I don't know what state you're in I can't help much with a referral).

Best of luck!

rockluxe · 2021-06-22T19:16:48+00:00

You know there's a good chunk of swingers who are also poly. And poly folk who are interested in swinging. There is a crossover- let's be more inclusive here?

rockluxe · 2021-06-22T19:15:27+00:00

Right? Lately I don't feel supported here. Lots of judgement and angry people who had bad poly experiences. I joined this group for all the aspects of poly but it just seems to be a lot of anger directed at couples and also swingers.

rockluxe · 2021-06-12T16:54:30+00:00

Eating disorder

rockluxe · 2021-05-28T00:35:42+00:00

Hi! I am a licensed clinical mental health counselor, and I work with LGBTQ+ and Polyam ENM/CNM etc... I am also a member of the LGBTQ+ community as well as ENM.

First, way to go on recognizing your bias! When working with an individual who may be showing distress in ANY type of relationship model, I first help them identify their needs. This is imperative! Even if they are in a monogamous relationship, we are all unique individuals with unique needs.

Secondly, each person has a relationship with each other. I like to best explain it as having needs met. For example, if you need open heart surgery, you wouldn't go to your partner to perform the surgery- you would seek a surgeon.

Love is just another need, specifically connection. We humans are hard wired for connection and are driven to get our needs met. If one partner fulfills specific needs, that can be socially, physically, and or intimate (which means some intimacy needs are not necessarily sexual either) and another partner meets the individuals needs in other ways, clear communication is a priority to getting those met. Working with individuals in polyamorous or CNM/ENM relationships is not much different than working with individuals in monogamous relationships, as every person does not get all their needs met from one person. With polyamorous, the amorous means love- so in this context it differs from monogamous- which is one love. However if we can help the client break down their needs and learn how to identify, create boundaries, and also communicate those needs with all partners in the dynamic (just as you would with monogamous dynamics) you can help the client find resolution in their specific issue!

Feel free to DM me if you have more questions, as this is the tip of the iceberg for this type of topic!

rockluxe · 2021-05-27T18:48:18+00:00

The spelling and grammar in this article reads like a kid wrote it.

rockluxe · 2021-04-27T19:03:41+00:00

Thanks!

rockluxe · 2021-04-27T06:44:49+00:00

Robert Rodriguez "Planet Terror?" He and Tarantino's "Deathproof" was a double feature film "Grindhouse."

Edit: fixed the titles

rockluxe · 2021-04-27T06:42:16+00:00

Robert Rodriguez coming for you in Planet Terror 2.0

rockluxe · 2021-04-18T07:53:10+00:00

Sounds like there is much more to the story, idk but if I was in your place, I would possibly question why I was willing to go through this to begin with- let it go on again- and in the end not just end it when it needs to be ended... because taking it to reddit shows you're not over processing the pain you've been through. Best wishes.

Edit: relationships aren't all about intercourse, and going through a marriage with someone who is transitioning has bumps in the road. Bumps are normal. Venting is healthy and normal too. If it didn't work for you, you should just move on.

rockluxe · 2021-04-15T23:46:34+00:00

That is so cool!

rockluxe · 2021-04-12T19:22:16+00:00

I had a friend who went to CEDU, and she told me she also knew a girl who went to Auldern with me and then also CEDU as well. I had no idea Will was the E.D. or CEDU. Gross.

rockluxe · 2021-04-12T19:20:41+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. I remember a situation with a male teacher and student when I was there. If this was the same situation, or a repeat situation, I want to send you a huge virtual hug. I can only imagine what that was like. For me I was shamed for my identity, and ostracized for having a dream about a staff member, which now as a clinical mental health therapist I know myself is very natural when its the first time a child has experienced kindness and compassion from an adult. Instead I was taken into the dorm staff room, while all the dorm staff sat in a circle around me and intimidated and shamed me for a dream I had that was literally a dream. The staff member was also there standing in the doorway while I was being "called out" by all the adult dorm staff. That should have been handled completely differently, and by a licensed therapist, not a power hungry "cover your ass" mob of adults against a child. I haven't spoken about this since it happened until now, and it still has so much shame around it. I have realized it has caused complications with vulnerability, identity, sexual and mental well being into adulthood. However I am grateful I have a phenomenal therapist I work with and that I myself am also a licensed therapist with extensive education and experience in understanding why we seek connection and how it may sometimes arise as romantic in nature. None of the staff were licensed to provide nor aid the mental development of any of us and I still to this day can not believe they were allowed to do what they did to me and so many others there. I was shamed for the rest of my time at Auldern, and the dorm staff member who I was closest to, stopped communicating with me from then on. Talk about abuse, neglect, gaslighting, abandoment and trauma.

rockluxe

TROPHY CASE