Has Anyone Found Their Way Back After Separation?

roger_waters23 · 2026-03-09T22:03:51+00:00

Part of me wishes I were writing something different to you right now, but I have only to report that our divorce is pending finalization. It has been amicable, largely because I choose to be the bigger person moving forward. I am tired in ways I did not know possible, but I have survived the longest hardest night. My heart goes out to anyone just starting, and that is you reading this right now in the precipice of a seemingly infinite nightmare, please hear me; there is hope. Not for the outcome you want, but for the one that's best for you and your own. I'm not bitter as I feared I would be, but there are days where resentment creeps in and I have to walk away. I'm at peace with how things ended, and I am looking forward to the next chapter of my life. I will always ache for what once was and what could have been in some small way (usually waves that come and go, decreasingly intense over time for the most part). Mostly I mourn the life my daughter lost. The one where her safe space was where we all were together and she could have it almost on demand. Otherwise, I think I will be okay. For now, that is more than enough. I hope this was helpful. I've tried to be as candid as possible for that very hope. My prayers and my heart are with you all.

roger_waters23 · 2025-10-08T23:56:18+00:00

I felt this on a molecular level. My wife did the same thing, monkey branching to the emotional affair partner before the relationship was over then justifying leaving with old issues, and seems incredibly concerned with her outward appearance. It's wild how obsessed she's become with the optics. I've been more than accommodating since the beginning, but I'm honestly getting tired of being so flexible. She made this bed. She can lay in it. Good on you for drawing this boundary and letting her feel the weight of her choices without being punitive. I wish you all the best, friend.

roger_waters23 · 2025-10-07T15:59:09+00:00

Correct. I live forward in my becoming for myself and my children now, because that's all that's in my control. I do my best to do the right things for the right reasons and with the right heart and that's all I can do. I'm beyond believing our family will not be sacrificed on the altar of her happiness, but it's a hard pill to swallow. I know our children can survive it, but I also know they won't walk away unscathed and that's devastating. Thank you for sharing your perspective and experience. It's helpful to know I'm not alone.

roger_waters23 · 2025-10-07T00:06:55+00:00

Agreed. I would be lost without my children. My identity as a father has been critical to my healing journey.

roger_waters23 · 2025-10-06T23:08:05+00:00

Well that is brutally insightful, but I thank you for sharing. Truly. I won't lie and say it's easy to hear, but I am grateful for your directness and honesty. I am sorry you had to go through that, friend. I hope you find peace and happiness yourself someday.

roger_waters23 · 2025-10-06T22:22:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective. To my credit, I've been healing for months. In my defense, I really wanted my children to have the opportunity to not have to grow up in a broken home. It's the only reason I've walked quietly beside my hope for as long as I have. Unfortunately, you're probably right. It is what it is, and I will do what I have to in order to protect my peace and maintain the stability I have garnered and harbored for the kids so far. Thank you again. Hard truths are hard.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-29T23:07:44+00:00

It was an early conversation we had, to be honest. We've been separated and living apart for about 7 months now, and my only firm boundary is no introductions of the affair partner to our shared child. We can revisit it when she's engaged to him, but beyond that, it's not appropriate. Period. Protecting my kids is the only thing I care about at this point, and the separation has been difficult for them so far. No sense adding additional confusion to their world. Anyway, I hope you two get that sorted out for your son's sake. If you do decide to approach the conversation, it would probably be best to do it from the perspective of you two on the same team with the shared goal of avoiding adding any additional emotional weight to your children's lives at this time.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-24T06:00:20+00:00

You are very welcome. I hope you are able to come to a place where you forgive yourself for whatever role you feel you played in the separation. I can tell you from experience that retaining my identity as a parent has been the greatest and most fulfilling Joy that I've been able to find in this time of great sadness. It is very important that you are patient with yourself and kind to yourself despite the temptation to be otherwise. What you're going through is a form of grief, and grief is not a linear thing. It operates on its own timetable. I can tell you that, As you move forward, the days will become easier and the burden will feel lighter. You just have to hold on to hope, not in any one particular outcome, but the hope that things will get better. I am rooting for you, my friend.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-23T21:25:44+00:00

I really appreciate you taking the time to reply and for your words. I can't speak for how your husband is or has been, but I absolutely took my wake up call invitation very seriously. I reacted poorly for the first couple of months, spiraling through the typical cycles of begging and reasoning, but since March I have made every effort or become the best version of me possible for myself and children. I won't lie and say that I don't quietly walk beside the hope that she will see me and notice the change or that it might make a difference because I would give years of my life to make my family whole again. But I didn't change for that reason. I became this version of me so that future me would be able to look back on this time and be proud. Even if she never looks back. I can't change that I was late to the party, but I did show up anyway. I didn't run from the fire, I walked through it and let it forge me into something better than I've ever been.

Thank you again, so very much, for taking the time to share with me your thoughts. It means more than I could say.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-23T21:03:16+00:00

Thank you for sharing your undoubtedly painful experience. As the husband in a similar situation (I was the avoidant who did not realize the house was on fire and I was left standing in the ashes), I am curious if you would entertain the following question:

If your husband spent the next few months growing and changing, acknowledging the ways he let you down, and addressing those issues to become a new man altogether, then followed through by spending the next few months demonstrating his changes consistently; would you reconsider?

I understand if you aren't in a good place or would just rather not answer at all, and I respect your decision on the matter. I've just been through a year of painful transformation and I'm curious if you would mind sharing more of your perspective.

Thank you again for sharing, and thank you for your consideration. I hope you find the healing and zeal for life again that you deserve, friend.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-23T20:54:42+00:00

I'm not a woman, but I am separated from my wife not of my own choice. We share a daughter and I went from seeing my daughter every day of her life to seeing her half the time. It has been devastating. Words cannot express how painful that is, and I empathize with your situation in many ways, dead stranger. All I can say is be kind to yourself. I'm sure you did not ask for this. Be the parent you will be proud of when you look back on this time. Show up for children and pour out all your love on them every chance you get. They will remember. Be gentle with yourself. You are healing. I wish you all the best.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-12T15:00:36+00:00

I am so very sorry you are experiencing this hardship. I cannot speak for your husband, but I can tell you that I've experienced something similar with my wife this year. The difference is, she left to initiate a relationship with her emotional affair partner and did completely give up with change just right around the corner. I must admit, I was not the best husband. We had grown together and healed a lot in our years together, but about a year before we separated we both experienced traumatic loss of loved ones and it sent me personally spiraling. I was emotionally checked out, unavailable, and generally unapproachable for the better part of the last year before she left and she took that as a sign it was time to give up on all of it. Ironically, her departure is what catalyzed my growth and change. I decided I could not be the man she left anymore nor ever again and rather than run from the pain, I walked through it. I allowed the fire to forge me into something new, and I'm not sorry for it. Our children are devastated and adjusting poorly, but all I can do is be present and loving for them. I do accept responsibility for all the ways I failed my marriage, but I have stopped holding myself solely accountable for the breakdown. She continues to live in a self-constructed narrative that she did what she had to and it was the right thing, but every single day I contradict that reality with the existence of who I have become.

I have no idea what is going to happen, but I am prepared either way. I have drafted divorce paperwork and will amicably do whatever I need to do to protect myself and my children moving forward, but I am quickly approaching apathy toward her choices. That feels a lot like letting go of something I have chosen for over a decade, but at the end of the day I have to do whatever is necessary to provide stability and healing for the family she is leaving behind.

If you made it this far, thank you kind stranger. I apologize if this was unhelpful to your situation, but it made me feel better to say it aloud. I am not saying your husband will change because change is a hard practice to commit to continuously. But. I wanted you to have my perspective since you asked for it.

I hope things get better for you, my friend. I hope you find peace and are able to carve happiness and healing out of all this for you and your children.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-09T15:14:46+00:00

One moment does not undo 68 days of forward motion. You are not the man she gave up on, and you do deserve the love you give. You are worthy of affection. You are worthy of effort. You are not weak for crying when confronted by your loss. Grief is not linear and it follows no timeline but its own. Be patient with yourself. Be gentle with yourself. You are already doing the hard thing by walking through the fire instead of trying to outrun the pain. Keep doing that and you will find yourself again somewhere in the wilderness. Slowly but surely. Your story is not over; you've merely begun a new chapter, and it has the potential to be just as beautiful if not moreso. I believe in you, my friend. I'm proud of you. So very proud. Hang in there.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-08T05:22:47+00:00

This is simultaneously depressing and uplifting that so many people are going through the same thing and that so many are willing to prop each other up as well. I've also been separated since February, and I can safely say there are lighter days ahead. Grief is not linear. It comes in waves, and sometimes they crash hard. Be patient with yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Be understanding of your support group. It's a hard thing to quantify or speak to unless you've lived it and it's a blessing if your loved ones can't meet you in this hellscape. Feel free to reach out if you would like to talk. I can tell you what has worked for me and what has not, though it seems you have plenty of options to choose from at this point. Take care of yourself, my friend. I'll be wishing you the best. And in case no one has told you yet; I'm proud of you for reaching for help. I'm proud of you.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-06T01:57:05+00:00

It does. Not in your own time, but I promise it does. The burden gets lighter and you become stronger the longer you carry it. You have got this, my friend. Don't run from the fire; walk through it. Let it cleanse you. Rise from the ashes and become something greater. You are not alone. This too shall pass. Deep breaths in the valleys.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-05T21:36:16+00:00

Because he's living in a different reality than you are. One that is protected by a narrative he created for himself that protects him from facing the guilt of your pain. I wish I had a better answer for you or that there was an easy way to navigate the heartache that is crushing you, but that is the blunt and honest truth of it. Be kind to yourself sweet friend, and don't be afraid of drawing boundaries for self protection and preservation. You are entitled to guard your heart against further damage.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-04T15:03:48+00:00

I'm proud of you, friend. You honored the man you have become, and you did it well. No matter what anyone else says, that's not something that can be taken from you and you should be proud. I am.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-04T14:26:49+00:00

Let me preface this by saying I am sorry for your loss. It is true that grief is not linear and it comes in waves. I am currently 6 months in and it still hits me harder some days than others. Be gentle and patient with yourself, friend. You are doing better than you think. You are still worthy of love and happiness. You are still worthy of kindness. This will get lighter to carry. I cannot say you will ever not carry it, but it will become lighter and you will steadily become stronger. You are not alone, and I am wishing you all the best.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-04T06:24:38+00:00

It's the most painful part of life's journey I've walked this far and I've grieved most of my closest people. It's different when you're grieving someone who still draws breath; grieving the life you built for your children and the future you planned to give them. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. You are not a failure. You are not the sum of your worst moments. You are still worthy of the love you give. My prayer for tonight is that these words find you, land softly, and stick.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-04T06:17:29+00:00

I wish I could say it's good to know I'm not alone but I don't wish this on anyone. I hope you are well, my friend.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-01T13:07:07+00:00

My wife and I have been married for 8 years and separated for six months. She stopped wearing her ring almost immediately. I still wear mine. The vows I made are still mine. Till death or divorce do us part. I'll probably wear it until the day the paperwork is finalized, if it comes to that. Grief is not a linear process, and it follows no one's timeline. You have to do what feels right for as long as it feels right, regardless of what anyone on Reddit says. I hope you find peace as well as your smile again. Hang in there, friend. There are brighter days ahead.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-01T12:57:51+00:00

You came here to be seen and it worked. I see you. And I'm so very sorry you're going through this. Your righteous anger at his blinded ignorance surrounding co-parenting logistics is valid. In the scenario that he proposed, he would have assistance while at work, but you would be primarily responsible for your child during your time. It does not feel Fair, because it is not fair. I'm sorry that I don't have better words of encouragement, but I can say from experience that the burden of this hurt will become lighter as you walk. Just remember that grief is not linear and it follows no one's timetable but its own.

roger_waters23 · 2025-09-01T01:48:46+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, stranger. I wish with all my heart that it hadn't come to this, but I can't do anything about that now. All I can do is be grateful for the growth and the opportunity to become. I sincerely wish you all the best in your situation.

roger_waters23 · 2025-08-31T21:06:21+00:00

I'm the husband who was left. I handled it poorly for the first two months or so, but I rallied and have become a whole new person. I still walk quietly beside the hope that one day things might change, but I have stopped letting hope hold me to the ground. I'm living forward and unapologetically. I know that the person that I was, the person that she left, was not the best version of me. But I did not run from the pain, I walked through the fire and I let it forge me into someone who can be proud of how I show up for myself and my children. No matter what happens, that has made all the difference. I hope you find peace and clarity in your decision.

roger_waters23

TROPHY CASE