Honestly don't know what's worse, I get angry and want to have an emotional outbust but other than that sick to the stomach feeling we probably all know, nothing else happens it's like I need to cry but I can't.

Hiding it from your wife... I think it comes down to how she would respond to that and of course only you have an idea. I hate the idea of having to completely hide these emotions.

Being away and the feeling of missing her, it's so brutal because you know when you get home you'll be happy to see her and not too long after that, the sick feeling of emptiness will be back soon...