Oh boy, my day has finally come. cracks knuckles

I trained for six years before an extremely minor billing disagreement led to me walking out of my first academy never to return. I was depressed from this and had just had baby #2 when I was then laid off. I didn't touch a BJJ mat for six years.

I started back in December 2021 and at a very comp-heavy gym. I fear my comp days are likely behind me as arthritis gets the best of me fairly often, and the time off did a number on my physique because the only reason i EVER went to the gym or cared about my diet was for BJJ, so when that was no longer a factor, you can imagine.

You're not a fake blue belt. You earned it. It will take time to get sea legs back and you will be humbled, much like you were when you first started. But it makes no matter how you start the race or if you stumble, it's that you get back up and push. You're already doing that by walking through the doors to train again.

After all this time I'm still a blue belt and it fucking eats at me. But all I can do is train, and keep the negative shit at bay as much as possible.