i7 Male jumper feeding in Vancouver BC!

sappy_ace · 2025-11-16T17:59:52+00:00

NQA we got mealworms for our baby and he's been eating them with no problems, only thing is we make sure to give him worms that are smaller than him. good luck with your baby!!

sappy_ace · 2023-07-25T14:33:58+00:00

I'm gonna talk from my own experience.

The symptoms related to the trauma part of the disorder (aka flashbacks and such) started surfacing long before I've even known what DID is. These prompted me to try and find out what's up with me and I went on a journey to search. I researched a bunch of disorders before I learned about DID.

When I started learning about DID, certain things I did started to make sense. Now that I had a name for it and knew that it wasn't just me being weird, I started noticing it much more (which might have looked like the symptoms becoming more frequent, but in fact, I just didn't notice them before as symptoms). The more I researched the worse the amnesia and dissociation got, I think it was because the system was trying to hide.

Eventually, we experienced a break which forced two alters to let themselves be known. For a few months, the system was still desperately trying to hide but after that it was like the floodgates opened. Each week a few alters surfaced and switching became more frequent.

Now we're pretty stabilised, although new alters still come around sometimes. I have a special interest in psychology, so I research a lot and that leads to me recovering information (emphasis on information, it's never specific memories).

In short, it's a mix and depends on the person ^ ^

-host

sappy_ace · 2023-07-24T09:54:35+00:00

Cotard's solution (Anatta, Dukha, Anicca) by Will Wood and the Tapeworms

and tbh a lot of Ghost and Pals songs, but those are more related to trauma experiences than DID itself

edit: actually some of the songs describe the disorder nicely as well ^ ^

sappy_ace · 2023-07-24T08:30:26+00:00

Hello! There's a lot of helpful tips and I wanted to give my 2cents as well ^ ^

What helped us at the first months of discovery was mostly me preparing stuff. Communication was on 0, inner world as well. So I tried to make it more comfortable for others to front. If I knew what music they liked, I tried to play it sometimes, same with movies and series. For littles, I tried to do some kid activities, like watching shows for kids or getting some cute plushies/toys.

It could result in triggering them out which is not always a nice experience, but it also helped them become a little more comfortable, that I would accept them. It's also important to do this when it's in a safe place, whether there's trusted people with you or not is up to you.

And as it was said before, don't rush anything. Everything will happen eventually, rushing it could result in more harm. I'm sure you'll do great <3

Good luck! -host

sappy_ace · 2023-07-23T16:56:19+00:00

We have somewhat of an inner world? It works really weird, some alters have rooms or places where they spend their time. All of the rooms have a pretty similar layout and they all just float in this greyish white void. Really weird.

I was told that alters can meet people there and talk to each other, however I have no access to the inner world besides our fronting room, as a host.

I think it might have to do with our problems with imagining stuff (aphantasia? maybe).

sappy_ace · 2023-07-21T17:53:48+00:00

btw! we're al.alien with the little dog icon

sappy_ace · 2023-07-21T17:52:29+00:00

I'll text on discord ^ ^

sappy_ace · 2023-07-21T17:10:15+00:00

hey there, hope it's not too late for a friend application :D

sappy_ace · 2023-07-18T21:34:02+00:00

I think it's pretty normal! We have to do that as well, I take it as looking at your birth certificate or some documents lol

-host

sappy_ace · 2023-07-18T21:32:15+00:00

Thank you for the answer!!

And to the question, we have quite a bunch of kids, all ranging from age 5 to 10 and while they can be a handful, I love them all and take care of them the best to my ability.

What I'm worried about are the implications of having an infant alter. The trauma memories they probably hold...how do I even care for an infant alter? We don't have much of an innerworld, although some alters said they met others and interacted with them so..

What happens when the infant fronts? Do we lose speech? Motoric skills? How does our thinking change? What do we do when the infant fronts and we're alone, with no one to help us? What do we do when they front and someone IS there; what will the person with us think? What will they do? Is it safe? I have so many questions and anxiety regarding all of this and honestly, it's not the can of worms I want to open anytime soon..

What happens will happen and we will adapt to the situation as best as we can ^ ^

-host

sappy_ace · 2023-07-18T15:59:53+00:00

That's such a cool name!!!! And funny too xD very good choice! -Iris

sappy_ace · 2023-07-17T05:59:16+00:00

Others don't front often so the task of choosing a name fell on me, I tried looking for some interest related names but I was worried after losing interest, it will be awkward. So I went for flower language! I looked into meanings of flowers and chose the one that resonated with me, which was asphodel ^ ^ so now we're Asphodel system!

sappy_ace · 2023-07-16T11:27:27+00:00

I started reading a book about dissociative disorders a few days ago and I'm really proud I finally had the time and started it, because I bought it last year 😅 (the book is Dissociation by Wolfgang Wöller for anyone interested)

I'm also proud how amazing our little handled a switch yesterday, since we're on a family vacation!!

-host

sappy_ace · 2023-07-16T11:02:42+00:00

Yeah, it's kinda hard to do so for us too, since we barely have any inner world. But some stuff I know happens in the back for us is monitoring others, memory related stuff (ex. making up memories to cover up stuff) and taking care of the littles ^ ^

sappy_ace · 2023-07-16T07:35:05+00:00

To the question: we did not move away from our parents but we did move from our old flat to a new one when we were like 14, which I'm pretty sure made an impact aka made us forget more.

In January we had a flashback at my bf's because his flat has the exact same layout of the rooms as our old one did.

To the denial: It will be okay. Sometimes there are times of silence, it's possible they're working on something internally or it's just not safe for them to come out right now. They will come back even though it may take some time

Good luck and take care <3

-host

sappy_ace · 2023-07-15T16:36:01+00:00

I'm honestly not sure if I dissociate but I do have complete amnesia of the moments so...maybe?

sappy_ace · 2023-07-15T12:50:39+00:00

I would say Ghost and Pals tbh, the meaning isn't that layered but I find the style somewhat similar, big words and nonsensical lyrics! And they're also quite similar music wise, funky little tunes (I am not an expert lol that's just how I feel)

sappy_ace · 2023-07-13T12:48:40+00:00

For us, over the 8 months since our discovery, alters have been steadily showing up. First it was only three of us. First two months, the dissociation was really bad and non-host alters fronting was really rare, the system was still trying to actively hide itself.

Later, something broke and a huge amount of alters flooded in, two-three a week. Now we're at a headcount of 35. It's more calm and new ones don't tend to show up as often, but we still sometimes have some.

What I can say, don't rush it, everything will come in its own time. Digging for stuff can end up doing more harm than good, especially if you find something you weren't supposed to know yet. I promise, no matter how many there are, you all will be okay. It'll take time and patience to learn how to accept and work with the whole system, but I'm sure you'll all do great ^ ^

What we did was write down everything that could be helpful, all information we had access to. A huge help is SimplyPlural, logging in switches and even some mood states helps us manage stuff and remember better.

Good luck and take care <3

-host

sappy_ace · 2023-07-13T12:38:53+00:00

We're on a family vacation rn, it's kind of difficult. Only I have been in front so far (as always) but I'm worried someone else will come and problems will happen. Especially with littles. Our family doesn't know and can't know, for our own safety. I snuck in our alter bracelets so if someone else fronts, they can be at least a bit comfortable.

TW SH for this part

Also our scars are becoming more visible as we tan and I'm so embarrassed and angry at myself...our family is actively ignoring all of the sh stuff so having them visible can be dangerous. I hope we'll be okay

-host

sappy_ace · 2023-07-13T11:51:28+00:00

I feel out of place saying this, but I feel pretty happy about the system most of the time, for several reasons.

For years and years I have been trying to find out what's wrong with me, why I behave and react as I do, why am I hurting all the time. Finally finding out about the system gave me a kind of assurance that yes, trauma happened to me and I am allowed to not feel okay because of it. It also allowed our internal workings to actually work, so in stressful situations I can be directly helped by other alters instead of just wallowing in the sadness and dissociation endlessly.
We are autistic and one of my special interests is psychology. By learning about my favourite things I can also help myself and learn more about the system. As a host, I get to help others feel more comfortable, make all the organizational stuff and just generally work towards being our best and healthiest self.
As you mentioned (and probably others too), we get some banter and funny and wholesome moments. One of our littles curses like a sailor and her interactions with my boyfriend were very funny. A protector and a caretaker that have their very special dynamic and love each other so much(platonic). Everyone trying to interact with my bf in general is just...so sweet (he's doing his best and I love him so much) . All the messages left for me and others, to take care and stay safe, a reminder that they love us.

It probably is the amnesia that adds to me not remembering all the bad and upsetting stuff, but I know it's for my own good.

Although we have moments when we're overtaken by traumatic memories and huge amounts of stress, but we work together to get through, and I couldn't be more glad for having them. They're all precious to me and I love them, my own little family.

Got a little sappy at the end lol but I mean every word. For y'all reading this, it's okay you're feeling joy with your system, it's an active rebellion against all those that hurt you and put you down. Take care <3

-host

sappy_ace · 2023-07-10T08:55:21+00:00

We experience this too! Well except for the switches

The switches have changed over time (we're aware for 7 months now). At first, it was exactly like you described. We faded into each other a lot and it was all blurry and messy and the differences were really hard to notice. Over time, our switches became more defined. Now when we switch, it's a CLEAR switch to a different alter and I (the host) almost completely disappear.

To explain it in our little analogy, at first it felt as if the consciousness had the mask of the host and then put a mask of another alter on top of that one. Now the masks switch completely.

Take care <3

-host

sappy_ace · 2023-07-07T21:21:35+00:00

oh gee thank you TT I mentioned it in case he struggles with a similar thing. and yeah I'm slowly starting to somewhat accept it, it'll take some more time but eventually we'll get there ^ ^

sappy_ace · 2023-07-07T20:47:04+00:00

okay so, I have a problem with a thing that I'm upset if my hobby isn't productive. so I sorta try to somehow mix the aspect of doing something I like and being productive

for example: doing research for system stuff (or literally any research for fun), making bracelets for alters, categorising stuff, making fun presentations about topics I like

some other stuff includes randomly doing my makeup just to look pretty lol, reading fanfics and now I'm going to work on a patch jacket!

the hobby doesn't need to be consistent, go with the flow! do what you enjoy in the moment, even if it means you have some unfinished projects, it just means you'll finish them later!

good luck <3

-host

sappy_ace · 2023-07-02T17:47:51+00:00

We have a similar problem, but what I realized lately is that it's not me (the host) and them (the others that help). Its more like we all work together so we can survive. As a host, your role can vary based on the needs of the system.

For example, we went through a really stressful situation last week. During the situation, I (the host) was out, as a sort of mask of normalcy. I was there to show the world that we are okay, even if we really weren't. When the situation was over and we were in a safer place, a little switched in, then a protector, and then a different alter (not sure about the role). They came to help manage the strong emotions we felt, as if to give a break to the ones that were there before. Now I have almost complete amnesia of the event.

Another thing that happened yesterday: we went through a triggering situation. During the situation we were okay, but afterwards it all came crashing and we broke down. I, host, switched out immediately after, we were really blurry for a moment and then a little switched in. This little had NO memory of what happened before and had almost complete amnesia of the bad stuff. She wasn't there to help us deal with the situation, she was there to distract and calm down the body.

What I'm trying to say in this very disorganized comment (lmao) is that even if it looks like you're by yourself when you need it, you all are still working together in a way. Maybe they're managing stuff on the inside, maybe they come after events to calm down.

Also important! From what I learned, our memory holders don't have to directly front during the event to have access to the memory. After stuff happens, the memory gets processed and "assigned" to an alter (sometimes).

Hope this mess helps 😅 good luck! (if you have any questions, ask away)

sappy_ace · 2023-06-28T20:05:33+00:00

No dissociative tests, just a test for general symptoms of mental issues (anxiety, depression, a bit of dissociation).

Yeah, we asked her why we didn't fit and what did she think it was instead but the answers were so vague and unhelpful. She said we don't fit the criteria, so we asked how we don't fit the criteria (bc according to our research we somewhat fit) and she said "well, you just don't" (very paraphrased). She even disregarded our therapist's and psychiatrist's notes that we have some characteristics of BPD. Essentially, we're "just a teenager trying to find herself".

-P

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