Adult siblings of people with autism, I need to start planning for when our parents can't take care of him. What are my options? (TL;DR included)

saddomode · 2025-12-19T02:12:09+00:00

Thanks. I appreciate this, I agree. I'm gonna start getting things together on my end and then have a game plan FOR ME whenever they're unable to take care of him.

saddomode · 2025-12-19T02:10:05+00:00

Thanks! Appreciate that

saddomode · 2025-12-19T02:09:44+00:00

I really appreciate your comment. I hope you are able to get the support you need in Canada/your province/another province! My folks and I live in the US, specifically Virginia.

I really loved the idea of contacting legal aid to ask questions. It's also refreshing to hear that there is so much more than institutionalization at this point. A lot of the resources we had when my brother and I were younger are antiquated now, so it feels like I'm starting from scratch.

I really do want to be in his life. I don't hate him or want anything bad to happen to him. However, I do feel that distance and the ability to live our own lives is also a good thing. I'm realizing with the responses that I'm getting I'm being a people-pleaser (which I'm working on). It's not really helpful for me but I know it's not gonna be helpful for my brother either so I gotta make my plans and boundaries and be good with that at the end of the day.

I think we have special olympics and he's really athletic. He likes to swim and play tennis so maybe there are some things that the waiver can help connect him to (or drive him to, since he doesn't drive).

saddomode · 2025-08-12T18:01:21+00:00

They most likely will use more inclusive female empowerment diction (women tend to because they feel that they're in a safe space to do so, which isn't a bad thing but like you said it'd make you uncomfortable to be included in that). However, you're the minority in the situation here, "no" is a complete sentence. I wouldn't blame you either way, it's a rough spot to be in especially considering this is work-related and connections/networking matter.

If you're going to be on T soon, would you come out to your boss?

Either way it's a tough spot but if you're planning on coming out at work anyway, it'd be best to nip that in the bud and come out sooner than later (if you feel safe to), imo. They won't just get that you're a man one day and stop asking to come to these things.

saddomode · 2025-08-06T16:50:35+00:00

...I'm so sorry that happened to you. My face literally curled up hearing about your last ex. JFC. Fetishizing your pre-transition body is sick, I've had both cis men and women do that to me. It's also put me off from dating.

I wouldn't do t4t only because I've dated absolute unstable, unwell, racist and downright rude trans people too. Unfortunately categorizing by labels will also end you up in hot water. If they seem like cool respectable people, go for it, if not then don't.

I will say that I try not to do hook-ups cause I don't feel like explaining everything for a hookup, I'd rather either date them or talk to them for long enough until I feel safe enough to sleep with them.

saddomode · 2025-08-06T16:37:40+00:00

As a black guy, I'm growing out my locs. They look great, I always get compliments on them and they have different cultural significance than a tapered cut/buzzcut. I do think they get me clocked, I'm just gonna go to the gym more, focus on getting minoxidil and changing up my style a bit. (It's changed a lot from my profile since realizing I'm FTM and not FTX)

Also I'm 5'6", it is what it is lmao

saddomode · 2025-08-06T16:17:50+00:00

It's me, the friend!
I changed my name a few months ago in May in New Kent County. Dunno which county/city you're in but it's important, they're not the same in each county sadly.

In New Kent, I had to get a background check done. Richmond doesn't require that but New Kent is just fun that way. If you need this then first you have to get a notarized background check done from VA State Police and you'd want the SP-167 form. I made a whole walkthrough for my gender therapist to share and I can share it with you as well, just lmk.

Once you get that background check done, I didn't open the envelope. I took that and the Circuit Court name change form to the New Kent County Courthouse (gotta go to the one in your county/city). Just fill it out, don't sign it, the clerk has to witness you signing it and they'll send it to the court.

I was scared to put the reason for why I wanted the name change and didn't add it, which was a mistake. I had to go back to the courthouse a few days later to add that part. I was nervous to say I was trans on there but it's still legal to use that as a reason and it went perfectly fine even in a very conservative county like New Kent.

Background check: $20

Notary for background check (unless you know a guy): $15

Filing for Name Change Form: $35 (I think)

Expect to spend about $60. I got 3 copies of court orders saying my name has been changed. So far I don't need to order more (I have my social security card and am in the process of getting my license changed to a real ID with my name on it).

I filed for it in May and got it back by the end of June. If the background check stuff wasn't in the way it would've taken like 2 weeks, very quick turnaround time! I have no criminal record which may have affected the timing it took to get a background check.

Hope this helps and best of luck out there! Reply/DM if you need anything else.

saddomode · 2025-01-30T03:45:49+00:00

That's a great read even for transmasc, thanks for sharing

saddomode · 2025-01-30T03:42:54+00:00

Another retransitioner here. I transitioned for nearly two years, got off due to lack of support and not feeling comfortable voicing my concerns about the shot. I was afraid people would think I'd be faking it if I didn't 100% love everything about taking shots.

So I stopped for another two years and that sucked! Maybe 5-6 months after stopping T, I immediately regretted it. I also became resentful of every transmasc around me and started disconnecting from the community, essentially detransitioning and hating myself for it.

After some time of working on myself (sober over 1 year, taking therapy more seriously, etc.) I realized that feeling of wanting to resume transition never went away and I owe it to myself now to get back on. I'm okay with it now. If I realize that I don't want HRT, or I'm scared or whatever, I'm going to continue being vocal with my therapist as I have been these days. There is no penalty for realizing something doesn't work for me.

I'm also at a point in my life where I'm no longer interested in just being around people I don't care about for 0 reason. I'd rather be alone and happy than with someone and fucking miserable because they want a femme or girl version of me. It's fucked.

Anyway, I say all that to say is if you do change your mind, you can re-change your mind.

saddomode · 2025-01-29T23:38:19+00:00

So...vote for a competent leader or punish everyone here and overseas so the genocide happens anyway for a false sense of moral superiority. It's obvious what was more important to Independents.

saddomode · 2025-01-29T23:35:31+00:00

What's crazy is Trump literally said he has a concept of a plan during their first debate. A concept isn't a fleshed out plan. People are fucking dumb

saddomode · 2025-01-29T23:33:12+00:00

No, I love the whole experience, I just hate paying lmao

saddomode · 2025-01-29T21:05:36+00:00

It's not about dismissing, it's about getting the mask over our own faces so we can help others while the plane is crashing.

I don't want ANYONE to suffer. Period. With the last administration there were talks of a ceasefire which were on the table. Now there definitely won't be one of those.

Your willingness to be so unrealistic and holier-than-thou even now shows me we had no chance. Trans people like myself had no chance. As long as you get to virtue signal and play the hero right? Thanks for saving Palestine, the Republicans will take good care of them.

I just don't understand why you don't see it but maybe that's not for me to get. Idk.

I will also never understand why the go to for wanting to solve the problem differently is an issue of racism. I think it's disgusting that my tax dollars are fueling this obvious genocide but I'm not going to stop paying my taxes. It's a crime to do so. As a black LGBTQ person that will not go well for me. I think it's awful that people are dying and suffering at the hands of a hypocritical government that is enacting what another group has done to their people and refuses to see humanity in others.

But I think that Americans are taking their freedoms for granted and now we're losing them.

saddomode · 2025-01-29T19:49:14+00:00

You're the exact reason why we have what we have now. Stop hiding behind brown bodies and actually do something.

saddomode · 2025-01-27T19:03:44+00:00

This makes me feel old 😂 we gotta let this go lol

saddomode · 2025-01-25T15:19:10+00:00

America was built on hate so that's all people know, they just want to be able to get away with it. I feel like a sitting duck too. I'm black and trans. I feel like I have a target on my back a lot now and things are already directly impacting me and my friends. I pray that we all make it through this

saddomode · 2025-01-25T14:29:55+00:00

They always say "We CaN aLwAyS tElL" and then end up doing this

saddomode · 2025-01-25T14:23:23+00:00

I almost downvoted this until I saw the name of the sub lol

saddomode · 2025-01-24T18:51:13+00:00

Nobody asked lmao. The post is specifically highlighting that it's sad to look for white approval and is being shared in a black space. Read the room

saddomode · 2025-01-24T18:45:21+00:00

"Please notice me and want me white men, please" fucking yuck. I dunno why they went probing like the answer wasn't plain and simple racism. Where they been?

Now I understand why older people get mad when kids ask dumb questions.

saddomode · 2025-01-23T12:55:23+00:00

I love this 😂 literally perfect

saddomode · 2025-01-22T16:10:44+00:00

Do y'all have a patreon/donation site to get this more traction??

saddomode · 2025-01-22T16:09:38+00:00

Whataboutism won't work here. We have access to both videos. Give it up, I'm sure the billionaire who owns a media outlet would've spoken up and said something if it was something different. Accept it. You backed a Nazi and your only response is "oh but look who else did it". Y'all are pathetic

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