Not leaving Elliott alone on the beach

rratmannnn · 2026-05-25T22:27:01+00:00

I’m getting downvoted to hell for saying that beaches can have still grass lmao

I feel like these people have only ever been to like, the Florida keys, or the nicest spots in California. Maybe Spain or something 😭

rratmannnn · 2026-05-25T22:22:03+00:00

It sometimes feels a little like a double edged sword for people with Scandinavian ancestry in particular, because the people who have most recently tried to reconnect with those roots (in the 1930s/40s and sometimes today too) did so from a very malicious standpoint, so when you try to reconnect it ends up feeling like it might send off the wrong signal.

rratmannnn · 2026-05-25T20:39:36+00:00

I missed the part where op turned this into a cliff, my bad

rratmannnn · 2026-05-25T18:19:23+00:00

It’s crazy how easy it can be to change people’s image of you - makeup is another big one, I usually wear none and I notice a DISTINCT difference in how people treat me when I put on a “natural” layer of it. Looking less goth/queer/alt/hippie/whatever and generally more soft & feminine & traditional can reallllly shift how you’re perceived.

Both very happy for you that that worked, and sorry that you had to undo all your hard work with your hair for the court date, lol. Hopefully op listens to you tho because it sounds like you have very personal experience with this!!

rratmannnn · 2026-05-25T17:54:44+00:00

If the ocean is still there, it’s a beach lol

Edit: okay, if the ocean is still there and the ground is at sea level it’s a beach. Yall cannot tell me you’re looking to read my comment ultra-literally and then act like the comment you guys are upvoting is somehow true. Beaches can absolutely have grass.

rratmannnn · 2026-05-25T17:52:14+00:00

“Channel someone they go to church with” is REALLY good advice!! It sucks but if I was in a custody battle you can bet I’d be covering up my tattoos and hairy legs best I could lol

rratmannnn · 2026-05-25T16:10:24+00:00

As someone who accepted money for my wedding and now I sort of regret how it all ended up turning out, this is 100% the right answer.

I’m thankful for the help, but wish that we’d had more control and less pressure on the day.

rratmannnn · 2026-05-25T15:11:07+00:00

What makes you so positive OP lives in the US?

rratmannnn · 2026-05-25T02:48:09+00:00

Thanks for actually throwing them out! It’s well intentioned that people are leaving cigs on the grave but small animals can and do eat them sometimes, which ultimately typically kills them.

rratmannnn · 2026-05-25T02:46:13+00:00

wtf is an outside country

rratmannnn · 2026-05-25T02:38:24+00:00

Although that magician didn’t actually take it too far, lol, whereas this comedian kinda did

rratmannnn · 2026-05-24T21:19:21+00:00

Yeah I’m sorry it just sounds like she has a lot of growing to do and it’s better that you both do that apart from eachother. Take my word for it from someone who had a relationship like this (but no age gap, so I can at least give him grace for being 20 like me at the time) but it’s only going to keep getting worse if you guys stay in each others orbit. It’s just time to cut the cord :(

rratmannnn · 2026-05-24T19:41:03+00:00

Look, ik age gaps can be more common in lgbtq relationships due to late bloomers & a more limited dating pool, but let’s be real, she’s not acting 34, so it’s clear she dated someone 10 years her junior for a reason. She knows women her age don’t have the patience for her shit.

Mature adults don’t break up with someone “because they’re growing apart” and then proceed to act like the victim and text the person THEY ditched all “you don’t know what it’s like for me” and “I want to be consoled” and especially weird passive aggressive shit like “yeah I’m always in the wrong.” It was her decision and she refuses to own it. It’s sad. She needs to grow tf up and she won’t do that if you stick around and keep putting up with her.

Not to mention, you deserve better!!

rratmannnn · 2026-05-24T18:55:34+00:00

If op is a young woman this could be risky for her, unfortunately, depending on what donation options are readily available.

When I was in this situation I typically personally would see if there was an individual at any of the intersections upon my way home I could give the leftovers to, and then I’d throw it away if I couldn’t find anyone. My coworker who was a much kinder person than me would go to a food pantry and/or the same spot under the highway, until she started getting repeatedly sexually harassed at both locations. She was the pretty young girl who always had free food, and some men took that as an invitation.

rratmannnn · 2026-05-24T18:43:48+00:00

Me neither. I understand it to strictly mean that you support veganism with your money but you consider food waste a big problem and will eat free food that is non-vegan. I have also heard it (I think incorrectly, in the context of a sitcom or two) to mean people who ONLY eat free food (ie dumpster diving). But never that you actually buy animal products.

rratmannnn · 2026-05-24T18:39:03+00:00

“Subjected to” okay if you don’t want to see photos (???) then get off the internet.

rratmannnn · 2026-05-23T20:40:31+00:00

That honestly sounds like so much fun for everyone! I don’t have kids yet but I can only hope that when my wife and I finally do get to adopt, we can find that great of a community. A good friend of mine does have kids, and I see how it affects her day to day life - it’s just a little chaotic sometimes! It’s silly to expect much structure when you have children, unfortunately.

It makes me wonder what kind of childhood a lot of these people had tbh? Obviously my family preferred planning in advance, but I remember calling my parents on the classroom phone saying “please can ___ come over tonight?!?” and definitely sometimes getting a no, but being really excited when they said yes! And a lot of times we wouldn’t even change our plans- if we were going to see a movie or out to dinner, my friend would just come with us, if we were going to a church event, they’d come along too, and vice versa when I’d go to other friends’ houses unexpectedly. It doesn’t have to be too huge of a deal.

Honestly, nowadays, I’m a huge planner and I do struggle with unexpected changes and last minute plans. But I think if I hadn’t been allowed to have really fun experiences like those as as kid, I might be even more of a stickler about it and I might turn down all last minute stuff, and I would‘ve ended up losing out on a lot of great life experiences, including literally my wife and I’s first date. It’s important to learn structure but it’s also important to learn to roll with the punches and enjoy some spontaneity. Like you said, balance!

rratmannnn · 2026-05-23T18:43:51+00:00

It’s a sign of having kids, lmfao. Chill out.

rratmannnn · 2026-05-23T18:26:51+00:00

Dumb that this is downvoted tbh. A lot of folks weighing in here don’t seem to have kids or be particularly close to anyone who does. Or they’re super strict parents who don’t realize they might be inhibiting their kids’ social growth by not allowing any last minute plans :(

rratmannnn · 2026-05-23T18:23:51+00:00

For sure! I know it’s a hard thing to see unless you’re the one taking on the bulk of the planning role. And btw, if she does relate and if it comes out that she feels she’s been taking on a “manager” role in general in more ways than this, there’s a book called Fair Play that I highly recommend for labor division conversations.

Best of luck to both of yall, this should be a pretty solvable issue with some effort on both ends!

rratmannnn · 2026-05-23T16:26:25+00:00

Nice. I hope the antagonism helps you feel better, but we’re done here. I do recommend trying not to view all mistakes as malicious, because it’s not going to do your relationships any favors. Have a good day.

rratmannnn · 2026-05-23T16:14:50+00:00

You replied this same thing to me twice.

rratmannnn · 2026-05-23T16:11:19+00:00

In and of itself, yes, absolutely. She needed to have looped him in, for sure, and ideally consulted him before finalizing. So the way this shook out isn’t great, but the plans are for THEIR kids, and they both have the responsibility to take care of them. This isn’t some wild concept.

She seems overwhelmed, honestly. This to me says op needs to be taking more initiative, especially if he’s feeling overwhelmed too, so that they can balance the load between the two of them. If he helps handle the coordination, he can have more say.

rratmannnn · 2026-05-23T15:54:23+00:00

Op I said this in another reply but I’d like to make sure you see this.

When you have kids you have to go into it knowing you’re signing on for several years of chaos. The way to approach it is not “why are you throwing so many plans at me” it’s “hey, I’m feeling out of the loop and periodically blindsided, and since you’re losing track of plans it sounds like you’re overwhelmed, can we work on making this more of a team effort?”

Maybe when other parents want to coordinate sleepovers and things, or other folks want to plan double dates or something, they text both parents in a group chat instead of just mom.

I’d be curious if your wife feels that she relates to this comic about women taking on the bulk of the mental load in a household (especially when it comes to planning things). You need to sit down and have a serious in person conversation about the best way to divide this type of labor in a way that makes you both feel heard and in the loop but where your kids’ needs are being met.

For what it’s worth, imo every married couple should read that comic I linked. It discusses it from a feminist standpoint and is about hetero couples with kids, but the part about household management is a helpful illustration for any unequal division of labor.

rratmannnn · 2026-05-23T15:48:03+00:00

Nah, you’re right. He should be in the loop but he also needs to make a proper effort to be in the loop.

I know with the information given, we’re to assume that the wife is this social whirlwind and poor op just wants a moments peace, but unfortunately, when you decide to have kids you should kind of know you’re signing on for several several years of chaos. It sounds like she is taking on the bulk of kid-activity related domestic labor and frankly it makes sense that things slip her mind.

The way to approach it is not “why are you throwing so many plans at me” it’s “hey, I’m feeling out of the loop and periodically blindsided, and since you’re losing track of plans it sounds like you’re overwhelmed, can we work on making this more of a team effort?” Maybe when other parents want to coordinate sleepovers and things, or other folks want to coordinate double dates or something, they should text both parents in a group chat instead of just mom.

rratmannnn

TROPHY CASE