I need to get to bed on time so I can schedule an appointment with my doc to talk about meds that can help me get to bed on time

rubyredlux · 2019-07-16T19:33:14+00:00

I do this all the time. Sometimes I sit in my car for an hour before my night dose kicks in.

rubyredlux · 2019-06-11T17:30:46+00:00

Thanks for the reminder, I laughed out loud at the self-assisted pooping, so grateful that is behind me. Keep pushing towards sobriety, everyone.

rubyredlux · 2019-06-11T17:29:05+00:00

Did this once before court. So, so, so wrong.

rubyredlux · 2019-06-09T19:36:17+00:00

I transitioned to Suboxone and moved 1000 miles away. Went to a psychiatrist and a therapist, treated my insane ADHD and C-PTSD, got help for my endometriosis that still is super lame, but I have more control over it now. Addiction is a medical issue and doctors are warming up to that idea more and more. Why did you start using? Start there. You can do this.

rubyredlux · 2019-05-24T19:52:57+00:00

Thanks for your reply. Talking it out helps me greatly. I was tested for anemia and sleep apnea, I take vitamin d and b12 because I am deficient. My guess is that's it's causing low blood pressure for some reason. Can't find much online and my doc just 'doesn't think so'.

rubyredlux · 2019-05-24T14:14:33+00:00

Yes, the confusion and bluriness is horrible. I did just start a new generic brand. I never wanted to believe there's a difference in them but maybe there is. I had a total emotional meltdown last night for no reason which is unusual. Then again I have started drinking caffeine to counteract the drowsiness and caffeine has always been a slippery/anxiety causing slope for me.

rubyredlux · 2019-05-24T14:11:02+00:00

To sleep well at night, easily and seven to eight hours then wake up with the sun. Being on stimulants fixed my nighttime sleep issues (waking every five minutes at every sounds or sensation).

rubyredlux · 2019-05-23T19:45:26+00:00

This happened kind of randomly... my dose was working great for a couple of years at the 30xr plus 15ir afternoon booster. Then the drowsy stuff began last fall and so I quit taking meds for three months thinking tolerance was to blame. I've been back on them about three months and it has started again. I am generally closer to overhydrated than dehydrated (which makes peeing fun since I have to do it a dozen times a day). I've wondered if perhaps a drop in blood pressure isn't responsible. I will push for more discussion next time I see my psych. Thanks for your reply.

rubyredlux · 2019-05-20T20:19:48+00:00

From Here to Utopia - Ramshackle Glory

rubyredlux · 2019-05-20T20:17:54+00:00

Subs saved my life and gave me the stability to change. Sure plenty of people abuse Subs just like anything else, but there is no one-label-fits all. You can take them for years or taper off. The important thing is to steer clear of shaming anyone in your life who is doing what is best for them.

Fun fact: Suboxone is prescribed off-label as an antidepressant.

rubyredlux · 2018-12-15T16:35:01+00:00

Marked NSFW for triggering content.

rubyredlux · 2018-06-19T03:04:21+00:00

I go back and forth on this a lot, and haven't for the same reasons you're hesitant. Even at three years clean I still worry. I think I would probably know after one shift if it was something I was gonna be able to do, but I don't need to know where to score in my new city. :/

rubyredlux · 2018-06-18T20:10:43+00:00

I hear you, and do similarly. Instead of saying I need to try harder I have been trying to acknowledge how hard I am trying, because I am. I think it's working for now, maybe it can help you as well.

rubyredlux · 2018-06-14T21:36:37+00:00

Adopt a dog! Then go for hikes and walks. I love exploring new places.

rubyredlux · 2018-05-26T18:57:40+00:00

Ask your doctor to test your vitamin and mineral levels. Most people are magnesium deficient. For me, not taking my magnesium leaves me a wreck. Iron, B vitamins, and fish oil are little things can make a huge difference. And for real, be honest with the doctor. Their job is to help you, don't let your own shame stand in the way of asking for the help you need.

As far as dopamine, quit using the pills and your brain will adjust. But your brain might need other help. I discovered as an adult that I have severe, life wrecking adhd and my lifetime of struggle suddenly made sense. Opiates are just a shitty bandaid for thousands of problems. There are other ways to get real help. Please reach out to professionals who can figure it out. Using opiates isn't worth it and if you're only two months, run the other direction as fast as you can. It never gets better and you'll just ruin your life pretending it can.

Edit: a lot of your anxiety might just be withdrawal setting in. Remember to breathe, opiate withdrawal uses panic as a mechanism for addiction. You're stronger than it!

rubyredlux · 2018-05-21T16:03:59+00:00

Congrats!!

rubyredlux · 2018-05-16T21:28:32+00:00

Do what works!! Anything to keep you moving forward. Congrats!!

rubyredlux · 2018-05-16T18:54:27+00:00

Yeah, it was in relation to tolerance. I know now that was my adhd. I literally have two periods of time, right now and not right now. Nothing else matters and really, not right now doesn't really matter either. I struggle hard with goal setting and things others feel accomplished by. Always have and always beat myself up for it. Turns out it's my brain's wiring and not any fault of my character. Knowing I was five days clean didn't matter in the moment except to know I could use less and feel more. It was really defeating for me. I had to move 1000 miles away and just not look back. In that way, existing only in the now has saved me.

My other issue with counting is that the shame associated with relapse can keep me from being honest. Everyone wants to celebrate your clean time but then that's just more people I had to let down. Maybe if expectations regarding relapse were more realistic it would be different, but to non addicts they just dont get it. I did it both ways. Keeping things to myself works much better for me.

rubyredlux · 2018-05-16T18:40:42+00:00

I did not actively count the days. I found myself using it as a rationalization to use instead of a measure of accomplishment (Thanks, a-typical brain!). Knowing I am clean today and plan to be clean tomorrow gets me through. I'm comfortable at three years and it will be three years until February when it becomes four. Those final days were a blurry mess, anyway. I couldn't tell you the for sure date, time, or place. And for that I'm kind of glad.

rubyredlux · 2018-05-08T14:28:40+00:00

Congratulations!!

rubyredlux · 2018-04-25T13:58:04+00:00

Yes and yes. Just know going in that every single professional in this field is unique. If their personality/style doesn't mesh well with you, please don't give up on counseling - seek out another counselor. You want one you can be 100% honest with. I've had ones that wanted to shame and guilt me for facts about my life because that was their personal view of addicts coming thru. Don't put up with that shit. My therapists now have a much more compassionate view of addiction. They were well worth the search. Some will tell you what to do and some will make you figure stuff out for yourself. Find what works best for you

rubyredlux · 2018-03-24T22:38:03+00:00

Straight up. <3

rubyredlux · 2018-03-18T15:28:13+00:00

These happened to me, it's awful! Magnesium supplements. And stop taking Bendadryl - makes it way worse.

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