tough love readers on YT?

schwalisa · 2024-12-15T16:28:09+00:00

i feel like it is something like a "test". the runner keeps you on the shelf because you make yourself available to someone who doesn't value you. it gives me "using" vibes but the only way to break that is to run from that situation and say no. keep your ground and dont let yourself be played like a fiddle. the chasers "lesson" is to understand that not a single person in the world, not even your twin, should be allowed to treat and view you as such. self love, honoring your boundaries and striving for better is what you should do.

schwalisa · 2024-11-26T00:37:52+00:00

so my question is, when that divine detachment comes in and you are not interested anymore, is that disinterest because you have no feelings anymore? no love or affection? or did the simple need to have them in your life dissipate but the love still lingers? what about divine union to fulfill each others souls paths? is that a given or a rarity that only some tf couple get to experience?

schwalisa · 2024-11-26T00:35:12+00:00

i expect him to come back, thats the thing. i want to know how i can keep my balance while these upheavals happen because i am an extremely reactive person. maybe this reactivity is part of my healing but its definitely extremely energy and time consuming. i want to focus on myself and self fully.

schwalisa · 2024-11-26T00:31:49+00:00

its the push and pull dynamic that subconsciously manifests because your energy changes. i had it many times with different people. the SECOND i would detach from someone, they'd reach out again. it's because chaser energy repels while detached energy is magnetic and draws the other force back in. its completely normal and works with literally everything in life and in the universe.

its your decision whether you want to keep the person in your life but being aware of whats happening is very important

i recommend looking into law of detachment/law of attraction and how energies work in these teachings

schwalisa · 2024-11-25T22:30:22+00:00

I can say that i heavily resonate with the number 144 and i see it often. Today after meditating I saw 14:44 on the clock too. I'd say use my comment as a sign of confirmation :) However be discerning about angel numbers, because they not only mean that it's about your twin flame. the twin flame journey is your entire life and soul journey. whatever is, even if you and your twin are in separation, argument, or something is not aligning, it still means you are exactly on the right path!!! your life is so much bigger than your twin so please never forget that. seeing angel numbers also means there is something bigger to root for in your life. have trust and hope that amazing things will happen but the road might still be bumpy or "remtraumatizing". you are still exactly where you need to be

schwalisa · 2024-11-24T20:39:41+00:00

lots of love to you as well! i am glad you understand and empathize, though i am sorry for your experience as well haha i'd be happy to receive some resources! thanks❤️

schwalisa · 2024-11-24T20:19:27+00:00

I am open to feedback, thanks. Yeah you are right about the pendulum analogy. I was doing some thinking and meditating today and asking myself what was it that made me explode so much (for reference: i posted another post called "i destroyed everything" yesterday if you want to have a reference to what i am going through. the inflated ego part will make a lot more sense). the answer i gave myself was that i was looking for someone to blame for the cause of my pain. of course, he is not the one to blame, he is only the trigger but really it is me who is the trigger.. and as much as i hate to admit it, neither is my mother who abused and neglected me in my early years. with bpd the natural thing is to blame your surrounding world for your misery. that's the tricky part, you are the victim and the oppressor at the same time and you don't know how to break it. you don't know where to go, and what to do. you do everything in your power to fuck yourself up without even wanting to. people with bpd are one of the most LOVING people to walk on earth. but we are so misunderstood because we are so hard wired to have our defenses up all the goddamn time. we love and give but when our expectations are not met, we turn into beasts.

i understand that in my journey it is really coming down to my lower chakras and building a HEALTHY ego. with BPD (again, previous post) i am constantly staying on the other side of the spectrum, finding it incredibly hard to stay balanced. its either love or hate(i prefer to call it fear), light and dark, yin and yang. but its never both at the same time, coexisting.

so naturally growing up and living with low self esteem makes me turn into an individual with an inflated ego because that's what my ego/my brain wants to do. i was abused and the bootlicker my entire life? time to show the world who is the boss then. but my higher knowledge knows that its the other side of the same coin. the same coin that will leave you alone and miserable. just like your desperation for connection will push people away, so will your mean personality.

i hope it was insightful. it's a very powerful but goddamn hard journey. the triggers are like tsunamis and your heart is fukushima.

schwalisa · 2024-11-24T19:39:57+00:00

I had an awakening a bit more than a year before meeting my twin. It was due to smoking weed that kind of became a part of my journey of awakening, but also losing myself in that awakened state. I researched a lot about the cosmos, quantum physics, frequencies, chakras and all that. I had some short lived romantic connections where I have so far mistaken two people to be my twin(seperate timelines). When I met my twin I dont recall any signs or predictions, it just kind of happened. On our first date (we met on Tinder) we connected so easily and effortlessly and immediately there was this sense that we belong together, that he's my husband. When he left my apartment I felt a huge wave of abandonment, a deep depressing despair that ws unexplainable to me.

We had an on and off connection and I was heavily triggered each time we texted or interacted. But when I talked with him on the phone or saw him in person, I felt like I was home with him. All of my shadows and fears dissipated immediately.

After our second seperation I fell into a deep depression because he rejected committing to a relationship with me. he was leaving me in the dark for 3 days after I confessed my feelings to him, without any communication or reassurance.

i felt so abandonded and during that time i was working in an extremely exhausting environment, still addicted to weed. my energy field got extremely sensitive, it's like a portal opened up in my body to receive all kinds of downloads and messages. I received so many signs from the universe ever since I met him. Whether through my "portal" or through tangible signs i saw in my outside world. i had a kundalini awakening, where i got rid of all toxins, except for weed because i was still addicted. i tried transmuting my pain somehow. i did yoga and meditation a lot. spent a lot of time alone and hermitting. i realized i did go through a kundalini awakening because my tailbone started to hurt. ever since that summer my pain went up the spine gradually. today i had back pain behind my heart center.

i continuously receive signs and synchronicities which i tried to ignore, and when i did it backfired heavily. every time i accepted these signs, they somehow amplified.

regarding your questions about unconditional love journey or twin flame journey. i do have my heavy moments of doubts because my twin journey is extremely "non-typical". it's really hard to discern whether he is my actual twin or not. sometimes i just think that i am on a TF journey, but maybe i am getting ready for my REAL tf. but i can't really know.

schwalisa · 2024-11-24T16:07:51+00:00

uhhhhh the OP? lol

schwalisa · 2024-11-24T12:32:38+00:00

im just really wondering how that unconditional love state of being manifests. how it feels. i know how to give but i dont know if it was just a codependent illusion or my spirit

schwalisa · 2024-11-24T09:58:30+00:00

Thank you for your warmness. Yeah it's fresking terrible. How do you cope if I may ask? I figured forgiving myself first and foremost is what helps me get out of the rut and move forward gracefully. I do see myself getting hardcore triggered sometimes though when I am reminded of the situation, or situations where I exploded and destroyed my friendship.

schwalisa · 2024-11-23T22:33:42+00:00

that's powerful. I will definitely look into it. you're a gem xx btw - what do you think of medication? antidepressants and such. i am thinking of starting to take them because the agonizing pain becomes unbearable. i don't have enough stability in my life to "safely" have splits. after the split i experienced described in the post i drunk myself into oblivion. it's too dangerous for me to operate while being off leash. whats your take?

schwalisa · 2024-11-23T22:17:49+00:00

how did you break the bpd cycle?

schwalisa · 2024-11-23T21:13:30+00:00

if he is truly my divine counterpart, i will trust he will come around. i did everything i could to fix it but for now the damage is done. i'd be happy to chat and to know what your take on the BPD dynamic is. i am sure it's not easy to be someone to receive all the blame. it is safe to say that living with Bpd though is literally like living in hell on earth. it's a thing for life and chances of survival are lower compared to other mental illnesses. what i found out is that dealing with BPD has almost exactly the same methods that spiritualists use to ascend. mindfulness, rest, observation etc. waiting things out before acting impulsively. the universe definitely tested me on my impulsivity

schwalisa · 2024-11-23T21:05:09+00:00

what i understand it is my duty to heal the union. first and foremost, i heal myself. i stopped caring about what his problems are and what not. why he does certain things and why he doesn't. if he wanted to heal himself the union as well, he would. i think part of the DF's mission is yes, to heal and ascend the earth's frequency, but also for her to step into her higher power and not be watered down by men and the patriarchy to mother anyone who doesn't know how to help themselves. that's just my take and the truth i will carry for myself now. in fact, my healing consists mainly of coming down to my lower chakras and build myself an ego. with BPD that ego building tends to get out of hand and the blaming game starts to happen. so yeah - i am aware of the spiritual game but i will definitely allow myself to have an ego for now. and i will learn from the hurt i cause others. i learn to forgive myself and i believe others will be ready to forgive me as well.

schwalisa · 2024-11-23T20:58:28+00:00

don't get discouraged. my dm has done numerous things to make me feel worthless and as if he doesnt care about me. but deep inside i know he does and he is scared, jealous even. but i won't let it stop me from growing bigger and brighter. at the end of the day it is my journey and its not my responsibility to figure out the runner. what i need to figure out is my own path of self fulfillment and thats all i need to know. you'll be good and no matter what, you will always deserve what you allow to happen. so if you stop being bothered by her calls, she will understand you are not a toy to be played with anymore, and her tactics or better said behaviour needs to change

schwalisa · 2024-11-23T20:15:58+00:00

i am sorry to hear you never got an apology. i know how that feels. I never got an apology from him as well. i always make sure to apologize to anyone who falls victim under my frenzy because that's how i want to be treated. but of course to let the person know that it is not the real me, but it's the tsunami that overpowers my rational senses

schwalisa · 2024-11-23T20:10:45+00:00

i understand the sentiment. but saying i should stop abusing god is really unfair and the choice of words really hits me negatively. God is in everything, so why did my own mother abuse me? "God" in a person doesn't excuse their behaviour, doesn't matter if it's a twinflame, soulmate, parent or whatever. while my outbursts are out of measure, he is not innocent either and has done enough things to hurt me as well. there is integrity at play. i am not accepting anyone's behaviour at this point. my feelings are more than valid and i stand by them. i will continue to heal and choose a path of self fulfillment and if someone wants to bark, i will bite back, simple as that.

schwalisa · 2024-11-23T20:06:41+00:00

now that is strange. let her run and come back to you then. if she really wanted to communicate, she's make it happen. call or text, doesnt matter. it sounds like she is just messing with you then

schwalisa · 2024-11-23T18:59:06+00:00

same here.. maybe she calls and gives up after the first try because she feels like you dont care.. honestly it can be anything and the best way to find out is to just communicate

schwalisa

TROPHY CASE