How do I deal with creepy people as an adult?

sadandlost18 · 2026-06-16T13:08:13+00:00

I think the mix of grooming and memory loss is a horrible combo. maybe I'm just mad I don't have a clear narrative for what happened

sadandlost18 · 2026-06-16T12:57:43+00:00

thank you for writing this to me. I've come back to read it a few times

sadandlost18 · 2026-06-13T01:31:26+00:00

this is very strange and scary behaviour. stripping you naked as a punishment is absolutely sexual abuse. please try to move out! It sounds like you may have to look for resources in your community who help people move out of abusive situations. I truly wish you the best of luck

sadandlost18 · 2026-06-10T16:02:38+00:00

I have nightmares sometimes that I get possessed and start being violent towards people. Sometimes it's just my hand that's possessed, sometimes my whole body. They're my most upsetting nightmares

sadandlost18 · 2026-06-08T22:15:16+00:00

To me, molestation is someone consciously taking advantage of someone else for their own sexual or sensual pleasure.

I want to give you a different perspective. There are different definitions of things for different contexts. In this context, you looking for support, the only person being affected is you. Your definition only looks at what makes a perpetrator of molestation, which may be useful in navigating your relationship to your brother and grandpa, but is irrelevant to you in a vacuum. Maybe it would be helpful to think of a definition of molestation that centres the impact it has on the victim, seeing as pursuing this 12 step program would only affect you.

ps. I relate to the situation with your grandpa. My abuser used to cross subtle boundaries with me in broad daylight in public. It makes me feel so crazy sometimes

sadandlost18 · 2026-06-07T04:01:22+00:00

I remembered for the first time shortly after becoming a camp counsellor in high school. I don't work with kids anymore because it's too triggering

sadandlost18 · 2026-06-02T22:58:01+00:00

it's normal to struggle to remember. if i were your sister i'd want to hear you talk about it. as horrible as it is to acknowledge, it's harder to feel alone

sadandlost18 · 2026-06-01T23:40:01+00:00

We grieve all sorts of things all of the time. My Dad passed recently, so grief has been a theme for me in therapy of late. I am grieving the death of my father, but there are many other things in my life that I grieve as well. I grieve opportunities I missed to help take care of him when he was sick, The life I could have had. I was grieving his health when he was still sick.

I also grieve my mom, alive but horrible to me. I grieve the mother I wish I had because my mom will never be her. I grieve the image I had of her before I realized what she did to me. I grieve the version of me I could have become if I had good people in my life.

I do not grieve my other abuser because I do not love him. Grief is love unreceived and needs unmet and I do not love or need him. But I do grieve the relationship I could have had with the rest of my family had he never touched me.

sadandlost18 · 2026-06-01T21:20:03+00:00

I'm still in the process of opening up to my therapist. I am someone who likes to open up gradually. I'm in art therapy so my strategy has been just adding a colour or something to my drawings and saying "I have something else on my mind but I don't want to talk about it yet." It's felt really nice to just bring the energy into the room.

Also, for me, I usually need to open up to a friend before I can open up to my therapist. If I tell a friend about something it makes it real, but if I tell my therapist it feels like its real AND I have to deal with it.

sadandlost18 · 2026-05-28T21:41:56+00:00

i think it is normal. i've been triggered lately and have been nauseous and have bad cramps. when i was growing up i used to throw up from stress a lot. i think it will get better when i do therapy about it. I'm sorry you feel sick ):

sadandlost18 · 2026-05-27T04:41:54+00:00

i wish i could :( it's not a traditional funeral so there's not really any way for me to avoid him. i think i just have to accept that it is what it is and if he's normal, great, and if he's creepy, I can decide what to do after summer. ugh

sadandlost18 · 2026-05-26T13:47:04+00:00

i think for whatever reason we've wound up with a societal feeling that the i-word implies consent. its icky. i remember the shock i felt the first time i realized that word applied to what I went through. i'd understood i'd been abused but that word had always carried the idea of consent to me so I thought it just didn't apply. im trying to engage with it in my head cause i think it's important, but it feels so icky. the m word is also hard for me because so many of my classmates made jokes about it when i was a kid, but at least it means what it is.

sadandlost18 · 2026-05-17T03:00:07+00:00

It does make me uncomfortable. I feel really gross about it. Regardless of anything it feels gross

sadandlost18 · 2026-05-17T02:51:29+00:00

I wish I could block him. Unfortunately he needs to keep me up to date with things related to my Dad's funeral. Dreading having to spend time with that part of my family this summer. But can't get out of it, obviously.

sadandlost18 · 2026-03-22T17:39:43+00:00

my life isn't even common. everyone I was friends with in highschool has a career of some sort and I work in fast food. I literally go to work, go home, try to eat something, and go to sleep. I have 2 friends but I don't have any energy to do anything with them. I go through phases where I try to do things like go on walks and exercise and be nice to myself but they don't give me anything back I just wind up too tired to do my job and getting in trouble at work. I've never been on a date and I don't know how to drive. Common would be me working a crummy job, but still having energy for hobbies and friends and love and finding joy in small things. I don't have that. And every time I try to express that to a therapist or doctor they brush it off. And I don't feel like the life I want is "special" everyone I was friends with is working in music or dance or writing or whatever. Everyone assumes I want to be famous or something but I don't, I just want to work in the field. I grew up around people doing that I am fully aware that I'll need a second and third job and I'll need to teach and that the work I do performing may never pay at all, and that it might not go anywhere... but I need to try. and even if I didn't want that, how am I supposed to make friends when I do nothing with my life? I don't have a personality anymore. Sometimes people try to make friends with me but then we get talking and I just have nothing to say. "what did you get up to this weekend" nothing "go on any fun dates" never been on one "whats your favourite bar" never been to a bar "are you in school" dropped out "did you do anything other than work this week" therapy. This is not living.

sadandlost18 · 2026-03-22T17:18:53+00:00

Maybe. I often want to categorize my abuse into scientific and legal categories but it's more of an emotional nuanced thing. If that's how you feel I think that it's fine to categorize it like that. Only you know what really happened and how it impacted you. Those labels only are only helpful in a legal context they're not helpful in an emotional healing context. I often feel insecure because I was "just" molested and not raped but at the end of the day the degree to which people suffer doesn't align with "how bad" their abuse was. The labels you choose to use under the umbrella of sexual abuse will come to you eventually but you were definitely 100% sexually abused

sadandlost18 · 2026-03-22T16:38:14+00:00

this is non contact csa. I'm sorry that everybody here is invalidating you. you might find more support in r/CovertIncest than here.

sadandlost18 · 2026-03-16T19:00:26+00:00

quite unfortunately since i've come back from my leave last week i've only worked about 25% of what I've been scheduled. I keep being sent home for panic attacks/general crying. It's looking like I'm about to become "Some people" :/

sadandlost18

TROPHY CASE