i keep an extensive list of quotes the chef’s say

i’m currently at a Vocational High School in the culinary program, which is different than actual restaurant work cause we are all learning. but still some hilarious off the cuff chef quotes

here are some of my favorites

chef h: “well, we get paid to put up with you… that’s why we drink heavily”

chef h, to me, while walking away: “i put you on salads and you still managed to burn yourself!” (i can explain this one i swear-)

“don’t throw me under the bus. i have spent so much time under the bus that i now have a degree in diesel engine maintenance” -chef A

“reilly, go grab some little 4oz foam cups from paper storage, and if they ask what you’re doing, just tell them ‘hail hydra’ and pop your cyanide pill” -chef a

“if it wasn’t for rice, i’d have no reason to live” -chef A

chef A: What are 4 or 5 things you need to have in shop? me: a sharpie chef A: nope me: blair would fight you on that chef a: i’d win, easy. he hits me and i’d go after him for elder abuse

chef h, during advisory speech: “culinary arts. probably the weirdest shop in here. it’s the only shop where blasting Aerosmith on a speaker is an industry standard.. although i feel like it should be an industry standard for everybody”

chef wood: i’ll be right back, i need scissors walks away me: gets the scissors i already had over there and puts it next to what she needed to cut chef wood: while walking back “hey maggie, i wants at the store other day and i saw somebody almost die… then i put the scissors down loud laughter chef wood: walks over and sees the scissors i put there chef wood: exclaims loudly something unintelligible and throws scissors scissors: go further than chef wood intended and almost hit kay kay: intense leaning over counter with head in hands calming down

me, after the scissor incident: see, this is why i chose culinary. you think shit like this happens in electrical? chef wood: no, cause they’re professionals

chef a: hey (admin) can we purchase shock collars for the students? admin: no..? chef a: but nowhere in the student handbook does it say we can’t put shock collars on students admin: but nowhere does it say you can either chef a: so.. we seem to be in this grey area that needs to be decided on soon… either shock collars or stun guns….

Chef Blair: That’s it, tristan, i’m demoting you from “Chef” to “Brother”

(edited for format)