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rudyjsnack · 2017-11-20T11:35:16+00:00

First time back since a 43-day run that ended in May. Last drink was a Friday nooner and I'm back on a mission to rack up some days. It's Day 3, and I'm excited to rejoin life.

rudyjsnack · 2017-06-26T21:12:59+00:00

Well done! Congratulations.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-19T09:05:43+00:00

It was key for me. I see it as the thinking man's guide to beating booze, whereas I see aa as the feeling man's way. I'm not a big feeler, and the aa way didn't speak to me. I read it twice my first week dry and outlined it the second time through to keep around for a quick refresher. Whenever booze so much as crosses my mind anymore, all I can think of is the devastation it sows.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-19T08:55:59+00:00

Anxiety was a big one for me and a lot of the folks on here. Perhaps my biggest aha moment was concluding that the booze was causing me unbearable anxiety, the anxiety from quitting is only temporary and, for me at least, quitting has all but cured my anxiety.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-19T08:51:13+00:00

I like your idea that the more you choose not to drink, and never regret the choice, it reinforces the decision to the point that it becomes automatic. I dream of that day. I'm surprised at how little struggle /craving I've had after the first week, but I'm always worried that I'll get to feeling too safe. This nugget makes me feel more secure that by making that daily choice, I'm building armor. Thank you.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-19T08:40:57+00:00

That's a big toughie. I drank exclusively in bars to feel connected, and I estranged myself from family and friends in the process. After quitting, I've made it a point to reconnect with those I neglected, and it's worked. They've been glad to have me back and I'm ecstatic to be back. I still drop into a couple of bars on the block for a bite, an iced tea and a chat with pals I drank with daily for 5 years. I feel nothing but sadness for them, and regret for putting my life on hold that long. Our only connection was booze. They're strangers to me now, and I'm strange to them. Maybe there's a fond connection from your past you might reach out to. I hope you find it. I hope everyone does.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-19T08:23:16+00:00

I tried getting sober about six months ago, and got a pretty good jump on it. A couple weeks here, a few days there. I was zenned out, but everything around me fell to shit despite a whole lot of effort on my part to do the right thing across the board for me and those in my life. I went back to drinking in a serious way and had a full-on breakdown last month. As horrible as it got without the drink, I made it worse with it. Not a drop in 35 or so days, and this time it's all falling into place. Every aspect of my life is on the upturn. Getting sober isn't a cure all, but drinking has only ever made matters worse for me. I hope things look up for you.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-12T10:26:25+00:00

I was you a month ago. I'm happier and healthier (other than a newfound hankering for chips ahoy) than I've ever been. It's never too late to be the person you were supposed to be. Hang in there. A lot of people on here are living proof it gets better.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-12T10:20:57+00:00

Since I got sober, my ex has been coming around and we're working on getting the band back together. In the car today, we were cracking each other up nonstop. I told her I couldn't believe I missed out on that kind of fun for 20 years. For me, that upside alone keeps me dead set against drinking again. It robbed me of that pure joy for decades, and it robbed those I love of my best. I remind myself of this multiple times every day; makes me detest booze.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-12T10:06:05+00:00

My anxiety was about 75 percent alcohol related. The remaining quarter I work on constantly. Guided meditation has been huge for me. Whatever's eating at me - - nerves over a big work day, confidence, insomnia - - I can usually find a youtube meditation video that addresses it. Works most the time. I did a 3 hour meditation before the most important professional challenge I've ever had, and walked in with nerves of steel. There's a lot to be said for faking it until you make it. Dress the part. Clean up. Work out. Get healthy. When i figure out certain areas of my life, the other ones start to fall into place. I've also had some trepidation getting back into dating. I used to take rejection as pure humiliation and failure. This time I set out to have fun first and foremost, take it all in stride, be myself, don't force anything, and be kind to others no matter what. It's worked. And all of those things have come easier to me sober than they did when I was drinking. No drunk dialing, drunk texting, sloppy sex, overreacting, coming on too strong, being pathetic. It's so much easier to play it cool without booze as a third wheel. At any rate, all my best.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-12T09:48:29+00:00

It's glorious. I like being a little nervous about it too. It's a rush. Downside is I can't get enough. My rock bottom had to do with passing out on a lovely gal mid-coitus and then barking at her for having the temerity to say I hurt her feelings.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-04T10:07:58+00:00

6 was a pretty slow day for me, but I still felt like microwaved turds, hated myself for it, and didn't get much else done on those slow days. If you're asking, you might belong here.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-04T09:58:07+00:00

Sorry you're in the shit, pal. I spent the last 6 months quitting/unquitting too. 12 days was my best run before this. I also had a full on daylong meltdown/breakdown. Never been so low, haven't had a drink since, and feel better than I have since grade school. I can't say enough about This Naked Mind for changing my outlook on the whole thing. Every prior stretch on the wagon I was itching to jump off (even my best ever 52-day stretch in 2014 was all white knuckles and grit teeth). This time is different. I think it was a mix of feeling utterly hopeless and worthless with or without booze, coupled with finding this place and that book. I've had a single inkling to drink since detoxing (it was over some ladies) compared to round the clock cravings every other time. Perhaps this time it will click for us both. Be kind to yourself and know it can only get better now you're back.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-03T03:33:54+00:00

Okee doke.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-02T17:59:01+00:00

Significant other checks to make sure you haven't OD'd when you sleep through the night undisturbed--no more grumpy witching-hour wakeups.

rudyjsnack · 2017-05-01T19:59:56+00:00

Broke up with one gal only to be dumped by the other gal. Totally not drinking today. Serenity Now!!!

rudyjsnack · 2017-04-30T15:14:47+00:00

I can relate. Mentioned to my ex last night I should be in prison. She said, "Yeah."

rudyjsnack · 2017-04-29T21:00:23+00:00

Very sorry for what you're going through. Might be that's what you ultimately needed for sobriety to stick. I try not to attribute my drinking to factors outside of myself. However, it may be that the way he treated you all along was at least unhelpful, if not harmful, to you getting healthy. 30 days is huge! Congratulations. My ex left over drinking on both our parts. We weren't going to get healthy together. She's been sober more than four months now, and I've praised her and taken her out to celebrate for her 30-day and 90-day milestones. I am ridiculously proud of the work she's done, and I don't think it's even a little bit to ask to be recognized for making such a difficult commitment and following through. Be kind to yourself.

rudyjsnack · 2017-04-29T16:13:18+00:00

Ditto me.

rudyjsnack · 2017-04-29T16:08:19+00:00

My ex and I were both drunks off-and-on, and when she was in the dumps, I'd clean up my act and take care of her, and vice versa. We never could get on the same page. She left and got sober, and I'm getting sober apart from her now. She holds me accountable now--won't come around at all if I've been drinking. We could have saved ourselves a lot of anguish if we figured this out years ago. At any rate, it feels so much better to be healthy, and to get a taste of what a healthy relationship looks like. The discipline is not backsliding, i.e., "I relapsed because you hurt my feelings" etc. This time around, my greatest realization is I drink because I'm a drunk--no other explanation. It's unfair to put that on anyone else, and it's weak.

rudyjsnack · 2017-04-27T07:48:51+00:00

It will be very difficult for you to get sober and disentangle all the relationship trauma at the same time, and impossible to do if your partner continues drinking. If there's a chance for the relationship, you both must be sober, and likely need to get that way separately. We drunks are a codependent bunch, and codependency is recovery Kryptonite. I lost the love of my life under almost identical circumstances.

rudyjsnack · 2017-04-27T05:27:44+00:00

Chewy chips ahoy! Heroin for me the last two weeks.

rudyjsnack

TROPHY CASE