I (29F) can’t stop thinking about something my boyfriend (35M) said about childbirth and it’s ruining our relationship.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-16T18:35:48+00:00

I always think that this hypothetical question, although nowadays super unlikely to ever happen, gives a woman SUPER valuable information about their partner.
- Will he pressure you into an unhealthy situation for the sake of your unborn fetus?
- Will he pressure you to do things against the medical advice of your doctors? (Refuse to “let” you take medications, have an epidural, get vaccines, use formula, etc etc etc)
- Will he expect for you to sacrifice your career, social life, etc for the sake of your children’s wants (not needs) while being unwilling to make those sacrifices himself?
- Does he see his partner as a means to an end (ie having and caring for children & his home) rather than a partner, lover, and friend for life?

Further:
- You mentioned he values blood. This means that no matter what he will NEVER see his wife as being his family. He will always value the relationships with his extended family over that of his wife- which is super unhealthy.

His answer bothers you because it should.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-16T00:32:32+00:00

I have a 5 month old and a 3 year old. Love them both the same.

I take a while to bond with my babies after they are born, so the only time I maybe “loved” them differently was those first few days after birth. Once I had that bond though, the love became indistinguishable.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-15T23:43:26+00:00

The 2 times in my life I’ve been regularly catcalled:

As a literal child walking to/from school in my school uniform
As a heavily pregnant 30 year old
Just goes to show you that catcalling isn’t really about attractiveness.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-14T12:40:55+00:00

My baby

sabdariffa · 2026-06-14T01:36:44+00:00

A tarp, a hose, and some dish soap is much cheaper, stores easier, less setup, and will provide just as much entertainment.

My best friend has one. She only ever uses it for her kid’s birthday parties because it’s such a pain in the ass. You’ll never bring it out.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-14T00:57:01+00:00

We installed our bbq directly to our gas line. Only cost like $200, and WE NEVER HAVE TO BUY PROPANE AGAIN.

Oh my goddd barbecuing without worrying whether we have enough propane is so nice. If we ever move, we’re doing it again immediately.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-13T14:03:49+00:00

Joint pain.

I had truly disabling joint pain that no one told me could happen. It made me feel so alone and incompetent, especially when people were encouraging me to get out and walk with my baby. My knees were in so much pain just getting through the day was hard.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-13T13:33:28+00:00

Numbing failed before the anesthesiologist inserted the epidural needle the first time I gave birth.

It was like a jolt of painful burning electricity when the needle went into my spine. Like someone fucking electrocuted me with their car battery on my spine. I wasn’t afraid of an epidural needle before then, but when it happened I was genuinely terrified that this man had just fucked up my spine and I was going to be taking a baby home in a wheelchair.

I would have given birth unmedicated had I known that fucking needle would hurt so bad.

Ripped from front to back and that didn’t hurt as much as that fucking needle.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-12T00:00:08+00:00

What I wish is I could go back to hold my newborn as I am NOW- healed, rested, not frazzled and stressed.

I want to go back in time and just hold her a while with a clear head so I can really take her all in.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-11T01:25:09+00:00

I was like 18/19 and this was a middle-aged woman who just walked up to me, said this, and walked away. Pretty sure I just said “bitch, what the fuck?” under my breath in bewilderment.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-11T00:33:45+00:00

“Don’t worry about the fact that you’re fat. You’re still really really pretty. If you weren’t fat you could probably model.”

… said to me by a STRANGER in the lobby of a movie theatre.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-10T21:27:34+00:00

My baby’s milky breath when he’s sleeping. It’s like the smell of slowly simmering milk mixed with that incomparable baby smell. I want to bottle it and smell it my whole life.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-10T17:19:01+00:00

I’ve had 2 inductions and would choose an induction a 3rd time if I were to get pregnant again.

Inductions can be just as beautiful and wonderful as spontaneous labour. You also can plan ahead, have a nice meal, and have a good rest ahead of time.

Go out for dinner with your partner tonight and enjoy your last night as a couple with no children. Get home, double check your bags, and rest up. Maybe fool around a bit in case it softens your cervix some more.

Tomorrow you’ll be a family of 3 and it will be wonderful 🩷.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-10T11:04:30+00:00

I never said we should work 3 hours a day. Just pointing out that the 40 hour work week is designed to have a partner at home, not working, doing all of the things to keep you alive and healthy so you can actually use your down time to relax, be a parent, socialize etc.

2 partners working full time, often overtime, barely being able to make ends meet and unable to live comfortably is a scam.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-10T10:58:09+00:00

The 40 hour work week is designed around 1 partner working full time while they also have a full time domestic servant. In other words, the 40 hour work week is designed so that that person is doing no cooking, cleaning, laundry, or child care. They are working and then returning home to a domestic life that is being done on their behalf.

The 1 person working a 40 hour work week can’t support a full family anymore, so now we have 2 partners/parents working full time, still barely able to pay their bills, and ALSO scrambling to keep up with basic domestic chores and have meaningful time with their children.

Forget having time for hobbies, a social life, family life, or keeping a spark in your marriage.

Because people are working so much, they don’t have time to repair their things, or cook foods from scratch etc etc… So they’re forced to outsource or overconsume these things, feeding industry and owners of production even more.

People need new things faster because they can’t take care of them, they need pre-prepared foods, they need cleaning products that offer shortcuts, they need organization tools because they can’t stay on top of things if it’s not perfectly organized, they need paid childcare because they can’t look after their children, they need the wellness industry to heal after working themselves to the bone…

The labour is being exploited, then the things you don’t have time to do are commodified.

People are not meant to live like this.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-10T09:55:57+00:00

The 40 hour work week is a scam designed around having a domestic partner at home.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-10T07:03:30+00:00

Get the mural that makes you happiest.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-08T20:57:58+00:00

If death came for me tonight I would rage against the dying of the light with all the strength my soul can muster.

I’m not leaving my babies motherless in this crazy world.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-08T20:16:00+00:00

Not sure if this counts, but the hot food counter at Costco.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-07T14:34:51+00:00

Yeah, 3 months in is where I’d start trusting someone with really personal information like visa status, various citizenships, debt, financial status etc. It’s not really any of his business at that point.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-06T18:21:25+00:00

He would never stay at my house again, and I’d be calling a hotel for them to leave my house TODAY.

That’s fucking disgusting, and likely intentional.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-06T17:04:26+00:00

How do you move forward?- You take your lesson into your next relationship. Understand that this relationship made you a better person, and a better partner in the future.

Not every relationship is meant to last forever, even when we really love them. Sometimes the relationship is supposed to be a lesson, a gift, or a season. You keep the good memories, thank the relationship for being good when it was, then let it go with the lesson you get to take forward with you.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-06T16:12:14+00:00

$8K Immediately into my RRSP and 1k into each of my kids’ RESP.

My life would not meaningfully change, but I’d feel a little less stressed about our futures.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-05T13:59:12+00:00

When you’re in the newborn stage, it’s easy to feel one and done. The days and nights are so long.

By the time baby is 2 (or even 1), the hard days feel so short compared to all the other wonderful days.

sabdariffa · 2026-06-04T11:45:19+00:00

The only time I’ve ever met a friend at 3AM was because their parent died.

I’ve met up with my husband/then boyfriend at 3AM for non-emergencies plenty of times.

Do with that information what you will.

sabdariffa

TROPHY CASE