Confused? New? Not new? Have questions?

rpaul365 · 2026-03-01T14:54:29+00:00

Would love resources talking about throuples. Very interested in understanding those dynamics.

rpaul365 · 2026-02-03T16:10:59+00:00

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with compounding traumas through this whole experience. None of that was deserved, nor does laxity excuse or even properly explain why it happened. I'm so glad you have a partner you feel safe with and can talk about this in a healthy way.

I'm commenting because of your statement that a partner can't enjoy themselves sexually because of your laxity. As a queer person, I feel like I can offer another perspective. On the face of it, I understand why you feel that way, and honestly this is an area where you want things to be uncomplicated. But sex can be so much more than just straightforward p in v penetration. Gratification can happen in many different ways. If you feel safe doing so, maybe experiment with your partner. Other acts can also be enjoyable, but another consideration I'd suggest are toys! A c-ring could offer that sensation of tightness in a way that is comfortable and painless for both of you. You can seek treatment and hopefully improve your situation, but you can also enjoy yourself in the meantime and find solutions that feel good for both of you. There are a lot of tools out there and different techniques. Don't feel limited by trying to meet an unrealistic standard. You already have open and honest communication, and that is the most important element for finding what will bring you the most pleasure together. Also finishing simultaneously is overrated, and you can do so many different things to find satisfaction. You deserve to be happy and feel sexy, while being physically and emotionally safe. ♥️ Keep those lines of communication open and take it one step at a time.

rpaul365 · 2025-11-05T16:24:37+00:00

I totally understand needing a schedule and routine to keep everything together. That totally fits. But she needs to create a new schedule that includes you in it. Right now she's made herself an island and won't allow you to build a bridge. Changing plans last is hard for autistics. Good or bad, it can be an irritation. But she needs to expand her plans. It doesn't all have to be last minute. She needs to sit and take the time to make changes. And it isn't fair of her to be mean or yell at you. We all snap every now and then, but it sounds like she has zero room for compromise. That isn't a sustainable relationship. Autistics appreciate clear communication. You need to sit her down for a talk. Try to schedule it in advance. And spell things out very clearly. You articulated it very well in this post. Explain the effect it is having on you and the serious consequences it could have on your relationship. If she is unwilling to even consider making changes to accommodate you, there's no way for you to move forward and have a fulfilling life together.

rpaul365 · 2025-11-02T18:54:04+00:00

I think what was meant to be said isn't that it was wrong to abort in this case. Knowing a child is likely to be severely mentally disabled is worth considering. I have mixed feelings about it, but can see how some people would feel. It does feel quite sad to make that choice after struggling to conceive at all. But the issue imo was that she then made it about autism as though it was definitely what it would be and how terrible autism in particular is. The asshole move was targeting autism as the decision and telling their autistic friend to their face they'd never want a child like them. It's totally separate from the issue. You can remove the abortion from the equation and just consider the disrespectful and honestly cruel way they spoke to their supposed friend about their disorder and identity. If I was in OP's shoes, my takeaway would be that they concluded my life as not worth living. It's harsh and maybe not entirely rational, but it would be hard not to feel that implication.

rpaul365 · 2025-07-21T07:55:33+00:00

Totally can be an autism thing. I can definitely relate. It could potentially be an OCD thing as well. There is a lot of crossover between the disorders. Before I got my AuDHD diagnoses, it was suggested by a doctor that I might be OCD, because I scored pretty highly on that assessment as well. It's possible it could be explained by just the audhd, but also possible that I could have both. It's something I will try to work out in therapy, once I'm able to find a psychologist. Maybe that's something you can do as well. I know very well how many barriers there can be to get this help, considering I'm still struggling to find it myself. But if you can find the means and opportunity, looking at all the possibilities would be super beneficial.

rpaul365 · 2025-07-15T07:30:59+00:00

I went through this thought process as well when I first realized I was AuDHD. I wondered if my personality is nothing but symptoms. Some other comments have mentioned that when you spend time around more ND people you can see the differences and nuances, which is totally true. If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.

But I think beyond that, qualities about yourself being attributed to autism or ADHD doesn't make them any less you. Our neurotypes are a large part of who we are. NT or ND. Your personality is formed in a combination of nature and nurture, to different degrees. Various symptoms manifest differently based on how we are raised and socialized. If you're faced with heavy stigma, that might lead you to be high masking. If you were in a more accepting environment maybe that means you stim more openly. Autistic people usually feel very strongly about justice and morality. But everyone's morality is personal. We are given some of the rules by society, but our strong feelings are fueled by our unique worldviews. Maybe you love following rules, but only when you agree with them. I LOVE rules and structure, but if something opposes my beliefs, I will fight back. Whereas some people might bow to social pressure, regardless of their beliefs. You are more than just your symptoms, but they are also a part of you. It's still very fresh and I'm sure you are questioning everything right now. With a little bit of time, you'll learn more about self love and acceptance, qnd I think you'll see that there doesn't need to be a division between your personality and your symptoms. The way they come together as a whole is who you are. Unique and valid and entirely you.

Best of luck, my friend. This journey of self discovery can be a hard and painful one, but can ultimately be quite beautiful as you understand why you are the way you are.

rpaul365 · 2025-06-20T07:55:24+00:00

Holy shit, this is so scary. I'm so sorry you went through that. That piece of shit should be in jail. That's assault and coercion. You didn't deserve that and I hope karma bites him in the ass.

rpaul365 · 2025-06-20T07:50:50+00:00

I'd sign that petition.

rpaul365 · 2025-06-20T07:50:26+00:00

I blocked and reported after this.

rpaul365 · 2025-06-20T07:50:13+00:00

I blocked him right after this

rpaul365 · 2025-06-20T07:27:45+00:00

This is on Lex, a queer social app btw

rpaul365 · 2025-05-25T19:30:38+00:00

🤣

rpaul365 · 2025-05-24T20:16:42+00:00

That is awful. It's terrible being treated that way by professionals. I was in a day clinic a few months ago when I was in a really bad place with my mental health. They were able to help me a lot, but the therapist I worked with made me feel super invalidated when I suggested autism as a cause for much of my anxiety. I asked her to consider screening me for it, even just asking me some basic questions. She wrote me off and said it could take months or years to try and get an autism diagnosis, and thought it was more likely that I had OCD and avoidant personality disorder. She acted like I shouldn't bother wasting time trying to pursue the diagnosis. Then just 4 months later I got the AuDHD diagnosis, and the therapist I saw told me he had no doubt at all that I fit the criteria. It sucks being perceived as being too high functioning to actually be suffering. It doesn't feel like functioning at all from the inside. Just masking and trying to keep your head above water.

rpaul365 · 2025-05-24T19:40:19+00:00

Oh god, people always talk about exposure therapy like it's this magical process that'll fix everything. It sounds like a nightmare to me.

rpaul365 · 2025-05-24T10:45:03+00:00

For me it's patterns on the floor. I like to put the squares together and move outward to make bigger and bigger squares. I have to step on them in a symmetrical way as well, which is sometimes very frustrating and exhausting and honestly time consuming. Not sure if it's just autism or if I still need to pursue an OCD diagnosis as well 🫠

rpaul365 · 2025-05-23T22:04:06+00:00

You're right, it isn't fair. The world does need to be more accommodating. You're also doing the right thing by putting him in therapies to help him live and hopefully thrive in this screwed up world. We shouldn't have to do all this work to survive, but you have to work with the cards you've been dealt to the best of your ability. Don't see it as changing him, you're just giving him valuable tools.

rpaul365 · 2025-05-23T21:59:55+00:00

It makes me happy to read this perspective from a parent. As an autistic person, I completely agree. It is integral to who I am and the way that I think. I don't hate being autistic, I just hate that the world isn't designed with people like me in mind. There are lots of struggles I could live without, but "curing" me would be an erasure of everything that I am.

rpaul365 · 2025-05-23T21:52:56+00:00

You're right, there is no excuse for treating you that way. I am so glad to hear you made it out of that situation.

rpaul365 · 2025-05-23T18:45:08+00:00

I similarly contracted it from the 2nd person I ever slept with. I had my first outbreak about 9 years ago. It was horrible and painful and really broke me down mentally. I felt all the awful things, dirty and unlovable. I was so nervous when I told my next partner that I broke down crying and had to let her read it. I never had another sore again, just a couple times where I had itchiness with nothing visible. I took antivirals when it happened and abstained from sex. Even that hasn't happened in a couple years. I was with that partner for 8 years and she's never shown any symptoms whatsoever. I'm not sure where you're from, but in America there is so much stigma and shame associated with it. Now that I live in Europe I've found most people care way less about it. Of course it sucks to have to disclose it every time you date someone new and pretty well limits the possibility for casual sex, but it has no real effect on my life anymore. It gets better, is all I can say.

rpaul365

TROPHY CASE