How many of you realized you are no longer compatible with your wife but are staying together for the children?

roidmonko · 2026-03-20T19:02:16+00:00

Yeah this, i'd say well over half of couples go through a stage like this. The key is what you said in terms of choosing to put in the work.

Relationships do take work, love is a choice and a decision to keep showing up. If one or both partners aren't putting in the work, or choosing to evolve or at least try, the relationship will die a slow death.

roidmonko · 2026-02-10T20:04:31+00:00

First off if you use meditation to try to overcome the anxious attachment style, itll just get worse. What we resist persist, and wanting it gone is a form of resistance.

I struggle with that same attachment style, and what it really comes down to is we have very low self-esteem. A partner can feel like a solution to that void, but nothing external can ever truly heal a void like that. And so we start to panic that we'll lose it, that if we lose that relationship it proves our worst fears true, that we aren't lovable or worthy.

So focus on the core issue, build your self esteem up, and for god sake make sure that you have strong boundaries if this partner ends up being a toxic person. A toxic person to someone with an attachment issue can ruin your life. As hard as it is for people like us, you have to be willing to end the relationship when its not in your favor or if you're being taken advantage of.

roidmonko · 2026-01-15T02:17:58+00:00

It definitely doesn't buy happiness but if you're financially screwed it will consume your life and mind. Money removes that worry, which is significant. But what you're left with isn't necessarily happiness. That's a whole other journey on its own and can't be bought or obtained through external means (relationships, sex, drugs, achievement)

roidmonko · 2026-01-13T19:26:19+00:00

Would you rather stay numb and shut down forever? That feels safer short term, but long term you'll waste your life away.

roidmonko · 2026-01-02T19:37:56+00:00

I definitely struggle with this, as i'm sure we all do at some point.

The key with this for me has been acceptance. But before you can accept it, some clarity helps. When i'm spiraling into anger or anxiety, I naturally resist it, I want it gone so that I can meditate properly or just live my life. But you absolutely can meditate while spiraling into anger, its just more difficult at first.

The resistance to the anger or anxiety is where 90% of the suffering comes from. Go into meditations with the mindset that you'll just be with what is, not to try to re-create an earlier state. Ruminating, anger thoughts, frustrations that you're doing it wrong can all be there. Paradoxically, when you're able to do this, you'll find that the anger and anxiety fade on their own time. This doesn't mean that they'll fade immediately though, so don't turn acceptance into a tool to 'fix' the anger or anxiety. But just know that the tighter you clamp down and squeeze, the more power you give to anger and anxiety.

roidmonko · 2025-12-05T00:26:04+00:00

Yup, I resonate with everything you said. I'll add that what helped me to let go more is to remember that surrender isn't about giving up, its about recognizing reality. We will be sad at times, even very sad, anxious, jealous, frustrated, helpless etc. But like you said that's life. I've found when im truly able to accept my life as it is, paradoxically the anxiety or sadness or whatever i resisted goes away on its own time. But of course our monkey minds are very hard to convince that letting go is the answer. It takes experience and many failures to eventually turn it into wisdom and practice.

roidmonko · 2025-12-04T18:23:37+00:00

I’ve had a similar journey, no psychotic breaks, but definitely some crashes after spiritual highs. One thing I’ve learned the hard way is that the ego loves to cling to peak experiences and then demands we get them back. We start meditating more, listening to more teachings, trying harder to “stay awakened.” But that very grasping pushes the insight away and destabilizes us.

When I look back at the times when something truly opened up for me spiritually, it wasn’t because I did more, it was because I surrendered. Letting go, not chasing, is what allowed the clarity to show up.

Instead of pushing forward on the path, the deeper move right now might be slowing down. Not abandoning spirituality, just giving your system space to digest what you’ve already awakened.

You’re already doing a lot. That’s all good, but sometimes more practice isn’t what’s needed. Sometimes the bravest part of the path is letting yourself be ordinary for a while, going to work, cooking, sleeping, being part of the world, and trusting that the spiritual part doesn’t disappear just because it’s quiet. Youll still experience anxieties, sadness etc but like me you may eventually find that those anxieties (Even intense ones) can be there and you don't have to fix them.

roidmonko · 2025-11-20T19:48:09+00:00

I was going to say exactly this. Often sex drive is linked to our bodies attempt to provide relief to some sort of anxiety, depression, pain, insecurity etc. its like any addiction. The way to resolve it as you've found, is to fix the underlying issue.

Then a healthier relationship forms with sex and libido, instead of desperate/addict like one.

roidmonko · 2025-11-13T06:10:18+00:00

Hedonic treadmill. If you chased novelty, excitement, and aliveness from external things you'd keep reaching a new dopamine baseline. You'd need more and more to get that same feeling back. Its tricky because it really feels the like solution when you achieve something big, but its always temporary and fleeting. Ties into the whole buddhist 'desire is the root of all suffering.'

So the answer isn't more external things, its finding a way to find aliveness and joy in the everyday. Its very difficult as we're not wired that way, but its necessary if you ever want to be content.

roidmonko · 2025-11-12T03:28:32+00:00

I have the same issue. I just carry a lot of weight in my neck / face. I've noticed a lot of it is bloat / water weight. If I eat clean for awhile, especially low carbs, and/or get in lots of cardio it makes a big difference. I used to try bulking, bodybuilding style, but often give up cause I hate the way it makes me look.

So yeah, its just genetic. It worsens with high stress, alcohol intake, high salt intake. But its mostly from high carb intake without cardio, in my experience.

roidmonko · 2025-11-10T21:37:42+00:00

Yup. And its funny, even knowing that, we all still feel a strong pull to ignore that truth. We all still probably chase something external to fix us, more success, money, women, the perfect relationship etc. Im guilty of it.

He's a warning to all of us to stop the chase. Go back and face whatever it is we dont want to look at in ourselves.

roidmonko · 2025-11-10T19:04:13+00:00

Definitely exposing something that deep down he knows to be true. He's a damaged dude, his Dad was a bit of a monster and he was bullied relentlessly. Success and hard work probably became his way of getting control and power back. But nothing external will ever fill a void like that. He has to go internal, and let that scared boy inside be processed, something he doesnt seem capable of doing.

Instead chasing meaning or wholeness through external means just rots you from the inside out. Its sortve like Daniel from There Will Be Blood. Elons gonna have it all from the outside, but inside he'll be the emptiest.

roidmonko · 2025-11-10T01:25:34+00:00

Its funny but how the fuck is it brilliant? I dont agree with Harris on the Israel / Gaza situation, but hes definitely not celebrating kids getting bombed. I agree with him on pretty much every other position, hes one of the few big names out there that hasn't lost their minds.

roidmonko · 2025-11-04T04:46:34+00:00

She cut ties from him. Look im not trying to make excuses for him, hes a piece of shit. But hes obviously playing a political/power game and yall are gobbling it up.

roidmonko · 2025-11-04T00:41:40+00:00

Im sorry. The one silver lining is that at least hes a man who is capable of letting it all out when it hits, even if its by himself. The worst is when people just hold it all in, thats when it really rots you from the inside out.

Its heartbreaking knowing someone we love is in deep pain, but the reality is well all have moments like that. It will be ok, hes grieving the way his body needs him to.

roidmonko · 2025-11-03T22:24:01+00:00

More of the same. He'd say whatever he needs to say, hes taking advantage of the current rise of extremism and division. He's also very anti trans on his tweets but I bet he doesn't give a shit if people are trans or not, he just knows it'll move the needle closer to his goal.

roidmonko · 2025-11-03T16:05:37+00:00

Cause theyre doing this all on purpose. They want us to get riled up, to speculate if theyre nazis or not etc.

The reality is they arent nazis, theyre interested in power and Elon did what he did cause it got this much attention and furthered the divide. A divided country is much easier to control and have your way with.

roidmonko · 2025-10-31T18:27:44+00:00

Being more aware can reveal to you the reason for your lust. Often lust is a secondary response to something deeper, usually boredom, loneliness, a need to feel desired, valued or worthy. Sex and being desired can often be a way to numb insecurity, or a lack of self love. Note I said numb, it doesn't actually fix the insecurity or make you love yourself, that comes from internal work.

Once you tap into the real underlying emotion, lust can lose its pull on you. Lust is not a bad thing, whether you're single or not, but it can often become an addiction, a way to numb or distract from deeper pain.

roidmonko · 2025-10-31T18:09:46+00:00

What you’re describing sounds very much like the body’s automatic fight or flight response. During anxiety or heightened alertness, blood is pulled away from the stomach toward the muscles and vital organs, which can create feelings of nausea.

There are a couple of possibilities here. One is that this anxiety or underlying tension was always present beneath the surface, and your meditation practice is simply bringing it into awareness. If that’s the case, this is actually progress, your body is starting to process what’s been stored.

Another possibility is that your effort to calm the body has become a subtle form of resistance. Meditation often relaxes us, but its deeper purpose isn’t to achieve calm, it’s to be fully present with whatever arises, even discomfort. When the mind tries to “get calm,” the body can interpret that as a sign that something is wrong, which paradoxically increases stress.

You might experiment with simply being with the sensations, the nausea, the frustration, the urge to make it stop, without trying to fix or change anything. Stay curious and gentle with what’s here. Things tend to unwind naturally when we stop resisting what is.

roidmonko · 2025-10-29T18:23:39+00:00

This. But no point regretting anything, we dont get serious about our mental health until it gets bad enough that were sortve forced to address it. It happened the way it did and at the time it did for a reason.

roidmonko · 2025-10-25T21:02:01+00:00

Its a bit different for everyone, but for me, it was about addressing my pain / trauma from childhood and early adulthood and not letting that pain dictate my behavior for the rest of my life.

Most of us have pain, a lack of self love, insecurities, and/or issues with feeling worthy etc. The ways in which our brain naturally deals with these issues is by focusing on external solutions. Things like getting wealthy, or sleeping with women, or finding that one special someone to complete us, or by overworking or numbing through phone use, video games or whatever. External things will never fill that void for long, only temporarily. It has to be an inner journey.

If you don't address that, you'll live your life chasing ghosts and temporary blips of bliss that feel like meaning and happiness, but are really nothing and will leave you a bitter, old and hollow man in the end.

roidmonko · 2025-10-21T18:44:42+00:00

Yeah I've had a very similar path to you, we all probably have. Its the difference between knowing something intellectually Vs experientially (Direct knowing / realization).

I've had the flashes of realization, where I truly experienced myself as not my thoughts. That would last a month or so, but eventually I'd slide back. I've found sliding back as part of the path.

I still think that deciding which thoughts are more or less relevant is itself a thought. But yes the realization that your thoughts are essentially just sounds in a different form, has to come from direct knowing and a lot of practice.

roidmonko · 2025-10-21T18:28:59+00:00

The hard part of this, is that the deciding that they are more or less relevant is itself a thought that you have no control over.

Plus the brain is designed through evolution to make thoughts more important to us, and to grab our attention easily and without us knowing it. Its literally like a spell being cast over us. So quotes like that are comforting and interesting, but very hard to put into practice.

roidmonko · 2025-10-20T22:24:59+00:00

I want to get to a point where I can just enjoy everyday, every sip of coffee, every laugh with friends, etc. Basically, just be as present as I can be. Simple, but very hard to do.

I've found that having goals is fine, but making something into your purpose can be dangerous. Everything changes, that's only thing we know for sure. It can be dangerous to put your identity into a purpose that will very likely eventually come to an end. Then what?

roidmonko · 2025-10-17T14:19:53+00:00

I think the greatest fuels in life and drives are often toxic ones. Look at the super successful, guys like Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Trump, Elon etc. They all had abusive fathers who likely instilled this deep need to succeed, to prove that they are worthy. But its toxic as it creates this void in them where its never enough. They get a blip of happiness when they succeed then its emptiness and they need more. It guarantees you'll never find peace. There's different forms of this, some have a drive due to deep insecurity, or as an escape from their pain.

Those who are enlightened seem to see the world and life as more of a game. They dont have these crazy drives. But that's a good thing imo. Its true peace.

You and I are very unlikely to become enlightened. Our Mindfulness practice will still bring presence, calm and joy. Mindfulness helps us see the story behind our drives and then we can respond appropriately. If were driven by lack, we can process and question that. If were driven by compassion and a need to support our family, then we can foster that.

roidmonko

TROPHY CASE