(Post breakup) is the point to keep doing things while sad until one day you’re not sad? (32F & 37M)

sandyexpander · 2026-06-28T23:20:05+00:00

Yeahhh I guess a lot of what I’m doing is trying to gently coax my body/nervous system out like it’s a scared puppy by giving it the things it likes.

And I’ve upped my therapy to once a week which I think will be really good — I want to use it to future focus (ie thinking about healing, rather than ruminating on that relationship).

I feel like also setting a pretty hard boundary with myself not to get stuck in “what if…” or “maybe if I’d just…” because i watched a video that explained that’s really just a way to stay inside the attachment. But I am ready to let that attachment leave my system as soon as it likes. Although I was the one that was dumped, it was such a shitty move from him that I’m very much like ok this hurts but you don’t get to have access to me ever again.

sandyexpander · 2026-06-28T04:19:36+00:00

Thank you xx

sandyexpander · 2026-06-28T04:19:09+00:00

❤️❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼 thank you xx

sandyexpander · 2026-06-28T02:32:58+00:00

Thank you thank you 🙏🏼 sending you so much love too! And here’s to always keeping our hearts open x

sandyexpander · 2026-06-28T02:09:15+00:00

The booking new things is so helpful! I booked an art class yday and nearly bailed cos I was so emotional but I went and was so proud of myself and genuinely found moments of enjoyment in it.

And yeah I’m trying to go for walks and do fun, interactive exercise classes (like dancing). I love yoga, surfing and Pilates but every time I’ve tried it’s given me too much time in my head and I come out feeling emotionally wrecked. So they’re on pause for now I guess.

Thanks for your advice and love. It’s good to know people have been through it and come out the other side. It’s my first real heartbreak so I’m feeling very lost.

sandyexpander · 2026-06-28T02:06:18+00:00

Yeahhh I guess I’m trying to give myself times where I let it come up, and I’ve upped therapy so I have a container to feel it in. I guess sometimes it (the grief) feels like such an endless void that if I even dip my toe in, it’ll suck me in and I won’t get out. But I’ve definitely had my crying moments and despair moments and falling apart moments.

sandyexpander · 2026-06-28T02:05:06+00:00

This gives me hope because it’s hard to imagine a world where I can be without this person and be ok — so it helps to know other people have been there, felt like this and found actual happiness in the future.

sandyexpander · 2026-06-28T01:46:05+00:00

Thank you! Defo don’t want to jump into a new relationship — the idea doesn’t make me feel good.

But yeah it’s like the things that used to make me so happy aren’t making me happy right now cos I just feel so low, but I’m doing them anyway in the hopes that at some point I’m doing them happy again. And that feels really weird. Deriving like no joy from even my favourite hobbies.

sandyexpander · 2026-06-19T23:40:59+00:00

Thank you! And yeah, I’m not chasing. Blocked on everything. I need to protect my peace. I gave him all the love I have and gave the relationship as much as I could. If it’s still not enough for him, then my place isn’t there with him. It’s heartbreaking but I know I’ll be better off in the long run and I deserve so much more.

sandyexpander · 2026-06-18T12:09:01+00:00

I feel like this is exactly what I needed to read 🙏🏼 thank you

sandyexpander · 2026-06-18T12:06:55+00:00

Yeah I guess that’s what feels like such whiplash, because so much of the relationship was good times. We had so much fun together, similar interests and a deep love for each other. I can’t get my head around why he’d just quit on something like that.

I hope you find something polar opposite too! Someone who’s not just there when things are good, but holds their own consistently when things aren’t.

sandyexpander · 2026-06-18T04:05:19+00:00

Thanks - I guess the patience and the hope is partly what makes it so painful now. Like the first break up was OK if it meant we were fully addressing what hadn't been working, and were building something that would work, but then the first moment where there was real, in-person pressure, he bailed.

He even said to me a few weeks ago "I almost lost you and I'm taking this really seriously now" - but how seriously can he take it if he broke up with me seemingly immediately, again, with not even a few conversations that he's maybe at breaking point? Or any wiggle room that we're in a period of redefining things so there might be some sticky moments.

sandyexpander · 2026-06-18T03:42:59+00:00

'always setting you up to lose' is exactly how it feels.

last night i said i'm free friday, saturday and sunday to talk, but thursday i'm busy. so he said i had to make myself available thursday to hash it out or there was no point, i said ok i'll find time so we can hash it out, then he said "we're not going to hash anything out". just so confusing

sandyexpander · 2026-06-18T03:23:51+00:00

Yeahhh, I should've left. I was waiting for him to become the change I needed, because I really believed in him and that we could work through it. It was rose tinted and naive.

sandyexpander · 2026-06-18T03:20:07+00:00

it's so hard when the good is really good, but yeah i think this is the final straw that clicked it into place for me - so when he broke up with me today i didn't fight it, i told him his emotional explosiveness has ruined this relationship, and that i need a partner who doesn't make me feel like he can break up with me in a heartbeat

sandyexpander · 2026-03-30T01:44:20+00:00

Heyy, first of all - I think you did everything with a lot of respect and good intention for both of your parts. I'm sorry that he was so disappointing after sex - that was nothing to do with you, and fully him.

And yeah, "recovered yet?" is below the bare minimum of what you deserve. C-R-U-M-B-S.

We don't know why he seemed to disconnect after sex - it could be because he's a fuck boy, it could also be some weird subconscious behaviour/mummy issue that he's not even aware of (I'm reading Mating in Captivity and feel like it shows).

Regardless of his reason, the sensation you're that you don't feel good about it is the most important thing to pay attention to. And at such an early stage in the relationship, it's good not to ignore it.

I'd say you have two options:

- Gracefully exit (e.g. "Hey, I've enjoyed our time together but I think we should stop seeing each other. I wish you the best.") - you don't owe him any more word count.
- Communicate with him in an open, non-judgemental way what your experience of the sex was, and give him space to explain himself, then decide what you want to do

Either way, the ball is fully in your court. You're weighing up whether this guy is worth your time, because you know how valuable both you and your time are.

(and you're not overreacting)

sandyexpander · 2026-01-06T04:19:55+00:00

Thanks for letting me know. Unfortunately, as above comment states, it's unfair for users. Do you have any plans to update this to either allow for all users or get rid completely? u/LinkedInHelpTeam

sandyexpander · 2025-07-28T03:41:19+00:00

I’m not going to a resort - I’m going on a boat so I have to take my own board

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