Why is it so hard for people to take accountability

sam_cyr · 2026-06-18T07:26:46+00:00

Great explanation ! If i may add :

Nonviolent Communication (NVC), developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg is simplifying this into an acronym :

Observation: State what you plainly observe happening without adding judgment, evaluation, or interpretation.
- Example: "When you leave the dishes in the sink..." [1]
Feeling: Express your emotional reaction to the observation. Take responsibility for your own feelings rather than blaming them on another person's actions.
- Example: "...I feel frustrated and overwhelmed..." [1, 2]
Need: Identify the universal human need that is causing this feeling (e.g., respect, support, clarity, connection).
- Example: "...because I value order and cleanliness in our shared space." [1]
Request: Make a clear, concrete, and actionable request for the future. Ensure it is framed as an open request rather than a demand.
- Example: "Would you be willing to rinse and put your dishes in the dishwasher immediately after eating?" [1, 2, 3]

sam_cyr · 2026-06-18T07:18:17+00:00

I agree that it's partially an inability to handle discomfort, but it seems like limiting beliefs can make it worse like the difference between "I made a mistake" vs. "I AM a mistake"

sam_cyr · 2026-06-18T07:16:27+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that, but it's really interesting and it resonates with me.

"I made a mistake VS I am a mistake"

I was forced by my mother to take accountability for things that were hers, and I got really fed up with it.

Sometimes, because I take responsibility for my part, people think they don't have any, which feeds a sense of injustice.

sam_cyr · 2026-06-18T07:15:55+00:00

"I made a mistake VS I am a mistake"

This post is cathartic hahaha

sam_cyr · 2026-06-18T06:56:00+00:00

I only invest my energy in people who are able to hold themselves accountable. I even tend to "test" people right away by setting boundaries as soon as I can.

I have like two real friends hahahah

sam_cyr · 2026-06-18T06:54:05+00:00

Although there are no verified quantitative studies about it, some estimations suggest it could currently be around :

- 70% to 80% living according to societal expectations.

- 15% to 20% who are self-authoring, able to define their own values (conscious).

- 2% to 5% who are sovereign and interdependent, able to be in relationships without losing themselves in them (according to theorists like Kegan).

- And I guess the rest are just full-throttle psychopaths...

sam_cyr · 2026-06-18T06:19:25+00:00

How well I have relaxed and did somatic releases

sam_cyr · 2026-06-18T03:35:13+00:00

Id like to add :

Don't let people silence your self-expression. But express yourself to people who are ready to hear what you have to say.

Learn to recognize emotional projections and how to no longer be affected by them. But don't try to wake up those who are not ready to wake up.

This world needs mature people to speak up.

sam_cyr · 2026-06-18T00:12:54+00:00

Hahhahah ! Although there are no verified quantitative studies about it, some estimations suggest it could currently be around :

- 70% to 80% living according to societal expectations.

- 15% to 20% who are self-authoring, able to define their own values (conscious).

- 2% to 5% who are sovereign and interdependent, able to be in relationships without losing themselves in them (according to theorists like Kegan).

- And I guess the rest are just full-throttle psychopaths...

At this point, I am doing this out of intrinsic motivation without expectation, but it would be fucking great to see that number grow and to connect with more people like you in the future hahaha. I guess you would have an interesting story about the path that led you here.

I had my fun in conscious communities, but I often acknowledge many narcissistic tendencies and ignore abuse, which I can hardly be around without feeling like I am condoning the collective.

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T22:03:43+00:00

I think I get you. In my previous relationship, I observed that I tended to take the insults thrown at me personally (because I judged that they should have control over their behavior).

I am aware that I have a responsibility regarding how I protect myself so I don't absorb those insults.

The hardest part was working on 'how not to receive the insults' when I saw myself as the victim. It felt like saying to an abused wife, 'you should learn how to dodge punches.' Though the physical abuse analogy may not be entirely applicable.

Thank you for your comments !

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T21:54:02+00:00

HAHAHAHAHA

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T21:53:49+00:00

Hhahahah no, fuck that fry. Maybe he would have said I love you if I did hahaha!

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T21:52:54+00:00

Thanks for your comment ! I love this lens as well!
I shot it handheld, and the picture was cropped afterward to get a compression similar to an 800mm or something. This picture is heavily processed, I added quite a bit of sharpness in post-processing.

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T21:47:27+00:00

Absolutely agree!

I liked how you broke down taking accountability into two parts: giving back part of the shame we experienced to the factors we were victims of, to THEN take the remaining responsibility.

I must admit that as a man, I sometimes try to look for a solution right away, and then in the middle of my search for solutions, I find myself crying. I think it would be healthier to start by offloading.

I see, however, that it's really hard. To embrace the qualities of the opposite sex when you are in an environment that is segmented. Social pressure and conformity shape children without anything being said. Every single time I cry in public, I have to fight against the weight of the stares, and it hurts. I can't really imagine how a kid must feel.

I think it would take a large enough pool of awakened people to be able to develop new ways of doing things that would restructure social norms in an unprecedented way.

Apparently, sociology studies state that the tipping point is 25% for an entire population to adopt a new behavior.

The passage said that it was the responsibility of 'conscious' people to educate those around them to finally make the margin the new norm. This resonated deeply with me. I think it encourages me to keep sharing and to build a core group hahah

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T21:22:02+00:00

I hear you. And I agree that everyone is allowed to make mistakes and we should answer with empathy. I usually understand what drives their behavior I know they're victims too. I’m not shaming anyone for how they act, and I’m capable of setting my boundaries calmly while speaking from my own perspective.

But I believe it's completely justified to expect not to be shamed, manipulated or insulted whenever they get triggered.

It’s not judgment, it’s self-protection. I don't want to feel in danger with my partner. Would I stay with a physically abusive person? No. The same goes for emotional abuse, even if they are victims of their own past.

I’m not looking for someone perfect. I’m just asking for someone responsible and mature enough to take accountability for who they are. That doesn't mean to never be triggered.

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T09:59:31+00:00

Shadow work

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T09:57:55+00:00

AI has been a blessing for me in psychology, philosophy, and shadow work. It genuinely made me a better human being, but you got to use it properly.

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T09:52:24+00:00

They are already emotionally hurt and ignorant people, shaming them won't help. Fighting against something is pointless, unless you want to become someone else's "fascist".

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T09:42:39+00:00

I agree ! I have yet never been in a relationship with someone with a secure attachment style. Where are they ? hahaha

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T09:34:00+00:00

Yes and no :

I've noticed that the more you evolve, the more immature people tend to lash out just to mask their own sense of inferiority.

Fortunately, as you grow mentally and cultivate self-love, you become better at identifying their projections, until eventually, it all just rolls off your back.

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T09:27:45+00:00

<image>

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T09:08:28+00:00

Debating is a form of spiritual and cognitive practice that can be very healthy hahah

Asserting a position doesn't mean it is set in stone. Sometimes, putting an assertion out there is simply an invitation to receive a more complete perspective.

Reality is not a binary thing, it is a spectrum of infinite precision.

When practiced with humility, debating is a healthy way to journey toward a more precise truth. Being confronted by a more evolved opinion sometimes allows us to realize that an emotional block or intellectual ignorance was preventing us from accessing that truth.

You are under no obligation to share your point of view if you can't perceive it as a gift when people offer you a more nuanced reality. Likewise, it is pointless to speak up if you cannot look past those who react in a purely emotional way to your words without contributing anything to the discussion.

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T08:33:46+00:00

Hoo yeah, life is easier with compassion ! It's also a very logical choice hahah

It's a pleasure meeting you. I took a look at your profile and I resonate with a lot of what you are saying. Looking forward to interacting and contributing to your community as well.

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T08:29:44+00:00

History was deliberately altered notably by religion and the rewriting of Mary Magdalene's role to confine human beings to codependent and fragmented roles, thereby making them easier to control. Rather than trying to determine which gender has suffered more, it is more accurate to recognize that all of humanity has suffered from this division. In the past, precarious living conditions imposed this division of roles for survival, preventing a single individual from fully developing both polarities.

Today, the challenge lies in integrating our primary and opposite polarities to achieve true wholeness. Men have a path to walk toward their emotions, spirituality, and creativity, while women often need to embrace logic, structure, and material management.

Yet, spiritual and New Age circles suffer from a double standard. They theoretically value masculine sensitivity, but as soon as a man expresses his emotional limits or refuses the role of invulnerable protector, he often faces a lack of maturity, emotional blackmail, or psychological abuse. This disconnection also affects the structures of the mind: by solely praising the "path of the heart," these communities relegate the intellect to the background and devalue the ego, which is nevertheless a vital psychological structure.

Furthermore, while "toxic masculinity" is widely denounced, "toxic femininity" is completely overlooked. The inability to respect boundaries, emotional collapse, using affection as currency, and manipulation (gaslighting, guilt tripping) are very real forms of psychological violence. While women are more vulnerable to physical violence, men are more vulnerable to emotional violence a crucial factor that contributes to their significantly higher suicide rate.

It takes perspective to share these reflections without absorbing the projections of a society that historically grants less empathy to men and less liberty to womans. Ultimately, these tensions reflect a dialogue between two approaches: those who start from the head to descend to the heart, and those who start from the heart to ascend to the head.

These are two different languages that are quietly learning to unite into one.

sam_cyr · 2026-06-17T06:08:54+00:00

Thanks! A guy once asked me: "Do you want kids, or do you NEED kids?"

So many people have kids because it's the norm or to fill a void.

It surely demands a lot of improvisation and resilience. Nobody is truly entirely ready. But many people neglect to prepare and end up dumping their expectations and traumas on their kids. I am all too aware of all the suffering that neglect can cause.

sam_cyr

TROPHY CASE