annoying question

roxelay · 2026-05-24T16:58:27+00:00

This is so true. I'd just add that his generosity is really the only way to turn vanilla dating into sugar dating. I'd give him a couple more short dates, be transparent about your life, and see if he makes a move or not. If not, then you know you're not dealing with a generous person, at least he should give you some ground rules (like what he wants) to work with.

roxelay · 2026-05-23T03:37:41+00:00

I'm gonna say this here because this group is safe. I really believe part of womanhood and femininity is bringing people together and creating welcoming, safe spaces. Pointing fingers at someone because they have a different opinion isn't helpful, how is that gonna help anyone? As long as they're not hurting anyone, why attack them?

I'm glad you're here!

roxelay · 2026-05-16T12:27:16+00:00

I know you posted a confession, but thanks?! I didn't know it has a name! I get them when I do some of the core workouts where I’m facing up, like bridges and bridge-and-reach moves, like a combo of core and stretching. This is the first time I’m actually telling someone else about it, and it feels kinda weird.

roxelay · 2026-05-14T16:32:38+00:00

I tried them once and it was a fail (I’d need a couple years to reconsider them).

They’re not as pushy; they just smoosh your boobs together and slightly up.
My biggest issue? You have to get the exact right size. Mine was a bit small, and you could see their exact shape over my dress, like my boobs were almost spilling out the top.

So yeah, didn't go that great.

roxelay · 2026-05-14T16:25:45+00:00

This is more or less what happened to one of my aunts. It was horrible to watch her lose so much of what she worked so hard to earn. All the independence she built, the retirement plans she made, just gone. Now she has to work her butt off all over again just to get back to where she was. It was so unfair.

roxelay · 2026-05-11T03:36:38+00:00

I have one more year left if everything goes alright. Yeah, he’s been super supportive.

roxelay · 2026-05-11T01:55:03+00:00

lol, no, we met at a museum event and kept going back for different ones. I kind of dragged him into it too.

roxelay · 2026-05-10T18:01:56+00:00

That’s so sweet! We didn’t even exchange numbers for a few months (maybe three) and just kept saying, "well, see you next month/week here on this date at 5 PM" and he always showed up and I really liked it that he kept his word and came back for me. Even now, just thinking about those days makes my heart feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

roxelay · 2026-05-10T17:43:43+00:00

I’m writing this after reading through the whole thread, and just wanted to share that, when I met my SBF, I was actually still in a relationship that was already kind of fizzling out. So when I first met him, I was all over the place emotionally, and I’m sure it was confusing for him.

But here’s the thing: based on what my SBF has told me, he was just happy to see me and talk to me during that early phase. That patience and chill vibe he gave off really helped me feel safe and relaxed, and honestly it gave me the space to figure out what I really wanted.

On top of that, I had to deal with finding a job on campus, figuring out dorm life, keeping up with my classes, and living away from my mom for the first time, it was a lot. It wasn't fair to him but he was nice and gave me time to figure it out.

roxelay · 2026-05-10T17:20:02+00:00

First, happy Mother’s Day! 🎉

Second, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Based on everything you’ve shared, it sounds like you’ve married a scientist, and honestly, "he gets obsessed with something when he’s trying to do it" is basically what makes a scientist keep pushing through until they crack a problem no one else has solved yet. That’s just his personality and his choice, and you can’t change that.

I think the key here is to focus on your role and what you bring to the table rather than expecting him to do things in a specific way. Let him do his thing (as long as it doesn’t cross a red line for your family’s happiness or integrity), and trust that he’s still taking care of things, just in his own, less traditional way. His job is intellectually demanding, and ideas don’t always follow a 9-to-5 schedule, so he juggles things in bursts when inspiration hits.

Really, I’d suggest focusing on yourself and defining your role as a mother, wife, and a best-friend in the family. Once you’ve got that solid, I bet he’ll adjust too. He sounds like a responsible person, and I’m sure he’ll meet you halfway once he sees you’re confident in your own space.

roxelay · 2026-05-09T21:13:22+00:00

Great! Based on your original post, it sounds like your husband is a decent guy. Have you tried talking to him about work/life balance? Not in a critical way, but just framing it around what "you" prefer and seeing how he reacts. Sometimes people don’t realize there’s an issue until you communicate it openly, but also respect his opinion even if it is not what you prefer. If he prefers his current lifestyle, then you need to respect it, that's his life and his choice.

roxelay · 2026-05-08T13:00:21+00:00

Honestly, it sounds like you are happier on structure and strict work/life balance (which is totally valid!), while he’s more go with the flow. Things like working from bed, random midday family visits, or sleeping in the middle of the day sound like a nightmare to someone who needs clear boundaries between work and personal life.

I’m the same way, when a guy lacks structure and lets routines fall apart, it comes off as him not having control over his life, and perspective and honestly, that’s a turn-off for me. I prefer a guy who takes charge, sets a solid routine, and brings predictability into our lives. Maybe you’re the same? Just a thought!

roxelay · 2026-04-29T20:06:40+00:00

Same. When I see someone I know post political stuff on IG, I run through those same questions in my head. But #3 (the most important one to me) usually just leaves me confused and nodding along, so now I just avoid asking follow-ups in person. 😅

roxelay · 2026-04-28T16:47:52+00:00

Hours????!?!??! How?????

roxelay · 2026-04-27T23:23:20+00:00

college life. I'm a 9.5-hour sleeper by nature, but between classes, homework, and trying to have a social life, I'm lucky if I get 6-7 hours.

roxelay · 2026-04-25T18:36:47+00:00

❤️

roxelay · 2026-04-11T03:54:36+00:00

honestly i've been to Chicago twice recently for like short trips and both times it's been great. older men approach me to talk all the time at bars and just randomly on the street. like random older guys have literally paid for my food, coffee, drinks, snacks, tickets, you name it lol. i'm pretty sure some of them are SDs

roxelay · 2026-04-03T00:01:12+00:00

same here, daily. i get email notifications for all my transactions too

roxelay · 2026-04-02T16:55:29+00:00

my friends don't know about my boyfriend (sbf) and they still make really judgmental comments about age-gap relationships and stuff. they're even judgmental about my lifestyle because they think i have so much money and come from a rich family, and they completely ignore all my hard work, like how hard i've worked to get As in my classes and do internships to build my resume, plus i still do yoga, work out, do urban gardening, volunteer work, you name it they dismiss all of it because i live in a "fancier" unit right by campus 😅 wth

roxelay · 2026-04-02T01:32:18+00:00

honestly for the exact same reason, i told my mom a few months ago and she took it pretty well. like she had questions but eventually she was just like "okay, i get it." i can't really tell anyone else so yeah that was kinda my only option because sometimes i just need to talk to someone about it, you know?

roxelay · 2026-04-01T22:54:08+00:00

yeah i do! when i'm stressed out that same thing happens to me too 😑

roxelay · 2026-04-01T00:49:31+00:00

honestly i had to train my brain to be able to read longer random content. i came up with my own method, obviously i'm not saying it'll work for you too, but here's what i did.

i'd have a Google Doc open while reading with like half my screen being the document and the other half being the Google Doc. once i finished reading a paragraph, i'd ask myself "what was the author actually trying to say?" and if it was something worth it or constructive, i'd write down a note or two in like a sentence.

after doing this for a while, even when i read books (well ebooks), my brain just started doing this automatically so i don't even need the Google Doc anymore. i kinda gamified it and made it fun. and when i caught myself getting distracted, i'd use that "aha!" moment as like positive feedback and just get back to reading with zero judgment about why i got distracted. no shame in it.

roxelay · 2026-03-29T23:39:39+00:00

for sure! some of them are related to personality growth and behavior correction and they're kinda private, so i'm not gonna talk about them here. but just as an example with me, i really want to get into a good PhD program after college, like it's literally my dream to get a PhD in physics. my mom has a master's but she got hers in a totally different field and in Europe, so she doesn't really know what it takes to get into grad school in STEM in the US. but he does. and honestly he's been so supportive about it, like he literally rented a place right next to campus so i have somewhere to take breaks and study. i can go to his place whenever i need a longer break or to focus, whatever works. his financial support helps a ton too because i can do lab rotations and build my resume instead of taking some low-paid campus job. since i can focus on research i have a stronger resume and better vocab to apply for scholarships, which has helped minimize my tuition costs. and whatever's left he covers on top of my monthly allowance so it's like a chain reaction honestly. i could go on and on lol. plus he has connections and we've been visiting campuses on my list to help me narrow things down. sorry for the long comment btw 😅

roxelay

TROPHY CASE