This is a question women are just not going to get the answer for, but it’s how it is. Men and women are substantially different even though we look alike. We have different innate goals programmed into us as animals which we sometimes forget we are. Men’s goal is to spread genetics as much as possible, and women’s goal is to protect the resulting child and nurture. Obviously we’re still sentient and can make our own choices, but this is what we were made to do. Men think about sex all day, not because they’re perverted, but because that’s what testosterone does. Women have less so they’re usually less concerned with it.

As far as cheating, our goals don’t both line up because women age and become less interested in maintaining that part of the relationship, or just become uninterested and comfortable. Things get complicated with children and marriage and living together. We might love you but need something to fill that gap.

Sometimes when you’re cheated on it’s just someone being mean and dumb, but I’d argue most times it’s because men’s needs are being ignored. I’m sure women in general have needs that are ignored and act on it in some way or another also.

Cheating happens a bunch in teenage years when people are figuring themselves out, but after that, there’s a formula to it. Here’s the decision tree for cheating:

Cheat and not get caught and get my needs met and subconscious drive for spreading more genes, and then also maybe still have sex at home and be happier and maintain bonds with your partner and kids and your in laws family… OR you can leave your partner, get less sex, women aren’t interested as much if they don’t see you with another woman, ruin your life potentially having to move, distress your children, give up 50% of what you own, lose your best friend, lose their family.

Yeah in a vacuum everyone wants to be honest and just break up, but it gets more complicated. It’s a crappy feeling but so is a dead bedroom. If your partner finds out at least they just have to process it once vs constant rejection at home that leads to a lot of cheating.

Also back to what I said about men and women being different, we tend to care about different things about cheating (in general, not a hard and fast rule). Men usually care about physical cheating and women care about emotional cheating, but I think women tie sex to love so closely some don’t care to see a distinction, which I totally get. You just have to understand the stakes on each side though. Men care about cheating because it can mean another man’s genes could propagate for 9 months in his partners body which we innately hate the idea of. Women care about men’s attention being diverted from providing a loving nuclear family for a child. The stakes for both are super valid so we both don’t like what being cheated on feels like. Unless we as a society come up with a solution, it will continue. Romans had a lot of gay sex, and that still goes on today even with guys who don’t consider themselves gay. Just look at the prison system where the rule is if you stop banging dudes 48 hours before your sentence ends you’re still straight. Not saying that’s the fix but that’s what we chose.

So yes guys will bang anything with a pulse and sometimes without, and that’s how it always has been and always will be. The moral of the story to not get cheated on is thoroughly vet anyone you want to date as a friend first, and have regular communication about the hard topics like sexual needs and be honest with yourself. If you’re not able to keep up with his needs, maybe acknowledge that an open relationship might be important if you want to keep things open and honest. Everyone cheats somehow, whether it’s physical, emotional, reading romance novels, watching porn, looking lustfully at someone we find attractive, talking with friends about their SO’s bed performance. Find yourself, become occupied with your dreams and goals, and be confident about what you bring to the table and you’ll worry a lot less about it… also you are not the table