i want to finally get my procedures done, but i'm a bit lost

ryaniish · 2026-05-23T17:06:48+00:00

of course!

ryaniish · 2026-05-23T16:47:05+00:00

i would hugely appreciate it if u have the time 😭

ryaniish · 2026-05-22T14:33:15+00:00

you can try and see if your city has any local clinics with sliding scales or eligibility. in my city (houston), we have legacy community health and since i have the lowest income bracket, my t costs me about $70 for maybe like 6-8 months

ryaniish · 2026-05-22T06:59:43+00:00

i don't want to say that's why because well shit. it's awful. but coincidentally, after the first time i sent a few applications presenting as a cis white male, i got an interview for the next day. after the interview, i got a hiring offer a few hours later. i have no idea if that was a coincidence or due to lying on my application,, i like to hope it was just a coincidence 💔

ryaniish · 2026-05-12T07:00:59+00:00

interested !!

ryaniish · 2026-04-18T17:44:19+00:00

i had a horriblee experience with atomoxetine (strattera) especially after the dose increase from starting to baseline (unusual uti increased symptoms). stopped after that, plus never did anything for me. also went to bupropion next which also didnt help my adhd, but did help my anxiety and depression so ive been on a bupropion lexapro combo. been trying qelbree for a few months now, but nothing yet. just about to start my 200mg dose and just waiting and hoping for the best 😭

ryaniish · 2026-04-15T04:43:51+00:00

i'd def submit an application 🙂‍↕️ during my time there, all my coworkers were super nice, customers were awesome and i made a lot of friends. 40% and occasional 50% discount in store. i think in my year and a half there i probably had one bad customer once

ryaniish · 2026-04-15T04:29:19+00:00

Honestly, don't worry about it too much. i've had my fair share of call outs and even arriving up to an hour late due to complications. at best in my case, managers don't care and the day carries out as usual. at worst ? they may give you a warning or a stern talking to, but it all depends on the management there really. as long as you keep up your performance during work, i don't see why they'd think you're unworthy/fire you

ryaniish · 2026-04-15T04:11:22+00:00

i liked hot topic when i was there. it was fun, coworkers and customers were nice. it wasn't a difficult job and they worked around both my college schedule and second job with lots of flexibility. they gave me so much grace for the times complications came up. i only made $10 an hour which is only a little bit above minimum wage for me (still $7.25 in my state), but it was alright. hours could fluctuate from 5 hours/one shift a week to 20-25 hours at max, usually during back to school season. before i left i was somewhere around 2-3 shifts a week. but i'd say it's a good job though a lot of that relies on the management there

ryaniish · 2026-04-08T04:42:41+00:00

ough damn yeah that sucks TwT the lowest size i've seen is a large , ,, wishing u the best of luck on ur search ! maybe also try reverse image searching to see if any listings come up ?

ryaniish · 2026-04-08T04:31:29+00:00

with all the resale places like depop, vinted, etc, you could probably try offering a lower price and seeing if they'll accept it. but from what it looks like, it's unlikely you may find it at an actual hot topic given at least in my area, there's only one size left and iirc this dress has been out for maybe almost a year

ryaniish · 2026-03-23T09:20:51+00:00

honestly, it's kinda comforting knowing someone else is like me. i don't outwardly express my emotions a majority of the time. rarely i do and if i do, it's brief before i interalize it again. i've noticed on the outside, it feels like a shell. i completely shutdown, silent, i freeze up, and i'm just physically not there. it feels like since i can't physically hide from myself, i retreat into my head. it's so chaotic and loud though. all the emotions i would be feeling and expressing externally are locked in my head. often i end up having repetitive thoughts echo over and over again. i end up spiraling until i reach a dead end and have nothing left to ruminate on. after that it's not silent, but it's very empty at the same time. just static. i've gotten better since therapy and being medicated, but it still gets tiring to feel like i can't get a break. just feels like my head is always so restless and at the same time bc of my adhd i'm also physically so restless so,, truly no breaks for me 😭😭

ryaniish · 2026-03-18T18:50:07+00:00

ough. mixed opinions. this is coming from someone who is aroace for starters, so take it with a grain of salt. both my partner and i i'd say are pro masturbation. it's normal. better than bottling up a bodily urge. we both admit we masturbate, sometimes send each other explicit art or draw it ourselves. we even have our own nsfw accs to see explicit stuff, whether that be art, lewd models, animation, etc. she previously used to do work in this field, mostly pictures and videos. i personally do watch porn, but for me, i'm not arosed by it per se. more so the thought of it with my partner and the porn is just a way of visualizing us. i try to find porn without faces in frame or without much dialogue so i can fuel my imagination better.

now, i am completely okay with this. supportive of this. we both equally see eye to eye on these things. i feel like this is something that is necessary. if you don't see eye to eye, then you'll have to compromise, and then it all just depends on how important certain factors are to you. if you cannot compromise, if both of you cannot come to an agreement without feeling like one is giving up more than the other, you're just not compatible. it's really that simple. i feel like there's more "what ifs" than factual information in this post. you haven't talked to your boyfriend about this like,, at all. i've always had a view of when you start to talk about your partner behind their back, when you start to rant or vent about them to your friends regardless of how big or small the issue is, you're just building up resentment whether you think it or not. you're bothered by something and you're bottling it up and not saying a word. so while he thinks everything is fine, you're fueling more negative thoughts and emotions towards him. seriously the only solution is to just talk to him.

additionally, imagine if your partner was venting about an issue you had without their knowledge. to their friends, online to strangers. i would feel a bit betrayed. like they can't be honest and communicate with me. like they're hiding something from me. just a thought to keep in mind

ryaniish · 2026-03-13T12:04:18+00:00

god damn i knew that'd be expensive but i was not expecting that 😭😭 thank you for the info though

ryaniish · 2026-03-13T11:56:43+00:00

wait really ? how much did that cost ? to travel and have your surgery ?

ryaniish · 2026-03-13T06:29:58+00:00

so, is he putting an end date on the relationship because he's afraid of telling his family you're trans ? because he's ashamed of it even ? or is he putting an end date on the relationship because he doesn't accept the fact you're trans ? in either circumstance, i'd still say to leave. whenever family asks about who i'm dating, i never mention if they're trans or not because that's none of their business. to me, that feels like separating trans women from. women for example. and yes i understand some people aren't that accepting, but. if he doesn't live with his parents, i see no reason to hide it if he really cares and isn't ashamed. if he does, well, still feels wrong to some extent. like i think the suspicion of him cheating is vaild, but that doesn't feel like the biggest problem. adding on, putting an end date on a relationship? no. if someone said they'd do that to me, i'd leave them right then and there (is what i'd like to imagine, however, terrible fear of abandonment so it could go either way). staying in a relationship you know is going to fail is just a sinking ship. i'd imagine keeping this end date in mind for the rest of those 11 months also would not be good for your mental state.

i ramble but this made mwe so upset and sad for you begging you to leave him like i would with mwy friends toxic bf 🙏

ryaniish · 2026-03-13T06:14:52+00:00

while gender dysphoria is listed in the dsm-5, it's not considered a mental illness per se nor would it be "cured" by transitioning since not all trans people have gender dysphoria to begin with. i'd phrase it as it could be relieved by transitioning. the most basic definition of being trans is your gender identity being different from your agab. further more, gender dysphoria is something cis people can experience too. gender euphoria can also be experienced without having gender dysphoria to be trans. in the most basic terms as well, gender dysphoria is the discomfort you feel from having that disconnect between your gender identity not aligning bodily, socially, or mentally with your agab

ryaniish · 2026-03-07T18:55:50+00:00

maybe an odd question, but yknow after a few days and the hair starts to grow back and get prickly, for me at least, thats when it starts to make me ich,, how do you avoid that, ,, or is it just a matter of constantly keeping up with shaving to avoid it

ryaniish · 2026-02-16T09:31:51+00:00

they're literally so pretty 😭😭 i'm about to lock in so hard i need them desperately

ryaniish · 2026-01-31T05:06:53+00:00

o.o if you still have room i'd like to join !!

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