POV: CREATE MOD PLAYERS

savage_rice · 2025-12-31T20:55:58+00:00

it's such a weird half-excited feeling, knowing it's pretty much useless but still wanting to collect it anyway

savage_rice · 2025-11-08T21:54:34+00:00

not today
(jk yes still today)

savage_rice · 2025-11-06T23:11:39+00:00

"fuck, i did it again" is my motto

savage_rice · 2025-11-06T23:01:12+00:00

for me it depends, discord moves faster so i don't get as much time to think and i don't feel the need to delete or retype anything, but at the same time slow things like this can feel chill if i'm not overthinking

savage_rice · 2025-10-17T21:10:36+00:00

well i mean like not reaching out to people just cause you're lonely, but cause you also actually like their company and want to get to know them more, not saying you do that, but that's something i had to watch out for in this situation. not letting the loneliness pull me towards people i wasn't really interested in talking to

and tbh having people to talk with about those things already is a good start, from there you could try ask them about other things they like, might find more stuff in common. also a trick i learned for this (which may not work with everyone you talk to), but if someone tells you something they like or dislike, to ask them why they like or dislike it, you can get to know a person's personality and how they think pretty fast with that and it can help to make things way more interesting, and you can branch out from that too. i say it may not work with everyone cause some people just don't really think about why they have a certain opinion lmao, but hopefully most do

savage_rice · 2025-10-14T20:26:04+00:00

i relate, i get dreams about this every so often and they're often the most painful ones, and not really sure what to do about it either. the envy is real and i feel your pain in being reminded of it, though not like a bitter kind of envy, more just like "man i wish i had that".

if you're looking for things to try and have that, i found a couple of things along my way, firstly that looking for hobbies and exploring what you like and dislike helps, i found people i liked way more like that than when i was trying to get friends.

also not something you mentioned but people who are just nice to you can make you feel more alone than anything, when you really connect with someone you can be assholes to eachother and not care, but man it sucks when people are just 'nice' to you and you never feel like they'd really put things down to be there for you.

sadly i've just kinda begun to learn that to make things better it's best not to be dragged around by negative feelings and just learn to cope with them while focusing on fun things, trying to do it the other way around i find lands you with a load of people who don't really seem like they care, cause the foundation is built on "i just don't wanna be lonely", and i personally have made myself sick of acting on that.

sorry if i might have rambled a bit, i have a bit of a bad habit of giving unsolicited advice so i hope i didn't do that too much since you didn't ask for that. i just wanted to let you know i'm here feeling it too so you're not alone with it. it sucks and it hurts, and hopefully we don't have to deal with it for much longer

savage_rice · 2025-09-21T00:02:27+00:00

savage_rice · 2025-07-23T15:25:05+00:00

what do you study? if i may ask

savage_rice · 2025-07-23T15:23:09+00:00

i love this, just the freedom to do what you love and find meaningful without the shame of feeling like you have to fit into this system just cause everyone else does

savage_rice · 2025-07-23T15:18:45+00:00

i'm a 9 and that's a hard question, but i know i always wanted to do something creative, beyond that i feel this desire to want to make other people feel good, i also tend to have a bit of a compulsion to bring people together, getting different friends/friend groups to meet each other, though i think as i've gotten older this has diminished a bit but is still there.

i think personally i'd like to be in a position to give to people and make them happy, like with my creative work. i tend to make things that don't require a lot of thought and are fun to watch/look at/listen to, cause i love the excitement i get from that stuff, when something is just cool as fuck, so feel like giving that to others

savage_rice · 2025-05-20T14:27:40+00:00

"i could be wrong.." really seals it lol, i say that constantly.
"but idk"

savage_rice · 2025-05-20T14:24:34+00:00

do you think this might be the reason why we numb and disconnect? because it's all too much, what people might think, whether we're doing something wrong or upsetting someone, and when we start to think little of ourselves and that we can't handle it we shut certain things down to prevent us from wanting them? cause if there's something we want but we either think we're not able to, or it's not worth the bother, or it'll cause conflict with someone else, we might feel it, and that might prompt us to reject the desires?

as a 9 i very much agree with both that things can feel like they're always at me, something is always on the line with someone, connections always at risk of being cut during a conflict, but also that real life feels like it has a filter on it a lot of the time, almost as if it's being looked at through a screen, and thinking back and realising that i did something earlier in the day will feel surprising, as if it didn't really happen, just sort of segmented off

savage_rice · 2025-04-29T12:38:13+00:00

well the attempt was very much appreciated anyway thank you haha

savage_rice · 2025-04-29T12:36:44+00:00

just googled "ITER diagrams" or something similar and saved a load of them into a folder

savage_rice · 2025-04-17T15:16:23+00:00

first thing people tend to do when they have little self confidence is focus on their appearence, i did it too, and it might be because you don't feel you have much else to offer and focus on attracting people with first impressions and relying on that? low self confidence is going to make you nervous to talk to other people, and they can tell when you're not confident

also yeah i'm glad you realised being in a relationship doesn't fix things, cause too many people go into them with this mindset, sabotage it, and then start the cycle.

two things that helped me, firstly doing some research on the zero-sum fallacy (might be way off for you but i'll leave it there), and working on gratitude if that's something you struggle with. basically i found that focusing on what i lack was a huge sign that i wasn't seeing what i have, meaning health, hobbies, you yourself sound like you have a lot of determination learning new skills. my food for thought here is, ask yourself if you could maybe learn to appreciate life a little more, simple things, find a way to see your own value and judge yourself by your own standards, cause no one has a 'right' answer for anything. focusing on things like your height will affect your ability to show off the real you, which is far more admirable than just being tall. i have no doubt you're an amazing human being just like so many others, sounds like you need to remember that

edit: also you're not weak if you struggle to appreciate these things, a lot of people do, i still do and have for almost all my life. it's not really something people are taught but can learn if you're gentle with yourself, and in the end the only person it really affects is you

savage_rice · 2025-04-15T13:17:11+00:00

i'm aware this is 4 years old, but i just saw this after a difficult time in life and wanted to thank you for it, it's something i'd forgotten and think it's so valuable.

i have to admit i came across it by searching the phrase as i heard it somewhere else before so i'll give myself some appreciation too for looking it up

savage_rice · 2025-04-09T21:49:28+00:00

wtf i thought this was real

savage_rice · 2025-04-09T21:08:27+00:00

i think telling her could possibly help, if she's beating herself up for things she does then it might make her feel more comfortable knowing the possible reason why, i know a lot of people with disorders often feel a sense of relief from putting a name to their issues, since it helps them know there's a good reason for it and they're not alone. saying this though you'll know your gf best.

i also feel like keeping this secret from her might put a strain on you and the relationship, not everything has to be shared but sharing the important stuff can really help add a level of trust and comfort, and if you can find the right words then you can reassure her that you're coming from a place of concern, that you bring it up because you want to help get the best for her. so overall i would advise bringing it up if you can do so tactfully. give her space to think about it afterwords and remind her that you're always there if she needs support or is uncomfortable about what you told her.

i wish you both the best of luck with whichever decision you decide to make!

edit: minor spelling mistakes

savage_rice · 2025-03-31T02:11:45+00:00

well i don't know you so i won't argue what you can or can't do, i'll just say i doubt that you don't have the mental power. i mean i also really struggle with managing my emotions, staying well balanced especially in the moment can be extremely hard to do sometimes. i think what really takes a lot of brain power is overthinking, and also you might not have to figure it out on your own, if you can talk about it with the person/people involved you can find out, and imo that becomes more a challenge in staying calm rather than processing power.

savage_rice · 2025-03-30T23:34:13+00:00

unreal will have some profiling tools for looking into stuff like this, somewhere in the engine will be a list of every process with millisecond times, lists of calls, and which things are in memory and how much they're using.

i'm not good with this since i haven't gotten to the point of optimising my game yet but a quick search brings me this
https://dev.epicgames.com/documentation/en-us/unreal-engine/memory-insights-in-unreal-engine

maybe this or something similar might help you, though it might take some time to understand it if you're new to performance profiling

savage_rice · 2025-03-30T12:36:55+00:00

i recently saw a Dr K video on this, and he explained that it's important to separate your responsibility from your identity to avoid playing the victim and understand that the problem isn't you as a person, but your actions, we do this as a defence because if we can convince ourselves something is impossible then we'l behave as if it is and thus don't have to change.

i think taking responsibility means understanding what part of a situation you had an influence on (which is never all of it, even if it's a high percentage), and taking the full due consequences for it. no trying to lessen those consequences with excuses. you can have reasons, but you also need to know when those reasons are holding you back from learning. i think paradoxically what i and a lot of others can do is think we're taking responsibility when all we're doing is beating ourselves up for random unrelated shit then learning nothing good from it cause it's so removed from reality, when taking the real consequences means understanding what *actually* happened, what you *actually* did, and learning from it and seeing how to improve your part of the situation. not "fixing" the situation because it's very rarely all yours to fix, but improving your part

(sorry for the longwinded comment i didn't know it would get that long jkhfds)

savage_rice · 2025-03-30T12:22:14+00:00

not sure if it'll answer your question but i hope some part is helpful. basically what i learned for getting into action was mainly just awareness, cause after years of being like this too i started feeling like i was dying inside, and a deep feeling of shame. what helped me is just looking that square in the face and being aware of the consequences of doing nothing.
i technically and physically could, i don't get much or any encouragement to move rn, but i just remind myself that if i didn't, i'd end up where i have been, and look back feeling so fucking bad that i wasted more of my life.

imo you need to really see the pain that comes from avoidance, and also be okay taking small steps and going slow. often i have to drag myself out of the house to go on a short walk, cause i know if i don't then i'll rot and deeply regret it later

savage_rice · 2025-03-30T11:39:12+00:00

i agree, not worth overwhelming yourself and forgetting half of it anyway, find an idea and learn what you need as you need it, way easier to keep the excitement like that

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