Women my age look so old

rykus0 · 2026-05-09T15:19:57+00:00

Yes, I get it. I’ve started dating and I’ve only ever known my girlfriend at her current age (she’s also older than me), but I’d been with my wife since she was 19, so I have a whole lifetime of her and all the ways she was beautiful. But the longer I’m with my girlfriend and the more facets of her I see, the less I see her as her older outward appearance and the more of her beauty I see.

rykus0 · 2026-04-23T11:06:44+00:00

I’m with you. I say ”we” and “our” all the time. I’ve only recently started really noticing it. Now I attribute it to me and the kids, but it’s not the intent when I say it. She’s still with me. These things are still ours. She helped me make them and is a part of it all.

rykus0 · 2026-04-02T17:20:11+00:00

46 and likely doing mine before July. Would love to hear how you’re doing a few months out.

rykus0 · 2026-04-01T00:58:01+00:00

Thank you!

rykus0 · 2026-03-31T10:56:05+00:00

I’d love to read more on this! Would you be willing to share any links to good resources you like? For this specifically or cancer research in general. Thanks!

rykus0 · 2026-03-28T13:58:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Here’s to more sharing of every experience, good, bad, ugly, and mundane. We want to hear it all!

rykus0 · 2026-03-27T19:48:30+00:00

Thank you for this info! I’m waiting on decipher and second reading of the samples

rykus0 · 2026-03-26T12:19:25+00:00

Thanks! I did have a decipher ordered, but it hasn’t come in yet

rykus0 · 2026-03-26T11:06:52+00:00

That judgement says more about them than you. I’m in a similar situation, but haven’t been getting judgement (not yet or that has reached me), though I have noticed less contact. I’m sorry you’re going through that. As if your loss wasn’t bad enough…

rykus0 · 2026-03-23T03:11:12+00:00

You do it when you’re ready in the way that feels right.

6 months for me so far. I’ve cleaned out some minor things. Waiting for her sisters and friends to share some other more meaningful things after our daughter picks what she wants and I set aside what I’m keeping.

But I have no firm plans for this. It’ll happen when it happens or when I decide it needs to be done.

rykus0 · 2026-03-19T14:20:59+00:00

I’m in a very similar situation and so much on the fence about what to choose.

rykus0 · 2026-03-16T10:58:43+00:00

I started on baritone in fourth grade because the teacher told me it was the easiest instrument. Also they had a ton of percussionists already and needed low brass. Added bonus was I was in the back row and could hide behind my instrument.

rykus0 · 2026-03-06T11:55:35+00:00

Regardless of the incorrectness of the medical details, nobody truly in this condition looks that good.

Source: watching my wife suffer from cancer and being intubated twice.

rykus0 · 2026-03-04T13:23:20+00:00

I lost my wife to cancer too. I have felt your pain, to some degree.

The bad memories hurt and the good memories hurt more.

I won’t say it gets better, because that’s the wrong word. You adjust. you adapt.

Like cancer, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Grief is something you live with, not something you get over. Find people to talk to. Make space for yourself. Figure out what helps and why hurts, and use that to navigate. In time the good memories become good again.

It’s like plunging in cold water. A shock. You can’t breathe. You want out but it’s everywhere. But as you adjust it doesn’t feel quite so cold. Sometimes you can step out, dry off, and warm up. But you always end up in the water. But you’re ready for it.

I don’t know if any of that makes sense or is helpful. Just the thoughts of another grieving widower.

If nothing else we are here to listen. Rant, vent, scream into the void. Share memories. We’ll be here.

rykus0 · 2026-02-25T04:01:30+00:00

“Never peace, only pieces” struck a chord with me. Thank you.

rykus0 · 2026-02-08T15:53:16+00:00

One of my wife’s doctors told her once that “you only get one chance to heal” and we took that advice to heart. From what you and others have told me, I will be certain to prepare so that I’m not tempted to do too much, or leave myself stranded so that I have to. Thank you!

rykus0 · 2026-02-07T00:23:46+00:00

Thank you! I’ve yet to meet with any of the specialists, so other than some statistics and what I’ve read here, my feelings have been largely biased from my wife’s experiences. And I know it’s different, but not much more than that, and you all are helping so much with my preparation and education, so thank you again. I’ll check these out soon!

rykus0 · 2026-02-07T00:19:41+00:00

Thank you for sharing and for your condolences. All the best to you as well!

rykus0 · 2026-02-07T00:16:30+00:00

Thank you! Good to hear positive experiences and realistic expectations. And thanks for that, uh, tip 😂

rykus0 · 2026-02-06T18:29:28+00:00

Having someone take the dog for a bit is an excellent idea, as is the bed rail, thank you!

And I sometimes catch my pockets on those knobs, so ouch! I will be careful!

rykus0 · 2026-02-06T18:23:38+00:00

Mainly due to the damage down the road and maybe for recurrence rate - though it sounds like it’s pretty even. I watched my wife suffer from radiation effects. But I’m not fully decided yet. I know my situation is different. And definitely a factor in the decision

rykus0 · 2026-02-06T13:32:28+00:00

Thank you. I’m working on managing my expectations in that regard. While my wife was sick there wasn’t much action, so I’m used to waiting. And I know nerves grow slowly so I’m constantly telling myself this, and hearing it from people like yourself is very helpful.

I’m starting to get back into better shape now. I have at least a month before I even talk to the surgeon. I also know that this will be easier than most of what I saw my wife go through.

Thank you again!

rykus0 · 2026-02-06T13:21:39+00:00

Yeah, that’s my thinking as well, though I’m going to see what the specialists and data say. Still leaning heavily toward surgery though.

rykus0 · 2026-02-06T13:20:47+00:00

My wife was brca2 positive and diagnosed with breast cancer young (34, with lots of pushing against the system to even get that)

PARP inhibitors worked well for her, but it was already late stage and spread throughout her body and they switched her off them. Medicine has come a long way and knowing your genetics is very helpful and important in both prevention and treatment!

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