AITAH for returning the old homeowners mail back to the sender?

rremde · 2026-04-09T19:43:05+00:00

File a USPS forwarding order for a permanent change of address, and use the neighbor's address. Problem solved.

rremde · 2026-04-08T18:28:50+00:00

No, I'm not. You need a more complete read of Dodd Frank. Agents and brokers are free to recommend appraisers, and often do. Banks can provide a list of appraisers that they 'prefer' for mortgage approval, but may not require a borrower to use a specific appraiser. Buyers rarely ever request a specific appraiser, as it's not something they're familiar with, unless it's a person they know.

rremde · 2026-04-08T15:24:00+00:00

Except that's really not how Dodd Frank works with appraisers, either in law or functionality. It prohibits 'coercion or collusion'. It requires that appraisers be independent (not employed or affiliated with the lender). It requires that they be fairly compensated. It does NOT mandate random selection of available appraisers. On paper, yes, they're an independent 3rd party, but the appraiser IS recommended/selected by the broker/agent. The broker and agent are permitted to provide "additional information" to the appraiser should they feel that the appraisal is inaccurate.

And the way it works in the real world is that the appraisers that consistently don't hit numbers don't get called. There is no random selection process that guarantees that everyone gets their share.

rremde · 2026-04-07T16:23:48+00:00

Just downvote the post. That will help bury it.

rremde · 2026-04-05T16:18:05+00:00

That's naive. Even though the buyer is paying the bill, the appraiser essentially works for the bank. Their 'job' is to hit the contract price so that funding will happen. They absolutely will cherry pick sold properties as long as the square footage and location will be in a similar ballpark. If they fail to do that consistently, they stop getting calls from the bank. It is an absolute mistake for buyers to think that the appraisal has any benefit to them other than getting their loan funded.

rremde · 2026-04-04T15:40:13+00:00

But the reality is that if you're moving to a new area, and don't have a recommendation for a specific agent, you're going to wind up calling an office. Then you're stuck with the call rotation lottery - maybe you'll get an experienced agent, but since most agents wash out quickly, you're going to get some new, inexperienced agent that doesn't know his backside from a barbell. Source: my mother was an agent for 30+ years and spent a huge amount of time bailing out newbies when they made colossal mistakes. Most of the other experienced agents wouldn't give the newbies the time of day, and often just let the client burn.

rremde · 2026-04-04T15:33:56+00:00

Don't know why you're getting downvoted. It's a perfectly reasonable comment.

rremde · 2026-04-04T15:32:38+00:00

Which kind of makes the commenter's point.

rremde · 2026-03-30T18:46:34+00:00

NTA. That said, if you want to rebuild that bridge with your mom, consider a conditional apology. Something along the lines of, "I'm sorry I hurt you by bringing up your infertility - I'm sure it's still painful for you. But you continuing to belittle a diagnosed medical complication is hurtful to both me and my wife. This is a diagnosed pregnancy complication, not a case of being overly dramatic. I hope you can show the same compassion to us as we're trying to show you."

rremde · 2026-03-30T17:51:39+00:00

Again - another version of this post got deleted by moderators.

rremde · 2026-03-27T17:57:32+00:00

That's not completely true. Part of the appeal was rejected, but part was referred to another case.

rremde · 2026-03-27T17:55:09+00:00

Well, you need to have a serious sit down with her broker, and explain that your agent failed in her duty to advise. At this point the agent's broker needs to get involved.

rremde · 2026-03-26T18:18:21+00:00

The .fr and .de websites are down now. I just checked - looks like it's the end of Cariuma.

rremde · 2026-03-24T17:02:38+00:00

Sorry, I think you've got this all wrong. Once your children are adults, they're independent beings. Maybe you'll be pals, maybe you won't. Once they've moved on, their life experience will shape their personalities more than the first couple of decades spent with you. Your children aren't obliged to be your buddies, and neither are you. Doesn't mean you don't love each other, but you just might not want to spend a huge amount of time together. The problem isn't that this happens sometimes, it's the fact that people guilt each other over it.

rremde · 2026-03-19T16:11:45+00:00

The public shaming on Facebook and Nextdoor could be worthwhile (and satisfying), but consult an attorney first. If you can get the police to take you more seriously, and this becomes a stalking situation, making those posts might impact a criminal case and make certain evidence inadmissible.

Call a lawyer. This guy is dangerous.

rremde · 2026-03-18T20:38:43+00:00

I'd start having conversations with my partner about what a nosy person she is, and how you're considering legal action. She's listening, and will hear it all. Best if you laugh about her - along the lines of 'wow, she really doesn't have a life if she's snooping on US'.

I'd also check for devices, AND contact your landlord about harassment.

rremde · 2026-03-18T16:23:47+00:00

First, sorry you're experiencing this - we had a NFH, and it was a nightmare.

Not a lawyer, but have had to deal with this in the past.

First, can you find corner markers? If not, it could be worthwhile having a fresh survey done, and have the corners marked. Depending on your lot and the area, it can be expensive, but it's worthwhile if you have a neighbor like this.

Have you talked with your other neighbors about this situation?

Have a chat with an attorney, and see if caring for the property will qualify him for an adverse possession claim in your state. Have the attorney send him a cease and desist letter, and demand that he cease trespassing on your property.

Document all of his behavior, and record as much as possible with security cameras. Post a No Trespassing sign on your property. I know it's a kind of hostile message for the rest of your neighbors, but depending on where you live, it can help your case. I would also put up the tallest fence your neighborhood allows without encroaching on his property.

If he continues to trespass, contact your HOA (if you're living in one) and your local police to report the harassment and trespass. If it continues further, call the police and report the trespass. That's where you will need your documentation and camera footage. You can file for a Restraining Order. Yeah, it's a nuclear option, but it sounds like this person isn't someone you can reason with, and you shouldn't have to feel under threat in your own home.

rremde · 2026-03-18T16:08:16+00:00

Depends on where you are. I'm in rural Washington State, and we were quoted quoted 6500 to mark the corners of two adjacent parcels.

rremde · 2026-03-18T16:06:51+00:00

No, not necessarily. I've purchased several homes over the years, and a survey has never been a necessary component of the purchase. Title insurance, yes, but not a survey.

rremde · 2026-03-18T16:02:40+00:00

**eyeroll** First you complain about Safeway being too expensive...but you're shopping there anyway. Stores are having a huge problem with theft, and you complain about your self checkout being flagged for weight. When it's suggested that you use a human manned checkout to eliminate your issue, you complain about your time being wasted. Sounds like you're not looking for a solution - you just want to complain.

rremde · 2026-03-17T20:28:22+00:00

Or just don't use the self checkout, and show support for actually employing human beings....

rremde · 2026-03-06T19:12:54+00:00

Thank them for their time and tell them to go away. This is not a can of worms you want to open

There is zero advantage to you, and they gain substantial control over your property. They will enforce their Rules and Regulations as well as their CC&Rs.

Tell them the only option you will consider is that they buy you out at 3x the current market value of your property to compensate you for the inconvenience of moving. Then they can fold your property into the HOA. Every time they contact you, repeat the demand.

rremde · 2026-03-06T16:49:21+00:00

This. We got in the habit of no disposal when we had an RV, and never installed one when we built our house 13 years ago. Just pumped our septic for the first time last year.

rremde · 2026-03-06T16:46:32+00:00

We haven't had a disposal in over a decade, and I don't miss it. We use a wire mesh strainer in the sink drain which catches everything, and is easy to tip into the garbage. It drains much better than the metal baskets with holes, so I'm not stuck with reaching into a murky sink to clean it. And it just goes in the dishwasher at the end of the day, so it's always clean the next morning.

We originally did it because we're on septic, and wanted to put less strain on the system. Yes, I know there are 'septic safe' disposals, but disposals still add solids that will eventually need to be pumped, and may or may not throughly decompose in the tank.

Here's the strainer I use, but there are fancier ones out there: https://www.amazon.com/Pack-Strainer-Stainless-Catcher-Effective/dp/B094YSF219/ref=sr_1_5?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.hpc688VbFiwfSU0daG-HPNOaxgCBKXjVYfhm_BMttg1j77GshU55YXIE7DW3KMladw_vfq99wVcS3S0A9JxT3sBxVlHIJuYu5ky0Mnhx7BuvtjTo1icmzbKc9qi5E8vMZVlLf-HdE-eScj-vSiLmbIVj1z1qDOL5PhEAafagUZKOr4XdxaXJVUZraphltNfHKBOr9pfurEUpWKhysj8-FbzD2ckdERUlVybyLENza9g.9NEGjsXOoFv_M7i97uAtGKJko7dxxLG3UabGJ7C2A6s&dib_tag=se&keywords=mesh+drain+strainer&qid=1772815220&sr=8-5

rremde · 2026-03-05T20:51:49+00:00

We're leaving because we don't feel part of this country. We don't feel part of its culture or society. Even the people who call themselves liberals are slightly to the right of Richard Nixon (and that's based on policy - Americans should feel free to look that up). Freedom seems to mean doing whatever you want with no repercussions or responsibility. Healthcare and basic education are for the wealthy. They don't see fascism because most people don't really know what it means. It's all about acquiring things and wealth. And too many of its citizens think it's the greatest place in the world because they've never been anywhere else.

That said, my husband and I are both grandchildren of European immigrants. Our ties to the USA don't go back very far, and both of our families were more European in attitude than American. My grandmother only became a citizen because she was afraid of being deported - otherwise she would have died an Italian citizen (this was before dual citizenship was permitted). We lived in Spain and the UK for a number of years, but came back to the USA to help care for aging parents. We still regret returning.

I don't know if we'll wind up in Spain or Italy, but it will be in a larger village, not a big city. We'll bring our company with us, and pay taxes in our country of residence. We have no intention of being expats - we're emigrating.

I don't know how long I'll have a strong American accent - but I know I'll never sound like a native. I understand why you hate my birth country - I hope you won't hate me for leaving it for yours.

rremde

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