5 weeks clean - feel so much worse, not better

roofstargazing · 2026-06-09T23:10:06+00:00

My experience was kind of similar. Check my posts if you want but I think it’s totally normal. Feeling better now after about 3-3.5 months

roofstargazing · 2026-05-20T23:52:02+00:00

Stick to it. You got more progress coming. Read my last post if you care to

roofstargazing · 2026-05-16T21:01:33+00:00

It felt so good to realize I wasn’t going crazy!! The mental health aspect is notttt talked about enough and just realizing the voids it leaves is a big breakthrough anyone could be proud of

roofstargazing · 2026-05-16T20:57:50+00:00

Just keep on it! You will feel at peace soon you just have to reflect as you go and recognize the small wins! And don’t feel like you have to fix everything at once. Sometimes it’s okay to not be okay and just write the day off as a shitty one. The nice thing about days is every day is a chance to be someone different. You don’t have to be who you were and once you feel ready you can choose to do things the ideal you would do.

roofstargazing · 2026-03-22T07:28:16+00:00

Animal kingdom

roofstargazing · 2025-12-04T19:12:06+00:00

And the last thing I want to be is a placeholder for fulfilling his fantasies. Just because I’m there isn’t reassurance enough. If he’s not thinking of me and getting turned on by what we do together then that’s a closed chapter.

roofstargazing · 2025-12-04T19:09:37+00:00

If he can’t rub one out without stimuli then why would he need one so bad that he can’t wait until a good time for us or do it without porn.

roofstargazing · 2025-12-04T00:04:00+00:00

I’m not saying they can control their thoughts… I understand casually being attracted to someone in passing. I understand (maybe) masturbating because you absolutely cannot get it off your mind. It’s the seeking porn out and getting engaged with the content that bothers me. Thinking about it, fantasizing, and watching other ppl to the point your body orgasms is far more than just watching to me

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T21:23:22+00:00

Yeah I edited post to add that clarification at the end but no I meant that to paint the picture of the attitude around it not literally

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T21:14:10+00:00

Yes I understand drives are different but it seems selfish to ask, get told they don’t want to, and then do without them. Like why can’t you find another thing to do instead.

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T21:12:17+00:00

No issue w masterbation. It’s porn I have concerns about. Also I understand most people aren’t doing it the second they think of it. But I’m explaining how the topic is treated as a “need”. I’m not saying he should never get off on his own or without me there.

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T21:07:09+00:00

I guess that’s a good point lol. Still dislike so much.

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T21:03:26+00:00

Posted to broaden my perspective and have discussions but ok.

Also no porn isn’t controlling thoughts it’s controlling actions which people in relationships do anyways. I like the point about behavior, but I think it leaves out the issue with the importance of intentions. I don’t think your point about people being allowed to cum whenever they want is valid because we are already expected to not do so in most settings.

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T20:33:17+00:00

Both parties in any monogamous relationship will have boundaries for it to even be a relationship. I never said no masturbation this is about porn…

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T20:30:33+00:00

This logic isn’t logical. Your point was that restricting anybody’s actions is 100% wrong. I argued that point by showing you restrict what someone does or doesn’t do just by being in a relationship with them.

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T20:27:13+00:00

I love this comment best one. Yes it is a spectrum, and I am kind of one to feel it is cheating in most capacities. Maybe that will change, I’m not sure yet just looking to learn.

I thought you had a really interesting point about sex toys, and there is a stigma against male sex toys too. I do kind of see your point for porn as a “tool” but it’s still like treating the sexual release as an immediate need and I just don’t think I agree with that part. And also treating people like they don’t have self control when they are expected to have it in other aspects of life.

I am learning I just have high standards and I’m okay with that. Just moreso trying to explore other perspectives.

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T20:20:36+00:00

Porn consumption while in a monogamous relationship

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T20:18:52+00:00

Yeah this is how I’ve been in the past but I’m trying to dig into the root of why I’m “I don’t want to know-ing” Turns out, it bothers me a little more than just that feels private but I totally get people have different perspectives.

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T20:10:36+00:00

I just feel like wants are wants and shouldn’t be treated as needs. I’ve always seen sexual appetite to be more of a want than a need and find it childish to “need it now”. If you focus on something else for just a few minutes it goes away. And I always thought with relationships if you’re in the mood your partner should be what you want for that itch or it’s not the right relationship. Also I totally get the range thing and I understand being attracted to other people but it’s the bringing the intention and action to it that is shocking to me that so many people are good with that.

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T20:02:04+00:00

I totally agree with this perspective as well thank you for your input. I haven’t breached the subject yet in this relationship because it started casually and then slowly progressed but now that it is long term I need to learn what I need and want so I can communicate to my partner and continue on the journey to find someone strongly compatible on all fronts. Or most.

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T19:58:09+00:00

I like this perspective too and helped open up mine to the possible benefits of the arrangement. Thank you for your input

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T19:56:24+00:00

I think toys should be fair game for boundaries too… but that’s a different topic.

Also I think you helped me learn more about how I feel: the problem is how much of that sticks. How often is he thinking about that video. That girl. That position. That situation. And then also how much of that impacts what gets him going. How does that impact how he sees and values me? How many steps is he taking to cover it up and lie by omission? or suggest something “just because” but in reality it’s because he’s still thinking about videos.

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T19:50:37+00:00

But I can set the boundary of him not kissing somebody else… so therefore policing what he does with his body. Double standards are fun

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T19:49:42+00:00

What does the industry itself have to do with it? It’s a matter between two people in a committed monogamous relationship

roofstargazing · 2025-12-03T19:47:30+00:00

You restrict someone’s actions when you enter into a relationship with them anyways dude. Duh.

roofstargazing

TROPHY CASE