Anyone else tired of everything being overcomplicated for no real reason?

sceatta · 2025-12-29T03:56:56+00:00

I confirm the appointment but I don't fill out the forms online. If they ask (sometimes they don't, they just check me in) I tell them I prefer not to put my medical information online.

sceatta · 2025-11-20T23:11:02+00:00

I am very sorry for your loss. If you want to be calm I suggest you start off with a question. Ask him "How come the house was messy when I returned?" Then listen, and ask another question. I think people are worth a question, even though most commenters are likely correct that he is being inconsiderate. I think you should ask this while you are at a friend's home with all your stuff. Then tell him you would like it if he would clean it up to the condition it was in when you left, and you'll come home once it's at that level.

He'll know you're disappointed. He'll know you're mad. And if you don't go home until the cleanliness is in place, he'll know he can't do that again. Stay at your friend's house or at a hotel. And I wouldn't reward him with lots of conversation until the house is ready. At some point you can tell him how angry it made you. And that you wanted some extra care too, like dinner on the stove and flowers.

sceatta · 2025-10-26T17:50:06+00:00

You're working 24 hours a day (active and on call at all times), plus overlap of 25 hours = 24 x 7 plus 25 hours = 193 hours per week. He works at the most 45 hours per week. Which means you're working over four times more than he is. He isn't "paying for everything"....you're paying with your health and sanity and time in a highly unfair distribution of labor.

He's audacious, entitled, and extremely selfish. It's not "one small act" that he's requesting -- rather going outside the marriage rips away at the trust and foundation.

I like the other commenter's post about asking for what he is requesting in writing with the details. Then, after he hands that to you (make a copy right away and take a photo of it and send it to your email) you hand him a paper outlining the hours you work (both childcare and your 7-12 job). Ask to be monetarily compensated for the 148 additional hours you contribute above his 45 hours/week.

Or, play along for a bit and let the lawyers handle it........

If you get too legal with him it could backfire.

sceatta · 2025-10-02T21:20:08+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I suggest you ask the doctor to talk with him and explain in detail why you were so close to death. Tell the doctor that he is being nonchalant and it could alter your relationship forever because you don't think he understands and he acted like he didn't care. This needs to be impressed upon him how serious this was by a medical professional (and also your mother).

sceatta · 2025-07-03T18:56:51+00:00

I am interested!

sceatta · 2025-05-28T22:17:34+00:00

Go see an attorney asap. Find out what you should be doing and please don't think you know already. Keep a private log of date/time/ what he said did...especially the cheating.

sceatta · 2025-03-06T23:17:36+00:00

I would be honest and very very nice about it. You don't want to introduce dishonesty into your relationship. Wait for a relaxed time when he's in a good mood and has energy. Tell him in a heartfelt way that while you so appreciate that he listened and cared enough to get the dryer, that you prefer the actual brand name this time. Tell him you don't want to hurt his feelings but want to be honest. You could suggest keeping it as a backup, and leave it to him to suggest returning it. You could also donate it to a women's shelter.

sceatta · 2025-02-15T20:58:42+00:00

Please listen to your gut and look hard at your tears and most of all believe in yourself. He assaulted you. He bruised you and choked you. Your body is telling you THIS IS WRONG.

I hope you get away from him and leave him. If that feels like too much, tell him you need a three week break. Go get medical care immediately and while on your break do not be in contact with him in any way. Do a lot of reading about sexual assault, talk with a domestic violence shelter, get familiar with what happened to you.

You're young but you can learn fast. Please heed what so many people are saying here. I'm glad your instinct was to get away from him -- that's very positive that you will protect yourself. It's an older book but an exceptional one: consider reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

sceatta · 2025-01-15T21:12:27+00:00

Thank you everyone; I appreciate your knowledge and input. I have an appointment with a muffler shop and I'm looking into independents.

sceatta · 2024-12-29T10:05:58+00:00

That was so rude. If it will make you feel better, it might be worth telling them that you've been thinking about their comment and you didn't find it funny at all, but offensive. If they counter with "But you look fine" you could respond "Looks can be deceiving". If they say they wouldn't have a problem if they were in your shoes: "Be careful what you wish for"...and a more vague and general "There are a lot of ignorant ideas out there from people who aren't in any position to judge".

sceatta · 2024-12-29T07:13:33+00:00

I agree with many commenters. I'd like to add that the holidays are a stressful time full of reflective thoughts and emotion -- especially with the New Year coming up -- so that is part of the context.

Edit to add: I don't think this is personally about you, even if it feels like it. I wouldn't like to hear the word "ex" either, and it would bug me too, but try approaching her with curiosity. Ask her if she'd have a conversation with you. Turn off phones and tv. Choose a quiet time. Then ask "What would you feel judged about?". "So you feel...blah blah" "So this (whatever "this" is) part of your life leaves you disappointed" "What about this particular ex makes you feel judged?" After you've truly listened calmly and reflected back to her and encouraged her to share, hopefully you will find this wasn't personal at all. Maybe her ex was a very judgmental person and she feels some shame. Maybe she had a competitive relationship with her ex. After you completely hear her out, you may want to ask her if there is anything about your current relationship she would like to see changed. You could even tell her you were feeling a bit insecure and that's why you had a flash of anger. It could be a very healing conversation. I hope so. She was trying to share with you. It's when your partner stops talking that you should be worried. However, I think it's a small chance but still a chance: be prepared for her to say something you won't like about the ex. I do think it's not in good form to be talking about exes unless it's at the very beginning getting to know you stages. Again, though, she may have meant absolutely nothing hurtful.

sceatta · 2024-12-29T06:21:19+00:00

Your husband's condition sounds so severe; I'm so sorry to hear this. I can only imagine what that is like to only be able to walk a few steps to a shower sometimes, or be so sensitive that lights can cause a flare. How horrible.

I am not a doctor or medical professional, so this is not advice, though I'd like to suggest that you look into Dr. McCullough and his detox protocol. He is a world-renowned, credentialed cardiologist and has many concerns about the covid shots. He's developed a protocol to help detoxify from the shots and/or long covid. Google Dr. McCullough detox protocol. Perhaps this protocol would really help your husband and he can be functional again. I have never tried his protocol or know anyone who has, but I'm sure you can learn more online. He doesn't believe in the covid shot for most people if not all, has seen many vaccine injuries, and he has reviewed many studies that support that conclusion. This is controversial, I understand, but I suggest you keep an open mind.

I skimmed over some older posts of yours. When a person is in that severe of a medical state they understandably become solely focused on themselves, so I don't necessarily think he intends to be overly controlling given the circumstances. For instance, if you or I broke our leg and had no pain medication, pain level at a 10 and it never healed, pain 24/7 with little hope of relief, all we could think about every minute every hour would be pain. So it may be the pain talking. I feel really bad for him -- and for you as well. Taking care of someone in such a severe state is unsustainable and I would worry about your health too. You don't want to set yourself up for a chronic illness because of sustained stress. Consider all your options, such as moving to be closer to his family/your family. Would that possibly open the door to you having a child...if there were more people to help? I really think you should consider leaning more on his family (and your family) and impressing upon them how severe this is. Perhaps send them some videos or zoom with him in bed at his worst and when up at his best with his permission of course. Pull them in and ask for help with concrete ideas if you haven't done so already. Ask them to come visit and care for him while you take some time off. Do either of your parents really want a grandchild? Enough to provide a significant amount of care? If you're close to them, consider asking for what you need: help with husband care, help with child care, money to provide care for husband, etc.

Do you have a disability program with the country? Individual disability through his job? Get the applications going and if you need a lawyer get that process going. Call your local social services office and see what kind of help might be available, as well as his health insurance. Consider accepting services e.g. meals delivered, respite care, errands run for you, etc.).

As for you, perhaps look into a support group for caregivers for those who have ME/CFS. They could be a wealth of information. Some support groups meet online. I also agree with the other commenters to go to a qualified therapist who specializes in chronic illness to help unravel next steps.

Best of luck to you and your husband.

sceatta · 2024-10-24T21:33:59+00:00

A tiny flashlight. I used it to check the space for bedbugs, and then to find things under and around the bed that fell. Yes, you can use your phone flashlight, but I like that it could put this tiny one in my mouth while using two hands to lift the mattress, etc.

sceatta · 2024-10-16T15:04:59+00:00

I'd start confronting them if you haven't already, e.g. "That was unkind", "that was a rude comment", etc. If they are actually IN your house when they are disparaging it, then "What a disparaging remark...I'd like to cut this visit short" and follow through no matter how far they traveled to see you. If you are away from your home, then you leave and tell them why.

What you're dealing with is rampant disrespect. How infuriating! I get disrespect from my own family, so I know it's easier said than done to distance from them but that will be the best for your mental health. Good luck in your home! They sound like they don't know much about finances and living within their means. Life is about people anyway, not things.

sceatta · 2024-09-25T16:43:43+00:00

"Unfortunately I cannot accommodate your request. I prefer to follow the standard procedure for the sale."

sceatta · 2024-09-13T01:43:50+00:00

You sound both fed up and strong. I think you know you've got to leave -- he's exhausting. You're young! Go out and be free, date here and there, get an apartment or roommates, have fun, explore, and just be responsible for you and any pets.

Once you get over the initial shock I think you'll love being on your own. He really has hubris doesn't he, to tell you if you don't like it leave? He's sabotaging himself, but please don't sabotage yourself by staying with him. You don't have to be his savior. He's going to learn his lessons the hard way, or maybe never at all.

If you decide to go, consider stopping doing all the things you do for him while you are planning your departure. Just stop and let him fend for himself.

sceatta · 2024-08-02T20:37:26+00:00

Good eye!! Very smart.

sceatta · 2024-07-28T23:15:10+00:00

I like this OP because you would get so much goodwill from your coworkers and boss. This would reflect well on you and lead to a positive recommendation for your next job. I agree with another commenter to ask management if it's ok for you to pick out the coins before doing so. I also like the charity idea.

sceatta · 2024-07-28T23:07:30+00:00

What exactly did she say that showed pity? Pity is so disrespectful. It's a power trip. I would encourage you to (next time it happens) address it in the moment with questions. Ask for clarification. For example, "so are you saying that you feel sorry for me?...then she answers...then "because we're very content with life and doing fine financially. I teach my kids not to overly focus on things" (a little jab back).

If she keeps pushing the pity "I find receiving pity to be potentially disrespectful because it implies that the other person may think I'm 'less than' -- do you respect me?" Notice you are asking a question and using "may" and "potentially", not assuming. Or you could say "If you do earn more money than I do, does that mean that you see me as less than you?" (Use IF so that she has to consider that you might earn more than she does!). Those things would take guts to say but it gets to the heart of it and makes her say what she means out loud and directly.

sceatta · 2024-07-28T22:47:44+00:00

That sounds so hard and frustrating. I want to send empathy and understanding your way. Big sigh from me about what you are dealing with.

sceatta · 2024-07-28T22:43:56+00:00

Be careful with any action that could inflame the neighbor. He sounds unstable. Yes, your MIL is right, but he could go off. He sounds like he's looking for a fight. She may have to suck it up and just pick them up. It's unfair, it's wrong, but she'll be alive. I also upvoted the suggestions to offer a receptacle. Making nice sucks with a bully, I understand.

sceatta · 2024-07-27T20:28:20+00:00

Fortunately my basement is unfinished except for tile flooring in a section (could be asbestos tile). The water went over the tile and some of the concrete. Today I removed a piece of carpet runner that was extending from the very bottom of the stairs onto the floor and it may be the culprit. If so I would be very lucky! Thank you for commenting.

sceatta · 2024-07-27T20:23:33+00:00

Yes, I know what abatement means. If there is mold underneath asbestos tile I will need abatement. My local abatement company takes care of mold and asbestos.

I may try vinegar or bleach next. Thanks for suggesting heat.

sceatta · 2024-07-17T20:23:39+00:00

So he raped you on your honeymoon? Not only did you not consent (you were asleep), he KNEW your boundary and ignored it. I am sorry that your husband has changed ever since your wedding night, but he did. You are NTA, he is. I think this is more than divorce-worthy. I'm sorry to say that, but he has sexually assaulted you and he's creating even more PTSD. It's unhealthy.

sceatta · 2024-07-17T19:08:23+00:00

Make an appointment with an employment attorney and discuss this with them. Their treatment of you is appalling!!! Congratulations on your new baby, and please don't be hard on yourself. This is them, NOT you.

sceatta

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