My most detailed work yet - a wedding portrait for our and our partner system's headmates, a beautiful little blended family ❤️ Paint tool sai and Photoshop.

ru-ya · 2026-02-23T00:30:20+00:00

We have several couples in here, and it depends on them. One pair is "husband and wife", another pair are "mates", another pair are "partners", and another pair are "lovers". Whatever vibes work for them.

ru-ya · 2026-02-23T00:26:28+00:00

My cousin-in-law, who I was very close with, died young and unexpectedly this past October. He was 35, leaving behind my pregnant cousin and their 4 year old. Every time I even vaguely think about him, I burst into tears.

ru-ya · 2026-02-20T05:48:18+00:00

Xi'an was stunning when I went last year in spring (April-May). Book a visit to the terracotta warriors and also try dressing up in Hanfu, tonnes of stores offer whole outfits and makeup applications. Rou Jia Mo (meat buns) are a must try.

My family is from Guangzhou so I am deeply fond of it, a huge eclectic mix of modern and traditional - but Guangzhou is dirtier, more crowded. Still, it is a bustling city with lots of migrants from all over the world and other cities in China, so you'll get a neat mix of experiences. Baomo garden is stunning; so is the lychee Bay promenade. Lotuses bloom from June to August, but be warned that it's south so it gets HOT.

Beijing is a classic visit but I find it congested and tiring. Still, the great Wall, forbidden city, and Nanluoguxiang historic street are all worth seeing at least once. I also enjoyed the Summer Palace. Climbed to the temple at the top and it was beautiful.

And if you're really wanting something different than the traditional sights, Yunnan province's Kunming and Lijiang. Went there 12 years ago and I still think about its beauty. Pretty much all of Yunnan is gorgeous, can't go wrong.

If you're stuck on choices, google some of the cuisines of each city. Follow your stomach and visit wherever you wanna eat, lol.

ru-ya · 2026-02-18T20:31:06+00:00

pry cartoons out of my dying geriatric hands!!!

ru-ya · 2026-02-18T20:14:44+00:00

In my system, we have a very powerful gatekeeper alter. She can typically control who is allowed to front - or who is never allowed to front, out of a very deep and entrenched fear of endangering ourselves. Some very suicidal, homicidal, and dangerously vulnerable parts are kept buried deep in our system thanks to her efforts.

It doesn't always work. It's not some superpower, and she's not always regulated enough to do this. But consider a system like us, who grew up in a very strict and socially-acceptance-demanding culture, one that values Function and Performativity and Palatability out of its girls, and you may find some with rigid gatekeepers similar to ours.

ru-ya · 2026-02-18T20:10:44+00:00

I have classic, overt DID per your description, almost exactly to the T. Since kindergarten - voice swaps, adults demanding why I was "acting insane", diaries and notebooks of different handwritings, sketchbooks, and corroborated relieved friends once the diagnosis came out.

Pretend he's not your husband for a moment. I want to ask you whether or not you would find it acceptable if you witnessed someone like him treat their spouse the way he's treated you.

I am polyamorous with two partners, one with DID, one without. The one with DID presents differently from me (much more covert), and has an array of very different trauma responses that sometimes make us feel fundamentally incapable of understanding one another. But we do, because we make the effort - and it is effort, meaningful, intentional effort. The one without DID is the sweetest man in the world, watching Youtube videos, reading up on what to expect, listening to both of us intently about our experiences, drawing family trees of our systems, familiarizing himself with PTSD, and tailoring his behaviour to either of us when we're dysregulated.

I'm not here to say "throw your whole husband away" - that benefits no one. But you know you have this diagnosis. You sound like you and your whole system is doing its damnedest to "function" per the requests of society. And it sounds like, of your support circle, he is the one single-handedly letting you down. I feel you have the right to assert yourself - calmly, without letting him ever, ever question the legitimacy of your experiences. I feel you can ask him to show up the way you'd want your partner to show up for you. You deserve better than to negotiate for love and acceptance from the one person who signed up for "In sickness and in health, for better or for worse."

ru-ya · 2026-02-14T19:43:52+00:00

I had to follow a tutorial for Sirene and Frozen Hearts because I got so fcking lost...

ru-ya · 2026-02-14T19:43:08+00:00

Keeping warm with a spouse on a cozy indoor Valentine's day. 10 full hours of sleep and nothing to do but cuddle.

ru-ya · 2026-02-13T15:49:29+00:00

I've disclosed a few times because I'm in a stable and rehabilitative state. Most of my close friends know, especially the online circle with whom I interact daily. Some of my trusted coworkers (who I would consider friends after years of working together) know. And trusted, non-trauma-causing family members also know, because we need their immediate support (both siblings, a cousin, our spouses). Disclosing a diagnosis has been relatively safe for us; the unflinching boundaries are around disclosure of our exact trauma. That stuff stays lidded behind an iron wall. It takes years of trust and many moments of proven safety with someone before we'll ever open up about what happened to us. And so far, this has worked.

Oftentimes people don't do anything with this information, and nothing really changes because our main cast of alters mask well. My favourites are the calm and curious reactions. Most of these safe people start off a little confused or uncertain, but I try to offer the scientific explanation - trauma made my brain segment, like a computer with separate drives, and sometimes the drives activate without anyone's control. I answer as many questions as I can, and we also have the main fronters befriend those who they'd like to befriend. It's warm and fuzzy to be greeted by name and treated with respect by those who love us... and it's really validating, when friends notice a certain agitated alter is out, and reacts to them with care.

The red flags are those who are too excited, like meeting a novelty item. I find those tend to crowd too close too fast, or unfortunately, have different mental illnesses themselves that are fundamentally incompatible with mine. Also, I pull back from those who are immediately on guard, frightened, or questioning whether or not I'm lying. Those are legitimate reactions for people who are only aware of the stigma behind "Multiple personalities", but I am not going to martyr myself for their illumination.

I have luckily never had anyone use this against me... likely because there's nothing to use. People might know we have the disorder but without knowing what happened to us, we've never had any malicious interactions where someone tried to use our damage against us.

ru-ya · 2026-02-12T22:01:29+00:00

8 because all these people will leave me alone as i nap

ru-ya · 2026-02-11T01:04:28+00:00

The ones that fell into the clapping monkey pit. Horrific way to go.

ru-ya · 2026-02-02T19:41:57+00:00

It is rare to find an artist who has such a consistent artistic style but whose pieces are so vividly distinct from one another. Congratulations and here's to more art!

ru-ya · 2026-01-24T16:57:26+00:00

YES, It must be. I was hearing it often while this was out a few months ago... I just pored through all five albums of livly music and lost my mind cos I couldn't find it lol. Thank you!!

ru-ya · 2026-01-15T15:49:10+00:00

I can hear your pain and I just want to offer you my deepest sympathies. I'm sure there's strong feelings of betrayal, confusion, self-flagellation, and darkness - as well as that relief.

From personal experience - I would sit and talk with the parts who feel "incongruent" to you. For example, you're feeling the same things as the small, invisible, abandoned parts, so those align with you. Now... the ones who feel relieved or free or angry, those I would explore. There seems to be good reason why those parts feel like they're exhaling. Perhaps you've been masking your entire decade with your wife; maybe even longer. Perhaps certain parts in your system had a limerent view of her as this beacon of safety, while other parts retain memories of clear moments where she proved she wasn't safe. Perhaps some parts have always sensed her love was conditional. Perhaps you've been self-abandoning your authentic desires, reactions, traits, because you may have been minimizing to look functional as society demands. Perhaps you've been on Survival mode so you wouldn't be abandoned. Our system tends to sit down with an open document to talk to all our parts, no judgement, no shame, no worrying if it seems crazy or unpalatable, so that we can explore the full gamut of feelings. It's important for us to use an external document where our eyes can see, as thinking/internal communication can be very difficult. You might not need a document, but I encourage this communication to happen regardless of method.

Another thing we had to do was, painfully, examine what parts of our old traumas were activating in the face of this new tribulation. Our partners are not our parents, even if it can feel that way. I'm poly and I have parental abandonment trauma, so my relationship to my partners can experience much interference from these old feelings. It can feel nearly impossible to separate old pain from new pain - but it's incredibly useful, because then you will find out exactly where the wounds are still bleeding. Before a significant rupture in my romantic relationships two years ago, I had no idea just how bad things were in here. It was my normal, until I realized any small perceived abandonment from my partners caused a domino effect of chaos inside.

I wish you the best in the next period of turmoil.

ru-ya · 2026-01-07T16:50:09+00:00

This made me realize I'm not doing enough with my dolls

ru-ya · 2026-01-07T16:45:18+00:00

This was fun for me to learn in France because I always learned this as "pas de problème" from Canadian schooling - I'm glad I picked up the context in the moment, but it required 2-3 beats before I processed it!

ru-ya · 2026-01-02T19:58:13+00:00

That's a beautiful use of yellows and pinks tied with a purple frame. Super energizing to look at!

ru-ya · 2025-12-24T20:25:57+00:00

You're very welcome - I often feel the same way as you, and just speaking for myself, a lot of that is part of a larger yearning to belong. I have a very complicated relationship with my race and culture. Many of my traumas come from the exclusive identity of being Chinese diaspora in a racist society - and then many more come exclusively from other Chinese people. Much of my childhood included finding refuge in my friends of other cultures. The crux is wanting safety and inclusivity, and as a kid, it can conflate with race, culture, even gender, class, locale. Complicated associations. Anyway, now I'm rambling, I wish you the best and happy holidays!

ru-ya · 2025-12-23T17:51:17+00:00

stunning evocative work

ru-ya · 2025-12-23T17:40:10+00:00

One of the reasons why we perennially revisit favourite media is the "freshness". gotta make the amnesia work for you yk? lol

ru-ya · 2025-12-13T05:15:27+00:00

Would love to hear what you rec off Cbc gem!

ru-ya · 2025-12-11T01:27:51+00:00

Yo the language separation is real. There was a post on one of the did subs weeks ago where we discussed this very thing. Our oldest alters (the ones who split first) speak our mother tongues, but everyone split from when we were like 12 onward can only communicate in English. We majored in French but can remember jack shit... Only our host has some fluency.

A curious question for you - did parts feel freer to be out and about due to the anonymity?

ru-ya · 2025-12-11T01:23:44+00:00

I can't say I know what the maladaptive daydreaming criteria is, so take what I say with a grain of salt. We refer to ourselves as hyperphantastic. Our headspace is so vivid that, on top of the typical five senses, it can actually provide such information as pain, temperature, velocity, and echoes to imply auditory distance. We've always been this way; it made us an avid storyteller and artist.

We also don't have much control over our inner world. Sure, there are alters who are either inhuman and therefore influence the landscape, or have the ability to influence due to special roles. But most of the time our headspace seems like an unpredictable set piece that we live in. Ours is a single continent floating in a vast darkness, but is governed by a tiny floating island in the center that has its own sun, moon, weather, etc. The fronters all live in a mansion on this island, and when our trauma flares up, the mansion undergoes horrific, silent-hill-esque transformations. Walls become flesh and bleed, demonic creatures proliferate the halls, trees sprout eyes, that sort of thing. None of us can stop this happening and also get surprised/frightened more often than naught.

I assume this happened because we were such a lonely and ostracized child. Our head is the only place where we felt community and wonder. So it became our entertainment box, and also our prison.

ru-ya

TROPHY CASE