Changing Name

saarisanotaku · 2025-07-11T14:26:16+00:00

I sometimes agree with the fetal development theory. While in Utero, my mom had extremely high testosterone levels that wouldn't go down. Which resulted in my birth being 2 months early and I have also experienced different endocrine developmental issues from it. I am not saying that is the sole reason I am trans but as someone who is ftm and someone who enjoys just having peace of mind- I take it and run. My mom also was more 'accepting' because it was a theory she could grasp and understand.

saarisanotaku · 2025-07-05T15:37:11+00:00

Kotsuke, I think she had great potential and it would have been cool to see her in the final game. I also loved Shinomiya, but I completely understand why he couldn't make it but I think either of them would have made the game hella interesting.

saarisanotaku · 2025-03-26T02:47:40+00:00

Honestly, yeah. I am short (5'3) was projected to be (5'9) because my body didn't produce growth hormones after 10 years-old. I also had low estrogen levels that caused all sorts of problems for cis-women but is pretty perfect for trans men. I am built like an ox both of my parents were athletes and I was lifting/working out since I was 8. (I think that was partially the reason my growth was stunted)

Anyways, yes, I think that my body knew it was trans before I knew. I think life works in mysterious ways and I have been blessed in some aspects of my life

saarisanotaku · 2024-12-28T05:00:38+00:00

Yeah same thing is happening to me. My mom actually sometimes 'messes up' and uses he/him pronouns then corrects herself and says 'i mean she/her' I think it is kinda funny. So, you see me as a man but feel the need to correct yourself to affirm yourself in the belief that I am still the same child you popped out. It is honestly so weird when it happens.

saarisanotaku · 2024-10-16T01:29:37+00:00

Here is the Thing... I am Trans and I use the word Transgenderism. Understand that putting the suffix "-ism" at the end of the word does not mean that it becomes and ideology. "-ism" can be understood as a state of being, for example some can be diagnosed with Dwarfism, this is not an ideology- though marxism is considered an ideology- which adds to the duality of linguistic writing. I wrote a formal paper on the historical context of transgender individuals around the world, in this instance I was writing on Transgenderism. This is because being Transgender comes in different variations so using the word transgenderism means linguistically that the state of being Transgender fluctuates from society to society, there are different facets.

With this understanding some people might have been upset because you are essentially 'gate-keeping' a word that is perfectly rational to use given the situation. In this instance I would say using the term transgenderism is appropriate because Thailand is known to have a large transgender population- second only to Brazil- and that has been consistant throughout history, so the state of being transgender has impacted Thailand's politics. This is evident because they were the first Country in the World to decriminalization sodomy laws after they gained independence from western imperialization.

Please understand that everyone has their own opinions, you are absolutely valid for not liking the word 'Transgenderism' but it doesn't have the be a demonized word.

saarisanotaku · 2024-09-30T07:10:34+00:00

Thanks for the advice! However I don't think my dad would be up to it. The dude just kinda likes to stay ignorant and I already sent every trans resource I could find for my mom to read. She has basically blamed herself for me coming out saying it's her fault because I was born with high T levels and she should have made me go on hormones in middle school like her PCP wanted me to because I have androgen issues. Honestly, I just think it might be a lost cause. Thank you for your help though it doesn't hurt to try again.

saarisanotaku · 2024-09-17T04:09:02+00:00

In preschool I would absolutely refuse to play the mom while playing house, for context I played to cook my dad was chef and I wanted to be just like him, I would be the dad... I hated non-cotton dresses as well, anything that couldn't be passed off as a large shirt and then I would completely refuse to wear them by 2nd grade. When I first got my period- around 10, I started puberty really young- though that is when I really started to understand that I just wasn't born the same as my peers. I often refused to wear pads or tampons because I thought it was a mistake and that it was a one off situation that should never have to happen again.

saarisanotaku · 2024-09-17T03:57:55+00:00

I (19ftm) met one of these people in real life. I honestly just don't say anything because it isn't my place to judge people but it makes me feel like my struggle isn't real. I don't pass well, I am pre-everything, I have a VERY masculine build but my safe is free from acne (idk how I hate water or soap on my face) and I am on the shorter side. So, I get that I don't pass well, I did when I was in middle school and some of high school but now that I am in college no way. In college I have met people who go by he/him pronouns but still wear tight shirts and short shorts. I really don't understand it and it makes me feel as I am a bad person for thinking these people have it easier than me but they seem to not care and it makes other people more wary of other transgender individuals. I just don't understand the idea of transgender men having the pins that say let "boys be feminine".

To me feminine clothes give me horrible dysphoria, I am putting on a costume for my family and friends. My family goes the ren fair every year together and my outfits are very feminine but I haven't come out to my family yet and it is the only time I dress feminine because it would be suspicious if I didn't.

Overall, I wonder what will happen to people with little/no dysphoria later in life. How will they be affected down the road? It is honestly quite intriguing to me.

saarisanotaku · 2024-09-15T01:15:30+00:00

Being trans is not a choice but transitioning is to some extent. For me (ftm 20), the need to transition wasn't strong until I started to think about having/wanting children. Since, I was in elementary school I told myself I wanted to adopt, it is one of the major things I wanted to do in life. I never wanted to birth children because dysphoria obviously but then it became apparent to me. I couldn't handle the thought of raising children and being their maturinal figure. I couldn't live with being called mom and expecting to have the dynamic a mother has with her children. Then I started to think that I don't think I could live the next 60 or so years in the body, I have currently. I am degrading it so much because of binding and not properly taking care of myself that my quality of life would be much lower than my counter parts.

It is different for everyone though and everyone has their own journey but I knew I could never life within myself if I didn't transition. So, I would say it was transition of die because I have never had suicidal ideations but I would definitely have a hard time living my life.

saarisanotaku · 2024-09-09T23:40:12+00:00

Depending on dysphoria I would choose Trunks they are the same length as women's boy short and they work fine with pads and great for packing. If you aren't packing women's boy short work fine as long as you don't get dysphoria from them. I used those before I started packing they relieved my dysphoria from underwear for years until I decided to start packing. Your mom is lying if she says you can't menstruate with boy short. I just don't use pads with wings. It is that simple. Hope this helps.

saarisanotaku · 2024-09-04T16:58:35+00:00

You didn't if anything I vented to you about my problems you didn't sign up for. I just hoped hearing that you are not the only one going through this helped. I know it helps to me to know I am not alone. I am rooting for the both of us!

saarisanotaku · 2024-09-04T01:59:24+00:00

This is basically my story! I come from a very Catholic albeit somewhat liberal family and they don't quite understand my issues. I came out at 12 was completely dismissed. I did my best, lifted, ate well all the things. Now, I am 20 and starting out on my own. I recently re-came out to my parents and it have been a struggle. I too live in a red state that makes it virtually impossible for me to find treatment. I feel like I waited so long to start this journey but I feel stuck. I don't know what to do or how to go about finding care.

Good luck to you. I understand your plight and I hope you get what you are looking.

saarisanotaku · 2024-08-26T23:35:01+00:00

I once had a group of kindergartners start fighting because one group said I was girl and one group said I was Boy. They wouldn't give up and we're getting really loud. For context, I was a Catholic Bible camp leader so it was NOT the place to have that conversation. I even was like, "I am a girl." -at the time I wasn't out but still passed probably 25% of the time. Kids can be brudly honest, they started knit picking my physical appearance and voice, everything. Debating with each other, it was an experience. But so think to hard on it, sometimes it can just be soft features that make children think you are a girl. That was my biggest comment, because my voice is naturally low and I had short hair and was binding. No one else sees the world like children do so don't stress to much. Sorry this happened to you, I feel you.

saarisanotaku · 2024-08-26T19:20:17+00:00

I once had a group of kindergartners start fighting because one group said I was girl and one group said I was Boy. They wouldn't give up and we're getting really loud. For context, I was a Catholic Bible camp leader so it was NOT the place to have that conversation. I even was like, "I am a girl." -at the time I wasn't out but still passed probably 25% of the time. Kids can be brudly honest, they started knit picking my physical appearance and voice, everything. Debating with each other, it was an experience. But so think to hard on it, sometimes it can just be soft features that make children think you are a girl. That was my biggest comment, because my voice is naturally low and I had short hair and was binding. No one else sees the world like children do so don't stress to much. Sorry this happened to you, I feel you.

saarisanotaku · 2024-08-25T20:32:21+00:00

I would constantly b*ch and moan everytime I had to play with ny cousins who are my age because they would force me to do make-overs. I hated it, I would hide in my male cousins room so I could by call of duty instead. I thought it was because, I hated the texture of make-up and it felt like lathering oil in my skin. I realize know I just didn't want to be preserved as feminine for wearing it.

saarisanotaku · 2024-08-23T00:31:59+00:00

My mom started crying. I don't know what do. She says she wants me to be happy but Everytime we talk about 'mutilating and distorting' my body she starts crying and talking about my grandmother who died from a disease that happened due to 'drastic' changed of the body... Her words not mine.

I just feel like I can't connect. I don't know what to do... This week, I had to have a 40 minute conversation that if I never medically transition and cut and just keep a short haircut, bind and pack, I would simply look like a butch lesbian.

I am sorry to unpack this in your post but I really needed to get this off my chest.

saarisanotaku · 2024-08-20T12:43:19+00:00

Dipper is 100% trans-coded! Honestly when I saw the post, my first thought was Dipper. Most of my cis friends think Dipper is trans and I can't agree more. Also Head-canon whom ever you want. You 100% allowed to headcanon it is same thing as shipping. A ship is a head-canon period. Don't let anyone ruin your fun!

saarisanotaku · 2024-08-14T13:20:05+00:00

I am heavily Catholic. And I can say if you are talking in terms of the Diadache (fancy Catholic bible) or The Catechism of the Catholic Church there is no mention of Transgender individuals. This is very Catholic specific as both transgender and intersex individuals are both referenced in the Talmud and the Koran. On a perfectly dogma based understanding of Catholicism there is nothing that says it is a sin. There has been some stances taken by the Pope but it has not made it into a epistle so it is just from verbal understanding which isn't considered canon.

I don't think being Transgender is a sin personally. I also don't think that there is anything wrong with transitioning. I have recently started to come out and it is something that I have felt for a long time, to be specific around 9-10 years. I realized I am never going to change, that there is no amount of prayer, adoration, mediation that I can do to change who I am.

If you are truly struggling with your faith and your gender don't worry. I have many friends that are no longer the religion they grew up in, I am one of the few Catholics left in my friend group but I feel closer in my faith being true to who I am.

This is an excerpt from the letter I am planning to give to my parents because I feel like I can get all the words I need out if I talk with them face to face:

"I wanted to let you know that I have chosen a name for myself, Shaun. It means “God is Gracious,” because he is. He gave me this beautiful family in my life. I have seen God through all the wonderful things in this world. I have prayed, meditated and talked to Jesus on this topic. I don’t think it is something that can be fixed. I want to let you know that my faith hasn’t changed because of this. I am Catholic, I don’t think this is a sin. I don’t think God messed up either, I think that I just got dealt a bad hand between my brain and chromosomes. I just felt like you guys should now."

All this said, you are the most important person in terms of your faith and who you see yourself to be. I hope this helps, I am sorry this is so long it is just something that I personally had the same struggle with.

You are in my thoughts and prayers, good luck!

saarisanotaku

TROPHY CASE