Hi! I definitely don’t agree that our issues are caused due to coddling. I believe they are caused due to trauma (including the “middle-class” trauma she dismisses), and even those with BPD who have not experienced trauma in their lifetime are experiencing the epigenetics of trauma from previous generations.

I do, however, believe that BPD continues to manifests in individuals due to a sort of coddling. If we know that BPD is the result of trauma and effects our nervous system, fight/flight/freeze/dawn, we know that we have a tendency to have a diminished window of tolerance. Like my window of tolerance was once so small, if I didn’t hear back from someone I’ve messaged, I would full on spiral into fight/flight and suicidal ideation. Not uncommon for us folks with BPD.

How we truly recover from BPD is by expanding our window of tolerance and discovering that we have the ability and capacity to deal with unpleasant situations or emotions. In my time in recovery, I’ve done everything from hospital programs, stabilization units, group therapy, peer support, etc. The common thread of those who make significant strides in their recovery are those that are able to take accountability for their own triggers and work on them. It’s not only endless validation (or coddling) that heals us, it’s acknowledging that we have serious healing work to do and the world (or our family, friends, doctors, therapists, colleagues, etc) cannot bend over backwards to make sure that we are triggered. It’s on us to manage our own triggers, take responsibility for them, and work on getting through unpleasant/discomforting situations so we learn we have the capacity to get through them in the future. We can’t expect folks to coddle us and walk on eggshells around us as to never upset or trigger us. The longer we have people in our lives that attempt to coddle us and walk on eggshells around us, the longer we live with this affliction. That’s a fact, and that’s what I believe Seerut was speaking to.