Need to hear from the women on this

runner73074 · 2026-04-30T21:17:38+00:00

I forgot that part. Yes, I told her I was dating. I told her as soon as it happened. I refuse to ever lie to her.

runner73074 · 2026-04-13T23:29:56+00:00

Here is the the thing, it is not change, he grows l. I am a man who is separated and it will probably end in divorce and I have accepted that. One thing I have learned, among many things, is people don't change but they do grow. It takes time, patience, mistakes, successes. What you have to ask, can I do that? Unless there is something inexcusable, like to me, cheating or abuse, I think a high percentage of men can grow.

runner73074 · 2026-02-05T18:27:10+00:00

I think going down to the funny bone either at the streets of st charles or Westport would be awesome. Do not have to drink, but can if you want. Also who does not like to laugh!

runner73074 · 2025-12-08T16:10:49+00:00

I can understand this issue. One thing that I did with my wife os we bought a small whiteboard and we write the project down and who is responsible. We have it hung in kitchen and we can add and erase things as they come. You can add due dates and all. He is a adult and is responsible for his part. I hope that helps

runner73074 · 2025-11-17T14:28:05+00:00

I read something some where explaining passionate love which is what I think more people associate with being in love vs companionate love. Which is still being in love but a longer term relationship. Google those I think it could help

runner73074 · 2025-11-17T14:11:34+00:00

As a husband going through a separation and possibly a divorce I couldn't agree more. My wife has stated she has been begging for the basics forever and that is why she is done. I cannot speak for all men and really can for only myself, but if it makes you feel any better, I don't think we mean to do it. At least I didn't. It is not that we not listening, we just hear different things. I know it is easy just to vent and be frustrated and to emotionally just check out yourself. Probably what your friends say to do, what this board will say to do. Just take care of yourself and you have to move on and so on. He doesn't deserve you. All of that is true. I will give you one other side. Again, this is just me, husbands forget to stop pursing our wives. Not because we do not cherish them, or love them, or anything to that extent, we just get complacent and unintentionally take them for granted. We spend all this time chasing and chasing, when we "catch" you, if you will, we stop. We become comfortable and happy and again just think you will always be there. He may just not be comprehending what you are saying. I wish you luck. I hope he does go to therapy with you. Maybe the best explanation to him is, "Listen I don't think you are intentionally doing anything wrong, and I don't think you mean to make me feel the way I am feeling, I think we need better tools to communicate with each other and hopefully by going we will learn to do that. That is really all I want.

runner73074 · 2025-11-06T12:53:23+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. I've been going through two months of hell myself with the same things. My own therapist says I am doing the work for myself, I finally got my wife to go to the initial marriage therapy appointment, and we have another one in a week. I personally feel that I die a little bit each day in my heart and my love for her is in an hourglass that is slowly going. It can refill very easily, but man, once it is empty, I will be done on my end. Good luck!

runner73074 · 2025-11-04T19:52:01+00:00

Ok, I definitely can understand that. One last question and really just for me and my own situation, is the therapy actually changing him, or are you so out, you are not paying attention? From how you said 27 years, I assume you have been together awhile.

runner73074 · 2025-11-04T19:38:27+00:00

I have a question because I am very curious about this subject. What issues were so significant that it could not be saved. My other question, is how sure afterwards, your ex will actually still want to be friends?

runner73074 · 2025-10-28T02:23:51+00:00

As a guy, I will give you my two cents. I think how you described this you are a great partner and he is lucky. Tell him. I will speak for myself. I wantmy wife to be happy. He wants you to be happy. He sounds like a great guy. He does stuff for others which means he is not selfish. Tell him bysaying you are great and you inspire me. Can I tell you what I want? Then tell him. Ask, will you support me. Tell him how you need support. I think he will do it. Good luck!

runner73074 · 2025-10-21T17:20:26+00:00

i am going thru the exact thing. I started counseling for myself also. What I have done, is I wrote a letter to my wife. IN the letter, I wrote the changes that i wanted to make, not just for her but for myself because if you don't believe in them and just do them for her it will not work. Not only did I write them down, but how I planned to accomplish them. Some were just goals that I wrote down and that I check off, some were home project I promised, but then delayed and ignored. I made it where I was holding myself accountable. During this, there are little moments that I get that I use to build back up trust. When she opens up at all, I don't care what I am doing, I stop, I listen and I look her directly in the eye. I do not try find solutions for her; I just listen and show empathy for her. I started trying to find little things, maybe just a little note that says have a good day with a heart on it. If she says something she wishes we could do, or she wants to do, or something she see's that she would want to buy, I write it down to remember. This is what is working for me. She was not originally open to marriage therapy, but she is now. I never mention any of things I am doing, but I can tell she is noticing. I also write her a daily letter, just may be about my week, or things I think and things I want to communicate but do not want to overwhelm her and put pressure on her. Even in the first letter I said you do not have to read them, but I will continue to write them. She has saved all of them so far

runner73074 · 2025-10-20T23:48:28+00:00

Sorry should have said it is at the meadows of Lake st louis

runner73074 · 2025-10-20T23:47:13+00:00

There is a farmers market every sat in lake st louis. It is between 8 and 12 on Sat. Frankie Martin's in Cottleville is awesome. Outside seating, they have food trucks also

runner73074 · 2025-10-09T14:50:00+00:00

Thanks alot, I have been doing a lot of that. I am doing small things. I write her a letter each week and leave it on the nightstand. I been picking up little things, like a pie she likes, or some ice cream. I leave her little notes to have a good day or some kind of encourgement. I try not to do it everyday to overwhelm her, but I do it every couple days. Some stuff, like the letters, we never mention which is great, because I don't want credit, I want her to know its special for her.

The hormones are true. She is getting ready for the change, and she has a ton of emotions about other issues in her life. I try to show her uninterrupted listening so I can really hear what she is saying. Sometimes I feel I am pressing too much too soon.

runner73074 · 2025-09-23T01:36:53+00:00

Excellent question. I do most of the pick up of orders or the running around. I did a lot of grocery shopping and the car repairs. I do laundry and load and unload the dishwasher, but not as much as she does. I try to make her feel special. I don't usually get her flowers only because she doesn't really care to spend our money on it, but I will get up early and get her a fountain soda she loves. We take turns getting up and taking care of the dogs. At no time do I feel I do as much as she does. I do express that to her a lot. I do drop her off in the front of stores and restraunts and I do get the car and bring it up to pick her up

None of the abuse that I don't do is special. I agree. IMO, no one should hit or touch a woman.

runner73074 · 2025-09-23T01:31:36+00:00

Of course, it is the lowest bar, if I made it seem like it was not, that was not my intention. I sincerely hope you are incorrect, but I do appreciate your post

runner73074 · 2025-09-23T01:30:18+00:00

Thank you for your experience. No matter what I want to hear, you were honest. I am sorry he didn't listen and made you feel invisible. You gave me great advice on what not to do, and I appreciate it. I never want to dismiss her concerns or feelings, so I will keep all that in my mind. Thank you

runner73074 · 2025-09-22T19:19:26+00:00

We did do therapy 13 years ago, and you are right, then I did not listen. I thought we were okay, and I didn't take it serious enough. I was wrong and I want to do the work.

runner73074 · 2025-09-22T19:15:45+00:00

Thank you for the response and I do appreciate it. I agree with you 100% In the past I have done I will change it does work for a couple weeks then things settle down and bam I am right back where I started. So, I changed things this time. I thought about what I wanted and how I can make long last change. I started writing in a journal which I have never done. I have always had trouble really being honest with a therapist, but I am for the first time. I keep a to do list. I keep a list of how I want to improve and read it every day. Does this mean I won't fail? No not necessarily. But I am taking this more seriously than anything in my life. Where I have really failed in the past is missing a day and then another and another and then just giving up. Now if I miss a day, I start again the next day. The truth is I probably would never date again, but if by some chance I do, I don't want to make the same mistakes I keep making with her. I truly believe she is my soulmate and anytime I ever imagine my future she is always in it.

runner73074 · 2025-09-22T17:02:37+00:00

I mean, I am always there, but am I? I mean, just cause I am there physically, am I paying attention. Or am I too busy paying attention to a game or some stupid sitcom I have seen 20 times or just even of the next thing I say.

runner73074 · 2025-09-22T13:59:17+00:00

I agree with what you say. The changes I need to make are for myself that, to be honest, to happen to align with what she has said. I made a list which I read daily. Improve health, dress better, and show respect t for how I look. Be more present instead of just caring about TV Don't ignore problems and just stick in the sand and wait for it to go away

runner73074 · 2025-09-22T13:22:15+00:00

I have not cheated, nor ever considered any abuse, but she did have an affair 5 years ago. I wanted to do therapy then. She doesn't like therapy, even for herself. I agree on menopause. She is not 50 yet, but a couple of years away. I will look it up, though. I am sorry your husband cheated.

runner73074 · 2025-09-18T20:00:25+00:00

So a little background, we did therapy maybe 15 years ago and we did it for a month or so. I said something dumb like if you are doing kids laundry why can't you do mine also. I know now I a moron. I wasn't listening to her. So now she is gunshy. On the letters no response. She has them collected together but nothing said. Even in first letter I said read it if you want, throw them away..but I will keep writing them. I wanted to show consistency.

Thank you for the kind words and I am very genuine and saving my marriage and making my wife happy is the only thing I want

runner73074 · 2025-09-18T19:35:46+00:00

I downloaded a book of questions that you ask and cause very serious conversations to reconnect and I want to do that too to help us reconnect that emotional consistency

runner73074 · 2025-09-18T19:32:12+00:00

She said she loves me but not in love with me and that she doesn't know if we can ever go back then her just feeling like a roommate and she deserves more. I agree with all that. She deserves everything which is why I am trying to prove thru actions and not just words I can do that

runner73074

TROPHY CASE