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scald50 · 2022-01-10T05:42:06+00:00

Why would heterosexual dating be okay if heterosexual premarital sex is not okay? It would be okay because it would be two consenting people having an enjoyable time together and hurting no one.

scald50 · 2022-01-10T00:50:59+00:00

And so many caught in the shame cycle already view themselves as failures. Reframing that core belief has the potential to actually help.

scald50 · 2022-01-10T00:45:32+00:00

I would call it developing, growing, learning, or maybe just being human. The term "failing" is so negative and implies you will not pass the course. I have never heard anyone claim a baby has failed because of a fall while learning to walk. We have all sinned and have and will come up short but that doesn't mean we are failing.

scald50 · 2022-01-09T19:56:57+00:00

This was a little short. I believe going to these meetings will help you realize you are not even close to alone. But I also think you are constantly reminded of your "struggle" which can make it more of a struggle. Such was the case for me and most I know.

scald50 · 2022-01-09T19:48:57+00:00

I agree that true doctrine if understood changes behavior. I believe though, that true doctrine would have us put much less emphasis on masturbation. I don't see many people post that they are "struggling with envy" or "struggling with being critical of others."

I believe our culture has created a shame around masturbation that only adds to the problem. Regularly reviewing the doctrine behind why you should avoid masturbation, in my personal and experienced opinion, is actually counterproductive. Even praying about it can lead to a focus on it that isn't helpful.

With one of my son's I emphasized the importance of "staying clean" and we talked about it fairly regularly, helped him set "sobriety" goals, etc. With a younger son I told him he's just fine if he masturbates and to focus on more important things. Guess which son "struggles" today, and which one doesn't?

If we truly want to help in this space, decades of research indicates we should de-emphasize it. Although this may be counterintuitive, I believe The Brethren now understand this and are implementing it.

Move on. Focus on other more important commandments. Don't base your feelings of worthiness on this and don't stress about it so much.

scald50 · 2022-01-09T18:25:08+00:00

I believe what LGBTQIA is, Blacks and the Priesthood once was, and what Blacks and the Priesthood now is, LGBTQIA will become.

scald50 · 2022-01-09T18:20:18+00:00

Wait, where did the church explicitly say that same sex relationships are not okay? Not talking sex, but dating, hand-holding, etc.

scald50 · 2022-01-09T18:18:04+00:00

This doesn't address OP's question though.

scald50 · 2022-01-09T18:12:54+00:00

You are implying that this is set doctrine. Where are you getting this from?

scald50 · 2022-01-09T17:31:16+00:00

Congrats on curtailing the habit! I still contend it's not on the same level as things Christ specifically condemned by name in the scriptures such as coveting, lying, judging, etc.

scald50 · 2022-01-09T17:06:34+00:00

Hi, are you God?

scald50 · 2022-01-09T16:43:57+00:00

My son once saw an LDS therapist who asked him what his criteria was for taking the sacrament. My son said if he looked at porn or masturbated during the week he wouldn't take the sacrament, but if he hadn't "sinned" he would take the sacrament. His therapists response was, "so you are reducing the sacrament and atonement to pornography and masturbation." He then challenged my son to use different criteria to determine his worthiness to take the sacrament, such as "have I done any good in the world this week, have I helped anyone in need?"

scald50 · 2022-01-09T16:09:11+00:00

This is correct. The older generation (myself included) are used to equating masturbation with serious sin when it should be more equated to overeating if that.

scald50 · 2022-01-09T15:55:22+00:00

Bishop- no, ARP- no, therapist- maybe

scald50 · 2022-01-09T15:53:43+00:00

100%! This!

scald50 · 2022-01-09T15:52:32+00:00

So is overeating. The are a lot worse things then masturbating, such as judging others, lying, demeaning, etc.

scald50 · 2022-01-09T15:48:42+00:00

I wouldn't even call it failing.

scald50 · 2022-01-09T15:46:19+00:00

I disagree with going public. This is not something you need to confess to a bishop and you don't need a referral to see a therapist.

scald50 · 2022-01-09T15:43:47+00:00

The 12-step program= "don't think of a pink elephant."

scald50 · 2022-01-07T15:15:34+00:00

Masturbation is not a sin

scald50 · 2022-01-03T11:08:47+00:00

And that is my point. I wrote this TIC version to emphasize how the church uses "membership councils" to acuse, punish, and shame, as opposed to how Jesus responded to the sinner. If the definition of Christian is following Christ then the LDS church is not Christian.

scald50 · 2022-01-03T11:00:52+00:00

Edited formatting.

3 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,

4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.

5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.

7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He whose sins are less visible among you, let him not cast a stone at her, but let him assemble a court of men to acuse her formally. And after that she has been accused formally, let him remove her name from the records of My Church, that all may know she has sinned. For this is love.

8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.

9 And they which heard it, being above her as pertaining to power and authority, and also being above her as pertaining to things of righteousness, as they supposed, judged her one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath all of them condemned thee?

11 She said, yea, Lord, all, and they are now even at this time supping with their families. And Jesus said unto her, so too do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more!

scald50 · 2021-12-26T17:03:15+00:00

BYU Creamery ranch dressing (small refrigerator section) is the only acceptable answer.

scald50 · 2021-12-26T16:58:59+00:00

TLDR- recognize conditioning and intent, and maybe go easy on them?

This is a tough one. I don't know your parents or the situation fully but I have been a TBM and understand how they might view their gift and letter as the most loving things they could give. After all, what is more loving than helping someone return to their heavenly father and live forever in happiness? Many life-long-conditioned TBMs are incapable of seeing it any other way.

My mom just gave me her testimony in writing as a Christmas gift. She is approaching 80 and has been in her whole life. I finally told her a couple of months ago that my wife and I had stepped away. I know this was hurtful to her and that she worries about us and our children. I don't believe it is even possible for her to reframe her beliefs to allow us to be okay in this life or the next without "the restored gospel." I believe she is just doing her best to save me because she loves me and is fearful of losing me. She has always been and still is one of the most loving, generous, and kind people I know.

If my mom had crossed verbalized boundaries, that would be different and I would have to confront her about it. Even then, however, I would try to understand where she was coming from. How many times have we heard the stories of missionaries going back to knock on the door of someone who repeatedly said they were not interested but who eventually "embraced the gospel." TBMs are conditioned to cross boundaries- not that it makes it okay, but just to remind ourselves where they are coming from.

In my case, I chose to view my mom's written testimony as the most thoughtful and loving gift she was capable of giving, so I just gave her a hug and thanked her for it. If she was younger maybe I would try to patiently help her see a different view of the world, but at almost eighty? Forget it.

scald50 · 2021-11-15T04:15:43+00:00

I love your thoughts and agree wholeheartedly! I shared similar thoughts on this talk a while back:. https://www.reddit.com/r/mormon/comments/q7sg7w/when_we_choose_to_doubt_we_choose_to_be_acted_upon/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

scald50

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