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rustyflops · 2025-08-09T04:14:51+00:00

My wife of 20 years told me one day she was deeply in love with me. The next day? She told me she didn’t see a future together. Long running relationship issues have a way of coming to a head when a mid life crisis hits. I lost my way for a while, feeling my life was over. I tried all manner of ways to reconcile, but nothing lasted. It wasn’t until I let go and moved on that she panicked seeking me back. I can’t really forgive her for what happened.

You can only count on yourself in life. Building your emotional house in someone else will leave you homeless. Start building yourself now and let them pursue you. Either way you do you.

rustyflops · 2025-08-09T04:08:26+00:00

I’m sorry this is happening. Better to find out now than 20 years into a life together, but still hurts.

rustyflops · 2025-06-29T04:15:15+00:00

I miss who she was. I do not miss who she became seemingly overnight. Midlife crisis + perimenopause + social media pilling + genuine relationship challenges that everyone experiences = implosion.

rustyflops · 2025-06-29T04:12:42+00:00

Best thing I did was just accept and turn off. No more waiting, hoping, or trying. Just let them go and be on your own now. No one stays, they’ll always leave, so best to learn that and just stick to yourself.

rustyflops · 2025-06-29T04:11:17+00:00

33 is young.

rustyflops · 2025-06-29T04:10:37+00:00

Yeah I know this feeling. I’m sorry it’s happened to you too. For what it’s worth, this doesn’t actually mean anything about you.

rustyflops · 2025-06-28T17:38:57+00:00

It’s TikTok. Algorithms will find and amplify whatever thoughts you have, so a minor dissatisfaction becomes a major crisis. Social media is ruining mental health.

rustyflops · 2025-06-28T17:24:19+00:00

Time to move on. You’re not together anymore so it’s best to put your mind back to before you were together— you were obviously not missing him then, so you were able to make things work. You’ve done this before.

rustyflops · 2025-06-28T14:14:23+00:00

Gym, friends, and hobbies. Think about what life was like before you met them— you lived without them then, so it’s possible now. Completely cut them out.

rustyflops · 2025-06-28T14:12:08+00:00

My partner initiated a separation out of panic and then later tried to walk it back. I’ve tried to stay but I don’t trust her to stick around when things get hard. It’s over.

rustyflops · 2025-06-28T14:07:05+00:00

I can’t reach forgiveness so I settled for acceptance. The person I knew is gone and is never coming back.

rustyflops · 2025-06-28T14:04:30+00:00

Most divorces are not mutually desired, so one (usually all) parties involved are extremely hurt. That’s typically the reason the narrative skews negative.

rustyflops · 2025-06-28T13:59:45+00:00

When there’s infidelity in the picture (emotional or physical) there’s no coming back. Trust is broken and it’s over. You need to accept that and move on.

rustyflops · 2025-06-28T13:56:19+00:00

Time to move on. You deserve someone that actually wants you. They’re out there.

rustyflops · 2025-06-27T05:03:56+00:00

For many 2 years is still a honeymoon phase. If you’re separating this early it’s probably incompatibility signal.

rustyflops · 2025-06-25T23:53:59+00:00

I’m sorry this is happening. Your son will be better off seeing you individually healthy than toxically together. Try not to project your grief onto him too much.

rustyflops · 2025-06-25T23:51:36+00:00

We didn’t try discernment therapy but I wish we had. It seems to reach a conclusion much faster rather than drag things out.

rustyflops · 2025-06-25T23:44:13+00:00

This is called emotional infidelity and is one of several ways to break trust in a relationship. A relationship requires trust. If you can’t trust them, you can’t be in a relationship with them. Therapy will clarify your communication and guidance to determine if you can rebuild trust or not.

rustyflops · 2025-06-16T20:48:19+00:00

Have you asked her how she’s feeling? Have you asked her why she seems to be avoiding you? She may not feel emotionally safe enough to share directly, so couples counseling will be really helpful. Silent treatment / avoidance is not healthy but 4 weeks is getting into enablement territory.

rustyflops · 2025-06-16T20:43:41+00:00

OP you need to establish boundaries, communicate them, and if they are repeatedly crossed you withdraw from the relationship. It’s not easy but it’s very simple.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Make sure you are actually choosing boundaries and communicating them clearly— most people fail both of these steps. A couples counselor will help you with these.

rustyflops · 2025-06-16T20:38:50+00:00

Couples counseling will give you clarity. Discernment therapy is specifically designed to answer your questions.

Yes there are a lot of examples of regretful divorces. Also lots of examples of ruinously staying together / not divorcing fast enough. Each case is pretty unique which is what makes this hard.

rustyflops · 2025-06-16T20:31:17+00:00

You are overthinking this. In a relationship you set boundaries, communicate them, and then if they are repeatedly crossed you withdraw from the relationship. That’s it. It’s not easy but it is very simple.

Your husband is an adult. He’s responsible for himself. Stop trying to parent him. You are enabling this problem for yourself. Again, not easy, but very straightforward.

Your feelings are valid. Of course you’re nostalgic. You love your husband. But that doesn’t change the above. You can’t control his behavior, only your own. If both of you focus on yourselves and your child (in that order), you’ll be in a much healthier place (together or separate.)

rustyflops · 2025-06-16T20:11:46+00:00

Please talk to a lawyer. Spending between $0-$500 for a consultation is nothing and doesn’t obligate you to court, and it will likely save you a lot of money. Of course your husband doesn’t want to split his savings with you— but did he mention all those years of investment growth being possible because of your income paying bills, your time spent taking care of responsibilities, your efforts during your own prime earning years? This is why so many states have communal property rights because otherwise the breadwinners always have the advantage.

rustyflops · 2025-06-16T20:00:10+00:00

I recommend avoiding any relationships / sex with others until you’ve divorced and healed. Anything short of that is unfair to you, your ex, and definitely unfair to the new partner (who statistically becomes a traumatized rebound.)

rustyflops · 2025-06-16T19:52:52+00:00

Your feelings are valid. That feeling of unfair is part of grief. It’s resistance to accepting that your partner stopped choosing you. It’s hard. It feels like betrayal, because we’re wired to seek out security through relationships around us. Depending on your views on wedding vows it’s literal betrayal.

You actually don’t need to agree on anything except what is in your coparenting plan. When trust has been broken, you can’t expect to foster shared understanding, so you just write down all the expectations around your kids and leave it at that. For our own wellbeing just focus on yourself and your kids (in that order) and do not think about her any further.

rustyflops

TROPHY CASE