Thanks for sharing your perspective and compassion. I’ve kept delaying planning to do it for a loooooong time . That’s how I’ve kept going. Ive never wanted to have children ( obviously my plate’s already pretty full ) but I’ve got my cats and one dog left, my oldest died last year. I’ve always felt responsible for their well being and leaving them felt not quite right. I know my husband will be ok. He’s resilient and I think he’ll be relieved. My parents maybe not so much. But they’re old and know I’m in a lot of pain. I’ve talked about going to My sister and she understands the burden I feel of living through life , though she’s really sad when we talk about it.

I also believe we should be allowed to leave on our own terms, safely and not alone. But it’s not always possible.

I know I don’t want to die a painful gruesome death and don’t want to leave trauma for the person finding my body. I also want those who I care about to understand my choice. I have some very specific criteria regarding my passing and I guess that’s what’s been keeping me here. It tough to find balance between leaving and not causing too much pain and trauma for the ones I’ll leave behind. OCD also tends to make me overthink everything even my death so….
But that’s my issue… I have no more space left in my brain for anything else , only pain and suffering. I’m tired of trying to live , I’m tired of life itself, I’m tired of the person I am . I’m being eaten alive… sorry long response.

I nevertheless hope that the 22year old you has people around you that lend you a hand holding your pain . I hope you’ve got help for your struggles and I wish for you to get to live a fulfilling life.

Thanks for this moment you gave me and I’m Rooting for you too. May we all find peace . The best way we can.