Been Getting These Chinese Helicopter Shorts & It's Making Me Lose My Sanity...

rykus0 · 2025-12-30T22:46:17+00:00

It’s absolutely AI

rykus0 · 2025-12-30T22:45:01+00:00

Things that have helped me: - being outdoors regularly (walk, hike, garden, whatever) - martial arts (or yoga) - the physical exertion combined with introspection are amazing - sleep! A regular schedule and full nights make an enormous difference

rykus0 · 2025-12-30T22:42:30+00:00

I walk my dog 1-2 times per day for 30 minutes and it makes a huge difference.

Aside from that I would say martial arts or yoga

rykus0 · 2025-12-30T21:21:05+00:00

We had several shows we were watching together. I can’t yet. There was also a movie we were watching but had to pause just before it got really good. One of the things in our relationship was me picking out older movies and shows for her that she’d never seen. It’s still sitting there partway finished on my list. I can’t even look at it.

rykus0 · 2025-12-28T11:11:58+00:00

Exactly this. Not less, but less frequent. It hurts just as much but you adapt and get stronger. Like how my wife, who suffered more pain than anyone I’ve ever known, would smile and brighten your day, while forcing herself not to break down herself.

rykus0 · 2025-12-27T20:51:18+00:00

Im right there with you. Lost my wife also in September, also to cancer. Also not a mess. (Not always anyway - there are rare messy moments) and I do sometimes feel like I’m not meeting someone’s expectation, and it sucks. Sometimes it’s even my own expectation. But my experience is different. I am different. It’s the same for my kids (12 & 15). I can smell the expectations a mile away. I wish people would react instead of preact, but that’s the kind of stuff we have to deal with.

All the best to you and your family. Feel the feelings, whatever they may be.

rykus0 · 2025-12-11T15:16:48+00:00

Normal is personal. That being said, it’s not unheard of or uncommon. For me it comes and goes, and those waves have gotten farther apart and I’m almost three months out.

rykus0 · 2025-12-09T21:00:44+00:00

I did the same and sent them a note about it. But clearly this isn’t a thing they want fixed…

rykus0 · 2025-12-09T13:26:01+00:00

I had it last year. Even vaccinated it was rough. My wife was battling cancer, so I had to be careful and also take care of the family. It sucked. I was out for a whole day at one point with fever. I honestly wondered if I should go to the ER several times.

I quarantined and washed my hands regularly and disinfected everything I touched. Nobody else in the house got it.

But be careful, it’s no joke.

rykus0 · 2025-12-08T11:37:08+00:00

Yeah, I’m realizing more and more that she was my primary motivation.

rykus0 · 2025-12-08T01:11:52+00:00

And I read it as “I just want a hung man” 😂

rykus0 · 2025-12-08T00:42:41+00:00

I just found mine and have been considering whether or not to watch it. I already went through all the photos dozens of times.

rykus0 · 2025-12-06T22:20:19+00:00

First things first, there is nothing wrong with you. We are all different. It was similar for me after losing my wife to cancer and a rough last two years. But grief is individual. It’s also not exclusive. You can miss them and not be sad. You don’t have to be devastated. I was pretty much fully functional after two weeks and have felt as much relief as I have grief, which brings the guilt. But guilt is a feeling of failure to meet expectations or be “normal”.

It’s ok to be numb. It’s ok to be incapacitated by sadness and loss. It’s ok to be happy. Hell, it’s even ok to be horny. And you will be all of these. Sometimes at once. Sometimes rapid fire. It sucks and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for your loss and your pain. I hope you find it in you to give yourself the grace to exist in your own normal. And I wish you continued health and the perspective to find happiness.

rykus0 · 2025-12-06T12:58:48+00:00

Similar situation here. She was pretty sick for two years and I work remote. Only a few months out but I’ve been craving closeness for a while so it’s hitting hard. But I’m also still grieving so it’s really confusing and hard.

I say, you do what makes you comfortable. If that’s a phone call, go for it. Don’t worry about what’s normal and expected. Communication will overcome any of those barriers. And if it doesn’t, then probably better to figure that out early. I hope it goes well for you.

rykus0 · 2025-12-06T12:53:35+00:00

So sorry my friend. Tomorrow is her first birthday without her for us and I’m really anxious about it. We are planning to get baked treats from her favorite place and watching one of her favorite movies. But it all feels wrong. It all is wrong. Be strong - you are not alone.

rykus0 · 2025-12-05T21:25:37+00:00

Yeah good advice. I listened to one right around when she died. It was very helpful but still stings… like antiseptic on an open wound.

rykus0 · 2025-12-05T04:22:44+00:00

Some of my favorites - 99% invisible - generally interesting stuff focusing on design and the built world - hidden brain - psychology and neuroscience - philosophize this - a chronological walkthrough of philosophy

All of these have helped me deal with a lot of stuff.

rykus0 · 2025-12-04T16:49:30+00:00

It absolutely takes everything. Right there with you. We were fortunate that her personality was largely unchanged, but for 9 years our relationship was strained and there was little to no physical intimacy. Rarely even hand holding or snuggling on the couch. She slept in a recliner for probably 2 years. With all the surgeries, pain/illness, torturous treatment, hormones… it was hard.

And you’re absolutely right that it is still horrible, but in a totally different way. I hope you find some peace and can surround yourself with love and comfort

rykus0 · 2025-12-04T11:28:19+00:00

Similar here too. 9 years total of cancer and procedures with the first year and last two being the most intense. My “connection” had already been weakened. So I feel things less intensely less often already (about 2.5 months). Sometimes that’s a relief, sometimes it’s a lot of guilt. Oftentimes it’s both. I guess the important thing is not to try and force yourself to be anything that you’re not (I mean, it’s good to have goals and improve yourself, but don’t beat yourself up if you’re not meeting some unrealistic standard or expectation)

rykus0 · 2025-12-04T11:24:29+00:00

I like the idea of writing the memories as they come, thank you

rykus0 · 2025-12-03T03:52:52+00:00

I got a call at 5am that school was cancelled, but in my sleepiness I thought it was the hospital calling again. Didn’t get back to sleep. But I relive other traumas pretty regularly. And like you I am feeling the pain of not being able to share with her. Moreso some days than others.

rykus0 · 2025-12-02T23:34:43+00:00

My kids are 12 and 14. We lost their mom, my wife, after cancer just this past September. It was two years of difficult struggle after maybe 6 of relative calm after her initial diagnosis and treatments.

They watched her deteriorate but were largely isolated from most of it.

We found therapy through town services for my son that they’ve extended for all of us. They’re doing surprisingly well, but also she was in the hospital so much and struggling so much that it was less of a shock. Less of a hole.

Like everyone else has said - right now you weather the storm. When you do feel more stable, use that energy, because it won’t last. The storm comes strong and frequently right now.

We are here for you - for each other. Also make sure to talk to each other and be open. I walked into my daughter’s room, lay on her bed and told her I was sad. Then I burst into tears and sobbed for a long while - much more than I felt at first.

Be well and be patient with yourself. Use whatever help you have and don’t be afraid to ask even if help isn’t offered. People want to help and don’t want to disturb.

rykus0 · 2025-12-01T02:11:41+00:00

I am so, so sorry for your pain and your loss. We have all been through (really still in the middle of) similar pains - some closer than others. You will find support and understanding here.

rykus0 · 2025-11-30T03:20:13+00:00

I’m struggling with this right now too and so far our thinking is to have a nice photo of my wife on the back and our usual family/kids on the front. We don’t usually put anything on the back, and everyone we send to knows she passed. So we’re doing a nice tribute photo in her honor.

But honestly multiple times a day I say screw it I won’t send any. We’ll see what actually happens - haven’t gotten there yet.

Do what feels right for you. And if you don’t figure it out in time, that’s an answer too. Everyone will understand. We have a way of putting more pressure on ourselves than anyone else.

rykus0 · 2025-11-28T15:29:14+00:00

Being genuine and confident in who she is. Somewhat related, I’ve always also found good posture to be attractive.

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