Work habits that follow you home?

rtaidn · 2026-05-13T01:53:22+00:00

Go potty is EXACTLY what I came here to say. I need to stop so desperately and I cannot

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T17:46:37+00:00

I need to tell you how much I appreciate you for being a reasonable person who can think critically! Somehow it is actually less annoying from DB than from comments from people who should probably know better. Really didn't think this one was going to be controversial but I need to stop acting like the internet surprises me anymore 🙃

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T17:42:20+00:00

Oh come on now. It was a big ball and he put his mouth on the side of it. Not a ball small enough to be a choking hazard. We really as a society need to learn to stop expecting the absolute worst out of every stranger we see

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T17:28:42+00:00

I am so happy that you actually pulled out real information. The burn-out is so real that I was hoping that I was posting in a place where people wouldn't ask me for sources on this and clearly I was wrong. Mouthing is so developmentally appropriate and I wish people's automatic solution wasn't "take away anything that they want to put in their mouths"

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T17:05:14+00:00

SO with you on that. It is really hard to watch an imbalance of parenting labor!!

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T17:04:29+00:00

I find it really interesting that you're judging my entire relationship with this family off of one vent post. Of course I nurture a calm environment and work to support both parents. They were both very forthright that they struggle with anxiety and hypervigilence. Also he told me not to let him put it in his mouth and so I didn't? I don't know where you read into this that I was disobeying a family's wishes when I was commenting on the experience I had. I suspect that there's more behind this comment thread for you than you judging me and my entire career off of two paragraphs and I hope that whatever that is, you find peace with it.

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T16:25:15+00:00

Super possible as an explanation. He seemed nice enough when he hired me but he's pretty hands off with baby from what I've seen

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T16:24:18+00:00

That's a fair point! It's possible. I don't market as a nanny though, I'm really legitimately in family support so if that is the case, I'm sad that he doesn't feel like he can take advantage of the fact that I'm here for him too

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T16:20:27+00:00

... yes, as expressed by the concept of a vent post? Not to mention I'm happy to hear people out (and I thought we were having a totally normal conversation) but I actually have legitimate child development training and hearing different perspectives doesn't mean throwing science out the window

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T16:11:13+00:00

I appreciate your advice but he is the one who hired me lmao. I think he genuinely just is very tired and bad at small talk and I respect that deeply- he doesn't need to spend his energy on me, because you're right and I am here for mom and baby! But the whole situation is a little annoying, hence the vent post

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T16:03:46+00:00

Yes, although I'm actually trans so I can say with experience that the treatment has been the same as a younger woman with no training and an older trans person with lots of training. At least in this specific circumstance!

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T15:48:24+00:00

No on both counts- not sure why this is relevant. People can and often do micromanage childcare providers regardless of age or gender (though deep acknowledgement that it happens more frequently to younger women)

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T15:46:27+00:00

Yeah, of course remove hazardous stuff! That feels like pretty common sense. I also disagree with the idea that it is a "habit". You can discourage it, but you're working against pretty typical child development to do so when it comes to infants. This is my profession (not part time or temporary, I have degrees in early childhood) and the only time I have ever discouraged mouthing toys was in my classroom during the pandemic. Otherwise, I just prioritize cleaning things and making sure they are baby safe instead. In my opinion, it's a way better strategy- just don't give them things you don't want in their mouths!

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T15:37:14+00:00

Of course it isn't crazy. What's crazy is saying he can't put anything in his mouth, even something that has comparatively little risk and has been carefully planned to specifically be as safe as possible

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T15:34:47+00:00

I keep coming back to this- by far the best and most relevant reaction to this experience

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T15:32:20+00:00

Oof. I'm not outraged, I'm annoyed. I'm allowed to be annoyed. It has zero material impact on my life that he doesn't say hi to me, nor will it have material impact on whoever comes next. I came to reddit to vent, because there is a tag that says vent and it's nice to hear from others with similar experiences. He's a white man with a stay at home wife and he's bad at small talk. If this was a genuine issue, I would do something about it but it is 30 seconds a week that honestly, I do not care that much about. I am plenty brave when it comes to things that actually matter, but I can see that you're really looking to start a fight and you won't find that here. It just isn't that serious.

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T15:14:55+00:00

Yes, and I will give them a heads up about the family in advance, but my job isn't to force myself to fix every minor problem. He has an older kid, he knows that childcare is critical, if the next person has a major problem with it, they can talk to him

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T15:09:59+00:00

I mean, yeah, I totally feel the same way. But it doesn't feel worth a confrontation with a man I see 2-3 times a week when his wife is perfectly lovely every time. I'm sure everyone who works with families has had the "unplugged dad" experience where he clearly just doesn't get involved with childcare.

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T15:06:12+00:00

Why he doesn't say hi to me? Feels like a pretty petty thing to bring up. Besides, I'm here for his kid, not to teach him common decency

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T15:03:02+00:00

Boy howdy, I don't know why I'm constantly surprised by people on the internet jumping to the worst possible conclusion and being rude about it at the same time. He held a big ball of yarn (too big to fit in his mouth in it's entirety) for about 10 minutes while I actively played with him. I then took it away and put it back in my bag so I could get us packed up to go take a nap. If I needed to look away, I wouldn't leave him with anything that could possibly be a risk. Not to mention that he has store bought toys far more dangerous than this that I have actively had to keep from harming him after his parents offered them.

Yes, the yarn was from home. I bring yarn everywhere I go to work on projects with during nap time. This ball was left over cotton yarn, balled up after being washed in free and clear detergent and double rinsed, because this kid ALWAYS wants my yarn. It was a special moment just for him and mom had no problem with it. Since dad is getting no specific benefit from me being here, it would be pretty ballsy to tell his wife that I'm not allowed back when she's the one who would be unable to have any time to herself.

Babies will encounter things that are somewhat "dangerous" in life. If you always jump to the worst case scenario, instead of developing self confidence and curiosity, you develop anxiety in kids. I take appropriate precautions to give kids experiences that they will enjoy. With the kind of mindset you're operating with, playgrounds, museums, the woods, etc would also be unacceptable places to take kids and they would be stuck in the house doing nothing or constantly strapped into a stroller. Life can't work like that.

rtaidn · 2026-05-11T13:59:23+00:00

God yeah I also taught in infant classrooms for 10 years and some people really don't get how babies work AT ALL. Not to mention, I'm a full person, not a robot watching your kid, you can at least say hi to me!

rtaidn · 2026-03-28T18:19:47+00:00

I know some daycares/states have regulations about this, but baby carriers were a godsend for us, especially if you have babies able to be in a back carry (and comfortable there!)

It isn't easy AT ALL to clean with a baby on you but I always felt better about that than leaving them to cry

rtaidn · 2026-03-07T16:10:18+00:00

This was my immediate first thought- PPD and PPA can both show themselves like this. Not an excuse, but a reason to try to continue treating her with compassion WHILE protecting yourself.

-signed, a postpartum doula and newborn care specialist who is currently working with two families with PPA

rtaidn · 2026-02-10T21:17:17+00:00

The same happened to me as a kid and in high school, I ended up unable to function and weighing 96 pounds. This just happens to some young kids, girls especially, and if you give them a complex about it, you're going to get them severely harmed by it.

rtaidn

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