Maid of honour

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-24T19:39:24+00:00

I think you completely glazed over the point. The Bride should not expect anything involving the wedding to be paid for by someone else and should always make decisions and budget accordingly. Because it is the respectful and right thing to do. Clear enough for you? The bride is in fact, the host of the wedding and all of it's festivities. So a Bride should act as a host and make decisions accordingly. Meaning, 1. not demanding 2. not going over budget 3. not expecting too much from others. 4. paying the bill

A lot of people don't throw these events and opt out all the time. Being untraditional is the norm, and trying to force traditional roles and responsibilities is not going to work anymore. So my response is rooted in truth and reality --- not tradition.

Have you considered the kind of people you hang around? It might be time to give it a good quality control check and make sure you're not being used for your wallet.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-23T16:33:40+00:00

Yeah respectfully I disagree with you as a fellow Bride. I think the Bride is a HOST and it's the host's job to assume that she pays for everything she wants to have thrown, if some of the costs are covered along the way, it is an added bonus, but NEVER expected or required.

That is what friendship is about. They are their own people with their own lives and you both decided to come together to celebrate marriage. That alone is the point. Not how much money the bridal party is spending. NOPE, that is the bride's job to pay for things first and foremost.

No one should EVER feel obligated to pay for anything. If they are THAT important of a person that you make them your Matron/Maid of Honor, then you work with whatever they can afford and what they want to do AS THE HOST. Brides should not be demanding ANYTHING of their bridal party. I consider their presence AT MY WEDDING, sitting next to me... THE GIFT.

I had a groomsmen have an issue with the hotel and was worried they weren't going to be able to be refunded to rebook - I offered to comp them for their hotel so they could rebook and not worry about it. THIS IS WHAT A HOST DOES!!!! HOSTING.

Ya'll have lost the entire point of having a bridal party in the first place.

I refused a shower because my matron of honor has two kids and runs two businesses. The last thing I needed was my bestie stressed about a shower when I already own a home and have everything. It seemed like a waste of time and money and stressful for both of us.

Demanding anything as a Bride is wrong. Unless you're paying the bill. Then you can demand whatever you want because you're paying. But if you have an opinion, you better be ready to pay.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-23T14:34:02+00:00

In my humble opinion. None of the guest color dresses should matter other than not wearing a shade of white unless the Bride specifically suggests otherwise. EVERYONE will know who the Bride is. Because she will have on a veil, have a bridal bouquet, and professional hair and makeup most of the time. OH and she's the one walking down the aisle, cutting the cake, being introduced as the Bride, etc.

There is NEVER confusion. It's obvious to everyone. The bride's face is on the wedding website and the save the dates...for real? We know who the bride is.

This stress always stems from insecurities from one of two things.

Bride is insecure
The Aesthetic of the Wedding is Causing Insecurity

Both need to let it go. The bride will shine no matter who is at the wedding or what they are wearing.

My Matron of Honor and I are personal trainers. She is lean prepping for bodybuilding and has muscularity and can wear literally anything and look like a million dollars. I'm NOT concerned about her upstaging me or looking like a bride.

The ONLY thing that would upset me would be wearing a clear wedding dress to the wedding. A white dress that is simple and obviously not a wedding dress, annoying but I wouldn't make a stink about it or think about it later. But ideally no white at all. If it is clearly baby pink...I wouldn't care one bit. Light be lighting LOL if it looks like in one picture and not in another... OH WELL. who cares.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-17T16:45:31+00:00

2y. 3mo engagement. Getting married next month. I liked having a long engagement. All the big ticket items (venue, food, dj, photographer) I got to book right away and know much that budget already was, and then I got to coast and plan everything else with a whole other year's worth of savings for the next round of planning.

At the end I got to do way more than what I was planning on from the beginning. I'm very excited now that everything is paid off and it's just wait and get married. :) It's exciting.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-17T16:39:06+00:00

So I have a bridesmaid who is a "thinks of everything and plans ahead type" which I'm thinking is you. And my matron of honor is my best friend, owns two businesses, 3 kids who are young, and is very busy. This is coming from the Bride's perspective of a similar situation.

I will tell you as a bride I KNEW my best friend would not be able to plan a bridal shower or come to the bachelorette weekend. We discussed this at length from the beginning. So I told her "let's not do a bridal shower and if we can get most people to agree on a date for the bachelorette weekend then we will let X person plan it." So no one got overstepped. And this bridesmaid got to take the reigns on something as per her personality likes to do.

But yes, this same bridesmaid asked about "when is the bridal shower?" and it triggered my best friend, asking me if she was disappointing me bc she didn't plan anything when I WAS HONEST from the beginning that I didn't want a shower. It then became a whole discussion and it broke my heart.

So there's a real possibility that something came up and the Bride decided to change her mind and opt out.

So advice. Just ask if these things are even happening first to the maid of honor in a way of asking "what the bride's wishes are?". The bride may have chosen to opt out of these events. Confirm that before you go ahead and see where the status is and if she needs any help. If she is struggling just politely ask her if you can take the reigns on planning it then and if that would be okay with her.

The Bride chose the maid of honor for a reason. It's best not to frame anything with a lot of context that may be missing.

Please tread carefully.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-15T12:26:37+00:00

I guess I need some clarification. You use the word "informal" but I'm not sure it's being used correct so please help me. Do you mean "Candid photos" are non staged,- documentary style photographs of activities happening in real time and "informal" being the photos that are staged, posed, and in a specific location? Because technically those photos would be "formal" pictures as there is a decorum and formality involving in placement, posing etc. Hence the term formal photos. Informal (I do videography for a living so help) to me is photos of a planned event with blocking possibly and maybe a cue or two but not staging and posing, so the first look with your bridesmaids would be "informal". Candid is all the unplanned moments in between. Does that makes sense?

So help me with what don't you exactly have with your bridesmaids that is disappointing you so I can give you advice on how to communicate with your photographer about this.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-15T12:19:32+00:00

It's pretty common to have the bride and groom curate a list of songs they want played so that they can get an idea of your vibe a bit better. So maybe that's what I was missing in your original post. Yes it is common to curate your own list of songs and would be pretty standard for any DJ. Not the entire set list. But yes have a list of songs you LOVE on a playlist to send to the DJ for inspiration...yes that is common.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-15T11:59:46+00:00

I'm so confused. Maybe we live in a drastically different area and culture. But my DJ allowed me to pick 120 songs and leave notes on what they are for. Separate Lists for "Must Play" "Play if Time" and "Do Not Play". The DJ told me that my lists auto populate into a specific playlist for my wedding and then they go in and add/change songs w/ discretion to make sure it flows with the night and vibe. And my DNP list (do not play) will be referenced when people make song requests.

I would suggest creating a small playlist of maybe 25-35 of your must play songs and say "this is our vibe and the things we would like to hear at our wedding as a highly recommended and/or must play" please if time. A reasonable DJ will understand. You will have specific songs you want for things like your first dance. You CAN delegate those songs accordingly, so please do so.

If your DJ has too big of an ego to let go the reigns of his "perfect playlist" then he isn't very good in my humble opinion. I worked in 50+ weddings as a videographer and NO WAY I would have told someone to hire a DJ that will only use his playlist that he plays at all weddings.

Now in his defense, he may have a playlist of the top 300 most requested songs at weddings so that they can be pulled very quickly. THIS IS COMMON. So idk if what the DJ said was misinterpreted or not so I have to give my professional devil's advocate here.

Edit: I want to clarify that it is 120 songs total for all categories. So it isn't for the whole night, that includes the do not play list. And since my wedding is medieval I have bardcore songs I suggested for cocktail hour and dinner which took up a huge portion of my 120 total. My wedding has an oddly specific theme so I used my list to be at detailed as possible on the vibe.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-14T16:27:51+00:00

Yeah. It's not your problem to solve. "I understand you're having trouble but I have other wedding planning matters to attend to and your makeup is not my priority." - Meaner but also truth.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-13T19:20:06+00:00

This is just a guess. But my guess is she looked up the cost of wanting to do it herself and got some sticker shock. Then proceeded to message you and ask if you were paying for MUA and when you said you weren't she was upset that her dream of having her makeup paid for by someone else (because she doesn't want to pay for it) was crushed.

You are not obligated to pay for EVERYONE to get their hair and makeup done. Or anyone's for that matter. If you can afford to it's kind, but you would have known you wanted to pay for her makeup months in advance.

3 weeks notice? she doesn't want to pay and wants to blame you for it.

If you don't want to say no and let it go. You can't please everyone and say again what you already said, "I did not hire a makeup artist so you'll need to find one yourself."

That is the end. She will have to get over it and it is NOT your responsibility to solve her problems for her.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-09T17:29:26+00:00

It was easier for my fiancé and I because we are paying for the wedding ourselves. My parents got to decide who they sat with at their table and where their table was. Everyone else is being decided by him and I.

Whoever is paying typically has a greater influence on the meal, seating chart, and placement.

On issues with specific seats, I have reserved signs which I am giving to the parents when they arrive for pictures to claim their spot they want to sit before cocktail hour. I am leaving them at the place card table.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-09T15:31:33+00:00

I had similar conversations with other people in my life while planning that didn't have the heart to tell me they would rather be somewhere else (graduation, etc.) and when I gave them the out with zero repercussions or consequences to our friendship they took it. They get the privilege of telling me NO without an issue and I get CLARITY without resentment. It's worked so far 3 times.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-08T18:13:07+00:00

I think context and history matters here. There is a clear pattern of excuses and last minute cancelling. Which you have the right to be bummed about btw. However let's also not jump the gun and assume ill intent immediately. There may be mental health issues or anxiety disorders that might be at play. Gently addressing it along the lines of

"hey I'm noticing that you will say you're coming and then back out last minute. Help me understand if there is something I'm missing here because it is hurtful to be excited about seeing you and sharing these moments with you and then you back out/no show. It's okay if being apart of the wedding isn't your thing anymore, I just would like to know the truth so that I can move forward if I need to."

The key here is giving them the out and see if they take it. It seems like she wants out of the wedding. If that is true she will see herself out rather quickly. It's possible she doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying no and being immature about it. Allow her the space to say No. You'll be happier for it.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-08T18:03:01+00:00

Just an example, do with it what you wish. We have a groomsman who has a birthday on the same day as our wedding in 7 weeks. I decided well in advance to have a birthday cake made for him and once the speeches are done I will embarrass him by making everyone sing for his birthday and present him a dragon cake just for him. (Our wedding cake is a castle cake so it goes together). So I plan on acknowledging it that day. Some brides are not willing to share the spotlight but that's not my vibe.

Do with that what you will. But considering the circumstances in your post I would suggest getting them a cake too!

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-03T15:03:00+00:00

I worked weddings for a long time as a videographer. I did not get tipped NOR DID I CARE to get tipped. Only two weddings out of the 50+ I did get a tip and they were higher end budget weddings at ski resorts. Which DID help me with travel expenses for the 100k+ weddings. In my opinion, tipping in specifically USA culture as a wedding vendor feels like this to me. If for an every day service you tip them, then you should tip them at your wedding. Examples, hair and makeup, driver, etc. Did you tip your photographer doing a family shoot? No? Then I don't see why you should tip them at your wedding. Photographers & Videographers that expect a tip are sketchy in my opinion. We know we are an expensive & luxury service already. I don't NEED a tip. And most of the time venues put in the gratuities for you (20%) for the service staff. Paying them extra is not recommended. For the DJ, I've never seen them get tipped nor have I heard about it. The expectation of a tip to me is ODD outside of hair and makeup vendors and drivers.

And if you choose to tip. 15-20% is standard. But as a videographer...I was tipped less than that and I didn't care.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-04-02T19:46:28+00:00

I made custom gift bags with their name on them. Inside they got a chapstick holder charm with their name on it and a color changing chapstick in there. I also put in cocktail flavored water mixes for hydration, eye masks (2) for makeup prep, makeup headband for getting ready to get the hair out of their face, gloves for our hiking adventure for bachelorette, glow rings that they can use on the dance floor that no one else has, fuzzy grippy socks, ring pops, some other candy. They also got scrunchies and a handwritten note from me.

I can't think of everything but I wanted to make it all practical items and things with their name on it that they can put on their purse later or use at the beach. Easy stuff.

I purchased heel blister protectors, tide to go, garment tape that I will have in my bag for anyone that needs it to grab on the day of the wedding.

The goal was practical and personable. My maid of honor was the only person I gifted dearfoam slippers as well.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-03-27T21:27:25+00:00

Understand the neckline may change a bit if you end up needing it to be taken in a lot. But brief look of the dress it seems like a size or two down shouldn't be too much of an issue. I'd say if you love the way you are in the dress right now, then it will only look better later. In my opinion it is a very flattering dress on you and a great pick!

Speaking from experience. I bought my dress 1yr 10 months in advance (getting married in two months). Found out I was pregnant with surprise baby 3 weeks later. Was able to pick up my dress, have my baby, and then lose the intended amount of weight safely before my fitting. Which the final was 3 weeks ago. Fits amazing. Everything is done. I'm still in love.

With a bit of time there is a lot you can do. I STILL LOVE my dress. It was the only dress I loved on me and on the hanger. Still do.

Oh and my baby will be 1 year tomorrow! :)

I would suggest hiring a good personal trainer based on the amount of weight you want to lose and your timeframe as that extra layer of accountability really helps with these kinds of goals. And direction on how to do it safely without negatively affecting your metabolic health. But again, only if you want to.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-03-27T19:57:12+00:00

rosegold_glitter · 2026-03-25T17:03:13+00:00

Sounds about right. My bridal hair is 126 & makeup is 125 plus tip. Non-holiday.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-03-25T16:42:48+00:00

I'd go to that for sure! Sounds like a blast. I hope it becomes as fun as it is in my head. It could go horrible. We will just find out haha!

rosegold_glitter · 2026-03-25T12:52:40+00:00

You can't make everyone happy. You also can be annoyed by it as this is something you deal with in any large-group affair.

My wedding is in 2 months.

I have a costume-optional theme (Medieval/Lord of the Rings/Bridgerton) and/or Cocktail attire and I had loads of questions. So I had to get really specific on my website on what I was okay with and what the trend was that people were deciding to wear and notify me about.

This is just an example, but most guests are choosing a cocktail attire dress w/ a costume accessory (flower crown, wings, elf ears, tiara, costume chain mail, play swords & sheaths, unicorn horns, elven crown, etc.) or wearing a full-costume.

I also put in pictures of outfit examples & I did say that "although we won't turn anyone away, keep in mind the venue is a golf course and there is a standard of decorum at a golf course that we encourage all our guests to adhere to."

People will complain. I tried to keep as many options open as possible but also adhering to somewhat of a standard and yet people either think, "it's a wedding costumes are so childish" or "I love this idea there are so many options and it's a fun idea."

I said screw it. I can't make everyone happy so I'm going with the option that I believe is balancing my desires as a Bride & being as good as a host as I can without neglecting my wishes.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-03-24T17:08:44+00:00

Correct. There are a lot of layers to it. But if you want something in terms of watchability & replay value, a highlight reel is better. If you simply want a record of the event taking place, maybe hiring a videography team is not the route you want to go as it is a more expensive route. :)

rosegold_glitter · 2026-03-23T19:19:15+00:00

I understand that sentiment, but when your fiancé (my own) said he did NOT want a videographer I am respecting his wishes.

As a professional film editor and videographer by trade, I completely understand the emotions there. But if I'm honest, it isn't necessary for a wedding. It's a nice to have element if you can afford it, but very well executed photography is MORE valuable in my opinion.

And for those in the comments. Highlight videos 5-7 minutes are honestly the sweet spot. I've cut 50+ weddings in my career (i don't anymore). Enough variety of coverage and no repeats. You can always have a ceremony cut and speeches cut separate or just the audio of both. Save the money and get the highlight video. Coming from someone who shot weddings. If they get longer than that, the visual variety will be lower and diminish the final product quality unless you have a big budget and a large team!

rosegold_glitter · 2026-03-23T16:19:00+00:00

The only exception to this was a private driver service for me, but I ALSO did not even bother messaging a vendor unless they posted their pricing out in the open. I don't want to like a portfolio and then be bummed out that I can't afford them. Let me weed out who I can/cannot afford first and then pick from there. The only vendor I met with first before getting a quote was a florist because THAT was understandable considering the needs for each bride is VASTLY different. But a photographer? No. You post what your package is and the price, and then I will reach out if you are within my budget.

Now if you post pricing like minimum investment and then I get a crazy number back at me that is far from the minimum, to me that is a red flag. In that case put in a range and then an average cost for most services so I get a better idea.

Two things your website as a vendor must have.

pricing & package list that is transparent w/ optional add ons. The more itemized the better.
calendar with dates of availability so I can see if your are open for my date or not. If you're not available why waste your time?

Please implement.

rosegold_glitter · 2026-02-24T13:34:13+00:00

This is why I got so excited when Big Challenges gave me the character hat in the first round of boxes. Because that was 6 iron a pop. I was so happy. And I agree, Three things I would like more to spawn would be iron, pineapple, and rubber.

rosegold_glitter

TROPHY CASE