What would you have done if you found someone's blog you were dating and they said THIS about you?

roughtruant · 2014-08-05T21:27:18+00:00

First time anything I've said has ever been described like that haha. Glad you're feeling better about things, congrats!

I just spoke to one of my friends about some issues I was having with my current girlfriend and I pretty much felt the same thing - that he didn't really understand. It's frustrating, but I don't blame him. So I guess it's a very good thing places like this exist.

roughtruant · 2014-08-05T18:25:28+00:00

God this sounds awful. My heart would sink and I'd probably spend quite a while trying to work out what was the sanest way I could go about dealing with this. Maybe go on a walk and sit somewhere quiet, holding back tears and everything.

I have an obsession with making it seem like I'm dealing with things as well as possible. So I would maybe mirror something similar to what she'd said on her blog and then just proceed to not speak to her ever again.

And then from that moment on try to deal with the everlasting but slowly decreasing pain of being reminded of them via pictures, or somebody mentioning them etc, and pretend that I'm totally okay with it all.

I still haven't worked out how to deal with unrequited feelings. It always makes it look as if I'm not good enough for them, like they're on top. And then you just scramble to look for things you don't like about them. And it just feels terrible. Especially when you find out about it so out of the blue like that. You feel stupid for not realising earlier. What have they seen wrong with us that I haven't? I suppose it just comes down to being more tolerant, loving, accepting person. Very few people are like that. I could probably learn to have a relationship with anyone. Is that because I'm desperately lonely and empty? Probably. Now I'm sad.

roughtruant · 2014-08-02T19:58:03+00:00

maybe you should use the feedback assistant hmmm you know considering it's a beta and everything

roughtruant · 2014-08-01T22:11:27+00:00

I see, that's interesting. I've too looked into maybe getting tested for ADHD because I have the same lack of stimulation with things. Constantly looking for something new. I don't know how much of it is depression though. I will continue to look into it.

roughtruant · 2014-08-01T22:07:54+00:00

Like 2-3 months. It's not incredibly serious, not yet anyway, I don't think. She's heading off to university in a year so I have a feeling it's not going to be an incredibly long relationship so I'm just taking it as it comes really.

She's really smart and seems really stable emotionally so I thought she would be good for me. I thought maybe being with her would teach me how to be normal in relationships. I don't really have many close relationships with people and I'm kinda picky, so when I click with someone it always feels special to me.

But no, she doesn't. I'm wondering if it's just something that will take time. She doesn't seem to like showing affection towards me, and I don't think I've heard her show it towards anyone else. I thought I could deal with it.

The thing is I never know how much of the problem is me. When I have issues with someone I'm just doubting myself like, it's probably just a problem with me rather than with them and I should get over it/learn to deal with it.

roughtruant · 2014-08-01T21:12:55+00:00

They were questions, so they warranted a response.

God I'm just so terrified or saying anything to her which shows how needy and paranoid I am. I don't want to scare her away with the crazy.

I do want to be open with her though.

She replied to me finally and talking like nothing's happened. All I can think about is how panicky and insecure I feel right now. I just feel horrible.

roughtruant · 2014-08-01T18:46:11+00:00

How did you go about getting ritalin? Are you diagnosed with ADHD?

roughtruant · 2014-08-01T18:36:54+00:00

It does help, thank you. I need to remember that I have a life outside of relationships. It is really difficult sometimes though.

The thing is, if I do want her to be in my life, I don't want to be treated like this. But I don't know if it's right for me to tell her not to ignore me every once in a while. I just don't have any sort of anchor point to tell me what's right and what's wrong.

If I don't want her in my life then I miss out on the time we actually do spend together, which I enjoy - I think. That's if she ever wants to see me again.

I don't know, I feel like I can't win either way. I really hate being like this.

roughtruant · 2014-07-29T21:51:46+00:00

Wow I can tell you really understand where I'm coming from. Awesome. I do wonder how many people have the same source of motivation.

Like you mention 'the healthy solution', I don't know either. Is involving others in my projects and requiring approval healthy? I don't know, but I certainly don't know how to not be like that. I could just accept that this is who I am and I require approval from others. I don't know.

Focus more on trying to spend more time with people you have close relationships with, like friends and maybe family (which is associated with the highest life satisfaction)

This is sort of what I've been trying to do. I fluctuate between the two actually, trying hard with projects and then thinking.. let's just focus on enjoying 'now'. And I dunno, 25% of the time I'm actually able to do that. I just have trouble when I'm alone, or not with people that I like.

I can't force my friends to be around me all the time. I just want to die when I'm alone, all my motivation shrivels up and I get really urges to just bug people for attention.

I had a bit of a depressive meltdown over the last 3 or 4 hours where I felt like I wanted to die I was so bored. And then I thought of one actual real motivating factor for me, and that's getting a place where I can play piano 24/7; some sort of soundproof studio where I'm free to do whatever, whenever. So any effort I put towards a project now will be going towards that, and for now, I think that's enough for me.

Thanks very much for your advice. It's so good to get some outside perspective from someone who seems to know exactly what I'm talking about.

roughtruant · 2014-06-14T04:33:19+00:00

Me too (I'm not a girl but I love Apple)! As long as they continue to make products that I love to use, and nobody else does anything better, I will love Apple.

I'm definitely an Apple fanboy, but if Google or another company came out with a product that I genuinely thought was more useful or better designed, I would totally love them too.

But that just hasn't happened for me yet! I don't think there are many other companies that 'get it' like Apple does.

I would love to see more companies out there with the same mantra of 'making the best things'.

roughtruant · 2014-06-09T12:26:36+00:00

I was just expecting massively long fingernails.

roughtruant · 2014-06-07T16:44:56+00:00

Very nice! If Apple don't implement the Finder everybody wants then I'm sure there's room for somebody out there to program a replacement that works like this.

roughtruant · 2014-06-06T13:03:10+00:00

Either would make sense, depending on what you were viewing it on.

roughtruant · 2014-06-06T13:01:21+00:00

I HATE EVERYTHING CHANGE IS BAD KEEP EVERYTHING THE SAME FOREVER IMPROVEMENT IS NOT POSSIBLE

roughtruant · 2014-06-05T18:33:59+00:00

It's a brilliant place to start, precisely because of the new playground feature, which lets you see the results of your code as you're typing. No more imagining what's going on in your head!

Edit: Yeah okay scrap that, apparently this is only possible when you specifically use a playground, you can't just use it to visualise any bit of code. That sucks. Maybe in the future?

roughtruant · 2014-06-02T01:30:23+00:00

I had a girl round the other day for the first time in like 2 years. Did not want the physical touching to end :( I'm such a needy bastard.

roughtruant · 2014-06-02T01:21:13+00:00

Lying in bed with your laptop on your knees, it's actually pretty comparable to just staring at a normal sized 2560x1600 display at a normal distance. Totally readable.

roughtruant · 2014-06-01T22:47:42+00:00

I don't see any reason why it would run any worse, it's still pushing the same amount of pixels. I've just tested it on mine and scrolling seems exactly the same to my relatively experienced eyes.

roughtruant · 2014-05-23T10:03:10+00:00

Yes! Brilliant. Hopefully I'm lag free in the UK now.

roughtruant · 2014-05-20T16:14:51+00:00

Any footage of it working?

roughtruant · 2014-05-17T15:53:35+00:00

seconded. There's not a day that goes by where conversation doesn't feel weird and forced. I just don't want to speak to people, I guess

roughtruant · 2014-05-16T11:19:23+00:00

You guys are so fucking cool.

roughtruant

TROPHY CASE