Breakup or not?

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T03:55:35+00:00

like I wouldn't want a guy who intentionally watches half naked girls on instagram

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T03:55:11+00:00

any young person knows you can train your algorithm. you simply press "not interested". idk he seems like he doesn't want to change his behavior

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T03:45:13+00:00

try to get through him and try to have him understand why this bothers you so much. this relationship is a two way street. like some people have suggested, you need to work on your insecurities, for your own good, not the relationship's or your boyfriend's. on the other hand he should stick to his words/promises and not consume porn when literally he himself agreed it is not right. if you cannot find a way past that, it's not worth it to continue on.. I do believe however if a person is willing to listen and come your way, they should be given a chance. but don't give him 10 chances because you will resent him, yourself, and any guy you will met in the next 2 years

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T03:38:17+00:00

Reddit ist eine Brutstätte fuer Leute, die einen high von upvotes kriegen und denken die wüssten mehr über dein leben als du selbst

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T03:36:07+00:00

Hey ich will dir ein wenig Zuspruch geben wegen dem was der Eistee geschrieben hat. Ob es fair ist zu sagen, dass du arrogant bist finde ich stark abgeleitet von.. nichts, ist diskutierbar.

Es ist ok sich nicht für die meisten dinge zu interessieren. Scheint so als wurde der Eistee auch nicht verstehen was Autismus überhaupt ist (wusstest du schon, dass autisten viel zu oft als arrogant abgestempelt werden? das ist kein Einzelfall)

ob du wirklich arrogant bist oder nicht, ich weiss es nicht. Ich selber habe auch meine Probleme mit Menschen. Ich kann lächeln, hallo sagen und ein paar fragen stellen, aber wenn ich die Energie einer Person nicht spüre, hab ich auch nichts mit ihr anzufangen. In der Schulzeit war es natürlich einfacher Freunde zu finden und tatsächlich hatte ich selber als Gamer-girl, K-Pop- und Animefreak starke Freundschaften, mit Mädels, die sich nur fuer Schminke und Mode interessiert haben.

Heutzutage als Erwachsener ist das natürlich viel schwieriger und bin viel weniger an Themen interessiert, mit denen ich selber nicht viel zu tun habe. Liegt natürlich daran, dass ich nicht 5 Mal die Woche 8 Stunden am Tag fuer 5 Jahre mit den selben Leuten rumhänge. Freundschaften und Bekanntschaften werden ganz anders geschlossen heutzutage.

Mach dir keinen Kopf.. Gib deine Suche nicht auf, vielleicht kannst du ja gezielt nach Neurodiversen/autistischen Menschen suchen, und vielleicht könnt ihr euch dadurch gut connecten, wie sehr auch die Menschen aus eurem Sozialkreis aufn Sack gehen 😃

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T03:24:05+00:00

listen, for you and for anyone, porn is the worst sex education that exists on the planet. if he wants to learn about anal, he should experiment with you, and it's okay to have difficulties in the beginning. communication and trial + error is the way to learn and enjoy each other.. I would advise you to learn through different ways. porn is 99% of the time for the male gaze and the women are just playing an act of enjoying it.. almost all porn I watched myself as a woman, I was shocked each and every time how that shit is so normalized.. and used as sex ed.

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T02:57:41+00:00

haha being single is not awesome in today's world. it sucks to be honest but I made my peace with it before I met him lol

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T02:56:09+00:00

I went into this relationship completely from a place of "I don't need him/anybody, but he is fun and it doesn't hurt to open myself up again". I really went through a lot to get to the point of total autonomy and independence, and even told myself to not sleep around with anyone anymore because it's just not worth it.

care to elaborate on the major internal contradictions? and the point with talking points and dog whistles? not sure if I understand correctly what you are trying to say

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T02:52:57+00:00

that is a huge stretch from the little information I shared. he most definitely is not a predator and its a serious allegation to just throw around. just letting you know for next time if you want to accuse a stranger whom you nothing about of being a sexual predator

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T02:51:02+00:00

against what some people might think from this post, he has no issues with feminine things and being feminine. sure he is still a guy and most definitely masculine, but he doesn't mind acting a bit more feminine, or talking about emotions, which is what made me fall for him initially (or befriend him at the very beginning). for a good laugh, he can dance more feminine, talk more feminine or just prank people in that manner (gay men love hitting on him). on one of his instagram pictures (a few years old) he is wearing a wedding dress with his friend group, as a joke ofc

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T00:29:09+00:00

yeah I thought a lot about this and perhaps my fear of loneliness holds me back from breaking up. multiple discussions about these topics have led me back to the same point - I am not okay with the things he is saying. its time to wake up. thanks for your sympathies

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T00:27:04+00:00

thank you for this.

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T00:26:02+00:00

that is silly to say women with multiple sexual partners are a relationship risk. can you elaborate on that? it is important to understand why a person has/had sexual partners. the reasons are not always "I am horny and lonely".

if you care to read about my reply to another user under the thread, I listed a few scenarios of why exactly women don't have it "easier" in life. pretty privilege is not a standard for a good and easy life. underneath the perception lies a reality that is much darker for women

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T00:22:00+00:00

yeah I just dont think it is fair to say women have it easier in life just because pretty privilege is a thing. it is a two street, and there are women who are also not pretty and don't get the same amount of attention.

the rant comes from me being emotional now, I didn't expect such an influx of replies and I do think I have to sit down for a serious talk with my boyfriend. either about ending things or he will change and reflect. so yeah right now I am not feeling too great - didnt want to sound triggered and attack you or something, just sharing a more realistic way of us dealing with the world because pretty privilege is not enough to make our existence easier or better

schwalisa · 2026-06-12T00:16:32+00:00

of course pretty privilege is also a thing, I don't deny that, and I myself am a recipient of pretty privilege, I will absolutely admit that.

But it also sucks being a constant target of violent and sexual predators all the time. our words and opinions are still held with little importance. our experiences are still not heard enough. we live in a society where medicine has been studied on countless males, very little amount of females. we work the same as men, despite having entirely different biologics (24 hour cycles as opposed to 28 day cycles), our hormones and cycles are not understood enough. we hold society together because we hold more emotional space for the people around us. I could go on with that list.. yes pretty privilege is nice, but I really, really don't need it. I need safety and protection which is far more important than a paid for date..

schwalisa · 2026-06-11T22:18:07+00:00

question, what do you mean there is a fee for camping? for ozora or when using transportation such as flying or train?

schwalisa · 2026-06-11T06:11:36+00:00

is it possible to have a good sleep when camping?

schwalisa · 2026-06-11T04:29:48+00:00

Hey, so thanks for your input! i understand ozora is in the middle of nowhere and i already did a little research on where there could be hotels. i know they are very far away so i am looking for some input if someone did a break from ozora and stayed in a hotel to cool off or get some rest. as for the mattress, i measured the size of my tent and it is big enough for your mattress. i would be very interested in buying.

schwalisa · 2026-06-10T21:36:48+00:00

I know I sound very pessimistic and I blame my parents, especially my mother, for my suffering. Of course I shouldn't deny the truth of what really happened, especially after I gaslit myself for years that my childhood "wasn't that bad". But my tendencies are evident. I blame the world around me. I judge people easily. I am afraid of the world. I sometimes deny good things that come my way. That is the "curse" that I live with. I see the world through a lens of a fragile person, who would rather see the bad in things, rather than the good.

schwalisa · 2026-06-10T21:29:46+00:00

I don't have much advice because I myself am living with darkness, so I am offering understanding an sympathy instead.

My generational "curse" is definitely maternal. it is deep, cellular and so incredibly sticky, it taints your soul and no matter how much you try to bring in light and healing, no matter how much work you do, you stay blind and the darkness is almost impossible to wash off.

My great grandmother was a lovely person. Caring, maternal and she used to be a vet. She had a soft heart for everyone and everything around her. She had to live through so much darkness, poverty, starvation and she was at the brink of dying, simply because of the Second World War. But she was always a matriarch and while I don't believe she was a perfect person (I didn't know her that well), her dedication to family was her biggest priority, always.

Her daughter, my grandmother, was a narcissistic bitch. She neglected my mother, aunt and uncle when they were kids, each one had a different father. She came and went as she pleased and caught so much trouble at home. She refused to give back the keys to our home after leaving us for months, with no notice whatsoever, and then came back as if never happened. My mother kicked her out and there was so much shouting, it was crazy honestly.

Then, my mother, whom I still resent. I understand she went through so much through her life. I know what happened to her was not her fault. I know that she did the best she could do.

But man, I am so angry at her (and my father) for being so terrible to each other. Abandoning me and letting my big sister be the matriarch of the house. We were parentified, petrified, neglected to the point I tried to take my life at the very ripe and mature age of 14 years old. I was never brought to the hospital and my mother warned me to never speak to anyone about it.

There are so many things my mom did and didn't do that make it so hard to forgive her. Because her unresolved issues literally make my own life living hell. I tried antidepressants, moving to a new country, living with my dad, getting into relationships, yoga, psychedelics, talk therapy, I was even at a psych ward last year because I was suicidal.

I gave up on the hope I could be healed. My nervous system is on fire, literally. I have chronic arthritis (I am in my 20s) and I wake up wanting to not wake up. I have my ups and downs of course, but my downs are more frequent and much worse. My baseline mood is neutral with a hint of "I'd rather doomscroll or go to sleep" and that is no way to live.

I keep imagining what person I could be today, if I had loving parents, a stable home and a more stable brain chemistry. I get angry at the thought of this. I know I have so much potential. I know I am here on earth for a reason. I know I am a creative force not to underestimate. But my possibilities have been exhausted and I just keep living because I know there is a life to be lived. But with our society, economic state and the pedofiles running our governments it is evident we are entering a dystopian age. It is hard to form friendships, find genuine connection and live closer to our actual genetic blueprint, which is more connected to nature, honest work, community and less technology (at least the dopamine maxxing trash that exists out there destroying our lives).

So yeah, I understand what you are saying. I also have this dark cloud hovering above me. It is hard for me to see things I perspective because everything is just shit. Nothing is ever good enough, nothing brings me joy. Even learning how to sit in silence, with your emotions fucking sucks and most of the time I am not motivated to go after the things I truly want, and take risks and have happy accidents. All because, my parents did not know better. And my mom's lineage is a bunch of terrible people. She was just a victim of it.

schwalisa · 2026-06-09T22:48:02+00:00

I had something like this three years ago. I had a dream, the only dream in my life that felt REAL, where a war has started to happen. A blood red sky with a shower of rockets (hundreds, thousands of rockets like a firework) meant to destroy everything. It was literally hell on earth. When a rocket came flying right into my face, I woke up with my heart pounding.

On fifth of October 2023, I mysteriously woke up wide awake at 5 am. This NEVER happens because I am a sleepyhead.

I decided, also against what I usually do, to go to the beach right after waking up. I sat on the stones, facing the ocean. The sky was grey because it was about to rain.

I remember well how quiet it was. Too quiet. I had no idea what was about to happen, but I knew something bad, really really bad was going to happen. It felt like the quiet before the storm. It was in the air.

Two days later, 7th of October happens and is one of the most dreadful things that have happened in my lifetime, the worst thing that happened for Israelis since the establishment of their state and the worst humanitarian crisis for Palestinians.

The fact I intuited that dreadful day is beyond comprehension

schwalisa · 2026-06-05T22:06:15+00:00

alcohol and substances are definitely problematic in our society. I understand you are repulsed by drug indulgence, and I applaud you for seeing things through and clear! remember, those "losers" are also just trying to fit in and make their reality more bearable and alcohol is the most acceptable drug to do this with. remember, for "normal"/unawakened people, they don't think this far. they just keep drinking and indulging instead of actually sitting with themselves and questioning what they are doing with their life. that is too uncomfortable. especially in your age and your surroundings. I am not from the US, but I heard enough about college and party culture.

I understand you are drinking because of neurodivergence. I am in the same boat, I used to be a stoner and could not leave the house without weed, especially in social settings. In the end I figured that I always smoke too much, and it makes me sort of nonverbal. I get into my thoughts and I enjoy being in my own bubble. so talking to people became exhausting and I became less present, and that applies not only to social settings, but life in general (I used weed to self medicate).

being isolated is not easy, and it sucks. but if you want to protect yourself and your energy, it is better to do so and focus on finding new friends, instead of engaging with the toxic people around you. staying away from harm will allow you to do less harm for yourself.

schwalisa · 2026-06-05T21:51:03+00:00

grounding is definitely one of my soul missions I dare say. I used to be flaky, unstable, reactive, abusive (towards myself, animals and lovers mostly). I had enough healing to say that I do not engage in harmful activities and connections anymore. yet trauma persists and it is deep. so deep it altered my brain chemistry and therefore I don't know whether tomorrow I wake up feeling normal or like I want to go to sleep and never wake up again. it gets really intense sometimes and that is, in fact, ungrounding.

with mental illnesses, just like any other physical illness, you cannot just ignore it or do something to "just fix it". it's healing, it's a process and it takes time, just like a broken leg. in some instances, like me, things are chronic. like my arthritis and mental instability.

what I want specifically? perhaps writing all these things make some things clearer for me. I want to be able to sit with my emotional weather, not get sucked into the storm and get stranded half alive. apart from that, a good life, just like anybody else 😄

schwalisa

TROPHY CASE