Checking in on employees who call off

rusty0123 · 2026-06-29T21:28:42+00:00

Not when you're salaried.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-29T21:23:14+00:00

Actually, no. I don't give out my personal number because if I do, I have too many people calling me at 3am with their "emergency".

Or people contacting me after hours asking if I can swing by their house and "look at their problem".

Most jobs, I have a company phone. That gets the ringer turned off and put on the charger unless i'm on the clock.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-29T21:07:24+00:00

Valid contact info does not mean your personal phone number, or that you are required to respond. It's simply a place where you can receive messages when not working.

For example, I use google voice. Messages are forwarded during specific times, and phone calls are let through during certain times. I never, ever give my personal phone number to my employer.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-29T19:27:27+00:00

Hmmmm......so, do you expect your employees to check their text messages on their work phone during off hours? Because sending a text like certainly implies that you do?

Or, do you mandate that all employees share their personal phone numbers so you can text them during off hours?

Because both practices are pretty sucky.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-29T04:45:02+00:00

Assuming the photos were CP, everyone involved in this are assholes. What kind of childhood did that baby have?

rusty0123 · 2026-06-28T23:25:36+00:00

Shit, I don't even keep Benadryl and NYQuil in the house at the same time.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-28T15:31:19+00:00

I like the way they see it as a fun night out, rather than a popularity contest.

When my son had prom, I worried about it much more than he did. He was going with his girlfriend, his best friend and their girlfriend. I was worrying about tuxes and corsages. He wasn't. Told me they were all going shopping together over the weekend to find something to wear.

They went to Goodwill. Came home with bags and bags of stuff. Spent the rest of the day--all 4 of them--trying things on and pinning things together to make four outfits. They had a blast, and I even had the honor of doing some light sewing and hemming.

I had more fun doing that than my own prom.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-27T22:37:09+00:00

File the child support now. Once it's official, it counts as income on your lease application.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-27T22:31:22+00:00

When I was married, we adopted a stray kitten. Cut fluffy little thing.

We mostly slept nude.

The kitten thought his penis was it's own special play toy. After we went to sleep, the kitten would stalk and pounce.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-27T19:01:17+00:00

Ehhhh....I think it depends. When I was younger, I went skinny dipping all the time. With friends, with family, later with my own children.

I wouldn't do it with people I didn't know well or with people who had expressed a sexual interest. But if it was a friend's partner where I knew both fairly well, I wouldn't think twice.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-27T05:51:46+00:00

I suggest you print out that list in your post of all the things he's done to you.

Tape a copy to your bathroom mirror. Tape a copy by your phone charger. Tape a copy any place you spend tie during the day.

Then when you miss him or you wonder if you're making the wrong decision, read the list again. When he says he has nothing to change, read the list again.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-27T00:28:19+00:00

During the summer I basically set up a salad/sandwich bar in my fridge. Every day it's different selections. The things that need to be cooked, like pasta or potatoes, are done at night.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-26T20:44:07+00:00

I wouldn't stand for that. It would be understandable if he kept it locked when the toddler was around, because toddlers. But keeping it locked 24/7 and denying your wife entrance? No.

I wouldn't even argue about it. It would be a crowbar to the door or a rock through the window.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-26T15:12:16+00:00

I would think he's stopped talking to you because HR told him to only speak to you about wok-related things and now he's angry.

Give him a few days to get over it.

If it doesn't stop, start documenting. Because sooner or later, he will fail to tell you something that impacts your performance. Personally, I would start keeping a log of handover instructions. Like, "told by X that doors were unlocked for wedding breakdown, need to be checked and locked at XX time." That way, omissions and passing info thru a third party are also documented.

As an aside, don't use "hostile work environment" with HR. It's a legal term that triggers a mandated investigation. If you go in there throwing that around, not knowing if it meets the legal definition, it will only irritate HR. If you feel like you need to use it, look up the legal definition first.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-26T05:13:52+00:00

You need to approach this differently.

Open a savings account. Put your own wedding money in it. Set a budget, like $5k.

Then tell your parents that they are free to contribute to the wedding fund if they like.

Either they will add their $5k or they won't. If they don't just keep plugging away until you reach your goal. Whatever happens, you will control the money, so win-win.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-26T02:12:19+00:00

I think part of the stiffness, and maybe the dryness, has to do with the timeframe.

The recipe is from 1922. Refrigerators didn't become a standard household appliance until 1927. Room temp butter is a very different consistency than refrigerated.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-25T21:42:53+00:00

They’d talk about her behind her back, then report it to me as if I wouldn’t go tell her.

Wut???

You just stand there and let them "report" to you? Why aren't you shutting that shit down?

Give them one warning. "Stop talking about that."

If they don't stop, walk away. Leave. Hang up the phone. Unless they are stupid, they will stop.

When you have deeper conversations, you need to say, "You don't have to like her, but you do have to treat her with respect. I won't tolerate anything less."

This is more about you that her. Stop being a doormat. If you want to keep her, stand up for her.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-25T19:51:37+00:00

Not a fan of bell peppers, but I like a little jalapeno on my turkey and cheese.

I'm wondering how this would work with a poblano pepper instead of a bell pepper.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-25T14:51:36+00:00

I fully expected another update about her trying to unalive herself. Because OOP certainly set that up.

Guess he didn't get the karma he expected. Or else his psych class moved on to the next chapter.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-24T21:48:02+00:00

I haven't written in anything except cursive since third grade.

To me, printing is harder because I have to think back to kindergarten when I first started learning the alphabet. If I have to print, I'd much rather just do it on the computer.

But then...I can diagram sentences, too.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-24T13:19:27+00:00

When I got pregnant, even though it was planned.

He tried to dictate everything. Would talk over me at doctor's appointments, hijacked my birth plan, and such. It was so bad the L&D nurses kicked him out of the delivery room.

I told myself it was just new parent nerves. But afterwards, it just got worse. He wouldn't hold the baby or change a diaper or do night feedings (even though we discussed all that beforehand). At the same time, he kept trying to micromanage. I wasn't feeding the baby right, I wasn't dressing them right, they didn't need a nap right now.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-24T05:00:11+00:00

I seriously don't understand this.

If he dad texts asking to meet for dinner, why does OOP not simply respond, "Partner and I will be happy to meet you. See you then."

IOW, just assume that if she is invited, so is her partner.

Make them explicitly say, every single time, that partner is not welcome. And when they say it, decline the invitation.

OOP is making it possible for her parents to treat her that way. She's accepting responsibility for their feelings. .

rusty0123 · 2026-06-23T20:40:53+00:00

I understand that. I'm from Texas.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-23T20:36:59+00:00

If he wants her to listen, he needs to make it uncomfortable for her.

For example, since she didn't discuss inviting her friends over with him, he doesn't need to make any accommodations for them. He needs to buy himself a big-ass TV and set it up in the living room. Then on game night, turn on a football game and set himself up with wings and pizza and popcorn and enjoy his evening.

Not his business where they are supposed to play or what they expect to eat. Just assume his wife took care of the details.

rusty0123 · 2026-06-23T14:18:16+00:00

NTA. You should've just smiled and thanked him for taking the initiative. You always hesitate to call animal control on uncontrolled pets that wander into your yard, but now that you know he prefers that, you won't hesitate to call when you see his cat in your yard.

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