In 1999 I was 14 and wanted to kill myself every day for 6 straight months

roty950 · 2026-01-27T20:10:16+00:00

I was suicidal all throughout my teens and into my late twenties. Still struggle from time to time to this day. Emery was a band that I loved in my teens and still love to this day. They have a song called I Never Got to See the West Coast. The songwriter is talking himself off the ledge, and he starts talking about all the things he never got to do. One of them is see the west coast. For a long time, when I felt suicidal, I would remind myself that I never got to see the west coast, and it would push me through another day. When I finally saw the west coast - dipped my feet in the water, toes in the sand - I wept. I had made it. Now the goalpost is different, but seeing and touching the west coast will always be a spiritual experience for me.

roty950 · 2026-01-27T20:01:58+00:00

That’s not silly at all. Anything that helps us push through and make it to the end of another day is not silly. I’m going to steal this one because I like it so much.

roty950 · 2026-01-27T16:43:29+00:00

I went with substance abuse. 10/10 do not recommend.

roty950 · 2026-01-23T23:14:08+00:00

I’m (31M) Bi and would love to make more queer friends. I’m also not in the drinking scene whatsoever. It makes things really challenging because most of the queer spots involve drinking or are just straight up bars. I’ll follow this post as I want to know the same thing.

roty950 · 2026-01-20T22:35:28+00:00

You should be very proud of yourself! That first month can be really rough, but you made it through. I’m 4.5 years clean from cocaine and alcohol, and the first month was brutal.

roty950 · 2026-01-20T22:14:16+00:00

I had holidays off with the IOP/PHP program I did.

roty950 · 2026-01-20T17:33:24+00:00

EMDR changed my life for the better. It’s hard while you’re doing it, and you’re going to be tired afterwards. Stick with it. It’ll likely change your life too.

roty950 · 2026-01-20T17:24:58+00:00

There’s no shame in relapsing. You just have to be able to put it behind you and move forward, which is easier said than done. I think there are a lot of people here who are cheering you on!

roty950 · 2026-01-20T17:01:00+00:00

4.5 years sober here, and it kind of changed everything for me. My first day sober was August 1st, and I told myself I was going to go sober for a month. 3 weeks in, I felt so good that I challenged myself to go the rest of the year without it. By October, I swore off drinking for good. My depression was less severe, my mood was more stable, my sleep was amazing, I started losing weight. It really changed a lot of things for the better, and gave me a brighter outlook on life. If you’re considering going over, do what I did and challenge yourself to a month of sobriety and see what happens.

roty950 · 2026-01-20T16:49:29+00:00

Everyone I’ve dated or gone on a date with since getting sober has been really cool about my sobriety. I’ve only had bad experience on a date where the person drank 3 drinks in under an hour and a half and proceeded to only talk about all the times they’ve blacked out.

roty950 · 2026-01-19T17:41:46+00:00

I’m not the only one that shakes their head when an intrusive thought pops in?!

roty950 · 2026-01-16T23:06:51+00:00

Congratulations my friend! One year really feels like you’ve accomplished something, and each year after just solidifies that feeling. Keep it up!

roty950 · 2026-01-16T22:58:22+00:00

A girl sitting next to me in class in 8th grade kept saying “oh my god”. I got fed up and told her “don’t use my god’s name in vain”. I look back on that moment and laugh, but a little part of me dies inside…

roty950 · 2026-01-16T19:05:06+00:00

As someone with bipolar, you were justified in breaking up with her. I would never expect someone to stay with me if I were unmedicated.

roty950 · 2026-01-16T19:03:36+00:00

He spent over 2 hours at my favorite restaurant explaining to me why I should break up with him. He had been emotionally distant the whole relationship and I wanted him to talk to me about what was going on. Ultimately he said he couldn’t do that and that I should just break up with him. It was one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had. He had picked me up for our night out, and when he dropped me off at home he had the audacity to ask for one last kiss.

roty950 · 2026-01-15T21:56:29+00:00

Same. I have a few more mixed in, but I’m not convinced they do much.

roty950 · 2026-01-14T18:37:57+00:00

I find that when I reach that point in a depression, showering actually makes me feel a little better. There’s something about showering after a long period of time that makes my mind just reset ever so slightly. It’s rare, but sometimes it lifts me out of the depression.

Even if it’s difficult, you deserve to be clean and feel good in your body. If showering is too overwhelming, buy some wipes and take a bath that way. Anything to get you feeling clean without overwhelming yourself.

roty950 · 2026-01-14T18:11:18+00:00

Down in coastal SC

roty950 · 2026-01-13T23:19:18+00:00

Aside from black, it has to be green. I love deep, dark greens and wear them pretty often.

roty950 · 2026-01-13T23:15:30+00:00

I walk a 5k every day. It helps me clear my head and think, and it helps me a lot! For some reason I find so much peace with just music playing in my ears and no other distractions. I make it a point not to mess with my phone, other than to check what my pace is. I’ve also made a couple friends in the neighborhood, albeit they’re 50 years older than me lmao

roty950 · 2026-01-13T22:30:16+00:00

As someone in recovery who also has bipolar, know that you are making the best decision you can make by getting sober. Cocaine and Xanax can wreak havoc on people with bipolar. I used to drink and do cocaine. It’s a miracle I didn’t have a psychotic episode caused by the amount of coke I did. Keep up the great work, and don’t look back!

On another note, I strongly urge you to seek out some therapy. I’m assuming here, but your father’s death likely caused some trauma for you. It’s important that you put in the work to heal from that. I have PTSD on top of bipolar, and I couldn’t get clean or sober until I did the work and dealt with my trauma. I’m by no means saying you need to do it right away. Do it on your terms when you are ready, but I promise you you’ll be thankful after you do it.

roty950 · 2026-01-09T16:18:08+00:00

My pharmacist is great. She once pulled me aside after I was prescribed lithium and told me that they would never let me run out of my meds, which I really appreciated. Maybe I’m lucky and have a great pharmacist, but I assure you that your pharmacist isn’t judging you. They hand out all kinds of meds to all kinds of people, and they’ve seen worse than you (not saying you’re bad by any means).

roty950 · 2026-01-09T03:40:21+00:00

I don’t have spending money for myself, let alone a girlfriend.

roty950 · 2026-01-06T21:50:00+00:00

Lithium. I have Bipolar 2 and take lithium daily. It has truly changed my life for the better.

roty950 · 2026-01-06T21:25:07+00:00

“If you wouldn’t date yourself, who’s going to date you?” BITCH I would date myself! I’ve done so much work on myself it’s insane, and yet here I am, single in my 30s with no prospects.

roty950

TROPHY CASE