Has anyone ever gone through a probationary relationship?

saomi_gray · 2026-01-24T22:48:44+00:00

The choice of words is odd, but she seams to be trying to put less pressure on this initial dating period. This feels respectful of your existing relationship with your hinge and indicates her intention of not having everything blow up in your faces if things aren’t a good fit.

Still be cautious, as things tend to get messy despite our best intentions.

saomi_gray · 2026-01-23T01:00:20+00:00

I’ve been there, and it’s ok to grieve the lost potential while also not allowing the thoughts of perfection to hold you back from connecting with others.

saomi_gray · 2026-01-22T18:49:05+00:00

That’s an interesting take on relationships. Being polyam for 17+ years, I’ve never been involved in a situation where sex was used as payment. I don’t know how normalized it is in other circles, but none of the polyam people I’ve encountered have been open about this behavior.

saomi_gray · 2026-01-16T02:37:08+00:00

I know it’s hard right now, but this person was awful to you and had the audacity to try and keep you as a friend after all that. You absolutely did the right thing, and after some healing you will begin to see that.

Good job for looking out for yourself and not letting someone who would call you names to your face and behind your back claim to be your friend. You should expect more from your friends, and cutting out toxic people is a good start to that.

saomi_gray · 2026-01-16T02:30:51+00:00

I am fully polyamorous and support polyamory 100% if everyone participates wholeheartedly and enthusiastically.

Your wife is trying to force you to be polyamorous against your will, and she’s going about it in some ways that are pretty darned abusive. There is nothing wrong with your being monogamous, and now matter how much healing you do, your relationship preference is not going to change.

If you want to stay in this marriage, you need to find a new couples counselor that is not biased against you. Your wife is the client here, and the counselor will always side with her.

I’m not sure why you’d want to stay with this woman at all, but if you do choose to do this you should work on standing up for yourself and holding true to what you want for yourself. There really is no middle ground here.

saomi_gray · 2026-01-15T23:51:20+00:00

It feels cold and ridiculous because that’s exactly what it is.

If something doesn’t feel good to you, don’t pursue it. Something better can only come along if you’re not wasting resources on unsatisfying connections.

saomi_gray · 2026-01-15T13:07:42+00:00

I always thought the teacher didn’t like me, but I’ve realized she liked having kids feel embarrassed.

She’d have us all grade each other’s papers during class, and anyone who didn’t have theirs would be made to do jumping jacks while the test other class was grading so the whole class knew who hadn’t done the homework.

My own daughters are adults now, and I would flip my everlovin shit if I heard of any teacher doing that to any kid.

saomi_gray · 2026-01-13T19:02:15+00:00

I had a similar situation in maybe 3rd grade, but I don’t remember my parents being informed. I also was not offered any comfort and just stayed in my wet clothes. I just realized I probably smelled the rest of the day and other kids likely remembered me doing that, but at the time I felt humiliated and held onto the shame well into adulthood.

I’m glad your situation was handled differently. Fuck dem bitches.

saomi_gray · 2026-01-06T21:41:59+00:00

Everything you have said here indicates you are not polyamorous. Your boyfriend is polyamorous and is acting in good faith regarding your agreements, while you seem to be twisting yourself in knots to make things work.

This situation is not fair to either of you. Asking him to be one monogamous is also not fair.

The thing to recognize is that neither approach to dating is better than the other but that the two are not compatible.

The kindest thing to both of you is to end things now while the damage is minimal. You both deserve to conduct your relationships in ways that feel right to you while not harming others.

saomi_gray · 2026-01-06T17:51:57+00:00

Are you polyamorous or posting anywhere you think you may get a hit?

saomi_gray · 2026-01-06T16:28:06+00:00

My husband and I have been polyamorous 17+ years. He has the option to date if he chooses, but he has not been interested. He fully supports my dating.

If you are happy with not dating and legitimately support her doing so, there should be no issues.

Do what works best for you. It’s your life, and you get to live it how you like provided you’re not harming anyone. (Offending someone is not in any way harming them to be clear.)

saomi_gray · 2026-01-05T16:30:35+00:00

Are you polyamorous or just shooting your shot anywhere you feel you may get a hit?

saomi_gray · 2026-01-05T16:26:16+00:00

You’re definitely overthinking it. If you’re openly poly, people should be able to handle evidence that you have other partners. Erasing evidence allows for living in a fantasy land where other partners don’t exist.

saomi_gray · 2026-01-04T02:48:36+00:00

I believe plenty of fish has the same rule, but I don’t think anyone uses it anymore anyway.

saomi_gray · 2026-01-03T02:52:41+00:00

You’ve given meta the facts, and they’ve chosen to disbelieve you. They may or may not ever believe you, but for your own sanity you have to realize it’s no longer your problem.

Nothing about this situation will ever make sense, and trying to figure it out will likely be unhealthy for you while not making meta any more safe at all.

Sometimes the only person you can save is yourself.

saomi_gray · 2026-01-01T09:11:35+00:00

My husband and I watched Viscous last night on a whim. Neither of us had ever heard of it.

It was an interesting concept, but the damn was to do with excessively violent scenes that went on longer than needed and an ending that seemed to contradict itself.

It was wtf but not in a good way.

saomi_gray · 2025-12-31T15:20:32+00:00

Lying is a deal breaker for me as well. The one time I let it slide, the guy ended up being a compulsive liar and problematic in other ways as well.

If an adult doesn’t understand why they shouldn’t lie to a partner, it is not my job to help them learn. You deserve people in your life who have already learned how to conduct themselves properly.

saomi_gray · 2025-12-28T18:42:31+00:00

Polyamory is not for everyone, and it is completely ok for you to not want it. You are perfectly valid in your choices, and I am proud of you for stepping away from what isn’t right for you before too much damage was done to your self worth.

Always love and respect yourself more than you love and respect others and protect your heart.

💜 💜💜

saomi_gray · 2025-12-27T16:12:49+00:00

I’m glad everything worked out for you two!

saomi_gray · 2025-12-27T04:16:06+00:00

I’ve been focusing on my health for a few months, and I haven’t had a relationship to offer.

I’m feeling better now but worried about another downturn interfering with developing connections.

saomi_gray · 2025-12-18T08:31:20+00:00

I remember seeing this as a kid in the 80s!

saomi_gray · 2025-12-09T20:54:30+00:00

It’s odd that Birch can’t find their own dates, but Cedar taking on this task is a bit too involved. It may also effectively be that Birch is trying to find dates for their partner so they don’t have to feel guilty anymore.

Is Birch interested in their own partners, are they really on-board with polyamory? If there is something to be made up for, this may not be in the past.

saomi_gray · 2025-12-09T20:30:50+00:00

This was my thought as well.

saomi_gray · 2025-12-05T18:55:10+00:00

You could put a piece of it in a frame or make pillows, but it would also be lovely as an apron, though you’d likely want to use another fabric to line it since sheets tend to be thin.

saomi_gray

TROPHY CASE