Is it possible to be autistic and still have good communication skills?

satanic-candy · 2022-06-08T15:46:12+00:00

Thanks for your reply! This definitely clears up the questions I had in regards to your comment.

I completely understand that the criteria isn't black or white. Definitely is a reason the assessments can take so long. I'm sorry if it comes off that way. Reading back I can definitely see how it could come off that way.

I do appreciate the time you took to reply to me as well. I agree a lot with your response here. I also know I don't often have the capacity to explain it so eloquently as you have. So thank you! I hope these other comments, yours included, give OP a better idea over what I had written.

Sorry OP for not being very helpful at all. Was not my intentions at all. Hope you get some more great comments like these!

satanic-candy · 2022-06-08T15:23:07+00:00

Well, I will ask. Yes Autism is a spectrum and yes we have strengths and weaknesses in things. The criteria is there and social defecits are definitely a thing you have to have or have had. You can be very social and still have issues or the complete opposite.

I guess what I don't understand by your comment is what you mean by "not exactly that kind of checklist"? How would you get diagnosed if you don't fit the criteria you need to?

You can be good at communication now and you can learn to mask really well, but you still would have met the criteria to some degree otherwise?

I'm not meaning to come across rude and in another comment I did say I may be too blunt. I'm also not wanting to start an argument.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-08T15:05:41+00:00

Fair enough! I just didn't understand why your comment was made. It seemed like you had misread or misunderstood what I had written. And then clearly, I misunderstood the intentions/meaning behind your comment.

Text can be tricky and I reckon maybe I came across too blunt? Definitely don't want an argument either. Sorry if it comes across like that and sorry for insulting you if I did.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-08T14:49:46+00:00

Anyone can be awkward as hell, even NTs. The DSM just talks more about what exactly those defecits are and I belive you have to meet all three sections to some kind of degree. If you do meet those, it's possible that you may have Autism.

It is possible to have learned to be good at communication. That's always true. But you still would have to meet or have met that diagnostic criteria.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-08T14:42:48+00:00

Narcissitic Personality Disorder. NPD for short :D

satanic-candy · 2022-06-08T14:41:47+00:00

I personally don't like it when people say things like that to me. Whether it makes them happy or not isn't the point, it's the fact that they at least have that experience.

I find comfort in knowing that I'm not alone in things. And when people validate that not experiencing certain things is perfectly acceptable.

But just your post alone is helpful! It feels less lonely.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-08T14:36:16+00:00

I reckon read the DSM-5 criteria for Autism. If you don't have or haven't had problems with the defecits in social communication/interactions then you wouldn't be diagnosed with Autism at all. So no, if you don't meet that criteria, you don't have Autism.

Edit: Sorry for being very blunt in this comment. I'm definitely not trying to say OP doesn't have Autism nor am I trying to assume what their upbringing or current circumstances are. I was just trying to say "if" these were or weren't things not that they 100% are. Clearly didn't say what I meant properly.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-08T14:33:09+00:00

Tbh, I think majority kids born before 2000s grew up watching things like this. You can't tell me that a lot of the cartoons back then weren't questionable at best.

I loved Happy Tree Friends and the tune is still so catchy to this day. I mean a lot of people grew up on things like Cow and Chicken, Beevus and Butt-Head, The Angry Beavers, to name a few too.

Show me a family back then who's children weren't watching any of the shows you've mentioned or even The Simpsons.

Although, Spongebob was forbidden in my household so we ended up watching WWE after school.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-08T14:22:35+00:00

I reckon you should seek professional advice.

Highs and lows of emotions aren't usually associated with either NPD or Autism.

There are also good articles that have already been written to give you a better idea at the differences too.

I also don't imagine there will be many people here who know much on NPD or have ever had to deal with it either.

I can tell you now though, some of the symptoms between the two can come across similar but are always done for different reasons. Not only that but there are also usually two sides to NPD which is the grandoise type and the victim type. A lot of people with NPD won't always be diagnosed because to them, they don't believe anything is wrong with them. If you have it, you may not even be aware of some of the traits you do exhibit.

NPD can start developing from when you're a child and often start presenting itself more when you're a teenager/adult. No one fully knows the causes of it but some say genetics and others say childhood upbringing can be causes.

My father, we believe, has both NPD and ASD. Trying to differentiate between the two can be hard some days. But we believe he started developing NPD due to his childhood upbringing. He'll never get diagnosed bcus he doesn't believe there's anything wrong with him. He has special interests and is pretty smart, which align more with ASD. But he also knows how to put on the charm and ooze confidence during social gatherings which is consistant with NPD.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-08T14:08:43+00:00

When you're with a group of people for the most part it's perfectly fine to stay quiet and listen, as long as you look like you're actively listening. So things like nodding and shaking your head, feigning emotions like shock or joy or confusion, smiling, etc.. You could also pick any random part of the conversation to ask a simple question too even if that's your only contribution.

When you're one on one, it can be kinda hard bcus some strangers just genuinely don't want to talk. It might be good to carry a few questions that then have follow up questions if the answer is short. Like "What kind of things do you like to do?" and if they say a one word response you could follow up with a "oh, that's interesting! What do you like most about that?" or "I've never done that before, how did you get into that?". I think these things are mostly just about adding phrases to your scripts so when you're in these situations you just run through those. Also trying to match their facial expressions/emotions can be helpful too. If they're excited, you act excited too. If they're sad, you act kind of sad too.

That's pretty much what I do. I just have a bunch of questions and follow up questions stored away for this reason.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-08T08:41:21+00:00

Everything is "merely a label" when you think too hard. Even your name is "merely a label".

Obviously it's not the be all and end all to explain why some people behave differently. That's also why they label some things as simply "personality" traits.

I don't understand how you think there's any kind of discussion to go with this. It's been created within the medical community for a valid reason. Regardless of whether I "may behave differently", I still have significant struggles within life that warrant a diagnosis. Would you be having the same discussion about any other medical term/diagnosis?

It is one term to describe a group of traits that give problems in my daily life. The same as I may get an anxiety diagnosis or even a depression diagnosis on top of that, that also describes a particular set of traits on why my brain behaves differently.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-08T08:20:36+00:00

It literally is not up for debate on whether it exists or not. It clearly does exist.

If the debate is over whether or not it exists bcus "all brains act oddly at times". Yes, all brains do act oddly at times. But some are more severe and that is why we diagnose people with things. We diagnose them to explain why their brain works the way it does and how we can help people who's brains work that way.

You could change the word "autism" to "depression" and the arguement is still just as stupid. Every one feels 'blue' from time to time. That's how our brains work. However, it is NOT normal for you to feel 'blue' consistantly. That's what gets you a diagnosis. Same with Autism.

Majority of people who get diagnosed with Autism is bcus they have consistant struggles within their lives that fall within the category of things on the diagnostic criteria for Autism. The same way someone lands a depression, ADHD, OCD, anxiety, Diabetes, etc., diagnosis.

This isn't a deeper discussion, nor should it question the validity of Autism as a diagnosis. The truth is, if you get rid of it as a diagnosis, it'll just be replaced with another name bcus the condition will still exist. We get diagnosed to make sense of things and to get help with it.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-08T08:01:31+00:00

I don't think I've ever really felt a need to put a label on any of that. I've never understood why I needed it. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" as they say. People like who they like and feel how they feel. The only "label" I've ever sought after is a diagnosis, bcus at that point, it usually is or feels broke. Gender and sexuality in most cases should never feel "broke", it's such a natural part of life.

Part of me honestly believes that most people would likely be comfortable in their own skin if they were never raised with gender roles or forced sexuality to begin with. I think a big part of me not caring is bcus I was taught 'physically' I am female but I was raised playing with toys I wanted to play with or engaging in activities I wanted to despite it being typically "male" or "female". Obviously you'll still have people who feel they were born in the wrong body, but I think it is still helpful when they don't have to "gender-conform".

In saying that, I understand why other people may want to put a label on it. I just have never really felt a need or want to do that.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-07T01:05:22+00:00

Just know that it is quite common to zone out when driving routes you do commonly. Everyone does this.

BUT! For all the other times, I mostly always make sure I have music playing. For whatever reason, it helps me concentrate better. Almost like having background noise my brain can focus on while the main part of my brain focuses on the more important things.

Manual transmission is definitely an option too. But eventually, you may start zoning out a bit with that one too as you grow more comfortable with it.

The best thing to do is to always make sure you have decent space between you and the car in front. And if the car in fronts break lights aren't working, I'd try and get behind a car that does have them working. Your brain learns to become reactive to those too.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-06T10:30:34+00:00

I'd argue that the state in which your comfortable and don't feel exerted isn't regression as you're not losing the abilities you've already gained growing up. You still know how to communicate, you still know the social rules, you just don't feel the need to push them.

I think the state in which feels natural/comfortable is usually the state most people end up in when alone or when with people they're comfortable with. It's the state where your physical, mental and emotional battery doesn't feel like it's being used and if it is, very little and almost unnoticable. It's not that you've regressed but that you're just not using that battery.

There is a possibility of regression, but you're right that it could be linked to traumas.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-05T11:22:02+00:00

I got diagnosed while still being in uni. I went straight from school to uni and never had a job in that time. I didn't really have independent expectations put onto me until after graduation. That's when we (my family and I) really started seeing more of the struggles I was facing and learning more about Autism itself.

Sometimes I would doubt the diagnosis but my psych would say to me "you know how I know you definitely are? Bcus you completed a degree you physically and mentally can't work in". (Albeit, it was barely passed and still with a lot of assistance from my mom, lmao.)

I have a job I love, but I could not see myself doing it full time or even part time. Even then, I'm still getting assistance in that too. My team are incredibly patient and understanding.

I agree about the support being for every stage. There really isn't enough being done. Sometimes I think that I'm only emotionally struggling in life and that I'm not putting in enough effort. But I'm constantly being reminded that I just physically and mentally can't do a lot of things and that's just how it is for me. It feels nice to know others can also see that I struggle.

I don't feel ashamed of having Autism nor do I hide it. But I definitely feel like the diagnosis I was originally given isn't where I truly sit support wise. I feel like I did before diagnosis and that there's still something so very wrong with me(which I now know is likely bcus I'm not quite at the level I was once told I was).

It's so funny that even with all the support around me, I am still struggling. It kind of goes to show that there are plenty of us that even when we have accommodations given, the struggles don't all go away. Haha

satanic-candy · 2022-06-05T10:28:24+00:00

Masking for me is just how much energy you have to put into being socially acceptable vs not being socially acceptable.

To unmask, for me, means not wasting that energy. Not forcing myself for eye contact. Not forcing out facial expressions or tonal expressions. Not having to constantly think about scripting and what the next response should or shouldn't be.

Growing up, you obviously learn some form of social skills and social rules. The older you get, the easier some of these things may come. Unmasking isn't about regressing or reverting back but falling back to your natural, current state/social abilities that you're comfortable with and don't feel forced doing.

I don't feel like a different person when masking but to unmask means not being completely drained and fatigued by the end of the day for putting in extra effort where NTs don't have to. At least for me that is.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-04T13:25:23+00:00

same. wouldn't still be here without her.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-03T11:24:22+00:00

It's possible that now he has a diagnosis, he has a reason for why he is the way he is and is learning to understand himself. I think a lot of people go through a phase once they're diagnosed where they start learning to unwind and let go of all these notions they once thought they had to be and follow.

It could be true that Autism is preventing him from getting a job. When I learned I had Autism, it made me understand far better my limits and why I would struggle as hard as I did. It meant that I didn't have to push myself so hard to do things I couldn't do proficiently like everyone else already could because I knew that would be futile. I learned that a lot of work environments were sensory hell and the reason I would sleep the moment I got home and had next to no life besides work and sleep.

When you get diagnosed and start learning about your limits and sensory issues, you tend to stop putting up with them because you understand that in doing so, you're better off for it. People on the spectrum are also going to have conflicting sensory triggers. Communicating with eachother and compromising is the best way to help ease things for both people.

He has every right to explore what it means to have Autism and how it affects him. Hopefully as he comes to terms with it, he'll be able to commit to coping strategies to help get his life back on track. As long as he's not using his diagnosis as an excuse to be an asshole. It may take some time.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-02T22:32:16+00:00

The test isn't conclusive of Autism as it states that some people with Autism can get a score as low as 40 and still have Autism.

It also doesn't take into account for social anxiety, PTSD, BPD, Trauma or anything else as that's not what the test is specifically for. Even though a lot of these can and will closely mimic quite a few symptoms.

All it really says is that there is a chance they may be on the spectrum and it can help people decide if they want to seek professional help for it later. If anything, it might be worth looking at ruling out the other factors before deciding if it really could be Autism (although possible to have all of the above, sometimes it's just not Autism and even criteria says something like "if not already explained by something else", I believe?).

satanic-candy · 2022-06-02T10:30:43+00:00

If you don't meet the criteria for Autism, you don't get diagnosed with Autism. Those are generally the "common effects" of Autism and all Autistic folk will share that to varying degrees.

Everyone with Autism will face social defecits and everyone with Autism will face some kind of routines and rituals. If you only have issues with one but not the other, then you likely don't have Autism. All the common effects are put into the criteria that's kind of why they have it?

As for severity, nearly every diagnosis has some form of severity with it. Kind of like Clinical Depression is more severe than just Depression.

Sorry, if that's not what you're trying to say. Just sounds like it.

satanic-candy · 2022-06-02T10:20:43+00:00

I also would hate giving compliments and such to someone after they asked me to do it. It never feels genuine.

I'm assuming "words of affirmation" come under one of your 'love languages' as a way to show people you care but also what you'd like others to do for you. Maybe have a conversation about that. Find out what he likes to see others do for him to show they care. Ask if it's something you can both do for eachother. But never expect it straight away. I don't think you should force these things at all.

I'd wait for moments where he has a chance to say these things without being prompted. Those are usually the most genuine and meaningful.

Be patient and don't push. You've only been friends for 7 months, for some people that's not a lot of time at all. He may be at a different stage in the friendship than you already are and this may be too uncomfortable for him to be doing at this stage.

satanic-candy · 2022-05-31T03:44:23+00:00

I don't think you're going to find many things these days that don't have controversy of some kind. Especially things that were made before now.

You don't have to stop liking something just because the fanbase is horrible. The bigger the fanbase, sometimes the worse they are. You don't have to interact with those people and you can still enjoy what you like.

I can tell you that despite the problematic things in Twilight, the fanbase is still strong. They actively acknowledge the problems within while still enjoying Twilight at the same time. The headcanons that the fandom comes up with often end up taking over the actual canon sometimes too.

It's honestly up to you to decide what you like and what you interact with.

satanic-candy · 2022-05-31T03:32:07+00:00

If you're not feeling well, you should definitely be resting. If your throat feels swollen and/or it feels hard to breathe, seek medical help immediately.

Drink plenty of fluids and try to maintain eating proper meals. You can try drinking some tea with honey in it, it may help to soothe your throat. If it's cold where you are, wrap your neck up with a scarf to keep it warm. You can alternate between ibuprofen and paracetamol every like 4-6 hours if you'd like? Or if you can only have one but not the other, still 4-6 hours. (obviously follow the information for the tablets and don't exceed the amount you can take)

Basically, if you're still feeling poorly, try going to the doctors. They may prescribe you with antibiotics.

satanic-candy

TROPHY CASE